Before Sunrise (31 page)

The cane broke in half. He stumbled back,
heaving deep breaths in front of a tornado-like swath of
destruction. He blinked at the glass and broken pieces, not sure
who had done it. He looked down at the mangled cane in his hand and
realized that he had.

“
Kay, I—” He turned to see
her covering herself with her robe. She shivered, still wouldn’t
look at him. The door flew open and his mother came in, with horror
on her face.

No one spoke.

“
Mommy!” Mackenzie cried
from her room.

“
I want you out of here!
NOW! And don’t come back!” Kennedy shouted at him through her
tears.

“
Kay, wait, I’m sorry. I
don’t know what happened.”

She escaped the room, and him, before he
could reach her.

“
Liam, what
happened?”

“
I have to get out of here.”
He stumbled without the aid of a cane and nearly dropped to the
floor. His leg dragged behind him. It felt like lead. He panted for
air, wheezing, his chest constricting. He blinked through sweat and
tears, seeing colors brighter than he’d ever seen them before. He
closed his eyes and opened them. It helped. Some. He couldn’t walk
like a man. He sure as hell didn’t act like one, losing his cool
this way. He’d scared her. He never cursed at her or yelled at her.
Now he had done both. Why? Because she wouldn’t give him sex? How
could he explain this?

When he reached Mackenzie’s door, he tried
the knob and found it locked. Liam broke. The tears came from
nowhere. He could hear his daughter’s sobs and wished he was dead.
He should have died in that hole. This wasn’t home. He didn’t
belong here and the truth was he didn’t belong anywhere.

“
Liam, let me help you,”
Sally tried to offer.

He shoved her off, and nearly tumbled down
the stairs. Thankfully he made it without incident. Then he was out
the door.

“
It’s okay. It was just a
nightmare,” Kennedy said, kissing Mackenzie’s tears.

Her daughter still sleepy didn’t fully grasp
what had transpired. Kennedy was thankful for that. When Liam tried
to turn the doorknob, she held her breath and waited. She heard him
and Sally in the hall, then heard the front door close. Only then
did Kennedy let go and cry.

She lay in the small twin-size bed with her
daughter and cried into the back of her head until she exhausted
herself and fell asleep.

Chapter Thirteen

“
Sugar, do you need
anything?”

Liam wiped his brow. He slumped forward,
staring at the fizz and bubbles that rose from the bottom of his
frosted mug of beer. The waitress leaned in, purposely or not,
putting her oversized tits at eye level. She smelled of menthol,
lemon dish soap, and one of those feminine lotions that reminded
him of cherries—the mix was nauseatingly strong for his already
sour stomach. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

Her tits weren’t bad, though they were
larger than Kennedy’s, a little saggy. He preferred Kennedy’s tits
always, mostly because of her suckable, large nipples. He’d seen
them when she stepped out of the shower. Her breasts were a bit
rounder, but the nipples remained lickable. The last time he made
love to her, she’d complained of sensitivity. His baby girl had
been growing inside Kay after all. But he reined in his inner
beast. It was hard. Kennedy was always so warm between her thighs
and so soft during her first trimester. He remembered vividly how
soft her skin was. He closed his eyes.

“
Hey, you in there?” the
waitress asked.

He lifted his gaze to her face. He saw
nothing but blond teased hair and a relatively attractive face
became clear. She wore too much eye makeup; a dusty bluish grey
covered her eyelids. And the popping of her gum was irksome.
Christ, she chewed that pink wad like Mabel the cow.

“
You okay, sweetheart? I can
bring you another.”

“
Yes, another,” he
rasped.

Her listless hazel eyes softened with pity.
Liam felt his pride tense on reflex. She licked her pink-stained
lips. “Name is Sandy. This one on me.”

“
No thanks. I’ll pay for
it,” he barked in too loud of a voice.

Sandy gave a snort and an upward toss of her
chin. “Suit yourself, sweetie. Misery loves misery I see.”

She sashayed off in a mini-skirt that hugged
her wide hips and flat ass. Liam rolled the tension from his neck
and scanned the bar. A pair of young brunettes lifted their mugs to
him. He grimaced. He didn’t know if they recognized him from the
television sets over the bar that flashed his face between
commercials, or just surmised by his blockhead and stature he was
military. Either way, he didn’t want the company. Instead, he
dropped back in the booth and let fatigue draw down his
eyelids.

The sounds of Roadhouse
Grill lulled him into a comfortable numbness. Travis Tritt’s
The Whiskey Ain’t Workin
played on the dollar jukebox.
No
shit
.
The beer
ain’t working, either
. Liam chuckled under
his breath.

Without moving, he let his ears scan his
surroundings. From every corner of the bar, the laughter of the
young servicemen mingled with that of the townies. Liam could
recognize the rambunctious roar of enlisted men over locals
anywhere.

The break of balls over a pool table and
soft thud of darts hitting the dartboard sounded not far from his
booth. An occasional fight would occur over a spilled drink or a
young lady who belonged to another. The two burly fuckers at the
door would move and bust it up, dragging some inebriated fool out
as he cussed and threatened everyone around him.

This was the place for him. He’d ditched the
news van tailing him and checked in with the owner when he arrived,
to keep the press or anyone else off him. Liam knew Nick pretty
well and was granted anonymity. He’d also found a booth far enough
in the shadows to become one. There he’d sat for two hours, but
remained on edge every time a double glance from across the room
told him one of the servicemen recognized him.

“
How many so
far?”

Liam reached for his mug and tossed back
another big swallow. He opened his eyelids to see the rangy, tense
frame of Eric standing across from him. He wasn’t surprised to see
him. The bar had been one of their spots years ago. It’s the
brotherhood that calls to him. He missed that part of his identity.
But damn, he thought he had another hour or two before they came
looking. “Why’re you here?”

“
Kennedy called. Ant and I
split up. I figured Nick would give you a pass here, enough to
drink yourself under the table.” Eric undid the button to his suit
and squeezed his big form into the booth seat. Liam
sighed.

“
So you blew it?” Eric
asked.

“
Fuck off,” Liam slurred. He
dropped his empty mug on the table and looked up for saggy tits to
bring him another. She was at another booth, laughing with patrons.
Liam groaned.

“
Watch your mouth, bro. I’m
pissed at you. Trying to contain myself here.”

“
Yeah, well fuck
you.”

Eric slammed his fist down on the table and
pointed a finger in Liam’s face. “Cool it. Not gone ask you
twice.”

Liam sulked. He was in no mood to push those
limits with his friend. Eric leaned in. “I know you’re hurting. I
get that. But you scared the shit out of her and your kid. If you
weren’t drunk I’d take your ass out back and slam you on the
concrete.”

Liam lowered his gaze. He felt his face and
throat grow hot with the inner burn of shame. “She pushed me away.
I couldn’t handle it.”

“
No shit.”

“
You don’t understand. It’s
all wrong. Me, her, all of it is just wrong. I don’t belong with
her anymore, and I can’t pretend I do. Who the hell am I? I’m not a
husband, I’m no use as a soldier, and my daughter thinks I’m some
cartoon hero she wished upon a star for.”

“
Yeah, I get it, you’re a
loser. Fuck life, right? Just give up. Kennedy and Mackenzie sure
as shit aren’t worth you trying.”

“
Try what? I can’t fight
what Freeman can give her. What he has given her. And after I
showed her my anger she’ll never look at me the same.”

“
Not if you can’t look her
in the eye and apologize, brother. Hey, I got to say it. You need
some professional help.”

“
Fuck that.”

“
Then fuck you.” Eric
snapped. “Fuck you and this pity party. I don’t deal in self-hate.
Hell, the man I knew didn’t make excuses for life. He played the
hand he was dealt. Fuck the fact that neither of us have known our
fathers, don’t like our mothers, and have killed on command. To
hell with all of that. You got a kid, your kid, damn it, and even
if you can’t get over your fucking pride to forgive Kennedy you
damn well owe Mackenzie more than this shit.”

Liam dropped his face in his hands and
sobered on Eric’s words. His baby girl’s questioning eyes loomed in
his mind. There wasn’t enough booze in him to make him forget the
look Kennedy gave him before she demanded he leave. He just wanted
to go back to that dark place in his mind where he didn’t feel
anything. He couldn’t take this pain. “I need another drink.”

“
Liam. Look at me brother.
Look at me!” Eric snapped.

Liam lowered his hands.

“
You need help. You want
your life back, then you need to accept the fact that it’s
different. We’re all different. I know it sucks monkey balls, but
it is what it is.” Eric reached into his pocket and threw keys on
the table.

“
What are those?”

“
Your pad. Got you a house
in Spring Lake. It’s got two bedrooms. The grass needs cut and the
plumbing is shot to shit. But it’ll do for you.”

“
Don’t want anything from
the government, man. Alex will just use it to drag me
in.”

“
You ain’t fuckin’
listnin’.” Eric snapped. “That there is property I own. You can
lease it. I’ll spot you this month, but your ass better get my rent
on time every month after. Rent is $850, motherfucker, and I want
you to get the utilities in your name too. Don’t need you running
up no fucking bills on me.”

Liam stared at the offering. A place of his
own. He could set up his little girl’s room, and have her stay with
him. The possibilities had his mind swimming. “Thanks, brother.
I….” He reached for the keys but Eric put his hands over them. Liam
looked up into Eric’s hard stare.

“
You need to correct that
shit you pulled tonight with Kennedy. You hurt her bad and I’m not
going to let you go unchecked about that. She doesn’t deserve
anything but respect, Liam. She held it down for you for a long
time, brother. Longer than I seen any woman do for a dead soldier.
Now if you can’t give her respect then you stay the fuck away from
her until you can. Feel me?”

“
I get it, man. Good looking
out.”

Eric lifted his hand and Liam pocketed the
keys. Just having his own place and not that cramped hotel room
gave him space to breathe.

“
Seems to me you got some
back pay owed to you.” Eric reached into his pocket and tossed a
checkbook on the table for him. “I had some things done. It’s not
much but it’s enough for you to stand on your feet.”

Liam opened the checkbook and saw the
account in his name. “I can do it. Just need to get on my feet and
clear my head. You know?”

“
After,” Eric
said.

“
After?”

“
Clear your head after you
meet with a head shrink. Your future hangs on that, brother. Not
for Kennedy; it’s not for Mac. That deal is for you. I don’t know
what you seen, what they put you through, but I know they didn’t
break you. That means all of that pain is in that head of yours. Do
you want it to come out in front of your woman and your
kid?”

“
Right. I get
it.”

“
Cool, got an appointment
for you in two days. Made some calls. VA Hospital has a doctor
named Abrams. He’s a good brother, a lifer, been to Vietnam and
back. He’s your guy.”

“
Kennedy wanted us to do it
together.”

Eric shrugged his big shoulders. “Your call.
I suggest you take the first wave alone, get those waters a little
calm before you throw her in the mix. Again, it’s your wife, your
call.”

“
She is my wife. Isn’t she?
Damn beautiful, too.”

“
After that shit you pulled
tonight?” Eric’s brows lowered.

Liam nodded. “How is she? How bad are things
with me and her now?”

“
You did a number on her,
man. She blames herself for confusing you. Sending you mixed
signals. Got her thinking that she’s your problem, not your
solution. Good job.”

“
That’s not what she is.
She’s my life. Damn it, I blew it.”

“
Damn right you blew it,”
Eric said. “From what I hear you been singing the song of blame
since you showed up on her door. Why don’t you just hand her over
to Phil?”

“
Did she say that? That I
keep blaming her?”

“
Didn’t have to. I know the
deal. If had a wife like Kennedy and a cute kid like Mac with
another man, I’d be raising all kinds of hell. No one is blaming
you for having problems with dealing with life. Shit, you got a raw
deal. If you hadn’t gone all commando on that rock we’d all be
dead. But thing is, that’s over. You’re home now. Got to let go of
the past. If you don’t fix it then it is all on you.”