Before the Fall (5 page)

“Hi, Raguel. I heard you changed your...”

“I’m sorry. I can’t stop to chat today,” Rachel said as she rushed past an angel named Marion. The corridor was lined with angels. They were all talking about Lucifer and Uriel under their breath. The word of their impending departure had spread quickly.

She could feel their eyes on her as she passed. She didn’t care. At any other time, she probably would have found their knowing about her feelings for Uriel embarrassing. Now, all she could think about was getting to him and convincing him to stay.

When she reached the entrance to the Room of Offerings, her hand froze on the door handle when Uriel’s laughter was followed by a deep throaty laugh. Someone was with him.

She blinked away tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. Uriel loved flirting with other angels. Everyone knew that. Even when he flirted with her, she knew it was a part of who he was and nothing more. Even with that knowledge, she couldn’t help falling for him and wishing for something more.

He was different from the others she knew: Raphael, Lucifer, Michael. They were all so serious. Uriel, on the other hand, was fun and carefree. He enjoyed living life.

There were not many who knew him like she did. During some of their many strolls through the gardens, Uriel’s handsome face would grow serious, and he would tell her his innermost thoughts. He’d tell her about how sometimes he wished he wasn’t the Archangel of Death. He loved humans and the freedom they had to live life, and he hated having to take that away from them. He had told her that no one else knew of how heavy the angelic role weighed on him. It was something that was just between them.

She could understand the temptation to give up his position in Heaven to live with those he envied.

She thought of the last time they had talked, before she had left with Raphael.

“You know, Lucifer says that angels should have more freedom. We shouldn’t be tied down to serve the humans all the time.”

“You don’t believe that. Do you?”

“Well, no . . . not really.”

“There is something strange about Lucifer. I don’t know what it is about him, but I don’t trust him.”

“Raphael seems to like him.”

She sighed. “Yes, he does. It just that . . . oh, I don’t know. I don’t have a good feeling about him. He takes the best out of you when you are around him, you know.”

Uriel raised a brow. “What do you mean?”

“Well, the more you’ve been around him the more unhappy you seem to be.”

“Hmm, maybe because deep inside I’m a bad person and Lucifer is helping me to see that.”

“You’re not bad,” she dropped her voice. “I think Lucifer is.”

Uriel shook his head. “If you only knew the real me, you wouldn’t say that.”

She gazed into his eyes. “I’m saying it because I do know the real you. Your heart is pure, Uriel. You’re a good person. It’s when you’re with him that it sucks the good out of you. It’s like there can’t be any good where there is evil present.”

“Are you saying Lucifer is evil? He’s an archangel.”

“I . . . I don’t know. All I know is that you are different after you’ve been with him.”

Uriel sighed. “Or maybe I’m more real when I’m with him.”

Rachel shook her head of the memory as she approached the door.

She swung it open and in the center of the room with rugs and blankets lining the marble floors sat an angel across from Uriel. Her long golden hair cascaded in silky waves across her back.

When Rachel stepped into the room, Uriel glanced in her direction and his face lit up. “Raguel! Or should I say Rachel? You came just in time. Come in and help me convince Gabrielle to move down to Earth with me.”

Gabrielle turned and gave Rachel a warm smile. “Back so soon? I thought you and Raphael would take much longer.”

“There was a change in plans.” Rachel chose her words carefully. She didn’t want Raphael to get in trouble, using his angelic powers the way he had. It was well known that Gabrielle favored Raphael, even though she tried to hide it. As with her own feelings for Uriel, it seemed everyone knew except for the focus of their attraction themselves.

“The humans had a change of heart. They found their compassion for the outcasts,” Rachel said.

“See now, Gabrielle. The humans are a good lot. Now come with me and Lucifer. You know you want to.” He grinned, dimples flashing.

“So it is true,” Rachel said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. “You are leaving with Lucifer and Raphael.”

“Raphael?” The carefree look on Gabrielle’s face disappeared.

Rachel looked at her, surprised. “I thought you knew.”

“What do you think I’ve been trying to tell you, Gabrielle? We’re going down to Earth,” Uriel said.

“I thought you were joking.” Gabrielle stood and headed toward the door. “This is not acceptable.”

“What’s the problem?” Uriel leaped to his feet. “Or is it Raphael that’s the . . . oh, I see,” he said, his blue eyes twinkling.

A faint blush tinted Gabrielle’s perfect face. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Uh huh.” Uriel turned to Rachel. “So Raphael is joining us?”

“I believe so. I was just in the gardens, and Lucifer says they will be leaving soon. And I wanted to—”

“See, there you go,” Uriel interrupted. “Even Raphael thinks it’s a good idea.”

Rachel’s eyes met Gabrielle’s for a moment. The blonde angel’s green eyes held hers, and she could see pity in them. This wasn’t the first time Uriel had acted like she wasn’t even in the room. For a moment, Rachel saw the look of judgment in the green eyes, as well as pity.

She doesn’t understand
, Rachel thought.
She doesn’t know Uriel like I know him.

“Did he say why he was leaving?” Gabrielle asked her.

She hesitated to answer when the image of Rebecca flashed through her mind. She swallowed. “I don’t know.”

“This is a nice surprise. I wouldn’t think stuffy old Raphael would be interested,” Uriel said.

“It doesn’t make sense. Rachel, tell me exactly what happened when you were on Earth. What did Raphael do?”

“I can tell you.”

Rachel turned at the sound of Raphael’s deep voice. Kind eyes looked to her. “Rachel, I need to apologize to you. For what happened when we were on our mission.”

“Does this have anything to do with why you are leaving . . . with Lucifer?” Gabrielle asked, her voice strained.

“Yes.”

Tension filled the room.

“Well, that’s my cue to leave,” Uriel said as he walked to the door. “Rachel?”

Rachel turned to Uriel, and she felt herself drowning in his blue eyes. Everything she wanted to tell him was stuck, caught in her throat. To tell him to stay. To tell him to see her as more than just a friend. To tell him that she saw the real him and that she loved him. All of it was trapped inside her, afraid to come out, and she didn’t know why.

“Yes?” she finally whispered.

“Thanks for . . . everything. I’ll miss all our little talks we had in the gardens.”

“I . . . I...” Her heart was breaking, and if she told him how she felt and he left anyway, she couldn’t bear it.

“I’ll miss them too.” The words tumbled out.

His kiss, feather light, lingered on her forehead even after he left the room.

White noise filled her ears and through it, Raphael and Gabrielle’s voices muffled in and out of her hearing. She could barely feel Raphael’s touch when he placed a hand on her shoulder and pleaded for forgiveness. She nodded, her head feeling like deadweight. She couldn’t even hear what he was asking forgiveness for. All she could hear was her heart, and she wondered how it could keep beating.

Raphael continued to speak and she tried to focus on what he was saying. His features blurred beneath a hazy mist. There was sadness in his voice, and when she heard the words “outcasts” and “soldiers,” she realized he was telling Gabrielle what he had done in Ai. Then his voice shifted when she heard the name “Rebecca.” The cadence in his voice was unmistakable.

Then Gabrielle’s voice echoed in the chamber and reverberated in her chest. The words “Don’t” and “You mustn’t” boomed through the air.

Shocked, the mist that had clouded Rachel’s eyes cleared up and she gazed at Gabrielle. Her normally calm and serene face was a reflection of the dark numbness in Rachel’s chest.

“I cannot ask you to understand my position on this, Gabrielle,” Raphael said.

“Are you not happy here, Raphael?”

“You are overthinking this, Gabrielle. I am only leaving for a day. And that is only an Earth day . . . perhaps two, but no more than that. It is the least I can do to correct the problems that may have occurred because of my interference.”

“Are you sure that is all?” Gabrielle’s green eyes held onto his in a steady gaze.

Rachel snapped to attention as the words lingered in the air and at Raphael’s hesitation to answer the questions. Raphael had never been at a loss for words.

“Yes. You have my word. I shall return right away. One Earth day is but a heartbeat’s time here in Heaven,” he said.

“Rachel?”

Rachel blinked and focused her attention back to Raphael.

“I will do everything I can to convince Uriel to return. I promise.”

There was a moment of silence when he left the room. Gabrielle stood by her side, staring at the closed door.

“They won’t be coming back, will they?” Rachel croaked.

Slowly, Gabrielle turned to Rachel, her soft face transforming into a mask of indifference. In all the time Rachel had known her, Gabrielle had never looked like she did at that moment. Her once vibrant green eyes were now empty.

“No, they won’t.”

R
aphael leaned against the doorframe as he watched Rebecca tuck their four-year-old son, Jeremiel, into bed. It was a ritual he had taken pleasure in every night since his son was born. It was moments like this when the sun lay low in the sky turning to dusk and the shadows seemed to close in around them protectively that he thought of how lucky he was to have them both. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever thought he could be so happy.

“Tell me more,” Jeremiel’s pink lips formed into an “O” stretching wide as he yawned. Sapphire eyes peered beneath curly eyelashes as he struggled to keep them open.

He watched as his wife, Rebecca, smoothed back their son’s mass of blond hair. His
wife
. Even after four years with her, it still made him shiver with excitement at the thought that he could love someone so deeply. So much so that when he came to Earth those many years ago, he couldn’t bear to leave her for a second time. He had gotten to know her and to see the pureness and innocence of her heart. She was beautiful, not only the delicate features of her flawless face, but her heart and soul—they knew no evil. The thought of Baka taking her, possessing her, was unthinkable.

A candle on the table flickered in the growing darkness, casting shadows that danced on Jeremiel’s angelic face. When Rebecca discovered she was pregnant, they both worried about what kind of child she would give birth to. Raphael feared that his disobedience would catch up with him and that the child would suffer. Although Rebecca never said a word, he knew she worried too. When a tiny bundle was placed in his arms, he cried with joy at the perfection he held in his arms.

“That is enough for tonight, Jeremiel,” she said, brushing a finger over his chubby cheek.

“I want to hear more, Mother.”

“You’ve heard the story hundreds of times.” She tucked a blanket under his chin.

It was a tale that Raphael had heard her tell their son dozens of times. It was of how they first met, or as she would put it, “How I met the love of my life,” and how he left for a while and came back for her. That would be his cue to jump in and say, “And I convinced your mother to marry me.” Then Jeremiel would add “So that you could have me.”

It was a nightly bedtime ritual that he never tired of.

“One more time?” Jeremiel’s voice was barely above a whisper as he head drooped to his chest. “Please.”

“Tomorrow night, my son. We have a guest we must attend to.” Rebecca spoke in a melodic, quiet voice.

“Uncle Lucifer?”

Raphael watched as her face tensed at the sound of his old friend’s name. Over the years, Lucifer had visited them from time to time. He always had mixed feelings about having him over, especially because he felt that he owed Lucifer. Without him, he wouldn’t have ever had the courage to return. He probably would have still been sneaking peeks over the bridge, suffering as he watched Rebecca give birth to Baka’s son. Without him, Jeremiel would have never existed, and for that alone, he felt a sense of obligation to Lucifer.

At the same time, guilt gnawed at the back of his mind over the promises he had made and broken. When he was alone with his family, he could almost make himself forget he was a fallen archangel. Then Lucifer would come to Ai, and he would be faced with the reality of what he had done. Thankfully, his old friend traveled frequently. What he was up to . . . Raphael preferred not to even entertain the thought.

On occasion, Uriel joined Lucifer to visit him and his family. The burden of what he had promised Rachel weighed on his heart even more so as he thought of how he had traded his happiness for her heartbreak.

Lucifer always seemed to pick up his sad mood and did what he could to convince him that what he had done was not bad. He didn’t know about the promise Raphael had made to Rachel.

Lucifer’s words comforted him somewhat, especially when he was told he had made Rebecca’s life better by marrying her. That he had done it for love. Though Lucifer pointed out that he himself would not care for humans the way Raphael did, at least in Raphael’s heart it had been for love. How could that be a sin?

Raphael was almost convinced by Lucifer’s argument until Rebecca started to act strange around Lucifer. At first, Rebecca was a gracious hostess to him. Then something changed, especially after Jeremiel was born. Raphael could feel her unease with Lucifer. He tried to get her to talk to him about it, but she would brush it aside.

“Yes. Your father is having dinner with him this evening,” she said with a forced smile on her face.