Before Time (The Time Trilogy Book 1) (17 page)

He was right. Just a few days back, somebody had called me a bitch because I’d given him a cold shoulder. I wasn’t worth anyone.

ME:
You’re right. Someone called me a cold bitch.

Impassioned:
Men expect at least some reaction.

ME:
They do.

Impassioned:
At least one orgasm or expression. Otherwise it’s like having sex with a dead person.

ME:
You know what my ex said when he left me?

Impassioned:
What?

ME:
He said ‘you can never bear a child. You’re a whore who sleeps from bed to bed, but nobody will accept you because I’ve used you for my own pleasure.’

Impassioned:
You know why he said that? A new girl introduced to sex would have at least a few orgasms during sex or show some expression. I really don’t understand how you got the strength to stay cold during sex.

I wish you knew what I felt. I wish you could understand my repulsion about sex. I hope you could understand how gross it was for me because I hated the notion of sex. It wasn’t some grudge I had, it was the prospect of being on someone whom you didn’t love. I believed that I would start feeling again when I fell in love and I was with him. I knew I would have all my feelings back to me.

ME:
I don’t know myself. Maybe I was grossed out; that’s why.

Impassioned:
This is not physically right.

ME:
Is it?

Impassioned:
This is impossible. How many times you had sex in life? Four or five?

ME:
Countless.

Impassioned:
True, and you didn’t even cum once?

ME:
No.

Impassioned:
“shakes my head in disbelief*

ME:
I didn’t have chemistry with anyone.

Impassioned:
Now, I’m not a doctor, but I know why.

ME:
I’ve never been to a doctor for problems like this.

Impassioned:
What the heck has chemistry to do with it? A guy humps, and the girl is supposed to cum, no matter what. Perhaps they didn’t do it long enough, or perhaps with a lack of variety in the positions.

Ugh! That was cold. He wasn’t a romantic at all.
Points down, Impassioned
, I thought.

ME:
Maybe.

Impassioned:
Or maybe you didn’t try as well. It’s a two-way process, but it’s worrying to know.

ME:
Is it? I don’t think so.

Impassioned:
Well, just something I heard…

ME:
Maybe.

Impassioned:
It’s just that sometimes, mental disgust can overcome physical intercourse. Maybe, you are mentally disgusted; that’s why you never enjoyed it.

ME:
I always think about other things, so maybe you’re right.

Haha, yes! I do that a lot.
Once I was sleeping with someone and I was wondering if the fan fell on top of him, what would happen? It had made me laugh so loudly. I covered it up in front of him saying that I was ticklish.

Impassioned:
During sex? Now that’s really cold, I can imagine.

ME:
Yeah, that is.

Impassioned:
And extremely irritating for the guy.

ME:
I know.

Impassioned:
I’m going to study about this topic and learn, which I’ll do sometime.

ME:
Sure.

Impassioned:
Alright, I’ll leave now. Be safe.

ME:
Stay safe and sleep tight.

Impassioned:
You too.

Me: Good night.

Chapter 10

The next day, the weather was quite gloomy, like my heart. December was always cold, but today the weather seemed even heavier, and it had been raining all morning. I stood in the courtyard outside, watching the raindrops fall to the ground, just like tears. It felt like the skies had opened up and were crying. I sat on the steps that led to the inside of my house and watched the rain.

My mind shifted to the story I’d heard two nights ago. A story? I was calling it a story, but to Impassioned, it was the sole meaning of his life. I’ve read about great loves, I’ve known about people who had loved endlessly without any restraint, and I’d known what it meant to be in love from books, but this love was confusing. How can someone endure so much pain and still stay sane? If I was in his place, I couldn’t. I always had this peculiar notion of “Happily Ever After”. Maybe it didn’t work out well with everyone, I thought.

The muted ringing of my cell phone brought me out of my thoughts.

“Hey! Sup?” the cheery voice on the other end could’ve been no one else.

“How are you, Sarah?” I smiled.

“I’m awesome. Where are you?”

“I’m home.” Like there was anywhere else I would be right now, I mused.

“I’m coming to pick you up in about ten minutes. Be ready.”

“Alright.”

I stood up from the stairs and went inside. My mom was in the kitchen, making Chinese for dinner.

“Mom, I’m going out with Sarah for a while. I’ll be back in two hours, most probably.”

“Okay. Don’t be late.”

“I won’t,” I called back.

I rushed to my room and quickly dressed in my favorite black dress. I wore black a lot, regardless of the season. It didn’t matter it was summer or winter; if I didn’t have a black dress, my wardrobe seemed incomplete. I combed my hair and pulled it on the top of my head in a high ponytail, then applied a little makeup and gloss.

The vibration on my cell phone informed me that Sarah was outside. I picked up a shawl to cover my hair from the rain and walked out of the room.

“Mom, I’m leaving.”

“Okay,” She called back from the kitchen. Under the shade of my shawl, I ran in the rain toward the car in the driveway. I got inside.

“Hey!” I said.

“Hey! Will you just look at that weather? Isn’t it awesome?”

“It is. I knew how much you love rain, so that’s why I thought, let’s go out and enjoy it.”

“How thoughtful of you.”

“So, where should we go?”

“Let me think.”

“Think fast.”

“Let’s pick up the others and then we’ll decide,” I suggested.

“Today, it’s only us. I don’t want to pick anyone else, just want to spend quiet time together.”

“Then let’s go to our usual place for a couple of delicious steaks and drinks.”

“Sure.”

“Zefra it is, then.”

Twenty minutes later, we were seated at Zefra. Our seats were located in the lawn of the restaurant, beneath a thick canopy, which protected us from the rain on all sides. This place was my favorite spot to come for a quiet supper and spend some time with myself. Because of the peaceful environment that surrounded this place, we always chose to come here. Moreover, their steaks were simply delicious.

“When did you get back from Kashmir?” I asked.

“Yesterday.” She grinned at me.

“You are always trying to surprise me,” I said.

“But you don’t get surprised anymore,” Sarah pouted.

“Because I know you so well.”

“Yeah!” she agreed. We perused the menus for a while.

“I have to tell you something,” Sarah said some minutes later. I turned to look at her.

“What?”

“Well, I don’t know who to tell, but you’re my best friend, and it’s only you that I can tell something like this.”

“Don’t tell me you slept with someone,” I said.

“No! I didn’t. This is something else.”

“Then tell me, what is it?”

“I’ve got a brain tumor.”

“What?”

She nodded sadly.

“When? How? Why didn’t you tell me any sooner? How did you find out?”

“Relax. I was sleeping a lot and I just couldn’t bring myself to wake up. So, my dad took me to the doctor and they gave me a CT scan. When the result came out, the doctors told my father. I have to start chemotherapy soon, and then all those medicines he prescribed. I hate it.”

I sat there, dumbstruck. My best friend had a tumor and I didn’t even know. What must she be going through!

“When do you start chemo?” I asked.

“I had to start today, but I didn’t wake up in time to go to the hospital. I’ll start from tomorrow.”

“Oh!” I was quiet for some time. “You know you have me around whenever you want,” I said. That was the only consolation I could give her. What else would I have said that she wouldn’t have heard before? Nothing.

“On the brighter side, I’m not moving to Boston now, as the doctors say it’s not a good idea to study. So, I’m here in Pakistan with you, day in, day out,” she said enthusiastically.

“Oh yes! I really love the idea,” I replied.

We had our favorite ice cream from Marblestones Ice Creamery on our way back. She looked much better than when she came to pick me. That was my friendship with Sarah. We didn’t have to tell each other everything or say it aloud; we just understood well enough.

It was three p.m. when I got home. After declining my mom’s offer of lunch, I turned towards my room and switched on my laptop. I logged in to mIRC to check on him, and there he was.

ME:
There?

No response. He must be away, I thought. I was about to close his private stream window when he replied.

Impassioned:
Yes, I’m here now.

ME:
Welcome back.

Impassioned:
Thank you.

ME:
Where were you? I screamed and screamed.

I joked and used the “slapping with a fish” emote on him in the channel.

Impassioned:
I was in the field.

ME:
Oh!

Whatever that means.

Impassioned:
oh wait! How did you wake up this early today?

ME:
I just woke up early today.

Impassioned:
How early?

ME:
I woke up at twelve.

Impassioned:
You slept at eight and woke at twelve?

Well, yes! He was right.
So, somebody was keeping tabs on me, aha!
I thought gleefully. Nice. I grinned to myself. My dad was home, as it was Sunday, so he woke me up early because of that. My bad luck.

ME:
Yes, and I’m fresh as a flower.

Impassioned:
That is not physically possible.

ME:
Maybe it’s because I had a hot shower in the morning; that’s the reason I’m fresh.