Begin Again (3 page)

Her face saddened. “Yeah, you’re right. I have to be careful for my boys. You never know when disaster will strike.”

Stillness, full of grief, invaded
the night.

“So you’ll come with us.” Joe’s tone was firm.

“I’m a mess. I’ll dirty up the car.”

“No problems. I got a blanket in the trunk."

They waited while she locked up, then headed to the car. Joe retrieved the blanket and opened the back door for Adam. But Paulina grabbed the blanket and then the handle of the front door. “I’ll ride up here with your chauffeur.”

Once inside,
Adam said, “He’s a great deal more than that.”

She climbed inside and the door shut. Adam followed suit. And wondered why it bothered him that she obviously didn’t want to get in the backseat with him?

“So, you live in Queens?” Joe asked.

“Born and bred.”

“I spent some time here in my youth.” Joe’s tone was filled with amusement, indicating the trouble he’d probably
gotten into. As he drove out of the site and onto the road, he added, “Sorry about your husband, Mrs. Pettrone. Do you live alone now?”

“Hardly. After Donnie and Peter died, our two families moved into the house where my sister and I grew up with my mother. My crew and others in the business put on a huge addition, and now it’s home to three little boys, three women and various sisters and
brothers who come to visit.”

“Do you like livin’ with all of them? I gotta have my space.”

She shrugged. “Being together saved all our sanity after the accident. Now I think we’re getting on each other’s nerves some.”

“It’s sweet that you had your family around you.”

“Don’t you have family, Joe?”

“I got three brothers. And then there’s my other
familia,
if you get my drift
.
They’re nice to have in my pocket.”

“Oh, God,” Paulina uttered and the guys laughed. He probably wasn’t related to the mob, but she wasn’t going to take any chances.

The big car swerved to the curb. She wondered what they thought of the three-story building made of brick and wood that stood back from the street. Warm lights glowed from within, and a porch lamp had been turned on. She swiveled
in her seat and caught sight of Adam, sprawled on expensive leather, his arms spread over the seat back, his legs stretched out. “Thank you, Adam, for the ride.”

“Oh, did you remember I was back here?” His voice was laced with humor. She hadn’t realized she’d practically ignored him. But it was interesting that he’d taken note.

Joe said, “I’ll walk her to her door.”

Adam sat forward.
“No, I got this one, Joe.” Without waiting, he climbed out of the backseat, opened her door and helped Paulina out.

His firm grip and now the sight of him, even with a layer of dirt on his clothes, stirred something inside her. With his hand at her back, he opened the wrought-iron gate and walked up the long sidewalk to the porch. Night had fallen, cloaking them in shadows when they reached
the front door. She turned to him. He seemed even bigger, and his chest was…well, great. She’d noticed his muscular build when they’d tangled with the bat. A little thrill of attraction coursed through her again. “Thank you. For my phone. For the ride. For the interesting conversation.”

She nodded to the car. “He’s a great guy. You have an unusual relationship.”

“I know. In some ways,
he’s my best friend.”

“Again, that’s sweet.”

He took her hand, squeezed it. “I’m looking forward to working with you, Paulina.”

“I feel the sa—” The front door flew open and Nia stood before them, like an outraged mother whose kid was late getting home
.

“Paulie, where have you been? I called you several times.”

“I left my phone at Armstrong Associates. Adam was kind enough
to bring it out after work.” She glanced at the phone in her hand. “I never turned it on. Sorry.”

Antonia took a bead on him. “You’re the architect on our new project. I’ve spoken with your secretary.”

His brows raised.

“Nia’s our office manager, Adam.”

“Ah.” He stared at her. “You’ve got to be twins, right?”

“Of course we are.”

“Nia’s prettier,” Paulina blurted out, wondering
why she’d said that. Basically, Adam Armstrong was a stranger. And it wasn’t as if she minded how beautiful Nia was. It would be like being jealous of herself
.

Adam stepped back. “I’ll say good night.” He arched a brow. “To
both
of you lovely ladies. Paulina, I hope to see you soon.”

He headed down the walk in a sexy stroll that picked up Paulina’s pulse. Shaking her head at her foolishness,
she went inside the house. Nia shut the door—hard
.

“What’s wrong?”

Nia’s arms circled her waist. “You…you were with another man.”

“No, no, Nia. He’s our architect. I only met him today.”

“He seemed interested in you.”

“I highly doubt that. I’m not his type.” She linked arms with her twin. “Now, fill me in on what the boys did today.”

“Okay. They’re playing their half hour
of video games now. I’ll warm up supper.”

“Great.” She laid her head on her sister’s shoulder. “I’m glad to be home.”

“All right now boys, go get ready for bed.”

“Not without Mommy.” This from Ben, the rascal of the family
.

Donuta stood and picked him up, glad that at sixty-five she could still lift the little boy.

She gave him a sloppy kiss, then set him down. “I want to talk to your mother. She will be right up.”
Matka
gave him the look that kept everybody in
line, from child to adult. Both kids scampered away
.

Before she sat again, she went out into the kitchen and came back with a Molson’s—Paulina and Donnie’s favorite beer. “Thanks,
Matka
.”

“You need this.” She scanned her daughter. “You are dirty tonight. And seem more tired than usual.” Donuta studied her. “On edge, too.”

“It was a long day.” She took a sip of beer. “How was yours?”

“Simple. Ana came over. We made pirogue for tomorrow night.”

The devil came into Paulina’s eyes. This one could tease. “Ah, yes, we’re going to meet your gentleman friend.”

Donuta was not shaken. “Yes,
kochanie
, you are. Is that all right with you?”

“Of course.” Paulina sat forward and took Donuta’s hand. “You’re not worried about us meeting him, are you?”

“No.” She glanced
away. “Maybe Nia.”

“Do you want me to talk to her?”

“I have done that. But thank you for asking. I suppose I wanted to share my worries. You are so good at listening, Paulina. To your own detriment.”

“How’s that?”

“You put others first, and sometimes do not tend to your own needs. I have a feeling you are lonely.”

“How can I be lonely in this house full of people and scads
of workers at the company?”

“In the same way I am.”

Her daughter’s pretty face turned sad. “I’m sorry you’re lonely. I’ll be very nice to Gerald. I’ll say something to Nia, just in case.” She stood, took another swig of beer and set it on the table. “I have to go get the boys down.”

“There, you just did it again. You change from a discussion about your life to that of ours.”

“Did
I?” She gave Donuta a peck on the cheek. “I’ll think about what you said.” After she left, Donuta sat and picked up the drink. Beer was not her favorite, but she took a taste anyway. Her lovely daughter would eventually focus on herself no matter how long

Donuta had to prod. And a mother knew well how to do that
.

Nia sat next to Salvador on his bed and leafed through the
photo album. She’d started this ritual right after Peter died, when Sal was two. For three years, she showed him pictures of his dad and told him the stories behind the photos. Now, she watched as her child, almost an exact duplicate of her husband, searched for a special picture. Not for the first time, she wondered if she’d kept this up for too long. It was bad enough that Nia still grieved for
Peter, but she worried that the nightly reminders might stunt Sal’s progress in moving on. He was so introverted it scared her sometimes.

“This one, Mommy.”

Ah, he’d chosen one of her favorites. The two of them, bringing their tiny baby home from the hospital.

“That’s me, right?” He knew this, of course, as he’d chosen it before.

“Yep. You, me and Daddy.”

“And I was the…what
did you call it?”

“The light of our lives.”

That too worried her. She didn’t want to put too much pressure on Sal by doting on him, letting him know he was the focus of her universe, even though he was.

Carefully, he traced the blue blanket with his fingers. Nobody knew where the boy got his artistic talent, but he was fascinated by colors and shapes and many of his drawings hung in
the playroom. His teachers said he was exceptional.

“I cried a lot, right?”

“Uh-huh. And Daddy would get up and walk you.”

“I don’t remember, Mommy.”

“Of course you don’t. You were just born.”

“No, I don’t remember
him.
”

Another heartbreak. All three boys had been toddlers when their fathers were killed, and none remembered the men themselves. “That’s why we look at the
pictures, honey. So you can remember.”

He yawned. “I know.”

“Time for sleep. You’re tuckered out.”

Obediently, and contrary to his cousin Ben, Salvador handed her the book and slid down onto his pillow. “’Night, Mommy. Love you.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

Instead of leaving, she lay down on the bed with him until he fell asleep. This too was a concern. Damn it, when had she
become such a worrywart? Where was the shy but happy young woman Peter had married? Problem was, Nia didn’t know how to get her back.

“God bless
Matka
, Aunt Nia, Sal and Mommy. Tell Dad I hit a grounder to first base in T-ball today.”

The last of Ben’s words were uttered tenderly. He was a pistol of a boy, and it killed her to hear the sadness in his voice. Paulina ruffled
his hair.

Kneeling on the other side of her, Tommy began, “Hi, God.” He gave the usual mentions of his family. “Tell Daddy I miss him.”

Each night, these prayers were different. Sometimes funny. Sometimes poignant, a few times angry. Tonight’s words were sentimental again
.

Each twin bolted up from his knees and climbed into a bunk bed. Paulina boosted herself up to Tommy’s on top,
lay next to him and glanced at the ceiling. She’d put stars on the plaster, and they glimmered when even the subtlest of light hit them. “You okay, buddy?”

“Yeah. I wish Daddy was here.” His mouth formed a grim line, too grim for a five-year-old. “We got that father-son camping trip at church.”

She’d known about that, but forgotten about it. Damn! She hated those things. Didn’t youth group
leaders ever
think
about kids without dads? “Maybe Uncle Luke can take you.”

“
Matka
called him. He’s away at a meeting for teachers.”

“I could ask Frank.”

“Nah. It’s okay.” His eyes closed. His lashes were thick like Donnie’s, his hair and eyes as dark as his father’s
.

“Good night, honey.” She kissed him on the cheek, then vaulted to the floor and crept in with Ben. On the plywood
above his bed were pictures of famous baseball players. Luke had spent a lot of time teaching him about the leagues. “I’m too old for this, Mom.”

“If you want me to not tuck you in, I’ll stop doing it. But I think maybe you think you
should
be too old for this. I won’t tell anybody, Ben.”

“I won’t, either,” a voice came from above.

“’Kay, Mom. Sorry.”

They talked for a few minutes,
then exhausted from the long day, she left the twins’ bedroom and went into the bathroom. While she tidied up the towels and wiped away toothpaste, she thought about the rituals they had before bedtime. On her way to the boys’ room, she’d seen Nia with Sal looking at a photo album. It didn’t take Einstein to figure out what the book contained. Pictures of Pete and Donnie. Though they all had
to deal with the obscene tragedy in their own ways, she worried about Nia, who couldn’t seem to move on and was probably affecting Sal’s ability to do so, too
.

Pushing away the unpleasant notion, Paulina went into her room. It adjoined the twins’ by way of a bathroom, and similarly, Nia’s connected with Sal’s. After those few awful weeks of living at their respective houses, Antonia had talked
about moving home to live with
Matka
. And she’d begged Paulina to do the same. Paulina hadn’t been ready to leave the house she and Donnie had built, but the yawning loneliness and excruciating pain of loss had made her succumb. She’d mentioned to Frank they’d need renovations on the Ludzecky family home, and asked if he’d help her do them. Instead, he’d taken over the project and an entire addition
had been miraculously put on in two weeks. All the builders in the industry in Queens who’d known Donnie and Peter dropped everything else to do the work, and they wouldn’t take payment. Now, three years later, she was still here.

Thoughtful tonight, she scanned the room. Because she’d been uninterested in picking out colors and furniture, Ana had decorated her room in bright yellows and greens,
Nia’s in soft peaches and browns. Now Paulina could appreciate the multi-colored spread, the cheery walls and accent chairs. The furniture had come from their master bedrooms at home, but the different décor had been Ana’s idea.

Shaking off the ruminations, Paulina stripped out of the yoga clothes she’d put on and tossed them into a wicker basket. She went into the bathroom, turned the shower
to hot and stepped into it.

Nirvana. The strong spray beat against her back, her butt, her legs, easing muscles she’d overused today. Turning around, she let it wash the dirt off her face and the rest of her body. As she soaped her hair, she imagined a man massaging her scalp with strong, masculine fingers.