Begin Again (16 page)

Her chin lifted. “With someone more like Donnie, then.”

“That is sacrilegious. You cannot replace
him.”

Her daughter gasped. “I’m not trying to do that.”

Donuta shook her head. “My opinion is different from yours.”

“And mine counts.”

Donuta sighed. “
Kocham ciebie, corka
. I did not mean to upset you. You should go to bed. You’ll feel better in the morning.” With that, Donuta stood and left Paulina alone with her thoughts. She’d done all she could do tonight.

“Son of a fucking bitch.” Adam smacked the ball to the front wall of the court, and swore when it bounced back and hit him in the shoulder. His skin would be bruised. Like his heart.

“No, no more. I’m not doing this.”
This
referred to his behavior in the three days since he and Paulina Pettrone had parted ways. Shit, since she dumped him. Just because he’d never been dumped didn’t mean
he shouldn’t admit what had happened.

He rocketed another ball forward. This one bounced over his head and hit the back wall. Catching the little sphere midflight, he pounded it again, and it ricocheted toward him, narrowly missing his head.

The door to the court opened. “You’d better stop, son. I was watching you from the window. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

Turning, Adam saw his
dad in the entryway. He leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. Andrew Armstrong, dressed in golf clothes, crossed the court and sat down next to him.

“Want to talk about it?” his father asked.

“No.”

“Is this why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“Yes.”

“Because of Paulina Pettrone?”

“Damn it, Dad, I said I didn’t want to talk about her.” When he realized he’d yelled at
his father, he put his hands on his forehead. “I’m sorry.”

“At least I know how serious this is.”

There had been few cross words between him and his dad in their lifetime. His mother had died so young, and the two guys had only each other. Adam had spent his whole life trying not to hurt or disappoint his father. In return, his father had doted on him.

“She dumped me.”

Eyebrows
identical to his skyrocketed. “Why?”

“Because I wanted more from her. She said no.”

“I thought you were happy with the casual nature of your relationship?”

Adam shook his head.

“This is like pulling teeth, Adam. Just tell me what the hell happened.”

Maybe getting it out would loosen the vise in his chest. “I care about her. But I’m not keen on being with her and knowing I care
more than she does.”

“So you’re going to give up?”

“Yep! Plenty of female fish in the dating sea.”

“You’re thirty-seven years old. Those fish have never appealed to you. Maybe you’ve been swimming in the wrong pool.”

“And look what happened when I ventured out of it.”

“You fell in love.”

“Oh, God, Dad, don’t say that. I got my feelings hurt, nothing more.”

“If you say
so.” His father stood. “Think about what I said, though. I’ve got to get out on the greens.”

Adam grunted. The last thing he was going to do was think about the possibility that he’d fallen in love with her. Not when he couldn’t get out of his mind the haunting words she’d said to him
.

If I ever get serious with anyone, he’ll have to be more like Donnie.

Frank said,
“Adam Armstrong’s coming out today.”

Paulina, stretched to the limit, snarled up at him.
“What?”

“We need to talk about the foundations for the sculpture garden. The borough board wants them to be uniform.”

“And why don’t I know about this, Frank?” Her voice rose, making heads turn as they were outside in front of the shell of the music hall. Cool Paulina never yelled at anyone.

Her foreman threw his hard hat into the dirt. Silence descended on the site. Gray clouds had formed above, but they were nothing compared to the mood on the ground. “Because you’ve been a bitch this last week, Paulina. I’m sorry, but somebody’s got to tell you or we’re going to lose our workers.”

“How
dare
you talk to me like that?”

From behind her, she heard, “Let’s go for a ride, Paulina.”

Whirling around, Paulina faced her sister. “Did you know about this?”

Nia was a marshmallow most of the time. But not always. “That you’ve been a bitch? Yes. Why? I have no idea because you won’t talk to me.” Moving close, she got in Paulina’s face, which was shocking. “Now get in the truck or I’ll ask the guys to corral you and force you inside.” Nia arched a brow. “I’m sure they’d love
to do that right about now.”

Always a sore loser, Paulina stomped to the truck. Got in. Slammed the door. As soon as Nia started the engine and drove away from the site, Paulina buried her face in her hands and started to cry. Nia didn’t say anything. Just drove down the road and let her get it all out. When the tears subsided, Nia turned into a parking lot and handed her tissues.

“What
happened with Adam? I asked
Matka
and she said to talk to you. So I’m asking.”

Because she’d had no sleep, because she was sick of herself and her rotten mood, she blurted out the whole story
.

Nia listened, then was thoughtful. “For what it’s worth, I think you made the right decision. I told you that before. But I could be wrong. You need to examine why you’re so upset.”

“No, Nia,”
she said, defeated. “I need to find a way to handle the split between us better.”

“By tomorrow night?”

“What? Why?”

“The Sculpture Garden fundraiser is tomorrow.”

“Oh, hell.” She thought about facing Adam in a crowd of strangers. “I’m not going.”

“You have to.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Well, okay. I hope the others understand.”

“Who?”

“All our siblings are coming.”

“I forgot.” She shrugged. “You can lie for me. Tell them I’m sick. They’ll believe it if you tell them.”

Nia grabbed Paulina’s hand. “If you want me to, sweetie, I will. But that’s not the right thing to do. Either get over him now, or change your mind about seeing him. But being a wimp isn’t your style.” Nia smiled. “That’s usually me. The fearful one. I know how hard it is to be strong.
But buck up, Paulie. And make your way through this.”

“Thanks for the sympathy,” she said sarcastically. “It’s only been a few days.”

“To get over a man you don’t care deeply about? What’s the problem?”

Paulina sat back in the truck and stared ahead. She didn’t know what to do with Nia like this. She’d rarely seen this side of her. And did
not
like having it turned on her.

When Adam arrived at the site, he looked around and didn’t see Paulina’s truck. Both relieved, and hugely disappointed, he said to Joe, “Wait for me. I’m not staying.”

“Okay, boss.”

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked. “No ribbing? No wisecracks?”

Unsmiling, Joe caught his gaze in the mirror. “I don’t kick a guy when he’s down, Adam.”

The exchange with Joe didn’t make
him feel any better about being at the music hall site. He was mad. And at the same time he wanted, badly, to see Paulina. But why? She’d made her position clear. Nothing was going to change. He walked to the trailer and knocked on the half open door
.

Frank said, “Come in, Adam.”

Once inside, he didn’t look at the space where he’d once kissed Paulina senseless. He didn’t check out her
desk to see if she’d been in to work today. He crossed right to the foreman. “You said you wanted some suggestions for the sculpture-garden bases,” he said as civilly as he could. “I sketched some possibilities.”

He’d been up all night, drawing and redrawing, wishing he had Paulina’s input, remembering when they’d conceived of this idea in the trees out back.

When he was finished showing
his work to Frank, Adam said, “These enough to choose from?”

“Yes. I’ll run them by the team.”

He wouldn’t ask where she was.

Adam stood and Frank did, too. The foreman’s face turned grim. “Now that we’re done with that, man to man, I’m gonna ask you something and I want a straight answer. Donnie Pettrone was my best friend. What’d you do to his wife to make her so miserable?”

His wife.
Now didn’t that say it all?

He thought about snapping back that he didn’t have to answer to her employee. But he wouldn’t be rude to her friends. “It was a mistake to date her. She agrees. I have no idea why
she’d
be miserable. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” With that he stalked outside
.

And bumped into Paulina. She stumbled backward and he reached out to steady her.

When she
righted herself, her eyes widened like twin moons. “Um, hi,” she said recovering first.

“Hello, Paulina.” He brushed past her and had made it halfway to the car when he felt a tug on his bare arm. “Wait, Adam. Can we talk?”

Closing his eyes, he prayed for strength. “I gave Frank several drawings of bases. You all can choose.”

“Not about that.”

“About what?”

“About us.”

He pivoted to face her. “Why? You made it clear that I’m good enough to fuck you but not meet your kids.”

She recoiled back. For a minute, she just stared at him. “I’m sorry.”

“What? That you used me for sex?”

“Well, yes. No. I mean, I didn’t think I was doing that, but if I did, I am sorry.”

“Apology accepted.” He made to leave, but she stayed his arm again.

“Don’t go.”

Now anger superseded the hurt. It felt good. “Have you changed your mind about us?”

“Not really. But I’ve been miserable. Maybe we can…”

Might as well go for broke. “My father says I’m in love with you. Do you feel that way about me?”

“No, no, not love. But…”

“Face it, Paulina. You’ll only ever love Donnie. Any new guy on the scene is going to play second fiddle and have to be happy
with his standing in your life. But it’s not going to be me.”

Still she held on to his arm. “Adam, it’s too soon for this. We haven’t been seeing each other that long. So, I’m wondering…”

“No,” he said flatly, cutting her off. “Just no!” And this time, he walked away
.

When he got back inside the car, Joe turned around. “What happened just now?”

“She told me she doesn’t love me.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah,” Adam said. “Shit.”

Paulina lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. She was a coward. But she couldn’t see Adam tonight. The anger and hurt on his face from their encounter yesterday killed her. And he’d rejected her outreach to him. Which, she’d had to admit to herself, had been paltry. Instead of thinking about what she’d done, Paulina buried her head in the pillow and willed herself
to sleep. Since the boys were with their grandparents, she wouldn’t be disturbed. Exhausted, she wanted only blissful oblivion.

The door opened and she heard a rustling sound. “So, you’re not going?”

Opening her eyes, Paulina saw her sister dressed in a deep pink suit with high black heels. “I said I wasn’t. You look nice.”

“Thanks.” Nia gestured to the closet. “I got the sequined
blue dress you bought for your overnight with Adam dry cleaned, if you change your mind.”

“I won’t.”

Nia sat down on the edge of the mattress. The pretty scent of her flowery perfume drifted over to her. “You should come to the fundraiser.”

“Nia, don’t start. We already hashed this out.”

“I’ve been thinking about it nonstop since we talked. And finally figured something out.” Paulina
put the pillow over her ears, like a child.

Nia yanked it way. “Stop that!” Her sister took a deep breath. “I want you to give Adam another chance.”

“I tried to get him to talk to me yesterday. He wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, the mood you were in, I’m sure that you were a sweetheart.”

Paulina flipped over on her back. “Nia, why are you being so stubborn about all this? You don’t want me to
have this relationship.”

“Because I think your attitude is partially my fault. I encouraged you not to get involved with him emotionally. I filled your head with the notion that you have to hook up with somebody like Donnie.”

“I’m an adult. I make my own decisions.” She turned her head away, though, because she knew she wasn’t behaving like one.

“All right.” Paulina heard sniffles
and sat up to get a better look at her sister. “There are tears in your eyes. Why, honey?”

“I don’t want you to end up like me. Be like I am. I can’t move forward. I can’t leave my past. But I don’t wish that on you, Paulie. I want you to be happy.”

She grabbed her sister to her. “Oh, Nia, it’s not too late for you.”

“Then, it’s not too late for you, either.”

Somebody had pulled strings, so the fundraiser for the sculpture garden was held in the outdoor section of the Mitchell Modern Art Museum, second only to MOMA. As part of their permanent collection, the museum housed many modern sculptors’ work: classics from Degas to Picasso to Rodin, as well as more current artists like Maillol and Moore. Adam made his way through the gate to the main outside area.
The night was balmy in mid-June at 6:00 p.m., and guests had already arrived.

Elyssa approached him. “Hello, Adam.”

“Elyssa. Sorry I’m late after you worked so hard on this evening, despite everything.”

“Tardiness is unusual for you.” Her gaze narrowed on him. “No date?”

“I’m solo tonight.”

She seemed sincere when she said, “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Adam.” She
glanced over his shoulder. “I have to talk to the mayor. I’ll seek you out later.”

Adam hoped she didn’t. He would be miserable company. Studying the area, he caught sight of a group of eight people enter the gardens. The Ludzecky clan. All that long blond hair, those statuesque builds. And one of the guys must be the hero brother. He didn’t see Paulina, though. Huh! He knew from what she’d
told him that her siblings would be here. Since she never planned on introducing them to him, he turned his back and wandered around
.