Beginnings - SF2 (18 page)

"No," she replied in a voice that sounded an octave higher than usual. "I'd…like that."

Jamie got up and turned off the overhead lights. She lit two big candles and placed one on the bedside table and the other on her desk. She started to remove her clothing, but realized that she had her eyes locked on Ryan's so intently that she was losing track of what she was doing. So she turned her back and pulled her t-shirt from her jeans and quickly removed her bra. She slipped the shirt back on, unzipped her jeans and let them fall. As she stepped out of them, she turned to find Ryan gazing at her so intently that she seemed transfixed.

She crossed back to the bed and held her hand out to her stunned looking lover. As she got to her feet, Jamie placed her hands lightly on her waist and met her gaze as she said, "I'm going to undress you, okay?"

Ryan nodded her head vacantly, privately wondering what mastermind was dreaming up this exquisite torture. Maintaining eye contact, she placed her hands on her companion's shoulders for support. Jamie snuck her hand under the bright yellow t-shirt and dipped the fingers of her left hand into her waistband. A tiny chill started at the base of Ryan's skull as the small dexterous fingers touched the soft warm skin of her taut belly. Jamie sucked in a breath as she gently pulled the waistband tight to unbutton each of the little silver buttons. When she was finished, she pushed the pants down and urged her companion to step out of them.

Now Ryan stood in her bright yellow t-shirt and her tight knit black boxers. Jamie didn't quite know where to start to get what she needed. She wanted more skin contact, but she knew they were treading on dangerous ground. So instead she wrapped her arms around her and slid her hands up her back to remove her bra. She handled the closure pretty well, given her lack of experience from this angle and as soon as the garment was loose, she ran a hand up each sleeve to pull it from her shoulders. Her hand snaked up the front of the shirt and quickly whisked the lacy black item away.

Okay
, she warily thought to herself,
I've got her nearly undressed, now what do I do with her?

Ryan obviously sensed her indecision and tried to offer a reassuring gesture. She sat on the edge of the bed and gently wrapped her arms around Jamie's small waist. The long, tender hug they shared seemed to relax Jamie a bit, and she soon began to rub Ryan's back through her t-shirt. The last thing on Ryan's mind was her back as Jamie's perfect breasts rubbed against her face. She fought with every ounce of her self-control to stop herself from sucking one of the tender mounds right into her mouth, but she satisfied herself by inhaling their sweet scent as deeply into her lungs as she could manage.

Without conscious thought, Ryan's hands had dropped to rest on Jamie's sculpted backside, and she began to knead the firm flesh with a slow, throbbing intensity. Jamie was very conscious of the massage, and she knew they were headed right for a cliff.

Gathering her wits, she leaned over gently and placed a wet kiss on Ryan's lips. Holding her face in both of her hands she whispered, "We have to stop, Honey. It's too much."

"I know," Ryan nodded weakly. "We stop now—or a week from now."

"Yeah," she said as she gave her generous partner another kiss. "But I really want to keep going. Bad idea?" she asked, gently lobbing the grenade at her lover as she pulled the pin.

Of the millions of neurons firing in Ryan's brain at that second, nearly every one thought Jamie's hesitant suggestion was the best one they had ever heard. But one tiny holdout reminded her that she had made a promise to hold back. She knew that breaking that promise would be terribly pleasurable, but that the pleasure would have lasting repercussions.
So she looked up at Jamie's hopeful face and spoke the hardest single syllable she had ever been forced to say, "Yes." Looking directly into her partner's eyes she reiterated, "It's a very bad idea, Honey."

"Are you sure?" she asked again, running her fingers up and down Ryan's sensitive face.

All of Ryan's early religious training flew into her mind, and she mused that this must truly be the voice of the devil. The nuns used to tell her that temptation didn't come from a scary-looking horned creature; it came from normal-looking people who tried to convince you to abandon your principles and your morals for physical pleasure. She fought back the only way she knew how. She imagined that this was a contest, and she hated to lose no matter what the contest consisted of. Strangely enough, the image worked, and she gently pushed her partner away and stood up.

"I'm completely sure," she said firmly. "Now I'm going to get ready for bed." She brought her hand over to Jamie's damp forehead and brushed the hair away with her fingertips. "When you're ready, I swear we'll make such wonderful love that you'll be glad we waited." With that she stepped into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

When Ryan emerged twenty minutes later Jamie had changed into some loose-fitting cotton pajamas. She was lying on her back with the sheet and blanket shoved down by her feet. The window was open and a cool breeze flowed through the room as Ryan crossed over to the dresser and once again pulled Jack's sweats out. She had a big towel wrapped around her body and she shot a tentative glance at Jamie as she passed.

She was greeted with a warm, tired-looking smile from her lover's still-flushed face. "Hurry up and get in here," she demanded. "It's lonely without you."

Ryan ducked back into the bath and quickly put on the now-familiar clothes. As she closed and locked the door to the bath, she hopped in next to her lover. "Nice hand-held shower massage," she intimated with a chuckle.

There was no response for a minute, and as she leaned over her partner, Jamie's timid voice carried back to her. "Mad at me?"

Ryan leaned over at far as she could in order to make eye contact. "Of course not! Why would I be mad at you?"

"Cause I tried to manipulate you into breaking our agreement?"

Ryan laughed gently as she settled back down behind Jamie's warm body. "Well, I did have a flash of you as the devil incarnate, which helped my resolve," she admitted with a laugh. "I just hope I didn't hurt your self-confidence by saying no."

"No, I could tell that it wasn't from lack of interest," she said with a laugh.

"I have honestly never been more interested in anything in my life," she conceded. "But we're in this for life, Jamie, and I want to fulfill your wish to make our first time special. Having to be quiet and worrying about Cassie being in the next room just would not create the kind of atmosphere that I know you and I both
want."

"I completely forgot she was even there!" she moaned.

"That's why you have me," Ryan said as she nuzzled against the back of her neck. "I'm the voice of reason."

"Well, I'd give you a solid A minus for your performance tonight."

"A minus! You've got to be kidding!"

"We wouldn't have gotten that out of control if a certain pair of big strong hands hadn't started massaging my butt in the most erotic fashion I've ever experienced," she chided as she pulled one of the hands in question to her mouth for a kiss.

"A minus seems generous, now that you mention it," Ryan murmured as she gathered Jamie even closer to her body and drifted off into a satisfied sleep.

The next morning they stayed in bed cuddling much later than either was accustomed to. It was nearly eight when Ryan heard the shower start, signaling that Cassie was both up and occupied. "I'm going to sneak out while she's in the shower," she said as she dragged herself to the side of the bed. Jamie was still clutching her tightly, and she was dragged along right behind her. "Gosh I feel so heavy and lethargic today," she teased as the playful blonde
refused to release her. A quick tickle to her exposed waist did the trick, and Ryan jumped to her feet with a laugh. "You're so easy!"

"Someday I'll find all of your ticklish spots," Jamie threatened.

"That will be my pleasure. Especially since all of them are well hidden under my clothes," she playfully informed her.

"Do you really have to go?" Jamie asked as she rolled onto her back and dropped her head off the edge of the bed. "You know, you're even cuter upside down," she said thoughtfully.

"Thanks. Maybe I'll have to walk on my hands more often. And yes, I do have to go, since I did exactly nothing yesterday thanks to you."

"Can you really?"

"Can I really what?"

"Walk on your hands?"

Ryan placed her hands on her hips and regarded her sternly. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do. I just can't imagine that you can do that."

Ryan began to grumble under her breath, but compliantly went to the wall and executed a perfect handstand. When she was sure of her balance, she took a few steps and paused right next to Jamie's still upturned head. "Scoot over," she ordered. As soon as Jamie did so, she flexed her arms and propelled herself onto the bed, landing on her face right next to her startled friend. "I never exaggerate," she said with a dangerously waggling eyebrow.

"Not at all?" Jamie asked with her own raised brow.

"Nope. Not at all."

"Then tell me how you rate as a lover," she purred as she rolled her over onto her back and climbed on top.

"Well, I'm also fairly modest, so keep that in mind," she warned.

"I'm waiting."

Ryan grabbed her by the hips and bench-pressed her into the air, much to the giggling woman's delight. She pressed her into the air and lowered her for a wet kiss as she spoke each word. "I'm…absolutely…positively…stupendous," she promised as she released her grip and welcomed Jamie back into her arms.

She gulped audibly. "Then I'm in deep, deep trouble."

"You have no idea," Ryan purred. As she watched the goose bumps roll down the smaller woman's body, she patted her on the cheek and said, "The shower stopped. I'm really gonna have to make a run for it."

"Just stay in my room all day. I'll keep you as my little captive."

"I'm going to be your little captive who flunks out of school if I don't get busy. And may I say that you have officially proven yourself to be the world's worst study partner!" She grabbed her clothes and made a small circle with her index finger. "Turn around," she said with a cute little grin.

Jamie made an exaggerated display of turning her head while Ryan pulled her jeans back on. "You don't happen to have any of Jack's underwear lying around do you?"

"No, but why…oh!" she said as she remembered the way the evening ended. "Sorry," she said as she wrinkled up her nose in a cute grin.

"As well you should be. I hate riding my bike with jeans and no underwear. I'm going to have to keep some spares here for emergencies."

She was fully dressed now, and she came back to the bed for a few tender kisses. "I'll miss you," she whispered as she placed one final gentle kiss on Jamie's sweet lips.

"See you tomorrow bright and early?"

"Without question," Ryan promised, blowing one final kiss as she snuck out the door.

On the way home from school the next day, Jamie stopped to do a little shopping. She found some new Ralph Lauren boxers that came down even lower than Ryan's current Calvin's. She got her two pair in white, two in gray and two in black, as well as the matching ribbed knit tank tops and a few close fitting tshirts in the same colors and material as the shorts. Then, just as a tease, she bought one pair of panties that would have had to grow a bit to even be considered a thong.
I know she won't like to wear these out but I could
explore her body a lot better i
f she was wearing these. Actually I could explore her body from across the room in these!

Ryan wasn't due for another hour, and she had just laid the gifts out on the kitchen table when the doorbell rang. She waited for a second, but when she didn't hear anyone else come downstairs, she realized she was alone in the house. She spotted a blonde head through the leaded glass window of the front door, but it took a moment for the realization to actually hit her brain. "Mother!" she nearly gasped when she opened the door.

Although Jamie lived only 45 minutes away from her parents' home, her mother had not once paid a visit to the Berkeley house in the three years she had lived there. She and Laura Martin had furnished the place before the girls moved in, but once they were firmly ensconced, Catherine made herself scarce.

"Hello, Jamie," she said softly as she lifted her head for a kiss. Catherine Evans was one of the few people who actually had to stretch to reach Jamie's lips, a fact that had pleased Jamie to no end when she was fourteen and finally surpassed her mother's height.

"W…What's wrong, Mother?" she asked hurriedly.

A flash of pain raced across the smaller woman's face, but she hid it quickly and asked, "Is it that odd to have me visit?"

Jamie didn't want to say the truth so she quickly replied, "Of course not. I'm just surprised to see you, especially without warning."

"Warning?" she asked quietly as another hurt look passed over her patrician features.

"I mean notice," she amended, but quickly decided that wasn't much better. "It's just a long trip to make, given that I'm home so little during the day."

"That's all right dear," her mother reassured her, sensing her discomfort. "I suppose I can't blame you for being surprised when I visit so infrequently."

Yeah, never is pretty infrequent
, she had to admit. "So why visit today?" Jamie asked. She was getting a very strange vibe from her mother, but since she couldn't read her very well, she had a hard time guessing what the issue was.

"I just came by to chat for a while," she said, rather mysteriously. "I'm not interrupting you, am I?" she inquired, her impeccable manners always on alert.

"No, not at all. Would you like something to drink? I have some bottled water."

"That would be nice," Catherine agreed. "I like your kitchen quite a lot. Could we sit in there and chat?"

"Sure, Mother," she agreed somewhat nervously, with her feeling of unease growing.

Jamie went to the refrigerator as her mother pulled up a chair at the table. "Been shopping, Dear?" she asked rather absently as she held up a pair of the boxer shorts. It was obvious that the large shorts would fall off of Jamie, and the tshirts were extra-large as well. She picked up the tiny black panties that were also clearly labeled large, though they were anything but, and stared at her daughter with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Uh…yeah. Just shopping for a friend," she explained as she gathered up the clothing and shoved it back in the bag.

Catherine did not comment but her expression grew troubled as she took a deep breath and asked the question that had been burning in her brain since the previous day. "Jamie, I know that we've not been as close as I wish we could be, and I know I've not been your confidant. But I have to ask you a question that's deeply personal. If you choose not to share the answer with me I'll understand. I merely ask that you not lie to me."

Jamie knew that all of the color had drained from her face and she felt that familiar clenching in her stomach.
Oh, please, oh, please
, she begged as she braced herself for the inevitable.

"Laura Martin called me yesterday. She says that Cassie called her in a frantic state over a dispute that you two had."

Jamie merely nodded, hoping against hope that Cassie had the decency to only speak of the fight and not the underlying reason. Her hopes were dashed when Catherine continued. "Cassie claims that you're involved in a lesbian affair, Jamie." She locked her big brown eyes on her daughter's and gently asked, "Is that true?"

She sucked in a few deep breaths, trying to regain her composure without making it too obvious that she was panicking. "I know that one thing is totally true, Mother. Cassie Martin is no friend. She has developed an intense, almost irrational, hatred of my friend Ryan, who is a lesbian. She's tried to convince me not to hang around with her merely because of her sexual orientation, and when I refused, she obviously made up a ridiculous story about us."

"Jamie, the things Laura said were really quite troubling. She said you were feeding each other and kissing and sucking on each other's fingers." Catherine looked embarrassed to even relate this tale, but she had such a worried, pained expression on her face that Jamie felt compassion for her.

"Mother, you know from listening to Daddy talk about trials that the easiest thing in the world is to take things out of context and use them to impeach someone. That's what Cassie does!"

"But how…"

"Look, Mother, Ryan and I were kidding around in a very public place. I'm not the kind of person who would be kissing and sucking on anyone's fingers in public. I gave her a bite of my food, and she acted like she was going to bite my fingers! It was totally innocent, and anyone else would have come up to the table and either teased me about it or at least said hello. But she went home and jumped all over me when I came home. She wouldn't listen to any of my explanations, and we finally had a very big fight. I basically told her that I chose Ryan's friendship over hers, and now she's running to her mother just to get back at me for that. She's a very small-minded, mean-spirited person, Mother, and I feel like I'm well rid of her!"

"But what about living together next year?"

"I've had it with her. I refuse to allow her back in next year!"

"Oh, Jamie, is that really wise? You've known each other since you were children!"

"I can't feel comfortable having her in my house if she's going to go behind my back to try to create trouble for me, Mother!"

"But Jamie, Laura claims that she's concerned about you. I didn't get the impression that she was trying to cause trouble."

"Mother, if you were concerned about one of your friends would you run to her husband or her children with the problem? Of course not! You'd work it out with her alone, if you really cared for her. Cassie telling her mother was a sure fire way to get you upset! That was her goal. I'm certain of it!"

"So you're telling me, unequivocally that you are not involved in a relationship with this woman?" Her deep brown eyes were still intently focused on her daughter's, and Jamie knew that she would be betraying her trust for the first time in her life if she was not honest with her now.

"I'm most definitely in a relationship with her, Mother. She's my very close friend, she's my training partner for the AIDS Ride, and she's my personal trainer. But I do not have sex with her!" She honestly could not decide what felt worse--lying to her mother so blatantly, or once again denying her love and her passion for Ryan. Part of her actually felt that the lie to her mother was the more egregious wrong, since her main reason for lying was that she did not trust her enough to tell her the truth; but she acknowledged that she felt worse about the denial of her love for Ryan.

Catherine looked at her carefully for a moment and finally raised her hand to cup her daughter's flushed pink cheek. "I'm sorry if all of this upset you, Jamie. I know you feel betrayed, but please give it some more thought before you do anything rash."

"I will, Mother. And thanks for your concern."

"Jamie, no matter what you think of me as a mother, I hope you know that your happiness has always been paramount for me. I really regret the distance that has built up between us and I would do anything to close that gap." She reached across the table with her elegant, perfectly manicured hand and lightly grasped Jamie's hand. Gazing into her eyes with a winsome look on her face she explained, "That's the biggest reason that I wanted you to go to Italy with me this summer, Dear. I miss the time we used to spend together when you were younger. It just seems like we have so little time before you'll be involved in a career or married. Will you work with me to try to regain some of our connection?"

"Of course I will, Mother. I miss those times too," she admitted truthfully.

"Remember how we used to try out all the new restaurants in the Peninsula and the South Bay?' She smiled softly at the memory. "That was fun, wasn't it?" The fragile, pained expression on her mother's face made Jamie want to take her in her arms and comfort her like a child. But physical expressions of their love were just something they had never done and she didn't feel comfortable enough with her mother to start now.

"They were fun, Mother. We've had lots of fun together and there's no reason not to have more in the future. We just need to work on making more time for each other."

"Thank you, Dear," she said as she patted her cheek. "Your father and I are just so lucky to have you as our child. You make us both very proud of you."

Jamie fought back a tear as she grasped her mother's small hand. "Thank you, Mother. That means a lot to me."

"Well, I'd better get going if I want to beat traffic," she said as she stood. "How are things going with your preparation for your ride, dear?"

"They're going well, Mother, very well. I'm really excited about it."

"Will you call me when you get back? I'll be worried about you the whole week, you know," she said with a small smile.

"I promise I'll call."

"So what will you do the rest of the summer?"

"I actually had a favor to ask concerning the rest of the summer," she related. "Would you mind if I took Ryan down to the weekend house for a little rest after we get back?"

"No, of course not. You're welcome to bring any of your friends at any time, Dear. Just let the maid know if you want daily cleaning service. And call ahead to have them stock the refrigerator if you wish."

"Thank you, Mother. I really appreciate your generosity."

"Jamie, you're my only child. I'd do anything for you," she said as her voice caught a tiny bit. She gave her daughter a firm hug and turned to leave. As she reached the door she said, "Please be careful, Honey. You're very important to me."

Wow, what was that all about?
Jamie thought as she stared after her.
She seemed so…interested.

Perhaps betraying her lover on a regular basis was making the task easier but, for whatever reason, Jamie didn't feel all that bad when Ryan showed up at six. She decided to hold off on the presentation of the new underwear and grabbed her book bag for the walk to Telegraph. As they were descending the stairs, Mia came walking up the sidewalk. "Hi guys," she said when she caught sight of them.

"Hi," both women replied. "We're going to grab some dinner and then go study. Wanna join us?" Jamie asked.

Mia looked a little uncomfortable, and she stumbled over her words a bit as she obviously tried to come up with a reason to demur. "Ahh, no I don't think I can. I've got to, you know, um…study, and I might go out later, so…"

"That's okay," Jamie assured her. "Some other time."

"Yeah. Okay," she said as she dashed into the house without another word.

As they walked down the street Ryan said, "Was she acting funny or is that normal?"

"She's acting funny. I think she might be having an attack of homophobia."

"Really? She's never seemed uncomfortable with me before."

"It's not you," she said quietly. "It's me."

Ryan stopped abruptly and gazed at her partner carefully. "Did you tell her?"

"No. This is what I was hiding from you on Friday. Cassie was at Sufficient Grounds on Thursday night and she saw us feeding each other."

Ryan closed her eyes and allowed her head to drop back against her shoulders. She shook it slowly a few times, long dark hair twitching against her back. "Oh, Jamie, I'm so sorry," she soothed. "I…I forget what it's like to not want others to know. I really apologize for being so obvious."

"No, it's certainly not your fault, Ryan. I just need to get over it."

"Jamie," she said quietly as she took her hand. "This is a big change for you. I want you to have the time and the space to only go as fast as you are comfortable with. I feel responsible for encouraging you to be more open than you're probably ready for, and I truly apologize for that."

"No, I'm the one that needs to apologize, Ryan," she insisted as she blinked her eyes and tried to summon her courage.

"Why?"

"Because I told her she was mistaken," she said in a voice so small Ryan had to bend over a little to hear her.