Beginnings - SF2 (17 page)

During the rest of their walk, Ryan serenaded her appreciative friend with a soulful rendition of 'If loving you is wrong, (I don't want to be right)'. The song was unfamiliar to Jamie, but Ryan explained it was a cheesy pop song from the 70's. Her knowledge of music never ceased to amaze, but what Jamie really appreciated was how catholic Ryan's tastes were. She could sing songs from every era, and she seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of appropriate songs with their lyrics stored up in her pretty little head, ready to be retrieved when the situation warranted.

As they walked along, Jamie began to wish that they were walking to at least Oakland, rather than the few blocks they had planned. Ryan's natural flair for performing was out in full force tonight and Jamie was as pleased by that fact as she was amazed. They were on a fairly well traveled street with occasional pedestrians and a constant trickle of cars passing by, but Ryan was belting out the song with every bit of her considerable charm. A chill ran down Jamie's spine and she actually shivered a bit as she considered the immense self-confidence that her lover possessed. Even though her own voice wasn't bad, she had never had the nerve to sing for Ryan in private. But here was this gorgeous creature, singing a soulful song at full voice, complete with tiny hip gyrations, on a busy street in the middle of the evening.
I don't think it will be humanly possible to ever tire of this woman
, she thought with a self-satisfied smile as she squeezed her hand tightly.

As they walked down Telegraph, Jamie spied one of her favorite vintage clothing stores and decided to go in. Ryan froze just a bit, and tried to decide whether to follow her in or not. Trying to avoid a potentially uncomfortable situation she said, "You go on in. I want to look at some CD's."

"Come with me," Jamie urged. "I need your approval before I buy any new clothes, don't I?"

"The last thing you need is clothes," Ryan teased. "You've got more clothes than I have um…cousins!"

"I don't have nearly that many," she laughed. "Come on. I want some dykier clothes for going to the bar with you."

"You don't have to butch it up, Jamie. You look wonderful no matter what you wear," she insisted as she tried to guide her past the store.

But the little bulldog was not to be deterred. She looked up at Ryan with a suspicious glance and asked, "Why don't you want me to go in here?"

"It's not you, it's me," she admitted. "I kinda know the owner, and I don't want to make her or you uncomfortable."

"Did you have a bad parting?"

"No, but I think she…oh, I don't know. It's silly to speculate what she might have thought."

"Are you being intentionally obtuse?"

"No, it's inadvertent," she laughed.

"Look, Romeo, given how many women you've known, we're going to run into this problem every once in a while. I'll just have to learn how to cope with your past."

"Okay," she agreed. "She might not even remember me."

"Yeeeah," Jamie nodded. "That's pretty likely."

The woman was sitting right behind the counter just as she had been the last time Ryan visited the store. She didn't really look up from her book when they entered and shortly thereafter another customer took a number of items up to the counter, effectively distracting her. "That her?" Jamie asked quietly.

Ryan nodded and tried to look inconspicuous while her friend looked around for some new tops. After 20 minutes she was practically hanging from one of the overstuffed racks, reminding her how much she hated shopping. Jamie was trying to decide from among five different blouses, and Ryan finally decided there was only one way to get her to move. She walked over and stood next to the counter, waiting patiently while the woman lowered her book. "Can I help you w…" she started to say, but swallowed the end of her sentence when she saw Ryan looming in front of her. A smirk crossed her face as she said, "Took you long enough! A woman could get a complex waiting for you."

"It's certainly not because I was dissatisfied with my experience," Ryan purred in her old predator voice.

"She's been otherwise occupied," Jamie piped in, having appeared out of thin air to possessively slip her arm around Ryan's waist.

The woman blushed deeply and Jamie immediately took pity on her and apologized, "Sorry I'm so overprotective. She's just…"

"Yes, she is," the woman said appreciatively. "Well, congratulations, anyway."

"Thanks," Jamie said as she piled all of the shirts on the counter.

A few minutes later Ryan teased her for her inability to make up her mind. "I didn't really want all of them," she lamented. "But I wasn't going to let you talk to her all alone!"

"And you say I smother you!"

"Well, you're a very valuable asset. I'm just protecting my goods. Say, how long did you go out with her?"

"Not very long," she prevaricated.

"What's her name?"

"Um, not sure," she replied.

"That's funny, you're usually very good with names," she said as she tried to fish for information.

Ryan finally gave up. "I can't remember them if I don't know them, Jamie. I spent a total of one hour with the woman, and yes, we did have sex. Happy?"

Jamie stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and asked just one question. "Why?"

"Why what?" Ryan asked, looking cornered and a bit irritated.

"Why did you have sex with her?"

"Because I could," she spat as she shoved her hands in her pockets and strode off down the street.

But Jamie wasn't going to be tossed aside so easily. She ran down the street and grabbed Ryan by the back of her waistband. "Wait please, Ryan," she begged. With a deep sigh the brunette stopped, but her eyes were flat and cold when she turned to face her lover. "Let's stop for some dinner to cool off a little, okay?"

She shrugged her broad shoulders but didn't otherwise refuse, so Jamie took her hand and led her to Intermezzo, a little sidewalk café where they could order some nice salads. After their order was taken, Jamie grasped her hand across the table and softly said, "I don't believe you."

"Pardon?" Ryan replied archly, still angry.

"I don't believe that's why you had sex with her. That's not who you are."

"That is who I am, Jamie. I used women just to fill myself up. It makes me sick to think of you eventually meeting more and more of these women, because I know what you're thinking," she grumbled.

"One-that's not who you are, two-you don't know what I'm thinking. Which point do you want to talk about first?"

Ryan finally had to laugh a little at her approach. "Number one I guess."

"Okay, do you remember your encounter with her?"

"Yeah, of course I do. I wasn't drunk or anything."

"Okay. Tell me how it happened."

Ryan sighed heavily as she related the tale. "I was in there trying on clothes and she came up and started to flirt. I flirted back and she just kept coming on, so I eventually asked her if she wanted to go get coffee. She couldn't leave so I suggested we use her office for a little love. She didn't protest, so we did. It took less than an hour, including the time it took me to try on clothes."

"How did you feel?"

"I felt good. It made me feel sexy and powerful. I liked that I could talk her into doing something hot right in the middle of the day with a total stranger."

Jamie didn't really like that answer. She hated to see Ryan in such a brutal light, but she decided that she needed to know her lover fully, even when it was painful. "Was she good? Did she please you?"

"Um, she was very responsive. I think she would have been a good lover."

"But you don't know?"

"Um...no. I touched her, but I kept my clothes on."

"Why?"

"Jesus, could you ask broader questions?" she asked in frustration.

"Please think about this, Ryan. It's important to me."

"All right," she said as she took in a deep breath. She closed her eyes and concentrated for a few minutes before she said, "It just…I don't know…it was too intimate," she finally said.

"So you didn't do it for sexual release?"

"I suppose not. At least not directly."

"But you wanted to touch her. It was your idea, right?"

"Right. I definitely wanted to touch her."

"Why?" she asked again.

"Because she was cute and she looked like fun and I was a little horny. Why else would I do it?"

"Well, when I'm horny, I'm interested in being touched. Doesn't that make sense?"

"Yeah, I guess. But I'm not like that. I like touching."

"Not at the bar the other night," she reminded her. "You wanted to be touched. Quite a lot, if my memory serves."

"But that's different. I know you and I want to be your lover. You really excite me, Jamie."

"Granted. But why did you want to touch her? Let yourself feel how you felt when you decided to bring it up."

Ryan closed her eyes again and furrowed her brow. When she looked up, she looked very young and very fragile. "I…I was lonely," she admitted. "This happened just before school started this year. I'd had kind of a tough summer and I hadn't been out very much. I just needed to connect with someone, but I was feeling vulnerable and I didn't want to open myself up too much. So I touched her and gave her some pleasure, and I felt a little better."

"Ryan, honey," Jamie said as she took her hand. "You didn't have sex because you could. You had sex because you needed to. As confident and as self-assured as you are, you need a lot of touch. Your good looks and your charm have allowed you to get a lot of touch without having to risk too much. You were just trying to fill yourself up, Ryan. You weren't just making another notch on your belt. You're not like that. You just tried to fill your need in the only way you felt comfortable with."

"Do you really believe that?" she asked with her trusting deep blue eyes wide open.

"Yes, I do. You weren't using people to satisfy your sexual urges. They were actually using you. You gave sex to get connection and touch. I think you would have been as happy to stand in that store and hug for a few minutes."

"No, you're wrong there. I really enjoyed touching the women I was with. I loved trying to please them. It just filled me up to watch a woman throw her head back and have a great orgasm just because of the way I touched her."

"I think you just programmed yourself to feel that way," Jamie theorized. "I think your early sexual experiences were much more about touch than sex, but once you realized you were good at it, I think you used it as a way to get what you needed without having to reveal too much of yourself. I think you used a false intimacy as a way to avoid real intimacy. And that's the biggest reason that I feel so honored that you've chosen me to be intimate with. It's easy for you to be physically intimate, but much harder to be emotionally connected. And for me, I can have emotional connections easier than physical ones."

"So we both have some work to do, huh?"

"Yep. But there's no one I'd rather work with than you."

"I'd love to practice being intimate with you tonight," Ryan murmured as she lowered her eyes to lock onto Jamie's.

"And I'd love to practice being physical with you," she replied with a sexy growl. Ryan's hand dropped under the table to run up and down Jamie's leg as she continued to hold her gaze.

Jamie swallowed audibly as she dug into her pocket for $20. She tossed it on the table and grabbed Ryan's hand, brushing past their startled server. "Feed the homeless," Ryan instructed as the server placed their meal at the now empty table.

It was fairly obvious that studying was the furthest thing from Jamie's mind as she tore up the stairs to her bedroom. Ryan followed along obediently, terribly relieved that neither roommate seemed to spot her. When they were safely locked inside, Jamie turned her stereo on to the classical station to provide some background noise and pounced on Ryan like a hungry dog on a bone. "Be gentle," she begged as Jamie tossed her to the bed and climbed aboard her body.

"Is that how you like to be touched, Ryan?" Jamie whispered as she leaned down and hovered just over her partner's flushed face, her warm breath tickling Ryan's face as it floated past. "Do you like to be touched gently?"

Trying to summon enough saliva to speak, Ryan went for the easier means of communication and just nodded her head.

"I'd like to touch you gently, Ryan," Jamie whispered, her eyes fluttering closed at the mere thought of how she wanted to touch her lovely body.

"Kiss me," Ryan begged, involuntarily closing her own eyes as her lips parted sensually.

Jamie immediately complied with her wishes, closing the inch distance with a tiny movement of her head. "Mmmm," she murmured. "You taste divine."

Ryan was too intent on the gentle assault to acknowledge the compliment. Her mouth opened slowly as she sucked lightly, drawing Jamie's silky smooth tongue into her mouth. She felt her hips jerk as the sensation slammed into her central nervous system, and she heard a small moan rumble deep in her chest.

Just when she thought she was as hot as she could get, Jamie pulled away and shyly asked, "Do you mind if I touch you a little more…intimately? I need to feel your skin under my hands."