Being Celeste (13 page)

Oh, now I know why all pathetic losers are
packed at Trevor’s aerobics class, because tae-bo is jam packed with good
looking people, who are in shape I might add. All the girls are toned and all
dolled up in fancy gym wear, showing off their tight six packs. I’ve never seen
these people before, and I’m starting to miss the pudgy twosome. I walked into
the tae-bo class which had a majority of women, obviously there to see Steve
because like Kate, I don’t think they need the exercise. The men are just there
to be around all the hot women attending the class, I should presume. Wait
until they see the latest addition. I hope they don’t find me
that
appalling to attend Steve’s class. That would be horrible. I felt uncomfortable
almost immediately and turned to leave the room. I couldn’t stand to be amongst
perfect bodies, I was intimidated. I saw the whole lot of them stretching, and
imagined myself, stuck in the middle of them, with my flabby arms trying to
escape through the sleeves of my oversized t-shirt, which used to belong to my
father. Steve called me back.

“Where are you going, we are about to
start?” he said, all dreamy and all. He was wearing black tracksuit pants and a
muscle hugging shirt. I wanted to just grab onto an arm and stay there. I
wasn’t even listening to what he was saying to me. “I hope you’re not leaving.”

I cleared my throat, hoping that it was not
me, having inappropriate thoughts about my tae-bo instructor. Because, it would
be inappropriate! An excuse just shot out of my mouth. “No, I’m not leaving. I
just wanted to find a spot at the back,” I replied, pointing to the direction.

“Oh nonsense, Celeste, that is not going to
happen. You are new to this class so it’s best if you come right to the front,
next to
me
.” He smiled and flashed those dimples of his to me.

I tried hard not to smile, because I saw
with the sharp corner of my eye, a lady looking at me with her beady eyes,
probably imagining all sorts of nasty things to happen to me. I guess she was
telling me to get in line. “Yeah, oh- okay!” I said, walking to the front of
the class towards him. I was actually saying yes to one of his arms, and not
him. It has invited me to come and work out next to it, so I will oblige. I will
do as it says. Steve turned the music on, and we began the kick and jab. I know
what I was kicking: all the stresses in my life. And I know what Martha (that’s
a name I made up for her) is kicking, me! She moved to a spot behind me,
right
behind me. I swear I felt a slight touch from her foot, almost taking down my
head. I don’t know what her problem is. I don’t remember ever expressing any
interest in taking Steve all to myself. Besides, why be jealous of
me
,
it’s just...
me
: the ridiculous blob of fat.

I don’t know what to think of tae-bo just
yet. What I
do
know is, it’s very intimidating being in a class full of
the fit and beautiful. I might go back home and work out with the pudgy twosome
and the rest. But Steve is so friendly, and I’ve decided just to hang on
because of him. I just hope Martha learns to accept me. I mean, why be
spiteful, when you look like one of those models in the fashion magazines? Some
people are just selfish and bitchy for no reason at all.

I think the week
went by so quickly. Maybe it’s because I was dreading the time Kate had to
leave on the Friday, and I was left alone, in our life. Of course we’ve been in
contact every few hours. She says she’s staying in a four star hotel, and she
can eat anything she wants. She still forgot to say thank you, but I know that
she’s grateful for the initiative I took. All this time, we’ve been talking
about me. That’s also part of the reason why the week went by so fast. My life
has been evolving around the gym and it’s all I think about. Last week, not
only did I make a drastic adjustment to the kind of person I am, by joining
tae-bo, despite all the intimidation I got from all the hot people in the
class, I began seeing a lot of Taboka. I don’t know how it happened. One day, I
think it was a Wednesday...okay, I
know
it was on a Wednesday, it’s a
day I can hardly forget; in walked part of the soccer squad that morning for
training. I thought I was going to fall over and die right there. They caught
me off guard, and I had no time to hide or anything. I knew their schedule and
I always try avoiding going to the gym at the same time as them. Part of mine
and Kate’s healing process was to avoid all temptations from our previous
stalking victims. As soon I saw Taboka, walking in through the doors of the
gym, I was dumbfounded. I could not believe that I had been that stupid to stop
hoping that one day, I would be married to him. He was so good-looking, even
better than before. Of course I told Kate all about my feelings, almost like a
confession to a priest. She ordered me to stay on track. But it was going to be
hard. It’s like putting meat in an unbreakable glass box and giving it to a
lion.

So, on Thursday, there they were again. I
took it as a sign. The previous day I had read on my horoscope that it would be
a day filled with unexpected opportunities. There I was on the spinning
machines, minding my own business and jamming out to my impeccable collection
of music on my mp3 player, when the group of soccer studs came by to spin along
with me. It was almost like fate. I was right at the last spinning machine at
the back, in the corner, when Taboka’s friend, Thabang, came to the spinning
machine right next to mine. And of course, I guess they are inseparable like
Kate and I, because Taboka came following behind him and used the machine that
was next to him. I wished they could swap so that I could sit next to my one
true love. My heart was racing off the charts, exploding with all kinds of
excitement and anxiety.

“Hey!” said Thabang, climbing onto the
spinner.

I really don’t know how to act cool and not
embarrass myself at the same time, but I had to say something. The typical
Celeste that was shy and introvert had to say something and not hide behind a
lost voice. Tae-bo had taught me to be fierce and confident. It just didn’t
teach me how to talk to really cool guys.

“Yo!” I said, with a voluminous tone in my
voice that I’d been keeping buried for ever, exploding out of me. But
Yo,
though?
Who says that any more? I felt a surge of embarrassment and low self esteem
cover up what ever confidence I had collected in the past two weeks, trying to
find myself and all. I wanted to leave right there and then, or at least have
the earth open and swallow me up for good.

“I know you, right? The girl from the
boutique the other time!” he said.

It was weird that he remembered me, really
weird. And he did not see right through me, the fact that I was panicking and
feeling all low and shitty inside for saying
Yo
to him. In fact, at that
moment, I began doing a mental victory dance to celebrate. But I had to
remember not to get carried away because I was in the middle of a conversation.
“Yes!” I don’t know why this came out of my mouth, but I said it anyway because
that’s what you’re supposed to say, I guess. “Other time? I don’t think I
remember you.” I gave him a glacial look with a hint of confusion. Again, it
just came out. Almost like it was stored and waiting for the right moment to
display itself. Now he was going to think of me as a loser for pretending like
I did not know him, I don’t think I’m much of a great actress.

“Yeah, I was with Taboka over here,” he
said, pointing to his handsome friend on his right and moving so that I could
see him. Taboka gave me a cool nod to say
hi,
almost causing me to fall
off the machine. Thabang seemed like the really friendly type. His face was
just gleaming with delight, from the fact that he was trying to jog my memory,
which I was pretending to have lost. “We were collecting a coat for our coach.”

I paused and pretended to be deep in
thought, trying to remember them. But the thing is, that’s what I was supposed
to do. If I had jumped up and professed how I remembered them, I would seem
like an available desperate nobody without a life...which I am. I shook my head
and sighed. “Hmm, you see,” I began, adjusting the knob on the spinning machine
to tighten up the pedals, while keeping the same speed with my legs...I
regretted my choice after a few seconds, as my legs were burning like hell. I
did not have the guts to turn it down because I had to make it seem like I was
on my way to be being the fittest person on the planet. Besides, what kind of
fat girl wants to look like they are unable to exercise in front of hot boys?
Anyway, it was part of the act. “We get a lot of customers at the boutique,
it’s very hard to remember who came by through the day.” That was a lie of
course, but it was working. He looked a little disappointed that I had no idea
who he was. I wondered if he would bring up the fact that I was frozen up like
ice cream and couldn’t say a word because I was really weird. But he didn’t. He
just smiled and began cycling. His friend Taboka had already begun. Thabang
turned to him and told him something which made him laugh, I don’t know what. I
didn’t care because it gave me time to turn down the pressure from the cycling
machine. My legs were almost ripped from my body, and I was sweating more than
usual. But I
did
get to hear Taboka’s sweet laugh, it was of an angel.

Thabang turned back to me. “So, how often
do you workout here?”

Oh no, he’s actually talking to me. I had
not planned for such an event. But I had to follow what my star sign had said
and take up the opportunity. I was hoping that the opportunity would be his
friend Taboka, joining in the conversation. I watched him, as I was facing
Thabang, ripping through the spinner like it was a piece of cake. He had no
idea that just a couple of weeks ago I had followed every update he made on his
profile, on the internet.

I cleared my throat. “Oh, Mondays through
Friday.”

“That’s cool, we do too.”

Why was he being so nice?

Thabang stopped his spinning machine and
hopped off. He was very giant tall-like. I had never seen him in that kind of
respect. And he was good looking, almost overshadowing Taboka. Maybe it was
from all the attention he was paying me.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you around
then...eh, what’s your name again?” he reached for his sweat towel and wrapped
it around his neck, a friendly smile washed on his face.

Oh gosh, what’s my name? I forgot my own
name. I smiled, trying to buy myself some time. My heart was about to escape
from my chest, and it was not because I was tired from working out. I felt numb
all over, but refreshed by all the impulsive and spontaneous events that had
taken over to what seemed like a slow day. I had never had a conversation like
this one before, believe it or not. I wanted to sing it loud and proud, my
name; I just had no idea what it was.

“Alright then,” he said, turning to leave.

No don’t leave, I’ll remember it, I
promise. It’s right at the tip of my tongue!

“I’ll get it sooner then you think. My
name’s Thabang, by the way.” Then he walked away, with Taboka following right
behind him.

Immediately after all that was over, I
rushed to the changing rooms and ran for it. I don’t think anyone saw me leave,
not even the gym staff. It’s kind of amazing considering my size, but I buzzed
through unnoticed, off to see Kate at the boutique to tell her all about my
amazing conversation with a guy, and not just
any
guy. Then I regretted
not telling him my name. This is because Taboka was sitting right there,
listening on to what we were talking about. He would have picked on my name.
Now he just knows me as crazy no-name girl at the spinning machines. Kate was
very envious of my situation, because I could see it in her eyes. She also
commended me on the way I acted. She was proud that I actually carried a
conversation with someone, and very well. Kate also went as far as telling me
that she was going to consider my manoeuvre of not telling a guy my name so
quickly in future. She says it’s playing
hard to get
and it makes the
boys go crazy.

I remember when I was still in secondary
school and I tried playing
hard
to get
. This boy in class knew
how to push my buttons, in a positive way. It was the way he walked and carried
himself around his peers. He was also not bad in the looks department. I’d say
I fell in love with his personality instead of his looks; they were just a
bonus. So one fateful day, the teacher made us work on the same project. I
couldn’t believe it. I was very shy in class, one of those girls who hardly
said a word or looked up. Although when I had to, I put a show for people
around me and pretended I was full of confidence and all kinds of sophistication.
I don’t want to brag, but I was everyone’s friend in class and hence, the
funniest too. I just didn’t know how to carry myself when working with my first
love. I’d always worked with Kate on every single project, so I wasn’t ready to
move along to a stranger. He was such a gentleman, and I made him laugh most of
the time we were together. I don’t know why people laughed at my jokes because
most of the time I was poking fun at my size, but they found it funny, I guess.
Even though I cracked enough jokes to fill a barrel, I had a glacial front
towards him, like I wasn’t interested in getting to know him at all. I was
playing
hard to get
. Now that I look back and compare my present days
where I’m wiser, to then, he must have thought me a super-self-centred bitch,
always talking about myself and never about him. So when Kate mentioned that
term and the fact that I had used it on Thabang, I keep wondering if it was the
right kind of
hard to get
and not the one I’ve tried before.