Being Magdalene (21 page)

AS WE’D EXPECTED, FATHER
didn’t reply, but when Abraham rang us the following Friday he said Luke had sent a snail-mail letter to say Father showed my letter to him. ‘Asked Luke if he felt the same. Luke reckons he got pretty quiet when he said it was exactly how he felt. Poor old guy — you’ve gotta feel sorry for him.’

The pain jabbed at my stomach — the first time for weeks. ‘I shouldn’t have sent it. I should have just said I forgave him.’

‘Bullshit,’ Abraham said. ‘Listen, sis — he never once thought about what it was like for his kids to live like we had to. Yeah, I’m sorry for him but I’m sure not sorry he has to face up to this. About time, I say.’

He was right, I knew he was, but I wished I hadn’t been the one to make Father face it.

‘Will he leave?’ Zillah asked as we set the table for dinner. ‘Rachel and Saul might leave too.’

I shook my head. ‘They might, but Father’s stuck. He won’t leave Mother and she won’t leave because
there’s no way she’ll ever let herself see the truth about the Elders.’

Nina set a dish of chicken pieces on the table. ‘She might surprise you.’

‘No she won’t,’ Zillah said. ‘She’ll stay in bed and if Father tries to talk to her she’ll preach at him.’

We talked about it as we ate dinner. Jim said, ‘Kids, this isn’t your problem. You didn’t cause it and you can’t solve it. Understand?’

‘In my head I do,’ I said. ‘But I don’t think my heart does.’

‘It’ll get used to the idea,’ Jim said. ‘There’s no point in dwelling on it, so how about a game of cards this evening?’

So we played our first game of cards, ending up laughing so much that Zillah and I had to lie on the floor to get our breath back. ‘What’s that game called?’ she asked when she could talk again.

‘It’s the Great Pilgrim Special,’ our uncle said. ‘It breaks all the rules of good card-playing.’

Excellent.

On Sunday we went to church with all our family except for Ellen and Kirby who, as they always did, came to our house and made lunch. It had taken me a while to stop offering to stay home to help — it didn’t seem right to let them do the work every week. But they laughed at me and I had to accept they were happy to do it.

As we were walking out after the service, Miriam asked, ‘Who do you pray for, little sister?’

‘Father and Luke,’ I said. ‘My friends too.’

‘Not Mother?’

‘No.’ I tried to explain. ‘I don’t know what to pray for. She believes in the horrible Lord and I’m sure not going to pray to Him.’

She put her arm around me. ‘It’s okay — you pray for Father and I’ll pray for her.’

My thoughts turned to Luke. He’d be at worship for hours yet. I wondered what he thought about when Elder Stephen preached. I breathed a prayer of thanks that Zillah and I would never again have to endure those sermons.

If Elder Stephen knew how we spent our Sunday afternoons now, he would preach about worldliness and wickedness. We had fun and he couldn’t abide fun. Today, Kirby wanted to go for a walk. ‘So what if it’s raining? We won’t melt. On your feet, you lot. It’s just what you need after sitting in church for an hour.’ Even she could tell nobody was going to put as much as a finger outside into the rain, but that didn’t stop her from trying to persuade us.

The phone interrupted one of her more passionate attempts. I was curled up in a corner of the sofa, closest to it, and picked it up. ‘Magdalene speaking.’

I waited, but there was only silence. ‘Hello?’

‘Magdalene, this is Luke.’

‘
Luke?
Have you got … what’s happened? Are you all right? Hang on, I’ll put you on speaker. Everyone’s here.’

He spoke quickly. ‘I can’t talk long. This is Brother Ebenezer’s phone. They’re here, and so are Rachel and Saul. More people are on their way.’

‘Luke, where are you? Are you at worship?’ Zillah asked.

‘No. At home. Listen, I’ve got to be quick, so short version. Elder Stephen started preaching about Mother being sick and sinful. Father rushed up to the stage, grabbed the microphone from him and told everyone our leader is a false prophet.’ He paused, then added, ‘There was a bit of a fuss.’

I was speechless. So many thoughts clashed around in my brain. Father had protected our mother but not us — not me, Zillah or Miriam, and he’d just watched when the Elders punched and kicked Daniel. I didn’t know what to think or what to feel.

Jim said, ‘A
bit
of a fuss? Yeah, I can imagine. Where’s it at now?’

‘Big discussions about to happen. Half the people stayed with old Stephen. A lot are starting to arrive here. A few have gone home crying. Look, gotta go. Tell Abraham and Daniel, will you? I’m going to try to call Abraham tomorrow. He can tell you any news.’ He finished the call before we could say goodbye.

Rebecca jumped up and danced around the room. ‘I’ll see Rachel again. It’s happening. I can’t believe it.’

Zillah pressed in beside me on the sofa. ‘He protected Mother but he didn’t protect us.’

I held her tight and didn’t say anything. Our father’s action had said it all.

Miriam booted a cushion, then flung another one after it. She stomped around the room, raging and swearing. Zillah and I huddled together in our corner, watching her. If he’d protected her when she was
fourteen, none of this would have happened. None of us would have had to run away. We’d all still have our parents and all of our brothers and sisters.

I sighed. Zillah pulled away to stare at me. ‘Are you all right, Magdalene? Are you going to faint?’

I tried to smile. ‘I’m fine. I was just thinking it’s lucky I wrote to him before this happened. I’m not sure I do forgive him now.’

Nina must have left the room at some point, because she came back with an armful of raingear. ‘We need fresh air and exercise. We’re going out into the weather, family.’

The following morning, Zillah jumped out of bed the way she always did now. ‘I’m not going to think about Father today. I’m going to wait till Abraham rings.’

‘Good idea.’ But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Luke probably wouldn’t go to school today. Brother Joseph mightn’t let Luke on the bus if he still believed Elder Stephen spoke the word of the Lord. I hoped my friends were all right. Carmel’s father would probably keep on believing in Elder Stephen, but Jemimah’s father might not. If he took them out of the Faith she might find Neriah again, and Carmel would be left with no friends.

Yesterday’s storm had ripped at the city during the night and was still raging. ‘How about I drive you this morning?’ Nina asked.

‘It’s not raining very hard,’ I said. ‘Thanks for the
offer but I’ll walk. I love the wind.’

‘Zillah?’ my aunt asked.

I could see my sister working out which way would get her to school soonest. ‘I’ll go with Magdalene,’ she said after a moment. ‘Thanks though.’

Outside, the wind sliced at us, bashing and tussling. If we tried to talk, the words got snatched from our mouths. It shoved and pummelled us, and if we’d been wearing Faith clothes instead of jeans our skirts would have been flying round our ears. Such immodesty. I laughed. We were free now and, by tonight, Luke might be as well.

At writing time, Miss Jacobs told us to write about the storm.

I knew it wasn’t a good piece of writing, but it was what I wanted to say. Miss Jacobs leaned over my shoulder to read it and said, ‘It’s the little things, isn’t it? They all add up to being able to be who you want to be.’

OVER THE NEXT FEW
days we heard that the people had split into two groups. About half stayed loyal to Elder Stephen, while the rest followed Brother Ebenezer’s breakaway group. Brother Ebenezer didn’t know which group Rachel and Saul had chosen. ‘They aren’t with my group,’ he said, ‘but they’re not going to Elder Stephen’s services either.’

Rebecca was beside herself. ‘They might have left. They might be out in the world right now and I don’t even know.’

More days passed. Abraham rang each evening to tell us any news from Brother Ebenezer, but nothing was different. Mother still kept to her bed. There was still no sign of Rachel and Saul.

‘Where is she?’ Rebecca asked. ‘Why doesn’t anybody know if they’ve left?’

But I knew why. Rachel and Saul would be staying home, praying for guidance. They wouldn’t welcome other opinions because they would want to be sure they were truly following the will of the Lord. I talked
about it with Zillah but we knew it wasn’t any use trying to tell Rebecca. She’d been away from the Faith too long to remember the good things about believing in the Lord, in striving to live a good and godly life.

‘Do you want to go back?’ Zillah asked. ‘Brother Ebenezer would be a good leader. He’d be kind to you.’

She wasn’t anxious about how I’d answer — she didn’t need me now, but it no longer hurt my heart. ‘No, I don’t want to go back. If I did, I’d be like Kirby was when she had to be Esther.’

In October, at the beginning of the last school term for the year, we got another email from Luke, a long one this time.

‘He didn’t say anything about Rachel,’ Zillah said.

Rebecca leapt up to pace the room. ‘I can’t believe he didn’t tell us about her.’ She fired off a text to Daniel. ‘He’s gotta find out for me. I don’t care how he does it — I’ll go crazy if I don’t hear something soon.’

However, before he could discover anything, we got another email from Luke.

Rebecca was still raging when she came to church with us on Sunday. ‘They should’ve just left. Rachel’d love being worldly, once she got used to it. What’s her address, Magdalene? I’ll write to her.’

Before I could think how to tell her it was a bad idea, Zillah said, ‘She won’t read it. She’ll give it to Saul.’

‘And he’ll put it aside until they’re sure they’ve obeyed the will of the Lord,’ I said. ‘You know that, Rebecca. You know what it’s like to love the Lord with all your heart.’

‘And none of your brain,’ our sister said. She was quiet for the rest of the day and every so often she’d wipe her eyes.

I was deeply glad to be in my new life — free, allowed to learn and able to worship the Lord with a joyful heart.

There was much to be joyful about. Daniel and Xanthe came for a weekend in November to talk about their wedding. Jim met them at the airport, and when they walked in the door Luke was with them, his smile the widest I’d ever seen on him.

‘Luke!’ Zillah and I flew at him, crushing him with our hugs. ‘Does Father know you’re here?’

‘He paid my fare,’ Luke said. ‘Not sure how he felt about me coming. He just gave me his blessing and my tickets. He’s very sad these days. Kind of lost, really.’

‘How’s Mother?’ Miriam asked.

‘A bit better. Not quite so shouty. Won’t hear a word against old Stephen, though.’

Zillah looked at me and pulled a face. Mother didn’t sound a whole lot better. If we went back, she’d be preaching at us again before we’d got both feet in the door.

The front doorbell went. ‘That’ll be Ellen and Kirby,’ Nina said.

But it wasn’t. ‘Abraham! Talitha!’ They disappeared in a flurry of hugging.

When Ellen and Kirby arrived, our family was as complete as it was ever going to get.