Authors: Brei Betzold
My Misery Muse
A My Misery Muse Novell
Copyright © 2014 by Brei Betzold
Published January 15, 2014
Publisher Brei Betzold
This is a work of fiction. All characters,
organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the
author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
All rights reserved. This edition is
copywritten by Brei Betzold and any portion thereof may not be reproduced or
used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the
author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. January 2014.
Edited by Tanya Keetch
Cover Design by Okay Creations
(My Misery Muse 2)
(My Misery Muse 2.5)
see an angel up above
the sky in her wake
stars shine bright trying to garner attention
she barely blinks in their wake
watch her sail amongst the sea
realizing how she affects me
believe in a world of fairies and lights
she’s gone from my sight
believe in souls merging as one
she breaks the surface of the sea
believe in a world of untold lies
she says she loves me so
once believe in everything
that was before the mist
pull my angel close at night
to protect her from the world
hold her tight all night
wake in the morning alone
wait each night with my hands held tight
for my love to return
believe in a world of forevers
she’s gone without a thought
believe in a world of laughs so bright
her names a curse from my lips
believe in a world of dreams and myths
I’m left in the cold
once believed in you and me
that was before you left
find her searching for life
I can do is watch her fall
find her milky flesh marred
fingerprints deep enough to scar
promised her once so much of me
to fail to make it that far
once believed in the world of fairytales
daylight shone through cracks
once believed the moon was made of cheese
daylight melted away my naiveté
once believed in the love of two souls
the day you left a cutout in my soul
“Once upon a time…” I began taking a deep breath
of sweet baby girl, “…in a land far, far away there lived a beautiful punk
princess.” I stopped reading and looked over the last few lines again,
giggling into the baby’s neck, once again taking in the scent of warm clean
skin and baby powder. “Caitee, only your mommy would find you a princess story
about a punk princess,” I whispered kissing her chubby cheek. “The spunky punk
princess lived in a glamorous castle deep in the hills of perfection,” I continued
reading as the little girl’s eyes fluttered and she popped her thumb into her
As I read the most ludicrous princess story of all
time, Caitee began to doze, her soft breaths became even, and eventually her
chubby arms fell to her side. I set the book down beside the rocking chair and
snuggled into the warmth the baby provided. I kissed her soft hair and lost
myself in the moment, there were no worries like this, no watching behind me.
There was only the peace of the moment, and I wanted to enjoy it for what it
was. All too soon though the peace was interrupted as it always is when I
heard the little girl’s door open, I glanced up expecting to see her mom or
dad, instead there stood my savior. Only he didn’t realize he was my savior,
and if he were to find out, I’m sure he wouldn’t see it the same as I did.
“Yes?” I asked quietly.
“Devi wanted me to check on you, she said she
hadn’t seen you come down after putting Cait down for her nap.”
I looked down at the sleeping angel and back at
Sam. “I’ve been detained,” I said faking a grin. I missed smiling and
laughing. I missed a time when I didn’t have to fake it. I missed a lot these
He smiled at the sleeping girl. “So I see; do you
need help getting her in bed?”
“No I’ve got it,” I murmured tucking my arms
around Cait and slowly standing trying not to move too quickly. I didn’t want
to wake her up, and I didn’t want cause myself anymore pain.
I leaned over the crib and gently laid her down,
watching as Cait moved around a minute. I laid my hand on her belly, rubbing
in soothing circles hoping that she didn’t wake up. When she relaxed and her
hands once again fell limply into the mattress, I moved my hand away and stood
up straight. Though when I did the pain in my stomach flared and I gasped
quietly but I held back on the urge to touch my stomach or ribs.
I nodded blinking my eyes so the tears wouldn’t
fall, once I was sure they were under control, I turned and looked at Sam.
“I’m fine,” I murmured and headed towards the door
brushing past him.
I heard his footsteps and knew he was following me
“So you missed all the excitement.”
“Oh, what excitement?”
“X, Cin, and Eli.”
I snorted. “Yeah, kinda glad I missed that.”
“What, you didn’t want to watch Eli punch X?”
“Did he?” I asked though not surprised.
“Yep, he did.”
I shrugged. “No, I really don’t need to watch
anyone get punched,” I told him resisting the urge to touch my stomach.
“You don’t seem shocked by it happening though.”
He sighed and bit his bottom lip looking far away
for a minute. “Me either,” he said quietly, “it’s going to get worse before it
I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked
at Sam. He was a handsome man; with his all-American looks gone bad, his
disheveled blond hair, which I’m positive he didn’t actually try to get like
all the rage right now. His bright blue eyes, and lush lips, and scruffy
unshaven jaw, he was many women’s wet dream. The problem was, like the rest of
the members of My Misery Muse he knew it.
“Or they’ll go from bad to worse to catastrophic,”
I told him, then turned to leave, it was time to head home. No, not home, I no
longer had a home. It was time to go back to Sam’s, where I was staying until I
could figure out what to do next.
I stood on the bottom stair and watched as Jules
walked away. Her hips swaying from side to side, and her words reverberating
in my head:
“Or they’ll go from bad, to worse, to catastrophic.”
wasn’t sure if she was talking about X and Cin or something else entirely. I
shook it off though; I didn’t have time to delve into Jules’ life. I’d leave
that for someone else, like Devi. I had my own growing list of demands and I
wasn’t going to add a wild goose chase to them.
I shook off the feeling her words provoked in me
and went in search of X. I needed to find out if his nose was broken or just
bruised. It better not be fucking broken, we were leaving on tour in a month
and the last thing I needed was X to be injured. The man was bad enough to be
stuck on a tour bus with, but an injured X I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle.
I found X sitting on a chair in the kitchen while
Devi pressed an icepack to his nose.
“Fuck Devi, do you have to do it so hard?” X
She took a step back and dropped the ice pack in
his lap causing him to yelp. “Do it yourself,” she grouched.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
Devi looked at me and I could see a promise of
death in her eyes. “Yes, everything is peachy – fucking – keen.”
“So not broken?”
“Not yet,” she growled giving X a look that caused
him so shrink back.
“Did you find Jules?” she asked still watching X.
“I did, she was upstairs rocking Cait.”
“Is Cait still fighting her nap?” she asked and a
look of pain flashed across her face.
“No she’s asleep; I think Jules was just holding
She nodded and I could see some of the tension
drain from her shoulders. “Okay, so where is she?”
“She was heading towards the front door, I think
she was leaving.”
A small crease formed between her eyes and she bit
her bottom lip. “I wish she would have stayed,” she said quietly.
“Is she okay?” I didn’t know why I was asking,
only there was something off from the Jules I had gotten to know over the past
“She says she is, but I don’t know, something’s
wrong and she’s not talking about it.”
I reached over and squeezed Devi’s shoulder. “I’m
sure she’s fine, if she wasn’t you’d know, right?”
She bit her lip and the frown stayed, she nodded
her head slowly and I could tell there was something else going on. Something
that Devi wasn’t going to talk about.
“Okay, I’m going to get him home,” I said pointing
at X. “Then I’m going home, I have some work to do.”
“You still staying at Drake’s?”
“Yeah, until whoever Max is letting stay at my
place finds their own place, or Drake kicks me out,” I said grinning at her.
She leaned up and kissed my cheek. “Drive safe,”
she told me then whispered, “Don’t kill him,” looking at X.
“I haven’t yet,” I told her and grabbed X’s arm
hauling him out of the chair, then shoved him towards the front door.
“Tell Seth I’ll call him in the morning,” I called
“Will do,” she said.
“Oh and tell Drake I said congrats again.” I was
trying to be happy for my best friend, really I was. It wasn’t my place to
tell him I thought he married a woman who wasn’t good for him. It would either
work out or it wouldn’t, that was for them to deal with.
“I’m fine, Max,” I repeated again, I stuck my cell
phone between my shoulder and ear while I dug through my grocery bags trying to
find the keys I dropped in there.
“Jules, what are you doing? Why are you growling?”
“Nothing, just trying to find my keys,” I said
while still digging trying not to put a hole in one of the cheap grocery
sacks. Why did I decide to drop my keys in there? Oh yeah, my hands were full.
“Why didn’t you have them out and ready? Jesus,”
he breathed, “you know it’s not safe, what if—”
“Max, I am fine, I promise,” I said while grabbing
my keys. “Aha!” I exclaimed then wiggled my wrist so the bags slid back. I
shoved the key into the hole and twisted.
“Max, you don’t have to worry about me. You have
more important things to deal with right now.”
“Jules, you know I worry.”
I sighed. “I know you do, and I love you for it.
You’re the very best friend a girl could ask for. How’s your dad today?”
“He’s doing better, but Mom’s not handling it so
“I’m sorry; let me know if you need anything.”
“I will, sweets, just take care of yourself,
“I will, I do.”
“No you don’t, and I saw him today. He was
standing outside the shop.”
“I saw him too,” I muttered looking down at my
wrist; I’d have to wear a pair of cuffs tomorrow to hide the bruises.
“What aren’t you telling me, Jules?” he growled.
“Nothing,” I said finally pushing the door open.
I walked into Sam’s apartment and felt along the wall for the light switch. I
flipped it and stopped to look around his apartment. The apartment Max had talked
me into staying in while Sam was on tour. The apartment that Sam was aware was
being occupied, just not by me.
“Fuck, shit, god damn,” I breathed looking
“Jules,” Max said but I barely heard him, I was
too busy taking in the destruction of Sam’s gorgeous apartment. Tears slid
down my face, I’d done this. I caused this. His things were thrown around,
some broken. I’m sure even more missing. I caused this. I sunk to the floor
wrapping my arms around my knees and took it all in.
“Jules,” I heard Max yelling through the phone
still held to my ear.
“Max,” I whimpered.
“Sweets, what’s wrong?
“Max, help,” I whispered.
“I’m already on my way. Is he there, Jules?”
I shook my head then realized he couldn’t see me.
“No, but he was, oh god Max, your brother’s apartment.”
“I don’t give a shit about his apartment, Jules.
I just want you safe. Can you go next door? Go knock on Sam’s neighbor’s door.
She’s a nice woman; she’ll let you stay there until I can get to you.”
“Okay,” I whispered pushing myself up the grocery
bags still around my wrist and I shuffled back out the door.
“Which neighbor, Max?”
“The one across the hall, Jules. Her name is
Marsha, and she’ll let you in.”
I walked slowly across the hall and knocked, a
moment later an elegant woman in her 30s opened the door. “Hello,” she said
“I’m staying there,” I said pointing at Sam’s
apartment. “Someone broke in, and Max said to come here until he got here.”
Her face became serious and she opened her door
wider and took a step back quickly ushering me inside.
“Why don’t you go sit on the couch, have you
called the police?”
I shook my head still numb to what I had walked in
“Okay, I will do that.”
I nodded and stared out into space, I knew I
shouldn’t have gotten Max involved in my mess. Now look at what I’d caused, I
needed to leave. Go someplace where he wouldn’t be able to find me, where he
couldn’t hurt anyone else.
At some point Max showed up, I wasn’t sure how
long it had taken him to get there. I was engrossed in my own thoughts.
His arms wrapped around me and yanked me off the
couch, swaying both of us back and forth. His hands cupped my face and wiped
the tears I didn’t even realize were there.
“It’ll be okay,” Max murmured and kissed my
I buried my face in his shirt and shook my head.
We both knew it wouldn’t be okay.
“Marsha called the police, they’re already here
and going through everything,” he said quietly. “They’re going to want to talk
to you,” he said easing the grocery bags I hadn’t even noticed off my arm.
“Sweets, look at me,” he said urging my head up.
I looked into his eyes and mine filled with tears
again. “Why won’t he just go away?”
He hugged me tighter “I don’t know, sweets.” He
sighed. “We need to call Cris and Devi.”
“No, no!” I said roughly.
“Sweets, you need to be protected, and as much as
I want to, I can’t do it myself.”
“No, Devi’s pregnant and Cris just moved Ash in
“I agree we won’t call Devi yet, but Cris, let me
call Cris. You know he won’t care, he will want to know what’s going on.”
“I don’t want anyone to know, Max,” I whispered.
“Sweets, that is no longer an option, not after
“Let me think about it.”
He held me tight for a few moments. “Okay, but
hear this, you are not staying by yourself anymore.”
I nodded my head against his chest and took a step
back. “Where are the police? I want to get this over with.”
He let his arms fall to his side and directed me
out the door into the hallway where police were going in and out of Sam’s
apartment. I followed him to a slightly overweight man in a cheap suit.
“Jules, this is Detective Hunt,” Max said
gesturing to the man.
“Hello, Detective Hunt,” I said quietly.
“Hi.” He reached out and I shook his hand, his
eyes lingering on the patch of bruised skin. I let go of his hand and tugged
my sleeve down so they covered my wrists again. Max reached down and grabbed
my arm, stopping the movement and pulled my sleeve up so he could see the
fingerprints that marred my white skin.
“Jules,” he growled.
The Detective cleared his throat. “Miss,” he said
and looked at me expectantly.
“Juliet Shoals,” I told him.
“Miss Shoals, you were the one to find the place
“And you were at,” he looked down at his notebook,
“Samuel Calhoun ’s home because…?”
“I’ve been staying there.”
“And he was aware of this? It’s my understanding
that he’s out of town currently.”
“Yes he’s out of town, he’s on tour,” I told him
then looked at Max out of the corner of my eye, “and yes he knows someone is
He nodded. “Do you have any idea why someone would
break into his apartment?” he asked glancing down at my once again covered
“My ex, I’m staying here because I left my ex.”
“And did he do that to you?” he asked eyes
flicking down again.
I tugged on my sleeves once more. “Evan George.”
“Do you know where we might find Mr. George?”
“Why would he break into Mr. Calhoun ’s
“Money,” I said quietly looking down at the floor.
“Why would he need money, Miss Shoals?”
“For his addiction.”
“Thank you, Miss Shoals,” he said quietly. “If we
have any more questions, we’ll contact you. Unless you’d like to file a report
I shook my head quickly.
He sighed. “Okay, but if you change your mind
here’s my card,” he said handing me a card with his information on it.
I took it and shoved it into my jean pocket.
“I called Cris,” Max told me walking up when the
I sighed in defeat, and tugged on my shirtsleeve.
“You going to press charges against him this
“I think you should.”
I shrugged again.
“Damn it, Jules,” he snapped, “he’s not going to
“I know,” I whispered.
“So will you file assault charges?”
He pulled me in and hugged me, “Good,” he breathed
against my hair. “We’ll work this out, sweets.”
I nodded and followed Max when he went in search
of the detective once again.
A sudden screeching noise had me jerking awake, I
sat up quickly smacking my head on something above me. That’s when it came
back, tour bus bunk, I was asleep in my bunk. The noise came back and I
recognized my ring tone. I reached over onto the ledge and grabbed my cell
phone noticing it was my brother calling.
“What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Want?” I growled. Then
I fully woke up, my brother was calling at who knows what time. “Is Dad okay?”
“Yeah, Dad’s fine,” Max said and I could hear the
strain in his voice.
“Max, what is it? What’s wrong?”
He sighed. “Your apartment was broken into
tonight, Sam,” he said quietly.
“Okay what? I thought you had some friend staying
“I did, she came home and found the place
“Did you call the police?”
“Yeah, they should be calling you later.”
“Okay good,” I cleared my throat. “So you going to
tell me who’s been at my place now? You know, in case the police ask.”
“Jules,” he said quietly.
“Wait, Jules was at my place? Doesn’t she have a
place of her own? I know she does, that little rat hole apartment over by
where Devi and Seth used to live.”
He cleared his throat. “She was living there with
her ex, but she needed some place where he couldn’t find her. So I stashed her
at your place, only he found her.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah mostly, she wasn’t there when he broke in.”
“Long story, I’m waiting at the police station now
for her. She’s filing a report then I’m taking her to Cris’s until we can
figure out what to do next.”
“Max,” I growled.
“It’s not mine, brother.”
“Fine, I get that.”
“I just wanted to call and let you know what
happened. I’m taking care of everything, but you’ll want to contact your
insurance company. I don’t know what all he took.”
“Are we sure it’s him and not some crazed fan?”
“The police are looking into all possible
scenarios, but yeah I’m pretty sure.”
I rubbed my eyes and looked up at the photos I had
taped to the bunk above me. “I’ll call them after I talk to the police.”
“Okay, look man I got to go but I’ll call you
“Yeah okay, talk to you later. Oh and tell Mom
and Dad I love them.”
I hung up and lay back down in my bunk, looking at
the picture that was above me. There was nothing I could do on a tour bus who
knows where, it was another thing to add to my ever growing to do list. I
tossed the phone back on the ledge and covered my face with my pillow hoping to
drown out the voices in my head enough to sleep.