Bella

ISBN:
978-1-291-16494-7

KINDLE version

Copyright © 2012
D.J. Barrett

All rights reserved,
including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof in any form. No
part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled,
reverse engineered, or stored, in any form or introduced into any information
storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic
or mechanical without the express written permission of the author.

This is a work of fiction. Names and characters are
the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons,
living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

I started writing Bella four years ago and have finally
finished it.  I am now working on the sequel which will be available next
spring.

I love writing and hope to write a lot more books in the
future.

I would like to thank my family and friends for helping me
make my first book special.

Thank you mum for giving me your tremendous support and encouragement
over the years without whom, this book may not have been possible.

Last but not least a special thanks to my sister and niece
for editing this book for me.

The author

I never thought I would end up in a
psychiatric hospital. 

All I can hear are screams. They are my
own screams. I have just given birth to my fourth child.

How have I ended up here? Doctors told me
that I have had a breakdown. Why?

Have you ever wanted something or someone
so bad that the longing causes so much heartache and pain?

Outside the wind is howling and banging
the shutters against the cladding.

Now I do not feel I have the strength to
carry on but I know I have to for the sake of my children.
          

Introduction

I
‘
m looking out the window in my room onto a huge
garden, covered in snow. Below is a small courtyard with a couple of benches
and a fountain in the middle. The once flowing water has frozen into small
stalactites, glowing like diamonds when lights strike them and make me think
very much of Christmas lights. This reminds me how my memories keep coming back
to haunt me.

My room
’
s rather plain and simple, just one picture hung
on the wall, a crucifix above the bed, a small table with a vase of orchids on
it next to the wall, and a rather tatty looking armchair in which I am now
sitting.The window is slightly open and there is a cool breeze blowing gently
through my hair. Although the weather is wintry, the sky
’
s clear blue and the sun is shining.

Most of
the time I just sit here and think about my life and what brought me here.

Where am
I?

I
’
m in a mental health institution; after recently
having a nervous breakdown.

My name
is Bella Ferrari; my maiden name is Green and

I would
like to share my story with you.

I
entered this world on 24 December 1975. My mother told me the weather had been
extremely cold that winter and it had snowed continuously for about a week. She
told me they called me Bella because she gave birth to me on Christmas Eve.
They
’
d  just finished
putting up the Christmas tree
when she went
into labour
and collapsed onto the floor with a bell in her hand.

I was
the timid one; and the youngest of us all.

As a
girl I was very plain; skinny and petite with long, wavy blonde hair, which I
used to pull back into a ponytail, and blue eyes.

My
sister Lizzie was very different to me. She was quite tall and slim with a
lovely curvy figure, beautifully shaped legs, an oval face with a small button
nose, a sprinkling of freckles, skin as soft as peaches, and eyes that sparkled
like emeralds when she was excited. Her auburn hair was long and straight which
she usually wore in pigtails when she went to school. She was an extremely
popular girl, especially with the boys, although she was often rather bossy;
however, when she spoke her voice was as soft as velvet. 

My
brother Simon was very intelligent, creative, always had an explanation for
everything, and never let life get him down. He was quite tall for his age and
extremely handsome; he had short wavy auburn hair and hazel eyes. His best
attribute was his character. He was a very loving, kind and patient boy who
always helped me do my homework.

Simon
and Lizzie looked very much alike, but I didn`t resemble either of them.

Father's
name was Ted Green. He was of a medium build, with curly brown hair that always
looked scruffy, sported a rather thick looking moustache and a bushy beard. His
eyes were dark and thoughtful and he always wore his glasses perched on the end
of his nose.

Mother's
name was Sarah. She was short, slim, very pretty with long, wavy blonde hair
and very pale skin, whom I resembled the most.

CHAPTER ONE

S
itting in my bedroom on my favourite window seat, watching
the children play outside. I could see a little girl in her garden playing with
her dolls whilst her brother and sister were playing hide and seek with the
other children.

Mum told
me I
’
d never been one for
playing out. I
’
d much rather read or
draw.

  The
smell of roast beef was making my mouth water, as the lingering aroma wafted up
the stairs and I realised that I was starving.
 
On the way out of my room, I caught my
reflection in the mirror; I stood there for a few moments looking at myself. 
My figure was slowly starting to take shape and my small breasts were starting
to grow.

My hair
was my biggest pride and joy, very long and wavy, which I mostly tied back into
a ponytail, however, this day for some reason I decided to wear it down. Mother
said
jokingly one day that I was the ugly duckling who would
someday grow into a beautiful swan.

  
Running downstairs, I saw father sitting in his
office. I watched him through the doorway, he looked at me through squinted
eyes, with his glasses perched on the end of his nose, frowned and grunted;

  
“
Not now
Bella, I`m really busy.
”

  
“
You
’
re
always
too busy for us.
”
I shouted and banged the door as I shut it.

It was
his usual response whenever we wanted to talk to him. Father was a lawyer and
never home very much, however, when he was, he was always too busy in his
office and never had much time for us children.

   I
laid the table ready for dinner and helped mum dish it up.

Mother
’
s role was to look after the family home;
because dad liked the house clean and tidy, and his shirts neatly ironed. He
always had a firm hand, and mother usually had to back him up even if she
sometimes disagreed.

I heard
the door go; and Lizzie came running in all excited. She looked at mother and
asked.

  
“
Can Ben take me to a dance?
”

  
“
Yes Lizzie, as long as you
’
re back at a sensible hour.
”
Mother replied.

  
“
Yippee, I
’
m going to a dance
………”

Lizzie
had been friends with Ben for quite some time and never stopped talking about
him. He was a year older than her, with dark hair and brown eyes, his big smile
showed a set of perfect white teeth.

   As we
sat round our wooden table for dinner that evening, a feeble light came from
the fire that father had built in the grate and strange shadows cast on the
bare walls. 

I
noticed how quiet my father was, normally we chatted at the dinner table. It
was actually the only time we could speak to him; however, that night you could
cut the atmosphere with a knife. Simon interrupted the silence

  
“
Have you done your homework Bella?
”

  
“
Yes
, of course!
”
I answered.

He
always pushed me to do my homework, telling me if I wanted to get somewhere in
life I had to work hard at school.

   I was very glad to leave the table, the
awkward silence between my parents made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I
helped mum clear the table and wash the dishes. She was oddly quiet, but I didn
’
t ask why. Father came into the kitchen and put his hand on mother`s
shoulder lovingly and kissed the top of her head.

   I
left the kitchen. And as I headed upstairs I heard raised voices which stopped
me in my tracks. I tiptoed to the kitchen door, it was slightly ajar. I could
see mother crying and I heard father telling her everything would be all right.
What
’
ll be alright
? I thought to myself. I felt quite worried at
that moment. I rushed upstairs and sat on my bed and wondered why mother was
crying;
was she ill
?

   I
looked out the window; it was a lovely day, sunny and not a cloud in the sky.
The sea was dark blue and gently brushing up against the lighthouse in the
distance.

My
thoughts went back to mother and why she was upset. I looked down the street,
and noticed a little boy crying; his mother swept him up into her arms and
comforted him. Watching made me feel slightly envious as our mother hadn`t given
Simon and I the hugs we needed. It was always Lizzie that had got the
attention, she was a very demanding child, and that was probably the reason why
I was so much closer to Simon. He was the only one who used to comfort me when
I was hurt or upset, and even used to sing me to sleep when I
was
tiny, even
though he wasn
’
t much older himself. I used to follow Simon everywhere; he
called me his little shadow.