Bella (33 page)

  
“
Why have you been so
secretive mum? I would really appreciate it if you told me everything from top
to bottom without keeping anything from me.
”

  
“
Sweetheart. Are you
sure you are ready for this? I just don
’
t know if you
’
re old enough to understand everything.
”

  
“
I
’
m not a child anymore! I
’
m eighteen next year.
”

  
“
Ok. But first eat up
and then we
’
ll go for a walk and
I
’
ll explain everything
if you really want to hear. I just need to ask you one thing of you, please try
and think about the situation like a grown up before you judge anyone.
”

   After we
’
d finished our pizza
we headed outside. The sky was full of snow and the first few snowflakes of the
year arrived. I started from the beginning and explained everything. Violet is
now aware that Roy
’
s her Grandfather and
Simon and Lizzie are not her real Auntie and Uncle. The positive thing is that
she doesn
’
t seem to be bothered
about it. She told me she loves everyone just the same and nothing has changed.

However,
for her own good I missed out everything about Simon; I am not sure she would
understand that situation.I just hope that I can get away with it and that she
doesn
’
t sense that I
’
ve missed something out.

Fortunately
I got away with it and she accepted what I told her, as being everything. I now
feel as if we can start afresh and hope that the close relationship we once
shared will now return.

  
The next morning Simon and Roy arrived. It was mine and Bella
’
s birthday. We weren
’
t feeling in the best of moods because we knew that Christmas Day
was only a day away and that meant Robert
’
s
birthday and the anniversary of his death.

How
are you supposed to celebrate knowing that the son you loved so much will never
be here again to enjoy this day. His day?

Simon
and I decided that it wasn
’
t the best time to talk and left it for a later date. I didn
’
t feel much like cooking, so Roy took us all out for a lovely meal.

  
“
I don
’
t know how I will get through the next few days. Christmas will
never feel the same again!
”
I said full of despair. I felt like my heart was going to break.

  
“
Bella! Things like this take time. Eventually over the years the
pain will ease.
”
Roy said trying to reassure me as we headed to the restaurant.

Christmas
Day arrived, however none of us felt much like celebrating. We decided to go to
church and give our prayers to Robert.  After the service and prayers, Roy told
me it was time to scatter Robert
’
s ashes. It was
something I didn
’
t really want to do, but I thought it would be my special gift to
him on his birthday, to set him free. I remember the last time we visited this
place when he was alive and he
’
d loved the seaside.

  
“
Mummy, when I grow up, I want to live here.
”
He had said to me. His whispers and laughter followed me everywhere that day.
We walked along the cliff top and when I found a nice spot, I released his
ashes into the air and they were gently carried away by the sea breeze. My baby
had finally been set free and would hopefully be at peace.

We
held hands and said a prayer.

  
“
You
’
re a grown up now my love. Now go and live your life on the
other-side, and your dream will have come true.

Rest
in Peace my sweet angel. I
’
ll never forget you!

I
whispered. I hoped there was such a thing as heaven and Robert would be
watching over us all.

   Now Christmas is
over and I know it
’
s time to go back home. I
’
ve had enough time
for myself and I
’
ve learned to be stronger and how to deal with things better.

Simon and I still
haven
’
t spoken about the past and why he has been so distant. The time
wasn
’
t right, maybe it never will.

   Three years have
passed since Robert
’
s death. Violet is twenty and has become a beautiful young woman.

She has gone to stay
with some friends she made in New York. We often talk on the phone and I have
promised to go and visit her soon.

Simon has asked me
to meet him tomorrow and we both know now is the time to talk.

 
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

They always say
every cloud has a silver lining and I have had my fair share of tragedy; but
most of it I
’
ve brought on myself.

Violet is still in
New York and has met someone. She said it
’
s
early days yet so it is nothing too serious.

It
’
s four years since my darling son passed away and every day is still
a struggle; but as time goes by the pain does get easier and I have learnt to
deal with it.

Finally the day came
for Simon and I to talk. I was sitting on our favourite bench when I saw him
walking towards me waving, just like he used to. This time it felt different,
my heart was pounding. Ever since I read the letter and known that Simon and I
aren
’
t really related and the love we
’
ve
had for each other all these years isn
’
t forbidden and
wrong, I
’
ve dreamt of being with him, but an obstacle stood on our way.

Now I
’
m not married and nothing is standing in the way of us being
together, except the part where I have to tell him that he
’
s the father of my two sons.
All these
thoughts are going through my mind.

I felt as nervous as
if I was going on a first date. Here he is standing in front of me smiling.

  
“
Hello Bella.
”
He said, as he sat down beside me.

The sun was shining
on his beautiful thick auburn hair. He was wearing casual jeans and a tight
fitting black shirt. When he smiled at me I was knocked sideways like always.
We looked at each other and despite knowing each other all these years; he
still managed to make my heart skip a beat.

He took my hand and stroked
my fingers.

  
“
Bella my love. We have to sort this problem out today, once and for
all!  You know we belong together and now there isn
’
t
anybody or anything standing in our way.
”

These are the
words I
’
ve been waiting for all these years, but will he feel the same once
I tell him the truth
? I smiled, wishing I had
nothing life changing to tell him.

We walked together
hand in hand along the beach. The sea was as blue as the sky. The birds were
singing happily and I was with the man I have loved unconditionally all my
life. I didn
’
t want anything else, I just wanted time to stand still. The only
thing I
’
ve ever really wanted was to be with Simon until the day I die.

I knew the moment
had come to tell him the truth. I turned to face him and looked into his eyes.
It
was now or never.

  
“
Simon. I
’
ve got something really important to tell you and you must listen
very carefully!
”

  
“
You can tell me anything Bella. I will always be here to listen.
”

Ohh God! How can
I tell him he
’
s Robert and Liam
’
s father?

Do it Bella, just
do it already!

I told him
everything, throwing out every word. I realised there was no turning back now
and I could see his face changing with every word. His eyes were glazed and I
knew he was hurt and angry. He didn
’
t say a word. He just
walked away leaving me standing there. What else could he do? Tears streamed
down my face and I felt sick to the stomach.

I don
’
t know how long I stood there just staring out to sea. I finally
decided to go home, hoping that he might have calmed down by the time I got
there.

But when I got back
to the house, Lizzie was standing at the door with a puzzled look on her face.
She looked at me searching for answers.

  
“
What on earth have you said to Simon?

  
“
Simply the truth!
”

Weeks have passed
since Simon left and he hasn
’
t returned or been in touch with me. I
’
ve
got a job in a local bar that hasn
’
t been open very
long. I know it
’
s not much, but I will do anything to keep myself busy enough to
keep my mind off things. Liam is in play school and Bella is in primary school.

Everyday I wait for
Simon to call me. I've tried calling him numerous times, but he just hangs up.
His mother called me the other day and told me he doesn
’
t
want anything to do with me, however, she did tell me that Simon had traced his
father a few days after he
’
d left  me and found out that he has a  half brother called Richard.
His dad who lives in Cornwall, on the South coast, is remarried and a
recovering alcoholic. I asked her if she knew where I could find Simon and
luckily she was kind enough to tell me. Lizzie thinks I should go and see him.
She even offered to look after the children while I
’
m
gone.
I did exactly that and I could never have imagined what life had in
store for me.

   There I was in Cornwall standing
outside the address I had been given.
If Simon is here, what do I say?

I walked down the
long drive way to a beautiful thatched cottage. The lawn was neatly trimmed and
hanging baskets were swinging gently by the door. I nervously knocked at the
door. I could hear a dog barking and
laughter coming from the house. I stood there for ages until the door opened. A
man stood there the double of Simon; I knew this had to be his brother Richard.

   
“
You must be Bella?
”
He knew who I was, so Simon must have mentioned me. He asked me to
come in and to take a seat. The room was small and cosy. The ceiling was very
low with beams. It was a typical old cottage with a big open fire. There were
two large leather sofas and a small coffee table and a picture hung neatly
above the fireplace.

   
“
You have a lovely cottage Richard,
”
I
said.

   
“
Have you come here to find Simon?

   
“
Yes.
”

   
“
Unfortunately I
‘
m going to disappoint you. He
’
s
not here, he left yesterday.

  
“
Oh, well then I
’
d better get going. Do you have any idea where I might find him?

  
“
Well, if you are staying in a hotel, then come back tomorrow. He
should be back then.
”
He smiled.

  
“
That wasn
’
t funny you know. Thanks anyway. I will be back tomorrow then.
”

Richard was still
smiling and I couldn
’
t help but notice how similar he was to Simon. His eyes were
identical, his height, figure and he was even as handsome as Simon. I took a
piece of paper out of my bag and wrote my number on it.