Bella's Run (43 page)

‘Crap, Will, you scared the bejezus out of me!’ she gasped. Released from the spell of the stallion’s confrontation, she sagged onto the ground, wrapping her arms protectively around her pregnant belly. ‘What if he’d gone for us, you bloody fool?’

‘You were safe enough, Hells Bells. He was just letting us know he wasn’t happy.’

‘Not happy, all right.’

Will reached down to help her up. ‘You’ve been living in the city too long. Where’s your sense of adventure gone?’

Much later they lay on their backs staring up at the inky-black night sky. After they returned from brumby-spotting Bella had cooked them up sausages and mash washed down with mugs of hot chocolate. She’d then walked out to say goodnight to Will and been captivated by the clearest sky she’d seen since she arrived at Maggie’s place, shining and twinkling its way across the mountains.

Seeing her mesmerised, Will had grabbed her hand and led her down the hill to lie beside him on the riverbank. She couldn’t believe the amount of stars she could see out here – there were millions of them, blazing their little hearts out. Overhead in soft white wisps was the Milky Way; a truly amazing constellation of luminous stars mixed with swathes of misty alabaster. The sky was stunning, way out here with not a light to dim the incredible scene.

As they lay on their backs looking upwards Will touched Bella’s arm gently and pointed. ‘Can you see it?’

‘Can I see what?’ she responded in a reverent whisper, not knowing why she was whispering other than it seemed the right thing to do.

‘A satellite,’ said Will. ‘Up there just coming past the Saucepan’s handle.’

‘There it is. I can see it! I can see it!’ she said again, her voice full of wonder. ‘Gee, don’t they move fast!’ The satellite was moving at least four times the speed of a normal jet.

‘There’s another one,’ said Will as he pointed further to the right of the Saucepan. ‘And another going the other way!’

Bella let out a sigh of wonder. ‘It’s just beautiful. You’d never see anything like that in Melbourne. Not even at Dad’s, probably. There’d be too much light.’ She was quiet for a minute before going on. ‘Do you remember doing this years ago at Gundolin?’

Will didn’t say a word. He just reached out his strong, warm hand and gently took hold of hers, which was resting in the grass. Their fingers instinctively intertwined and nestled together.

Bella didn’t pull away. She probably should have, it was just complicating things. But it was so nice to lie here and be with Will.

After a long while she spoke. ‘Why did you turn away from me, after Patty died?’ She needed to know the answer to a question that was eight years and a lifetime overdue.

Will looked up at the stars. How many times had he asked himself the same thing?

‘I don’t know . . .’ he said. ‘I couldn’t handle it, I guess.’ His eyes tracked a satellite across the sky. ‘Couldn’t handle the fact Patty was gone, your mum was buggered and you were only just alive. I was angry, grieving, I suppose. I shut myself off from feeling because it all hurt too much. Once I knew you were going to be okay, I threw myself into work – it was the only thing I could do to take my mind off it all, to drive it all away. My sister nearly killed you and your mother and she knocked herself off in the process. I was feeling guilty. Horribly bloody guilty. It’s stupid I know, but I felt I should have been driving that day. I was helpless. I wasn’t able to protect or help any of you and I wasn’t able to save my sister from herself.’

Whoa! I really fucked him up, didn’t I?
muttered the voice in Bella’s head.

Bella stared at the man next to her, trying to understand.

Will struggled on, now looking right at her. ‘It wasn’t until Maggie hauled me into her kitchen one day and threatened to hit me over the head with her frying pan that I came to my senses. But by then it was too late.’

‘Aunty Maggie? Where does she fit into all this?’

‘She told me it was okay to grieve, to be angry. She told me to throw away the guilt. It was hanging around my neck like a ball and chain, making me make stupid decisions – like I didn’t need you in my life. I didn’t need more people to love only to have them taken away. I sat at your hospital bedside until they knew you’d pull through and then I bolted to the mountains and buried myself so deep I didn’t know how to dig myself out. Maggie gave me a shovel and a helping hand. I finally realised I’d been a fool. I loved you and wanted you back. So I jumped in my ute and drove to Melbourne. I wanted to bring you home. I wanted to marry you . . . Well, you know the rest.’

And she’d turned him away. ‘What about Prowsy? Why did you marry her?’

Will sighed and looked back up to the heavens. ‘I was lonely, I guess. You were gone and not coming back. I threw myself into the station, trying to build the property up. Once the drought broke and prices lifted I had the money to make a go of the place. Prue was there, persistent. I simply let it happen. I knew I’d buggered up shortly after we’d tied the knot. It wasn’t me she was after, just the chance to be Mrs O’Hara of Tindarra Station, which she fancied was something. It was a shock for her when she realised being Mrs O’Hara meant isolation, bloody hard work and a grumpy, tired old man to keep her company day in, day out.’

‘You’re not old, Will,’ said Bella gently. It could have all been so different had they both only listened to their hearts and been open with each other and talked things through. Instead they’d locked themselves away, alone, and allowed wounds to fester and become diseased. Maybe if she’d heard him out in Melbourne, instead of just cutting him off . . . She should have known he was there for a good reason. But she was too hurt, too bloody stubborn and proud to allow him back into her heart. She’d buried her head in the sand and just wanted it all to go away.

She now realised that by moving to the city, she had run away, and allowed the guilt of surviving the accident to eat at her. What Will had gone through in ten or so months was what she’d been doing for the whole eight years she was in Melbourne. No wonder her relationship with Warren hadn’t worked. No wonder she hadn’t fitted into his world. She didn’t
let
herself belong, hadn’t given her wholehearted love to Warren, preferring to detach herself from anything that might mean something. She’d let her own life and dreams drift away. Warren wasn’t the only one at fault in their relationship. She needed to accept a fair dose of blame herself.

With her head swirling with revelations, Bella tuned back into the conversation to hear Will say, ‘No, I suppose not, but I was old enough then to know better. I should have stayed on my own, not hooked up with some fool who thought farming was prancing around in jelly-bean-spotted gumboots while
Country Style
took photos. She’ll be a lot happier in Scone. At least it’s somewhere near the Southern Highlands those magazines always talk about. Not down here in the “arse end of the world” as Prue used to say.’

‘It’s not the arse end of the world, Will. It’s God’s own country. I’m just realising that. And it’s only taken
me
a decade’

Will chuckled, and Bella tentatively reached out her other hand. He took it gently and tucked it inside his flannie, her fingers splaying snugly against his downy chest. Bella wriggled her way across the space between them and settled herself beside him. Her belly jutted awkwardly against his body and she used his side to prop it up. Warmth flooded between them, and Bella felt more than heard a roaring start in her ears, her head, her whole body.

The baby kicked hard against Will’s side. ‘Hey! Was that the . . . ?’

‘It sure was. It gives me a hard time some nights, when all I want to do is sleep. I read in my baby manual that during the day when you’re moving around it rocks the baby to sleep. But at night when you’re resting, all the baby wants to do is play.’

‘Babies come with a manual; you’re having me on, right?’

Bella laughed. ‘No, you have to work it all out for yourself, but there’s plenty of books and people out there to give you a helping hand.’ The baby kicked again, then wriggled. Then it stilled.

‘What’s going on now?’ asked Will, his hand coming up to her belly, trying to feel something.

At Will’s soft and intimate touch, Bella couldn’t help but feel the competing tremors of lust and sadness. This man would make the most perfect father.

‘Nothing. I think it’s gone to sleep.’ Bella tried unsuccessfully to hide a big yawn. ‘Which is probably what I should do. I’m whacked after that walk.’ And I really shouldn’t be enjoying this so much, she added to herself.

‘Mmm . . .’ The sound made a rumble in the chest so close to her head. ‘I’m heading over to Trin and Caro’s tomorrow. Want to come with me?’

Bella didn’t have to think twice. ‘What time will you pick me up?’

Chapter 41

The fog moved in, thick and fast. It had started as a huge black storm front that seemed to hover out to the west in the late afternoon.

Bella soon realised it wasn’t hovering – not one little bit – and it set her on edge. That menacing grey blanket reminded her of the night of the accident. She shivered.

It swung in insidiously, a rolling bank moving quickly, gulping metres of the open plain in huge bites until there was nothing left other than a heavy mist, which in minutes left her unable to see a hand in front of her face.

They were on their way back from the Eggletons’ after a wonderful day. Will had suggested a detour to the area of loosely scattered plains where the Nunkeri Muster had been held all those years ago. When they were young, free . . . and together. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

Bella looked at Will. His brow was creased, his body taut. Then it all just seemed to relax. ‘Well, at least I know where we are,’ he said. ‘The Nunkeri Plains hut is just through this washout and down a short track past those trees up there.’

Bella gazed out of her window. She couldn’t see any muddy washout. She couldn’t see a track and she definitely couldn’t see trees anywhere. The fog was all-encompassing and had swallowed any landmark she could use to designate a place.

‘I’ll believe you,’ she said, trying to suppress a shudder. Instinctively her hands moved to her belly. Will’s gaze followed her hands. He reached across and patted her knee.

‘It’ll be fine, Hells Bells. Trust me.’ And she did. Then the baby moved slightly to the right, towards the man in the driver’s seat. Bella followed the movement with her hands, laughing a little, easing the tension that was building in the cab. ‘Guess Junior here is all for it. I’d better be as well.’

‘Good girl.’ Will clapped her knee then withdrew his hand to engage the low-range gear stick into four-wheel drive. ‘We just might need a bit of help through this bog hole.’

Bella could feel her muscles tense again.

Will looked across. ‘What did I say, cowgirl? Trust me. Have I ever let you down before?’ Bella threw him a pointed glance, and he had the grace to look sheepish. ‘Yeah, right. Okay, not the best thing to say, hey, but that was then and this is now. I’m an older and wiser version.’ Another look. ‘Okay, delete the wiser. This way is our only option. It’s too dangerous to try and find our way across the plain to the main road in this. We’d only be asking for trouble. The plain’s full of soaks and we could easily get bogged.’

‘What about using the mobile?’ suggested Bella. ‘Call Trin and ask him to come and get us?’

‘Then
he’d
get lost. He doesn’t know the plain that well. Plus the only mobile reception is at Phone Rock.’

‘Phone Rock?’

‘The only place you get mobile reception on the whole plain is at a little rock way over on the other side.’

‘Right,’ said Bella, now under no illusions they weren’t stuck for the night.

‘Righto. I’ll just get out and put in the hubs and we’ll be through this hole and at the hut in no time.’

Will jumped out of the ute and moved to engage the front wheel hubs. Bella looked out the side window and tried to see his shape in the gloom surrounding the front tyre. The only bit of colour she could see was a touch of red from his shirt, which stood out like a fleck on a grey-white canvas of swirling mist.

By the time they arrived at the hut, the world had moved into darkness. The shape of the hut came upon the ute in the beam of the headlights; lights that were otherwise useless in the thick mist. Bella could see rough-sawn, dark timber walls hunkered down, pressing into the earth, trying to blend with the surroundings and succeeding. One with the bush landscape.