Bellissimo Rilascio (Beautiful Release): The Family Series #3 (11 page)

“I just hope we can fix it. Trust was lost. Words spoken I can’t take back. My actions weren’t honest.”

“All you can do is try.”

“That’s the plan.”

“Let’s go get you packed.” The drive home is quiet, apprehension from both of us lingering. She’s worried I’m going to go off the rails if this doesn’t work, and I’m worried I’ll show up, and history will repeat itself. I’ve walked in on a sex-capade once, and I don’t want a repeat.

Flight booked.

Butterflies swirling in stomach.

Luggage ready to be packed.

I stare at the empty suitcase, wondering what I need to pack, how long to pack for. I’m flying blind here, and as terrifying as it is, I know this is the only decision for me.

I call a cab to take me to the airport, and hope all ends the way I want it to. I say a quick prayer, throw clothes in my suitcase, and listen for the cab. In less than three hours, I’ll be in the air, and whether I soar or crash is completely up to the man who holds my heart and future in his hands.

Chapter Fourteen

Dakota

I’m falling. It should terrify me, but it doesn’t. I should feel guilty. I don’t. Lisa is different. It’s not a battle with her, which causes me to question the validity of my feelings. I know what I had with Bianca was real, and I don’t want to belittle what we had, but I smile broader, laugh louder, and fall harder each day with Lisa.

Our weekly dates have become more frequent. We see each other daily and go out three to four times a week. Other nights she cooks for me and has a plate waiting if I’m working late. She’s gearing up for graduation, and I’m wondering what to do for her.

“Hyatt,” my commander barks.

“Yes, Sir.”

“You’ve dodged us all for months. There’s a party this weekend at my house, and I won’t take no for an answer. I understand you’re going back to Miami when this assignment is over, but you could at least get to know your peers.”

I wrack my brain coming up with an excuse. I have none because Lisa has plans this weekend. Family obligations. I nod and get the particulars and promise I’ll be there. I straighten up my desk and head out. Tonight is a quiet meal at my apartment since she’ll be busy studying for finals this week.

I knock on her door before I unlock my apartment. She answers with an easy smile and soft kiss. “Dinner’s ready. I put something in the crock pot, let me unplug it and bring it over.”

“I’ll get it. I don’t have any wine for you, so grab some if you want it.”

“I’m good tonight. I may study later, so I need a clear head.”

Whatever she cooked smells heavenly, and my stomach growls in appreciation. She takes my keys, unlocks the door for us, and busies herself in the kitchen getting plates and dishing up dinner. Chicken and dumplings, staple of the South. “Thanks for dinner, it’s delicious.”

Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink, and I smile. It never gets old seeing her respond to me. “Thank you.”

“Because you have plans this weekend, I didn’t have an excuse to get out of hanging and mingling with colleagues this weekend.”

“Sorry. Believe me, I wish I could get out of being put on display. I’m graduating from college, people do it all the time, and they act like I’m the first.” She rolls her eyes. I can’t help but laugh at her.

“They’re just proud.” I say to her back as she walks into the living room. “I’m proud of you too.”

“I know. I really just want to relax this weekend; I’m exhausted.” She plops down on the couch next and I follow her lead.

“Come here.” I pull her to me and lay her back against my chest and hold her. I kiss the top of her head while breathing in her scent. Sweet, she smells like peaches.

“This is nice,” she murmurs, sinking back into me.

“Would you ever consider moving from New Orleans?”

“I’m not set on living in one place or another. This is home; I was born and raised here. Why?”

“I’m set on Miami, and it’s just something we need to discuss. The future and if we have one.”

“You’ve never wanted to talk about it before. Why now?”

“I know in a few months this case will be over, and I’ll be returning to Miami.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not saying I’ll leave you. That’s why I want to discuss this.”

“Okay. Why are you so hell-bent on going back to Miami?”

“My friends became my family. I have a godson, Angelo, and I miss him like crazy.”

“I didn’t know that, but my friends and family are here.”

“But you said you weren’t stuck on staying here.”

“I’m not. So is he your nephew or just godson?”

“I’m an honorary uncle. In a way. My best friend Bronson and his wife have a son, and I’m his godfather. Bianca is his godmother and Bronson’s sister.”

“Bianca is your self imposed exile?” I didn’t realize I had said her name. Maybe tonight is the night for this talk.

“She was someone I was in love with. My first love.”

I hear her intake of breath, and her body stiffens a little, “What happened?”

“I hurt her.” I explain the whole sordid tale, not sugar coating anything; claiming my fault in it all, and hoping like hell she isn’t disgusted.

“Wow. Do you still love her?”

“Lisa, I don’t know how to answer that.”

“Honestly. That’s what we promised.”

“I always will. Not in the romantic way, but she will forever hold a piece of my heart, and I hope we can be friends some day.”

“Friends?”

“Yes. She shares a huge part of my past, and our lives are intertwined with our friends and her family.”

“What if she forgives you?”

“I don’t think she will ever fully forgive me. Could you?”

She shrugs. “Love is a powerful object. I’m not saying what either of you did was kind, but sometimes you can’t explain that to the heart. It doesn’t always make sense.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m asking you, if she showed up at your door right now, or even next week, what would you do?”

“I don’t work like that. Hypothetical questions don’t make sense to me.”

“Could you reject her if she showed up here?”

Could I? Would I embrace her because I wouldn’t want to hurt her or because I’m not over her?

“Your silence tells me all I need to know. When you figure it out, let me know.” She pulls away from me and goes to leave.

“Wait.”

“No. You need to figure this out. I won’t be your second choice. You haven’t made any promises to me, and I don’t want them if you can’t keep them.” She walks out the door, and I fall back to the couch.

What would I do if she wanted another chance? I try to picture it in my head, but I can’t.

We had closure.

I told her if she walked away I was done.

I chased her, begged for forgiveness. She couldn’t give it to me.

I put her in the hospital with the pain I caused. Broken. Shattered.

She wasn’t the girl I fell in love with. That girl is gone. The fight drained out of her in part because of me, so I’m not sure how to come back from that . . . or if I would want to. The past is the past. I want a future.

I’m lost in memories.

The gym. Prom. Our first time. Breaking up with her the first time. Her dad dying. Seeing her with Heath. Her walking away from me at the wedding. Her in the hospital bed.

Meeting Lisa. Her blushing. Her smiles. Sex with her. Her openness. Her sweet smile. Her calming touch.

The two are polar opposites. Women and relationships. I know which one I want.

I’m startled out of my trance by a soft knock on my door. I jump up hoping it’s Lisa so I can explain to her my future is her. I hope.

Chapter Fifteen

Bianca

Contemplating all that could go wrong, accepting he might reject me, recognizing he could have realized I’m not worth it; any sane person would have called. Maybe sent a message. Nope, I fly to him and decide to do this face to face. I stand from the bench and sit back down talking myself out of hailing a cab. I don’t know where he is. He could be at work, on a date, or at his apartment. I’ve got a headache from all these emotions.

I stand for the final time forcing myself to walk to the rental car kiosk. It’s safer to have an escape route in case it’s needed. Once the keys are in my hand, I feel like I could faint. I’m as sharp as a cue ball coming here to confront this. I want to kick Doc’s ass.

Express your feelings, Bianca.

You’re ready, Bianca.

Only you can fix this, Bianca.

I won’t be paying for the next therapy session. He still owes me.

I drive on autopilot, and before long I’m staring at the apartment complex he lives in. I take a few deep breaths, look at the bandage covering the tattoo, and know what I have to do.

Raising my hand to knock, I hesitate. Swallowing the fear, I rap my knuckles a few times and wait. I hear movement on the other side and hold my breath. Opening the door, he stares. I try to smile, but I know it looks fake. I open my mouth. “Long time.” That’s what I came up with.
Real smooth, Bianca
.

I knew it would be hard to see him again. The last time I saw his face; his eyes were haunted, filled with fear seeing me in the hospital bed. He shouldn’t have felt one iota of despair for me after what I did to him. He should be reveling in me inflicting pain upon myself.

That isn’t his way though.

Heath is gentle, yet strong. Solid, yet would bend to my needs. Hard, but his arms are always a soft place to land. I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure words will repair what I destroyed.

“Small talk was never your forté.” He smiles at me. A genuine smile with dimples and all.

“How have you been?”

“You going to ask me about the weather next?” He’s not going to let me off easy. He always called me on my shit.

“Touché. I miss you.” I want to say I had already told him that in the text I sent, but I refrain. I need to be defenseless so my smartass-ness won’t overtake this conversation.

“Do you miss me, or do you miss having someone?” Ouch. He isn’t holding anything back.

“You. Only you. The way your arms cradle me. The way your lips capture mine. The way you, and only
you
, ignite my body and leave me craving more. I miss your voice, your laughter, holding your hand, but most of all I miss the way I feel when I’m with you.”

“How do you feel with me?”

“Do you think you could invite me in? Kind of awkward doing this out here.” He raises his eyebrow and I know it’s a test to see how far I’m willing to go. “Out of control, yet steady. Sure of myself, but never complacent. Simple, in love.”

“How do you feel without me?”

“Lost. Sad. So damn empty.” He opens the door wide, his invitation clear.

“God,” he exhales slowly. “Bianca, I’ve missed you everyday since you’ve been gone. I’ve dreamed of the day you would come back to me, but I wasn’t sure you ever would. Now you’re here, and I’m so damn scared of losing you again.”

“We all have secrets, fears. I can’t promise you what I don’t know, Heath. All we can do is hold tight through the storms thrown at us.”

“I can guarantee you’re going to hate me.” His eyes are crinkled, painfully staring at me. His voice off, stressed, and his jaw set hard.

Heart racing, I hold my breath. I want to flee, but I need to face whatever he has to say. Maybe he doesn’t love me. Maybe he’s moved on. I dart my tongue out to lick my lips, “Did you fall in love with someone else? Have you given up on me?”

“Never. I’d never betray you like that. Not what I always knew we had. What I did was much worse.”

I avert my gaze, not able to look at him. My stomach rolls and revolts against the words I have to ask. The questions I have to seek the answers to. “What did you do?” My voice is barely noticeable swallowed by the dread flowing through my body.

“Did you pass by The Bar on your way here?” I shake my head. “It’s gone.”

“You think it matters to me if you have your own business or not?”