Bellissimo Rilascio (Beautiful Release): The Family Series #3 (20 page)

“I want to remember our time fondly, without bitterness.”

“I do. I hope one day you can.”

“Friendship isn’t going to come easily for us.”

“It always did. I don’t know why it can’t now.”

“We’re different people.”

“No. We aren’t. We’re older, maybe wiser, but I’m still Dakota, and you’re still Bianca. I was your friend first.”

“Will Lisa be okay with it?”

“Yes. But Heath probably won’t.”

“How can Lisa be okay?”

“Because we didn’t hurt her during our mind games. She’s an outsider. She knows the history, but she didn’t experience it.”

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

“What’d you do?”

“Why does everyone assume it’s me who does stuff?”

“We know you.”

“Well, Heath was present during my meltdown.”

“Be honest with him. You love him, and loving you is one hell of a ride. Until it stops you don’t want to get off.”

“I’m gonna go.”

He walks to me and pulls me in for a hug. “We will all be fine.”

“I’m planning Lisa’s bachelorette party.”

“Not that fine.” His lips brush my shoulder, and I freeze. It doesn’t comfort me the way it did. “See, you’re over me.” He winks and pushes me back.

I walk away, dialing Heath. He doesn’t answer. I call Lynsey. “Is Heath there?”

“No, he left right after you.”

“Shit.”

“You okay?”

“Yes. I’m more than okay.”

“Good.” I hang up and go to my apartment to wait for him to get home.

Your first love.

Not to be forgotten.

Mine was Dakota Hyatt. No matter how much I love Heath, or who may come after him, deep in my heart, embedded there permanently will be my first love.

That love wasn’t pure, in fact it was tainted and not strong enough to grow and develop, but I will forever feel a twinge in my heart when I hear his name. See his face. The sound of his voice can recall memories I had forgotten.

Past.

That’s what he is. When I close my eyes and dream about my future, it’s Heath. Not because he’s here, not because he is available. It’s because of the strength, pure love, untainted expectations he has shown me. He has caused my heart to expand more than I thought possible. His arms, his words, his love . . . they didn’t mend me.

They made me.

I hope the words I come up with can convey that to Heath. I’m really going to demand a refund from Doc because I learned more from my best friend tonight than I have in eighteen months of therapy. Sheesh, they pass out diplomas like venereal diseases.

I wait all night, and Heath doesn’t come home. The doubts creep in, and my calls go unanswered. If I lost him, I deserve it, but I can’t believe he’d give up so easily. He’s hurt . . . again because of me. He’s thinking the worst; I know I would. If he’d just come home, I’d do anything to prove it to him.

Chapter Twenty
-
Six

Dakota

Nursing a beer, replaying my conversation with Bianca, is how Lisa finds me. “You okay?” Her voice is as tiny as she is.

I open my arms for her. “I’m fine.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“She was a mess when she came here, but leaving I think she had more clarity than ever.”

“That’s good.”

“She told me to let her go that night, and I did. But she hadn’t allowed herself to let me go until she could see I was okay. That’s just how she is. She doesn’t love me like that but she has to make sure everyone is alright before she allows herself to be. Hard to put into words.” I think I just came to that realization as I told her goodbye; or told us goodbye with her. I said it a while back but closing that chapter on our life together seemed symbolic in a way. I think back to when Callie was forced from Bronson, Bianca wouldn’t allow him to think the worst of her, causing a rift between them. When her dad was murdered she refused to blame Callie for her father’s actions. She refused to let me hurt, would suck up her pain as to not cause anyone else torture. It was simply . . . Binks. Tough exterior but so damn loving on the inside.

“I think I get it. She loves Heath, anyone with two eyes can see it, but because she once loved you, she needed you to move on first.”

“Exactly. Bianca is hard to crack. She thinks she hides with her words, her deflections, but if you look you can see what she is.”

“She is beautiful.”

“Is this hard for you?”

“No. You’ve never given me a reason to doubt you.”

“She is beautiful. On the inside, too. She’s got a depth to her that is hard to explain, and she tries to deny that side of herself. She was shocked you’d be okay with all of us being friends.”

“I think it needs to happen. Come full circle, you know?”

“I do.”

“Any doubts?”

“About?”

“Us.” Her gaze shifts down to the pattern decorating the couch. I take her chin in my hand and tilt her face back to me.

“No, Lisa. I don’t want you to have them either. When I hugged her goodbye, it was like hugging Callie. I’ve got memories with her that I’d never deny, they aren’t all bad, but they don’t have a place in my future.” I don’t tell her I kissed her shoulder; that was a special thing between Bianca and me.

“I don’t want you to feel regret later in life.”

“My only regret would be losing you. She and I weren’t meant to be forever. You are that for me. We never were. We had our time, and I wouldn’t trade any of it. It made us who we are, and you know she has a special place in my heart. I can’t change that, nor would I want to.”

“I’m not asking you to. I just don’t want to be the reason two people in love don’t have their future.”

“If you keep thinking like this, you will be. You will cause a break in our future, and we are supposed to be together. I have no doubts.”

“I love you, Dakota. So much.”

“I love you, too. I think tonight was closure for her. I got that a long time ago. She gave it to me over and over. She never wanted us to end on a bad note, and I forced that situation. I just hope she can work it out with Heath.”

“Me, too.”

I stand up and pull her off the couch. “Come to bed and let me show you how much I love you.”

Her cheeks redden, her breath hitches, and her lips pull into a sensuous smile. That’s my answer.

Chapter Twenty
-
Seven

Heath

I left the bar after her and sat in the car, watching her make her way across the complex to his apartment. A few minutes later, Lisa left, and those two were alone. I watched the clock, and after thirty minutes, I was ready to knock the door in and pound him. Then I saw her. Wiping tears with a smile adorning her face.

Despair.

Finality.

My world came crashing down.

I felt dizzy and kept blinking to clear my vision. She was smiling and crying, and I imagine her and Dakota had a reunion. Poor Lisa. Poor me. Each of them leave a wake of destruction in their path. I have no idea where I’ll go or what I’ll do, but I will face it in the morning. Tonight I’m going back to my club, drowning my sorrows, and I’ll deal with the situation in the morning.

I walk in the apartment, see her sitting, wrapped in a blanket with a cup of coffee at her lips. Dark circles hang under her red-rimmed eyes, and I wonder why she’s upset . . . she isn’t the injured party. This is what she wanted.

“Where were you last night?” Her voice low, hesitant.

“Better question is where were you?”

“Here waiting for you. Lynsey told me you left right after I did, so I waited all night.”

“I did leave, but I went back and slept in my office.”

“Why didn’t you come home?”

“Cut the shit, Bianca. I saw you leaving his apartment.”

“And you assumed the worst?”

“Your track record speaks for itself.”

“STOP! Don’t turn this ugly.”

“I’m not. I’m leaving. It doesn’t have to be anything, just like we aren’t anything.”

Her eyes close, tears escaping. Her chin quivers, and her voice is unsteady. “I was wrong last night to get upset over a stupid wedding invitation. I was wrong to doubt my feelings for you, but you are wrong right now in your need to punish me. I’m trying to give you the honesty you demand from me, but you are shutting me down without a chance.”

She wipes her cheeks and gains some composure. “You’re right. I went to his apartment last night. I would have told you had you come home but your lack of trust in me speaks volumes. I apologized to his fiancé, I forgave him and I did this all after realizing, no admitting that there wasn’t another person for me but you.”

“I’ve known that from the beginning.”

“I have to. If I admitted that it made me weak for allowing someone I don’t even love to have that much control over me. If I admitted that out loud, how could I have been such a mess when I let him go. And I did. I let him go, but until I saw him happy I couldn’t let go of all my guilt.”

“Guilt for what?”

“Loving you more. Loving you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

“I don’t want him in our lives.”

“I can’t do that, Heath. You have to get to a place where you have trust in me, in us. He is in my past, but he’s also in my future as a friend.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“What if that’s a deal breaker?”

“What do you want from me? Ultimatums and choices are what broke me, don’t do that.”

“Don’t compare me to him.”

“I’m not, but stop trying to bully me into your way of thinking.”

“Have my kid,” I blurt.

“Okay. That may bond us for eighteen years, but my love ties me to you forever.”

“Marry me.”

“Okay, but that still doesn’t guarantee you anything. My heart does. A piece of paper or a child, they don’t mean anything if we don’t love one another enough to trust each other. I promise you, I love you and want you by my side for life.”

I have to get out of here. I feel the walls closing in, and I’m making a mess of things. Lashing out, being irrational. “I’m going back to Indian Shores for a bit.”

“If you have to, but know I’ll be here waiting.”

“Fuck, Bianca. I don’t know what I think.”

“Then take the time to figure it out, but if you need me, I’m here. I’m yours.”

“I’ll call you.” She nods; her face crumbles in a sob. My hands itch to hold her; my arms ache to comfort her. I can’t.

“I love you, Heath.” She turns and goes into the guest room while I pack a bag. Instead of flying I’ll drive home.

I fought for her and lost.

She fought for herself and won.

I fought against what she promised, and the outcome is still unknown.

She’s standing at the front door when I’m done packing, luggage in hand.

“Looks like you’ll be gone awhile?” Her eyes look everywhere but at me.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.”

“Don’t do this. Please.”

“I need some distance.”

“I’ll go stay with Callie and Bronson. You can stay here.”

“No. I need to be out of this town.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s here.”

“I never took you for the insecure type.”

“Yeah, well you two bring out the worst in me.” I hear her gasp and see her rear her head back. A physical slap would have been better. “You want honesty. There you have it.”

“Go to therapy with me. Just one session.”

“No.”

“Why are you so unwilling to fix this?”

“I told you I need space. Give it to me.”

“Is this it? You leave, and next thing I know you’ll sell the club and disappear?”

“Maybe. No. Shit, Bianca, right now I don’t know. I know I love you, and it’s killing me. The day I saw you again after so many years, you walked in my club, haunted. I wanted to heal you, and in that time I’ve acquired too many scars to soothe yours. Right now I need this to be about me.”

“Whatever you need, just don’t ruin us. Don’t run.”

“How many times did I say those same words to you? I begged you to let me in, fight for this . . .”

“I did.”

“I know. I just have to figure out if it’s too late. If too much damage has been done.”

“I’ll be here. Whatever you need, I’ll do it.”

“Except cut him out of your life.”

“If you want me to, yes I would. I think it’s ridiculous, and I don’t want to, but for you I will.”

“I won’t ask. I won’t be that person to you.”

“I shouldn’t agree, sacrificing my wants, but for you I will agree to anything. You want me to move back home . . . done. Want me to cut ties with him, make Bronson and Callie do separate events for us . . . done. Marry you . . . we can go to the courthouse tomorrow morning. Have your kid . . . I’ll strip and bend over the couch for you. Whatever you demand, I’ll submit.”