Belonging (17 page)

When the kettle started to whistle, I
pulled it off the heat and filled the cups. After setting one in
front of my grandmother, I took a bottle of brandy from the
cupboard and put it within her reach. She grinned at that and
poured a healthy splash into her cup, then did the same to mine.
“You gotta promise me one thing,” she said as she bounced the tea
bag in the steaming water.

“I promise I’ll come back for my
thirtieth birthday,” I told her, “even though I asked you not to
make a big deal of it.”

Nana clicked her tongue. “This family
can’t keep their mouths shut. Who told you I was planning
something?”

“Nobody needed to tell me. I knew you
wouldn’t let an excuse to celebrate pass you by.”

“I do love me a party,” she said, “and
you gotta stop acting like turning thirty is something to be
depressed about.”

“You’re right.”

Nana flashed me a smile. “I always
am.”

Chapter Ten

Christian called me late the next
morning, just as I was zipping my full suitcase. “Hey,” he said,
“sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. Shea and I spent last night
at an inn near Bodega Bay and we both shut off our
phones.”

“That sounds terrific.”

“It was. This place was crazy-romantic
and right on the ocean. I wanted to surprise him with a little
impromptu getaway.”

“Nice.”

“So what’s up? You said you had
something important to ask me.”

“I do. Would it be okay with you if
Vincent takes over my job with Zan, effective immediately?” I said.
“They get along really well, and Vincent’s already agreed to it,
assuming it’s alright with you.”

“Well, sure. But why?”

“I’m moving to New York.”

“Oh, wow. When?”

“My flight’s at three p.m. today. I
know this is incredibly short notice, but I just decided to do this
yesterday.”

“Why New York?” I explained briefly
that I’d been seeing Jason and told Christian about his offer. Then
he asked, “Do you love him?”

“Honestly? No. But who knows, maybe
this’ll grow into something. It’s worth a shot, I
guess.”

“You don’t sound very
enthusiastic.”

“It’s not my romantic ideal, but I’m
looking forward to getting to know Jason, and I’ll enjoy the change
of scenery.”

“So, how’d my dad take the
news?”

“I haven’t told him. I hadn’t made up
my mind yet when I was there yesterday. I doubt it’ll make any
difference to him, though. He gets along with my brother far better
than he ever got along with me.”

“I’m sorry Zan made things tough on
you, Gianni,” he said. “I don’t know why he never warmed up to
you.”

I murmured, “It doesn’t really
matter.”

“I’ll call him and let him know about
Vincent. Have a safe trip, and text me soon.”

After we said our goodbyes, I carried
my luggage downstairs and found Nico at the kitchen table. He’d
actually gotten misty-eyed that morning when I told him I was
moving. He pushed his textbook aside and visited with me for a few
minutes, before my ringing phone interrupted us. I was surprised to
see Zan’s cell number on the screen.

I answered, but before I could say a
word, Zan yelled, “How the fuck can you move to New York and not
even fucking tell me?”

“Your son told you. What’s the
difference?”

“Yeah, he told me. He said
you’re running off with Jason fucking Jax, of all people!
Jason fucking Jax!
What
are you thinking? How could you possibly fail to see him for the
complete prat that he is?”

“What are you talking about? You don’t
even know him!” I jumped up from the kitchen table and paced
around, ending up at the back door.

“Oh, yes I do! I was married to an
actress named Dev Holland for a while, and she and Jax were thick
as thieves. The man’s a cruel, egomaniacal git. How could you do
something this stupid?”

“Thank you for calling me
stupid.”

“I didn’t call
you
stupid. This idea of
yours, however, is complete bollocks!”

“According to you,” I said.

“Don’t get on that fucking plane,
Gianni. I mean it.”

My voice rose. “Where do you get off
telling me what to do? You can’t even fucking stand me. Be glad I’m
going! You’ll be rid of me once and for all.”

“That’s what you think? That I can’t
stand you?”

“It’s pretty obvious!” I
yelled.

“Bloody hell!”

“
Are you done?”

“Not by a long shot! I have to talk to
you, face to face. Come to Marin.”

“Oh, come on! You had
months to talk to me.
Months
, Zan! Whatever you have to
say to me probably could have been said before today!”

“Fuck!” There was a loud clatter, and
the line went dead.

I stuffed my phone in my pocket, then
quickly dried my eyes. Why the hell was I crying? And what was the
point of that call? Why would he bother warning me away from Jason?
Zan Tillane didn’t give a flying fuck about me, never
had.

After taking a few deep breaths to
calm myself, I went back into the kitchen. “Are you alright?” Nico
asked.

“Fine.”

“Okay.” He looked less than convinced,
but left it at that. “Are you ready to go?” I was letting Nico use
my car while I was in New York, and he’d offered to drive me to the
airport. But first, we were meeting Chance for brunch and one final
photo shoot for his school project.

“Yeah, right after I say goodbye to
Nana.”

I loaded my suitcase and garment bag
in the trunk of my car, and then we joined my grandmother on the
sidewalk in front of the house. She was yelling directions to
Jessie. He was hanging partway out of an upstairs window, trying to
secure one corner of a ten-foot-wide rainbow flag that was draped
across the front of the house. “Doing a bit of decorating?” I asked
her.

“I got to talking to my new neighbor
across the street, Mr. Donovan. He had some ugly things to say on
the topic of marriage equality, so I wanna make it real clear where
I stand on the issue. I sure wish that flag was bigger,
though.”

“We’re about to take off,” I told her.
“I’m proud of you for taking a stand, but try not to start an
all-out land battle with the neighbor.”

“You’re leaving already?” Jessie
yelled from the window.

“Yeah. We have a couple things to do
before we head to the airport,” I told him.

“Hang on, don’t go yet,” Jessie said
before ducking inside. Just a few seconds later, he flung open the
front door, ran across the yard, and grabbed me in a fierce hug.
“I’m going to miss you so much, Gi. Promise you’ll come back and
visit really soon.”

“I will, I promise.” I was surprised
that he was so emotional about my departure.

I kissed Nana on the cheek, and she
said, “Good luck, Johnnie. You tell Jason Jax that he’ll have to
answer to me if he doesn’t treat you right.”

A few minutes later, as Nico drove us
to the restaurant where we were meeting Chance, he asked, “What was
that phone call about?”

“I don’t even know,” I
murmured.

“You don’t?”

“I guess Zan was pissed because I
didn’t tell him I was leaving in person. But why would he care? He
spends most of his time avoiding me, so he should be glad. That was
just one less awkward conversation he was forced to endure with
me.”

*****

I treated Nico and Chance to brunch,
and then my cousin and I both participated in our friend’s
photoshoot in Delores Park. When it was time to say goodbye, I
hugged Chance and promised to keep in touch. He was pretty
emotional too, and said he’d miss me. That was one thing about
leaving, it really showed how much people cared.

After the park, it took less than half
an hour to drive to the huge airport south of the city. SFO was
bustling as usual, but Nico found a spot in the loading zone in
front of the departures terminal and helped me with my bags. I gave
him a hug and thanked him for the ride, and he said, “Take care of
yourself, Gi, and text me tonight. I want to know you got there
okay.” I promised I would.

I had over an hour to kill after I
checked my bags and got my boarding pass, so I bought a paperback
at a newsstand before finding my gate. It was tough to concentrate
on its pages though, so I ended up putting it aside and staring out
at the tarmac. Whenever I was in an airport, I sat facing the wall
of windows because I liked watching the carefully orchestrated show
outside, all those planes taking off and landing. But even that
didn’t hold my attention.

Instead, my thoughts wandered to Zan
and that phone call. What the hell had happened there, and why did
he hang up on me? It almost sounded like he’d thrown his phone. Did
I really piss him off that much? What was even the point of that
call? He obviously had a low opinion of Jason, but why bother to
warn me away from him? It wasn’t like Zan cared what happened to
me.

Eventually, I was roused from my
thoughts by an announcement over the P.A. system. My flight was
about to board, beginning with first class. I got up and stretched
my arms over my head, grabbing my right wrist with my left hand and
leaning first to one side, then the other.

As I headed to the gate, I became
aware of a buzz sweeping through the crowd and stopped to look
around. A big group of people was approaching quickly in the main
concourse. My first thought was that something was wrong, maybe
there had been some kind of security breach. Excited voices carried
through the huge terminal.

“What’s happening? What’s going on?” a
woman to my right asked.

Someone else a few feet away loudly
exclaimed, “No way! Is that who I think it is?”

I turned toward the concourse and
caught a glimpse of a person running before everyone around me
jumped to their feet and a really tall guy blocked my view. For
just a moment, I’d thought I recognized the man at the head of the
crowd. But that was impossible. No way on earth could that
be—

“Gianni!” Zan’s voice sounded
frightened, desperate.

I tried to run to him as my emotions
surged wildly. I was both absolutely elated to see him and
terrified for him at the same time, and it made my heart stutter in
my chest. I wove through the passengers in the waiting area but
when I reached the concourse, I came up against a solid mass of
bodies. I had to push my way through. Everyone was talking at once.
Most of them had their camera phones out and were jockeying for
position, trying to get a shot. It was total chaos and I thought
I’d never reach him.

But finally,
finally
, I managed to
break through the crowd. Zan and I spotted each other in the same
instant. The fear in his eyes was immediately replaced with relief
as he held his arms out to me. He was trembling when I grabbed him
in an embrace.

“Oh my God, it’s him, it’s Zan
Tillane,” someone was yelling shrilly. “I thought he was dead! I
can’t believe he’s here! Oh my God, I just can’t believe
it!”

“What are you doing here?” I asked Zan
as I held him.

“Begging you not to go to New
York.”

“Why?”

“Because I need you, Gianni. I need
you so fucking much,” he told me, hugging me as tightly as I was
hugging him.

“I wasn’t leaving you helpless. My
brother was going to take over for me and bring you your groceries
and anything you needed. You were still going to be cared
for.”

Zan pulled back and looked in my eyes,
cupping my face with his hands. “I wasn’t worried about the damned
groceries, Gianni.”

I was startled when he leaned in and
kissed me, my heart stumbling over itself. The kiss was tender and
cautious, as if he wasn’t sure how I’d respond. I deepened it,
parting my lips for him, and as soon as I did that he wrapped his
arms around me again, clutching me to him as the kiss ignited. Zan
kissed me like he couldn’t get enough, with need and hunger and raw
desire, and my entire body responded. Everything fell away, the
noise, the crowd, the cameras, until the whole world was distilled
down to only Zan and me.

It went on for a long time, and when
we finally broke apart, both of us seemed a bit dazed. All we could
do was stare at each other and try to make sense of what had just
happened. But then the chaos swelled around us, like cranking up
the volume on a television.

More and more people were joining the
crowd that surrounded us, and those on the outer edges were pushing
in to get a look at Zan. That in turn drove the closer onlookers
into us, collapsing the little bubble of space we’d occupied. Zan
looked panicked and grabbed me as we were enveloped by the
throng.

His breathing sped up and a tremor
went through him as he buried his face in my shoulder. I knew I had
to do something, so I started moving us forward, trying to use my
body to shield him from the crush of people. I didn’t know where to
take him, I just knew I had to get him away from all of that before
he totally lost it.