Belonging (6 page)

I wanted to slip Jason my
number, but I just couldn’t do it. He had to make the first move. I
was always like that. I figured if someone was interested in me,
they’d do something about it. I wanted a partner that would take
control, even right at the outset by showing they wanted
me.

When I finally left the
bathroom, I almost collided with Jason. I drew in my breath,
stepping back quickly as he exclaimed, “Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean
to startle you.”

“It’s okay,” I murmured. “I just
didn’t expect anyone to be there.”

I noticed that the bedroom
door was closed and he said, “This must seem really creepy. Sorry.
I just wanted a moment alone with you so I could give you this.” He
handed me a business card with a number handwritten on the back.
“You’re incredibly beautiful, Gianni, and I’d love to get to know
you, but I’m not exactly out. I know it’s stupid to ask you to
sneak around just because I have to, but if the thought of being
discrete isn’t totally off-putting, would you come to my hotel
tonight?”

“I...um....” Shit. I’d gone all
deer-in-headlights again.

“I’m staying in the
presidential suite at the Imperial. If you decide you want to come
by, text me and I’ll send my assistant downstairs to let you up.
You need a key for the elevators.”

“Thanks, but I’m not
really into one-night stands.”

“This doesn’t have to be a
one-night stand.” I’d been looking at the floor, but I glanced up
at him and raised an eyebrow. He gave me a sweet smile and said, “I
meant it when I said I’d love to get to know you. In case you’re
wondering, I’m not constantly slipping my number to sexy boys at
parties. Part of being discrete means being highly selective. I’m
attracted to you and I’d love to see where this leads.”

I watched him for a long
moment, and he smiled at me sweetly. I wanted him, but I was
nervous, too. Was he someone I could trust?

Jax did exactly the right
thing then. He stepped forward and drew me into a hug. My arms went
around him automatically. Jason felt solid and strong, and I melted
into him. “Give me a chance,” he said. “Come to my hotel tonight.
We won’t do anything you don’t want to.”

“Okay,” I whispered. He
tilted my chin up and kissed me. It was surprisingly forceful, as
if he was staking a claim, and it left me reeling.

“I’m going to leave first.
We don’t want to start any rumors.” Jason winked at me and added,
“I’m looking forward to tonight, Gianni. See you soon.” He closed
the door behind him when he left the room.

I dropped onto a corner of
the mattress and tried to process what had just happened. I was
actually shaking a little. Part of it was that I was so star-struck
that it made my nerves kick into high gear. But the rest was in
response to that kiss. Clearly, Jason Jax was used to being in
charge. That was what I always thought I wanted from a lover,
someone who’d take control.

It frightened me a little,
though. He said we’d only do what I wanted when I went to his
hotel, but I wasn’t that naïve. I understood there were certain
expectations. People like Jason (and for that matter, most of my
former lovers) only had one use for a boy like me. They kept me
around as long as I gave them what they needed. I wondered if this
time, I’d be asked to give more than I could handle, judging by how
demanding that kiss had been.

But I needed this. I
needed Jason, or someone like him, someone who’d take care of me.
The price in return was my body, I understood that. It was a price
I’d paid willingly, more than once. It was all I had to
give.

I got up and returned to the bathroom,
where I carefully finger-combed my black hair, taking a few deep
breaths to try to relax. The eyes staring back at me in the mirror
were a little too fearful and uncertain, so I worked on pulling up
a neutral expression. Finally, I straightened my clothes, making
sure my black leather jacket and the indigo blue dress shirt were
both perfect. I was really good at creating a veneer of confidence.
I’d had a lot of practice.

When I finally returned to
the party, Yosh was nowhere to be seen. Neither was Miles.
Damn it.
I’d been gone
for what, fifteen minutes? I checked the library and the kitchen,
then went back to the living room. I noticed Jason and the couple
men that had been sitting with him were gone, too.

Finally, an incredibly
guilty-looking Yoshi emerged from the hall on the far left of the
apartment, the one leading to the master bedroom.
Damn. It.
He came right
over when he spotted me and said, “I know. Can we go?”

“Shit,” I muttered as we cut through
the foyer. Once we were alone on the elevator, I asked, “How did
this happen?”

“Miles cornered me in the kitchen and
started kissing my neck. I just dissolved. Three minutes later I
was in his bedroom sucking him off.” I bounced the back of my head
off the wall of the elevator as he said, “I don’t know what’s wrong
with me. He’s such a tool. Why can’t I just tell him to go fuck
himself?”

“I wish I knew.”

“I really believed I was stronger than
this. I thought I could go to that party and act all cool and
indifferent and beat him at his own game. I was totally wrong.” I
took his hand and Yosh held on tightly as we stepped out of the
elevator and crossed the opulent lobby.

“I knew coming here was a bad idea. I
should have talked you out of it.”

“It’s not your fault,” he said, “it’s
mine.”

“Whatever. I still should have stopped
you.”

“I’m so totally done making that same
mistake over and over and then hating myself afterwards. That was
the last time. I’m starting a twelve-step program. All twelve steps
are the same: staying the fuck away from Miles Harken.”

“Good plan.”

“Do you want to go somewhere and have
a drink?” Yosh asked. “I really don’t feel like going home
yet.”

“Absolutely.”

“Just not a club or a pick-up joint,
okay? That’s the last thing I need right now.”

We ended up going to Nolan’s, a
friendly neighborhood bar and grill that was owned by a gay couple
who were friends of friends. Jamie, one of the co-owners, greeted
us warmly and showed us to a comfortable booth. We chatted for a
few minutes, and he showed me a picture of his baby, a gorgeous
little girl with big blue eyes. He was so proud.

When Jamie went off to seat another
party, Yosh grabbed the menu and said, “I’m getting nachos. Fuck
it. I don’t even care if I have to do three hours on the treadmill.
I’m getting a damn margarita, too. A big one. I’m going to get
really fucking plastered. Are you okay with being the designated
driver?”

“Absolutely.”

Sometime later, as I sipped diet Coke
and picked at Yosh’s ridiculously giant platter of nachos, he put
down his enormous margarita glass and asked me, “So, what happened
with you and Jason Jax? I’ve been so wrapped up in my drama that I
didn’t even ask.”

“Well, he followed me when I went to
the bathroom, slipped me his number and asked me to meet him at his
hotel tonight.”

“Holy shit! And you’re just telling me
this now?”

“The thing with Miles was more
important.”

Yosh made a pinching gesture in
mid-air and said, “Shhh. Don’t say that name. From now on, he’s ‘He
Who Shall Not be Named’. WhoNob for short.” Clearly, the drink was
kicking in.

I grinned at that. “WhoNob is in no
way an acronym for He Who Shall Not be Named.”

He waved his hand and said,
“Close enough. Also, this margarita is
strong
. Woo!” Yosh pulled out his
phone and started poking at it. “Do you know how to forward calls?
Not all of them. I think it would be good if WhoNob’s calls went to
you. Then you could tell him to go fuck himself with a saguaro
cactus.”

“That’s random.”

“It was the most painful thing I could
think of.”

“I’ll be happy to tell him that. I’m
not sure if it’s possible to only forward some calls,
though.”

“Damn.”

“Couldn’t you just block his number?”
I asked.

“Yeah, but it’d be way more
fun to invite him to have sexual relations with a
carnegiea gigantea.
”

“With a what now?”

“That’s the scientific name of the
saguaro cactus.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Why on
earth do you know that?”

“Because I paid attention in sixth
grade. Duh!”

I chuckled and said, “You’re so weird
when you’re drunk.”

He put his phone down. “We’re getting
distracted by WhoNob. That’s incredibly exciting news about Jason
Jax! What are you doing here with me when you could be there with
him?”

“It’s still early, he’s probably not
even back at his hotel yet.”

“How are you so calm about this?
You’re hooking up with Jason freaking Jax!”

“
I know. I
am
excited. I’m just a
little nervous, too.”

“I get that. He’s a pretty major
celebrity, I can see why you’d be a bit star-struck.”

I nodded and left it at that. There
was no point in telling Yosh about the kiss. I was probably reading
way too much into it.

*****

We stayed at the bar for about an
hour, long enough for my friend to get pretty thoroughly plastered.
I then drove him home to his apartment in the Marina District and
called a cab. While I waited for it to arrive, Yosh changed into a
t-shirt and a pair of shorts and flopped onto his couch. “Want me
to make you some coffee?” I asked him.

“No thanks. Sobering up is not the
goal.” He stretched out and pulled a blanket over
himself.

I bent to kiss his forehead. “I’m
going to let you get some rest and wait for the cab downstairs. I
love you, Yoshi.”

“I love you, too, Mario.” I grinned at
the nickname as I let myself out of his apartment, making sure the
door was locked behind me.

Chapter Four

I was aching, tired and shaky when I
returned home around three a.m. My ‘date’ with Jason had gone
pretty much like I thought it would. He was rough and demanding in
bed, taking whatever he wanted. But he was kind to me afterwards,
holding me and caressing me and telling me I was beautiful. I
needed that so much, that tenderness and reassurance. It made what
had preceded it worthwhile.

When I pushed open the door to my
bedroom, shoes in hand as I tried not to wake the entire household,
I muttered under my breath, “What the hell?”

Jessie was asleep on my bed, snoring
softly. He was naked and on top of the covers, his small body
curled into a fetal position. Apparently the chauffeur had decided
to make a pass at me tonight. I sighed quietly and pulled a blanket
off a chair in the corner. After I covered him with it, I went
through to my adjoining bathroom and clicked the door shut
quietly.

I stood under a hot shower for a long
time and it helped ease the soreness in my body. Eventually I
toweled off, retrieved a t-shirt and cotton sleep pants from my
closet, and got dressed. Jessie hadn’t budged. I decided to just
let him sleep and carefully eased myself under my
comforter.

That woke him though, and he sat up
with a little gasp. It took him a moment to figure out where he
was, and when his eyes focused on me in the dim light, he said,
“Shit. I fell asleep.”

“Put your clothes on, Jessie,” I said
gently.

He did as he was told, pulling on the
flannel pajamas he’d left on the floor beside the bed. They were
covered in a repeating pattern of male hula dancers, which made me
grin. Once he was dressed, he sat on the edge of the bed and looked
at me over his shoulder. “Sorry. I know this was really cheesy. I
just didn’t want to be alone tonight.”

“If you promise not to get handsy, you
can bunk with me. Just this one time,” I told him.

His face lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah, but we’re talking chaste
slumber party, not an open invitation to molest me.”

“I’ll be good, I promise.” He quickly
climbed under the comforter and settled in facing me. After a
moment he said, “You were out late. Hot date?”

“Something like that.”

“I didn’t realize you were dating
someone. That makes me coming in here doubly lame.”

“Actually, before today, I wasn’t
seeing anyone.”

“Oh! First date, huh? That’s exciting.
Are you going to go out with him again?”

“He wants to see me next
week.”

“He’s a lucky guy.”

“I’m curious,” I said. “Just this
morning, you were talking about how hot my cousin Nico is. Did you
try creeping into his bed, too?”

“Nah. He is gorgeous, though. Both of
you are. But after hearing about that shit with his ex-boyfriend
and his best friend, I figured he probably wanted to be left
alone.”

“
Good call.”