Beloved (20 page)

280

Beloved

Diana Palmer

281

it was nothing more than the sort of lust a man occasionally feels
for a totally inappropriate sort of woman."

"You thought I was cheap."

"No. I thought you were experienced," he said,
and there was
regret in his eyes. "I threw you
at John to save myself, without
having the first
idea what I was about to subject you to. I'm sorry,
if it matters. I never used to think of myself as the sort of man to
run from trouble, but I spent years running from
you."

She lowered her gaze to his tie again. Her heart was
racing.
He'd never spoken to her this way in
the past. She felt his hand
in her hair,
tangling in it as if he loved its very feel, and her eyes
closed
at the tenderness in the caress.

"I don't want to be vulnerable," he said through
his teeth.
^“
Not like this."

She
let out a long sigh. She understood what he meant. "Nei
ther did I, all those years ago," she said
heavily. "Charles was
kind to me. He knew how I felt about you, and
he provided me
with the same sort of
camouflage I gave him for
Nessa's
sake.
Everyone thought we were lovers."

"I suppose you know I thought you were experienced
when I
took you to bed?"

She nodded.

“Even when you cried out, the first time, I thought it
was plea
sure, not pain. I'll never forget how
I felt when I realized how
wrong I'd been
about you." His hand tightened on her soft body
unconsciously. "I know how bad it was. Are you...all right?"

"Yes."

He drew her forehead against him and held it there while
he
fought for the right words to heal some of
the damage he'd done.
His eyes closed as
he bent over her. It was like coming home.
He'd never known a feeling like it.

She sighed and slid her arms under his and around him,
giving
him her weight.

He actually shivered.

She lifted her head and looked up, curious. His face was
light,

his eyes brilliant with feeling. She didn't need a crystal ball to
understand why. His very vulnerability knocked down all
the bar
riers. She knew how proud he was, how
he hated having her see him this way. But it was part of loving, a part he had
yet to learn.

She took his hand in hers. "Come on," she said
softly. "I can fix what's wrong with you."

"How do you know what's wrong
with me?" he taunted.

She tugged at his hand. "Don't be silly."
She pulled him along with her out of the kitchen to her
bedroom
and closed the door behind her. She was
a little apprehensive.
Despite the pleasure he'd given her, the
memory of the pain was
still very vivid.

He took a slow breath. "I'll always have to be
careful with
you," he said, as if he read the
thoughts in her eyes. "I'm over-
endowed and
you're pretty innocent, in spite of what we did to
gether."

She blinked. "You...are?"

He scowled. "You said you'd seen
centerfolds."

She colored wildly. "Not...of
men...like that!"

"Well, well." He chuckled softly and moved
closer to her. "I feel like a walking anatomy lab."

"Do you, really?" She drew his hand under her
sweater and
up to soft, warm skin, and shivered
when he touched her. Her
heart was in the
eyes she lifted to his. "It won't hurt...?"

He drew her close and kissed her worried eyes shut.
"No," he
whispered tenderly. "I promise it
won't!"

She let him undress her, still hesitant and shy with him,
but
obviously willing.

When she was down to her briefs, she began undressing
him,
to his amusement.

"This is new," he mused. "I've had to do it
myself for a
number of years."

She looked up, hesitating. "All that time," she
said. "Didn't
you want anyone?"

282

Beloved

Diana Palmer

283

"I
wanted
you," he replied solemnly. "Sometimes, I wanted
you desperately."

^“
You never even
hinted...!"

"You know why," he said, as if it shamed him to
remember.
"I should have been shot."

She lowered her eyes to the bare, broad chest she'd uncovered.
"That would have been a waste," she said with a
husky note in
her voice. Her fingers spread over the
thick hair that covered him,
and he groaned
softly. She put her mouth against his breastbone. "I've missed you,"
she whispered, and her voice broke.
"I've
missed you!"

He bent to her mouth and kissed her
slowly, tenderly, while
between them, they
got the rest of the obstacles out of the way.
When she reached for the strap of the prosthesis, his fingers
stayed her.

"We'll have to find out sometime if you can do
without it,"
she said gently. Her eyes searched
his. "You can always put it
back on, if you
have to."

He sighed heavily. "All
right."

He let her take it off, the uncertainty plain in his dark
face. It
made him vulnerable somehow, and he
felt vulnerable enough
with his hunger for
her blatantly clear.

She stretched out on the pale pink sheets and watched him
come
down to her with wide, curious eyes.

Amazingly he was able to balance, if a little heavily at
first.
But she helped him, her body stabilizing his
as they kissed and
touched in the most tender exchange of
caresses they'd ever
shared for long,
achingly sweet minutes until the urgency began
to break through.

It was tender even as he eased down against her and she
felt
him probing at her most secret place. She
tensed, expecting pain,
but it was easy
now, if a little uncomfortable just at first.

He turned her face to his and made her watch his eyes as
they
moved together slowly. He pressed soft, quiet
kisses against her

mouth as the lazy tempo of his hips brought them into stark in
timacy.

She gasped and pushed upward as the pleasure shot through
her, but he shook his head, calming her.

"
Wh
...why?"
she gasped.

"Because I want it to be intense," he whispered
unsteadily,
nuzzling her face with his as he
fought for enough breath to speak.
His teeth
clenched as he felt the first deep bites of pleasure rip
pling through him. ''I want it to take a long time. I
want to...touch
you...as deeply inside...as it's
humanly possible!"

She felt him in every pore, every cell. Her fingers
clenched
behind his strong neck because he was
even more potent now than
he'd been their
first time together. Her teeth worried her lower lip as she looked up at him,
torn between pleasure and apprehension.

"Don't be afraid," he whispered brokenly.
"Don't be afraid of
me."

"It wasn't like this...before," she sobbed. Her
eyes closed on
a wave of pleasure so sharp that it
stiffened her from head to toe.
"Dear...God...Simon!"

"Baby," he choked at her ear. His body moved
tenderly, even
in its great urgency, from side to
side, intensifying the pleasure,
bringing her to the
brink of some unbelievably deep chasm. She
was going to fall... to fall...

She barely heard her own voice shattering into a thousand
pieces as she reached up to him in an arc,
sobbing, wanting more
of him, more, ever
more!

"Oh, God, don't...I'll hurt you!" he bit off as
she pulled him
down sharply to her.

"Never," she breathed.
"Never! Oh, Simon...!"

She sobbed as the convulsions took her. It had never been
this
sweeping. Her eyes opened in the middle of
the spasms and met
his, and she saw in them the same
helpless loss of control, the
ecstasy that made a
tight, agonized caricature of his face. It faded
into a black oblivion as the pleasure became unbearable and she
lost consciousness for a space of seconds.

284

Beloved

Diana Palmer

285

"
Tira
?
Tira
!"

His hand was trembling as it touched her face, her neck
where the pulse hammered.

"Oh, God, honey, open your eyes and look at me! Are
you all
right?"

She felt her eyelids part slowly. His face was above
hers, wor
ried, tormented, his eyes glittering with fear.

She smiled lazily. "Hello," she whispered, so
exhausted that
she could barely manage words. She
moved and felt him deep in
her body and moaned with pleasure.

"Good God, I thought I'd killed you!" he
breathed, relaxing
on her. He was heavy, and she loved
his weight. She held him
close, nuzzling her
face into his cool, damp throat. "You fainted!"

"I couldn't help it," she murmured. "Oh,
it was so good. So
good, so good!"

He rolled over onto his back, carrying her with him. He
shiv
ered, too, as the movements kindled little
skirls of pleasure.

She curled her legs into his and closed her eyes.
"I love you,"
she whispered
sleepily.

He drew in a shaky breath. "I noticed."

She
kissed his neck lazily and sighed. "Simon, I think I really
am pregnant."

"So do I."

She moved against him sinuously. "Are you sorry?"

"I'm overjoyed."

That sounded genuine, and reassuring.

"I'm sleepy."

He stretched under her. He'd used more muscles than he
real
ized he had. "So am I."

It was the last thing she heard for a long time. When she
woke
again, she was under the sheet with her hair
spread over the pil
low. Simon was wearing everything but his jacket, and he
was
sitting on the edge of the bed just
looking at her.

She opened her eyes and stared up at
him. She'd never seen

that expression on his face before. It wasn't one she could under-
stand.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

His hand went to her flat stomach over the sheet.
"You don't
think we hurt the baby?"

She smiled sleepily. "No. We
didn't hurt the baby."

He wasn't quite convinced. "The
way we loved this time..."

"Oh, that sounds nice," she murmured, smiling
up at him with quiet, dreamy eyes.

His hand moved to hers and entangled with it. "What?
That
we loved?"

She nodded.

He drew their clasped hands to his broad thigh and
studied
them. "I've been thinking."

"What about?"

"It
shouldn't be a quick ceremony in a justice of the peace's
office," he said. He shrugged. "It
should be in a church, with you
in
white satin."

"White? But..."

He lifted his eyes. They glittered at her.
"White."

She swallowed. "Okay."

He relaxed a little. "I don't want people talking
about you, as
if we'd done something to be ashamed
of—even though we
have."

Her eyes opened wide.
"What?"

"I used to go to church. I haven't forgotten how
things are
supposed to be done. We jumped the
gun, twice, and I'm not very
proud of it. But
considering the circumstances, and this," he
added gently, touching her belly with a curious little smile, "I
think we're not quite beyond redemption."

"Of course we're not," she said softly.
"God is a lot more
understanding than
most people are."

"And
it isn't as if we aren't going to get married and give our
baby a settled home and parents who love him,"
he continued.
"So with all that
in mind, I've put the wheels in motion."