Below Unforgiven (24 page)

“
We’re safe
,” she panted.

I wanted to ignore her and slide the condom over myself. Had it been any other woman, I would have just continued tearing at the paper.

But I wanted to
feel
her.

Instead, I dropped the wrapper to the floor, lifting my eyes to hers as she adjusted her position against the bars.

Gently, I ran my finger along her folds, and she swallowed, pinching her eyes closed. I pushed one finger deep inside of her, feeling her get even wetter and tighten against my intrusion.

“Are you sure?” I breathed, sliding another finger inside, and her breathing accelerated. When she opened her eyes, the blue orbs were sparkling, swimming with tears.

“
Yes,
” she managed.

“You’re ready for me,” I slowed, dropping delicate kisses over her neck. She raised her hips, forcing me to press even deeper.

Pulling my fingers away, I positioned myself just outside her entrance. Her beautiful voice cracked as she met my eyes. “I’ve been ready for you for a long time, Keaton.”

Groaning, I gave up trying to go slow.

Her back arched against the metal bars as I thrust, drew back, and plunged again. She felt so fucking good, so right, expanding for me, clenching against my every movement. As her hips began to rock to receive me, I gripped her chin, dropping my mouth to her lips.

Her cries stoked the fire already raging, and it took my every effort not to come first. Her left hand slid down the bars and I felt more of her slight weight, supporting her as she dropped her arm over my shoulder.

“
Tell me,
” she begged, her fingers pushing into my hair. “Tell me now.”

“Vivian,” I ripped, feeling her contract around me, listening to her pleasured cries as I slammed her against the bars. “
I’m in love with you.
”

She came at that moment, and as I felt her release, she screamed my name. I clamped my hand over her lips gently, hoping to stifle her cries for the people outside.

Unable to hold back any longer, I clung to her, growling into her shoulder as I poured myself into her beautiful body.

The months that had passed since I’d been with Kelsey had obviously been too long. I wasn’t a spiritual person, but the moment that I came, I felt like I’d given her part of my soul.

To take, to use.

To break.

“
How?
How can you love me so soon?” She reprimanded, barely able to speak through her racing breaths.

“How can you love
me
so soon?” I accused, keeping her still in my arms. The reality of the words I’d just spoken to her was destroying my high.

“I’m not afraid. So I do.”

I kissed her then, the kind of kiss that belonged in front of our families after I’d exchanged vows with her. Whether it was the fact that I’d just spent the weekend with my family, or Luke’s wedding, or the profound pounding of my heart as I stood there, still inside of Vivian Hale, I knew that I wanted.

I knew what I wanted, despite the armor I’d constructed around my heart. With her, for some reason, it was safe to feel this way.

It was safe to admit that I was just a man who wanted to love a woman, and be loved in return.

I hated feeling so fucking vulnerable, but there was no other way with Vivian.

I stared into her eyes, begging her to feel the same way.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, watching as my hands covered hers, gripping the bars. “There are millions of people in this world. No one is reading our story. No one is watching our movie. It’s just us. And we can love each other as fast or as slow as we want to.”

She was the wisest woman that I’d ever held in my arms. I could only kiss her again, her mouth, her cheek, her cringing eyes as she timidly squirmed at the mess between her legs.

“Come on, kiddo, let’s clean you up before someone finds us.”

“Okay,” she agreed, unable to hold back a sudden burst of laughter.

“What?” I demanded with a smile.

“Well… those blankets on the cots over there… are real, right?”

I glanced at the exhibit, winking at her. “The ability to improvise is essential in acting. You know what else is important in an actress?”

“What?” She asked, shifting slightly as I pressed my mouth to her ear.

“
Me
.”

“Keaton!” She laughed, and I gave her ass a teasing swat before lowering her to her feet.

We snuck out the back door of the jail, and her playful giggles plastered a permanent smile on my face. The restrooms weren’t far from where we were, and after a quick stop she admitted that she was finally hungry.

We ate at an outdoor restaurant in the park that was set up to look like an old mine. The Potato Patch was busy with families, and we settled next to each other on a picnic table, fresh-cut French fries piled high on our trays. She refused ketchup and opted for vinegar, and I smirked, dropping a kiss to the tip of her nose.

“That’ll make for some great breath later.”

“Mmm. You’d kiss me anyway,” she argued.

“I’d kiss you anywhere,” I corrected, doing just that. She closed her legs against the hand that I had sliding between her knees, sighing against my mouth.

The summer sunshine pouring through the spokes of the Ferris wheel could have been manufactured by a movie crew. I led her into a red cart, and time disappeared for almost an hour as we kissed, suspended over the park.

I couldn’t stop kissing her if she begged me. I loved how she pulled her hair from the ponytail, letting me slide my fingers through the locks as I positioned her face just right. I wanted her already, again.

And again.

I felt so young. I should have been speaking to the grounds keepers, taking photos of the landscape and notes about the park, but instead I led her from ride to ride. “Luke and I used to eat those giant waffle cones over there, and then ride the Tea Cups, trying to get each other to puke.”

“That sounds… so fun, actually,” she admitted as I pulled the bar down to secure us into the Whip. “I always wanted a sister to do those things with. But Gram would always ride with me. Even when I was dressed like Pocahontas,” she added.

The ride began to move in a slow circle, and I tucked my arm over her shoulders, lowering my mouth to her ear. “I would love to see that now,” I teased.

She lifted her lashes, those eyes of hers stealing my thoughts.

“I’m having so much fun,” she admitted, almost hesitant. “I’m afraid it’s going to end.”

We snapped around the end of the large oval. She laughed as a cart of girls directly in front of us squealed and threw their hands into the air.

“Come with me. To California,” I blurted as we approached another whip.

“What?” Her eyes widened, and her smile fell as Britney Spears blared through the speakers on the pole near the control booth.

“Come with me. To California. Live with me.”

“Keaton, you’re… you have this whole other life, and I’m…,” she started to say something, but the whip was already cracking us around another turn.

“You’re what? Living in Gram’s basement? Working five different jobs? Let me take care of it, Vivian. Let me take care of you.”

“What do you mean, take care of me?” Her temper made her grow rigid against my side, and I shook my head.

“I don’t mean like that. I mean… we’ll take care of each other. We can’t try to make this work if we’re thousands of miles apart. Stop running.”

The ride came to a stop.

She climbed out of the car, refusing to look at me as we exited through the wooden gate. Before she could pass the Round Up, I grabbed her hand, pulling her against me.

“Wait.”

She watched as I removed her engagement ring. Sliding it off of her finger, I studied her reaction.

When I finally had it in my hand, I continued to hold onto her, dropping to one knee in the gravel.

Several people turned our way, and Vivian’s eyes widened as I held the ring between us.

“This can mean whatever you want it to mean,” I prefaced, watching her lips widen into a smile.

“
Oh!
” One woman to our right cried dreamily, gripping her toddler’s hand as the kid shoved cotton candy into his mouth.

“I won’t make a bunch of promises to give you the perfect life, and to love you forever,” I added, slipping the ring back onto her finger. “Just let me
show
you what I can do. Give me an audition.”

“
Keaton,
” she whispered, and now we had an entire audience of cheering park patrons. “Are you seriously asking me to marry you? Is this just one of your acronyms acting up again?”

I gave a breathy laugh, gripping her hand possessively. “No. Maybe. I’m asking you to take this fucking ring and promise to give us a chance. Are you willing to do that?”

I waited, staring up at her from my knees.

She laughed, a tearful exhale that forced an instant smile to my face.

“You’re crazy. I’m crazy. Yes, to whatever you’re asking me,” she replied, so that only I could hear. I stood, swept her into my arms, and laid an Oscar-worthy kiss on her lips. The group around us burst into happy applause.

“Yeah, I’m crazy. But admit it, this weekend was better than six to nine months of dating in California, worrying that I won’t commit.”

“I don’t think you have any commitment issues, Maverick,” she teased.

I pulled her closer in my arms.

This Is The End

I made love to Keaton.

The words repeated over and over in my head.

I made love to him. Another man, not Matthew.

Against the bars of a jail cell.

Yes, it was a park exhibit, but
still
. Without a condom.
Yes
, I was on birth control, but what if it didn’t work?

It
has
to work, there’s no reason it wouldn’t.

I’m not due for the shot again until the end of July.

Or… was it June?

My armpits broke into an immediate sweat.
Fucking J months!

What if it didn’t
work?
Or what if he had some gross disease from his Hollywood wife?

Oh, my god, I have herpes.

No you don’t!

Yes I do.
And gonorrhea.

No, no. He’s clean.
He smells so clean and good…

You can’t smell an STD you fucking moron!

And then, I’d ordered him to tell me that he loved me. And then I said that I loved
him
.

Because I believed that I truly did love him.

And then I agreed to… marry him. I think?

I was an idiot.

He held my hand as we walked through the amusement park, and I could only stare straight ahead as everything began to sink in.

What am I doing… what AM I DOING? What in the hell am I doing?

Sex with Keaton had been everything that I imagined it would be, and then something happened.

My body felt like it had exploded and come together at the same time, igniting a fire that had been waiting, fueled and stoked and teased and impatient for years. I was right; it was feral,
wild
, and feeling him coming inside of me was better than anything I’d ever experienced.

Better than Matthew.

The admission sent instant nausea to my stomach. Now I started doubting what was happening, what I’d agreed to, where I was going…

And what I was about to do to Matthew.

Did I want to move on? Did I really want to say good-bye to Matthew forever? I thought that was what I wanted until I was standing directly in front of the Rollo-Coaster and focused on a man with Matthew’s height and build. He grinned down at a petite redhead, and his black framed glasses reflected off the Bumper Cars.

The psycho theme ripped through my head, and I felt like Sharon Stone was stabbing me repeatedly in the heart with an ice pick.

Matthew kissing another woman.

Holding another woman.

Sleeping with another woman.

No…

How had that not occurred to me in all of these months? How could I be so
sel
fish? How could I think that he would just be waiting for me, brooding and celibate while I figured my shit out?

“You look like you’re going to puke. Need to sit down?”

I lifted my eyes to Keaton’s, wavering on my feet. “Yeah. I-oh, no! The book! I needed to have those edits finished today-she has to send copies to a bunch of blogs by Friday-…,”

“Hey,” he caught my hand, leading me toward the giant, grassy hill in front of the stage. “Listen. We have a few hours until close, so why don’t I go grab a blanket out of the car, spread it out on the hill, and you can edit and I can stare at your legs. Okay?”

I gave him a shaky smile, admitting that I loved the way he took charge of every situation. “Through my jeans?”

“Jeans or no jeans, you’ve got the hottest legs I’ve ever seen.”

She blushed beautifully. “Thank you.”

He grinned mischievously, gesturing to the grass. “Wait here, kiddo. I’ll be right back.”

I returned his grin as I watched him jog up the hill, settling onto the cool grass.

Keaton was right. I owed Matthew at least a conversation, and I needed to make a choice. Either I could commit to all of the insane promises that Keaton and I had been exchanging over the past few hours, or I could go home with Matthew and try to work through everything that I’d been running from for the past year.

Or, I could just go back to Gram’s, and wait.

I called Robin. She answered on the first ring.

“Heyyy, sister. I can call you that, right?
Mrs
. Keaton Thane?”

“Hey, Robin.”

She chuckled, her sarcastic-raspy voice forcing a grin from me. “So, you’re at the park?”

“Yes.”

“Having fun?”

“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered, cupping my hand over my ear to attempt to block out the carousel music. “I’m falling in love with Keaton. You were right.”

“I always am.”

“But I never fell… out of love… with Matthew.”

“I know that, too.”