Bending Under Pressure (16 page)

“Everything okay, Hales?” I ask quietly.

She spins around to face me. “I don’t know,” she answers, her voice and frown indicating her confusion. “Can we go to your house now?”

I nod, hold out my hand, and then lead her to my car. She’s silent on the way back. She is gripping her phone in her hand and every few moments, she drops her gaze from the scenery to stare at it. As usual, my parents are out on their date, and Cam is at Jess’s house, so it’s only us. We walk inside and Haley sits down on the couch. I grab the remote to turn on the TV. After finding a DVD of
Fast and Furious
, I pop it in and turn to her.

“Want something to drink? Tea, Coke Zero, water?”

“Coke, please.”

Grinning, I say, “You really are a girl after my own heart, aren’t you? If only I could get you to see the light about Virginia Tech.”

A rush of accomplishment fills me when she laughs and rolls her eyes. “You wish, Keelan.”

I leave and grab us each a can. I take a seat next to her, start the movie, and relax into the couch. We both take a sip before setting our drinks down on the coffee table. My level of comfort around Haley rises the more I’m with her. It’s how I can reach over and take her hand without thinking too much about it. But I find myself still holding my breath for a reaction from her. I want to see how it affects her. See if it messes with her like it messes with me.

She squeezes my hand. From the corner of my eye, I watch her chest rise with a quick breath and then she rests her head on my shoulder. Just like that, we watch the movie. At one point, I get thirsty, but I’m comfortable and I like her leaning into to me, so I stay thirsty. It’s hard to focus on the movie completely. How can I? Haley is here, next to me, on our couch, in my house, and we’re alone. Thoughts of kissing her again, like we did when we were alone in her house, pass through my mind multiple times. However, I’m content with sitting like this with her.

When the movie ends, Haley says, “I just don’t get it.”

I frown. “Which part?”

She sits up, pulling her legs onto the couch after she takes off her shoes, and turns toward me. “Not the movie. I meant my dad. All this time, he’s wanted nothing to do with me. He’s barely tried to be in my life since we moved here. Now, all of a sudden, he wants to make things right. Why? What changed?”

I have no answers for her, or none that I think could be correct, but I try anyway. “Maybe he feels guilty now that you know what he did and has been doing since y’all left.”

“Oh, so now he grows a conscience?” She shakes her head, an angry glint in her eyes. “He gave me this long spell about how he was sorry and wanted to make things right with me. He apologized for showing up at my game like he did.” Haley pauses and hangs her head to look at her hands in her lap. “He sounded really sorry,” she whispers. Desperately, she wants to forgive him. I can tell by how she talks about him. She’s angry, but she obviously misses him too.

“Hales, I think you should give him a chance.”

Her head snaps up. “I want to, but he keeps bringing up his new family and how I would get along with Carly because she plays tennis too.” She takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to know them. They are a part of what ruined my family. He wants to thrust me into his new life. All I want is my dad back.”

“Did you tell him that?” I ask.

“No.”

“Then, you might want to.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “Yeah, yeah. I know. Are you racing Alan again tonight?”

“No. Have you met Finn yet? He’s on the baseball team?” Haley shakes her head. “Well, that’s who I’m racing.”

“Who usually wins?”

I crack a grin. “Who do you think?”

Haley laughs. “Okay, then who do you lose against? You can’t win them all.”

“Why not?” She tilts her head with an
oh, c’mon
look. “I’ve lost against everyone I’ve raced a handful of times,” I admit. “As far as you’ve seen,” I lean closer, “I’ve only lost when you were driving, but it was worth it.” Eliminating the distance between us, I do what I’ve wanted to do since the moment I saw her today.

I slip my hand beneath her silky blonde hair to gently grab her neck and kiss her. My intention was to simply press my lips to hers for a few moments and then pull away. But this is Haley and it’s impossible to stop tasting her. She’s like this vortex that keeps pulling me further and further in until I’m lost, my senses stripped and replaced with all things Haley. When I kiss her, there’s no pressure. Not to do well in school and in football. Not to learn about Natalie and Keira. Not to be the best, grateful kid to my parents. There’s only my Hales and me.

The kisses are slow, languid, and lazy. The heat that always seems to be between us, just below the surface, is still there, teasing us every so often with a suck on a tongue or quick lash of it against the other’s. When Haley’s hands grasp my face, my body seems to move on its own accord to lay us down. And I am on top of her.

Holy Hales.

But I feel a slight change in her, a quick tensing of her muscles. I pull away, resting my forehead against hers. My chest heaves with my heavy breathing. She doesn’t
seem
nervous, but her body is betraying her. Her fingers twitch against my cheeks.

“This okay?” I breathe, hoping it is because she feels good beneath me, but if it isn’t, then back upright we go.

Her eyes search mine. “Just this,” she whispers, pressing a quick kiss to my lips to reinforce her meaning.

Just kissing.

I can do that. It’s all I intended to do. I nod and lean in to kiss her again. We stay like that for a while. Our lips melding together fast and then slow before picking back up again. Soft then hard. It’s like my entire body is electrified when Haley gets as wrapped up in us as I am and releases a quiet, but throaty moan. My lips leave hers to explore. I travel down her jaw and then down her neck. When I place an open-mouthed kiss to the crook of her neck, Haley’s hands move to my chest.

“
Keelan
.”

My name.

One word.

Two syllables that echo desire and desperation; but it is also a plea.

I move to sit up, pulling her with me. She gives me a halfhearted, almost apologetic smile with her swollen well-kissed lips.

“I need space. Air. Coolness.” She grabs her drink and gulps it down, finishing it off. “Sorry.”

“No reason to be,” I tell her honestly. The room is beginning to glow with the light from the TV as it darkens outside. I run my hand through the hair at the back of her head, smoothing it out since it is a bit frazzled looking. Seeing the clock on the wall behind her, I notice the time. “I need to get you home.”

She nods. Her shoulders relax a little more like she’s relieved. Dang. Did I push her too much? Was it too much for her, us lying like that? Did I mess up when I allowed my mouth to venture away from hers?

“I’m sorry, Hales. I didn’t mean to...” my voice trails off because I’m not sure exactly how I made her feel, only that it’s not good.

Her eyes widen. “Oh. No. It’s not that exactly.” Heat begins to flush her cheeks.

“Then what?” I ask softly. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.

“It’s...it’s just...overwhelming.”

Now
that
I understand. However, I run toward it while she shies away from it. I nod in understanding. Suddenly, I remember Haley’s comment about how my mom taught me well, with my manners and behavior. She would be disappointed to know I pushed Haley a bit too far, far enough that she was overwhelmed and relieved that she was getting a break from me.

Wordlessly, I stand and hold out my hand. We don’t say anything as we go the short distance to her house. I feel so
bad
. So
guilty
. I park, walk around to open the door for her, but then close it and lean against it, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. Haley leans into me. When she rests her forehead against my chest and snakes her arms around my waist, I feel some relief.

I can’t mess up with her.

I can’t lose her.

She says she was overwhelmed, but on some level, she was uncomfortable, too.

“I’m sorry, Hales,” I repeat in a whisper as I dip my head closer to hers. “You should’ve said it wasn’t okay.” I’m certain that was the mistake. Lying down with her. It made her feel pressured because my body was against hers. I’m a total dick.

“It
was
okay,” she speaks into my chest. “When you kissed my neck,” I feel a shiver run through her, “it was too much. Don’t feel bad.” She tilts her head back to look at me. “When I let you know I needed to stop, we did. You pulled away. There’s nothing to feel bad about.” I nod. The porch light flickers behind me. Haley laughs. “That woman, I swear,” she mutters, but she’s smiling. “Midnight, right?”

“I’ll text you when I’m leaving my house.”

So, I walk her to her door, kiss her cheek, and retreat to my car. About an hour after I get home, Cam comes into my room.

“Bad news about tonight,” he says, sitting down in his usual chair.

“Finn was at Dead Man’s Curve and said there was a cop circling the road. Thirty minutes later, one of his friends went down there, and he was still close by. We don’t need to go tonight.”

“A cop? Seriously? They’re never around.”

Cameron shakes his head. “I don’t know what’s up with it. You think old man Robinson complained?”

Mr. Robinson lives at the beginning of Dead Man’s Curve on the road adjacent to it in one of the few houses fairly close to the road. He could sit on his front porch and watch us take off if he wanted.

“I doubt it. We’ve been doing it for a year. Why complain now?”

“Maybe it’s just a fluke then. We’ll need to be on the lookout for the next few weeks though. Maybe switch up the nights again. Or lay low.” When the races first started for us, we alternated on different nights of the week because we were terrified of making one night a routine and getting caught. Plus, it’s a lot easier to be out late on the weekends or sneak out then than during the week.

“Let’s switch up the nights first.” I grab my phone to text Haley of the news.

He nods in agreement. “Haley any good at driving your stick?” He grins and I laugh.

“She did well, yeah. You still nervous about sleeping with Jess?”

Cam loses his smile and groans. “Man, every time I kiss her now, I hear Mom’s voice in my head.” He pitches his voice higher to mimic her voice. “If you don’t want to be a daddy, don’t have sex. Condoms aren’t one hundred percent. It could be more special if you wait until you’re married. You’re too young to be having sex in high school. Too much responsibility.” Mom has told us each of those things before.

“It’s the parent one that gets to me,” he continues. “No way do I want to be in that situation.” His heavy exhale and lost gaze lets me know he’s remembering the beginning of his life. Cam shakes his head. “All this time, I’ve been waiting for her to be ready, to say the word, and now? I don’t even know if
I’m
ready.” His knuckles graze his jaw at a steady pace. “What is that going to do to us if I tell her that? I love her, Keelan, but I don’t know if I can do it, especially if Mom keeps popping into my head when I kiss her.”

“What in the world are you two talking about?” Dad asks with a confused, wary expression on his face as he enters my room. He clearly heard the last bit of what Cameron said. Dad sits on the edge of my bed. “Well?” he asks Cam.

“I don’t want to tell you,” Cam answers in a low voice.

“If you’re thinking of Mom when you kiss Jess, then we probably need to talk.”

I laugh at Dad’s joke and Cam narrows his eyes at me. Dad ignores us both, keeping his focus on Cameron.

“Fine,” Cam groans. He presses his knuckles into his jaw. “You can’t tell Mom.”

Dad folds his arms over his chest, not making any promises as expected.

Cam huffs. “Jess wants to have sex, and I’m freaking out,” he rushes.

Dad oddly seems relieved as his shoulders sag and he takes a deep breath. “You two haven’t yet?”

“No.”

“Good. You don’t need to. If you haven’t yet, then you can keep on that way. I know kids your age either are doing it, or say they’re doing it, but you’re still kids. There’s no rush when you have the rest of your lives.” Dad seems to mull something over. “Do you know why Jess all of a sudden wants to?”

Cam shakes his head. “She only said she was ready.”

Dad laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Girls aren’t that simple, son. Find out. Wait longer. If you’re freaking out at the thought of it, it’s a sign. You don’t need to do it.” Dad looks to me and then back to Cam. “Both of you need to wait. The last thing we want is grandchildren. We’re too young for that.” They are in their mid-sixties. This time, his laugh is genuine. “I hope Mom pops into your head all the time now.”

Cameron doesn’t get to make his retort because Mom has walked into the room. She sits next to Dad, who wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“What are my boys doing in here? Scheming?”

“Catching up on their day,” Dad answers.

Of course, we now recount our day to our parents. I can’t help but think about Natalie. Where does she fit in with this picture? Does she fit at all?