Bent not Broken (53 page)

At the third store, I found a dress we both approved of. It was dark green and fell to just below the knees, accentuating my slender waist and the modest flare of my hips without being too revealing. Nicholas always wanted me to look my best on these nights, and I had never let him down. I wasn’t vain, but I knew the way people reacted to me. It was the very reason Nicholas wanted me on his arm when he entered a room.

At least shopping was a good distraction from the pain. It always fluttered around the edges, ready to burst through and send me spiraling. I’d learned long ago how to push the ache aside until I was alone.

By the time Katie had settled on a deep sapphire blue cocktail dress, it was nearing two.

“Hey, Katie, we’d better get home if we’re going to have enough time to get ready.”

She glanced at me as she slid her credit card back into her wallet. “I need to make one more stop at a little jewelry store up the street.”

I hated jewelry stores. They all seemed to have a snobbish feel to them, a little like the house I lived in. I hated anything pretentious, yet somehow I’d managed to surround my life with those types of things and people.

With one look at me, she squashed all my objections on the tip of my tongue. “This one’s different. They have an antique section. You’ll love it.”

Katie knew how to get me. I loved all things old. Old books, old furniture, old jewelry—anything somebody else had used and loved.

I could spend hours walking around in an antique store. I could imagine a mother with her son on her lap rocking him in a wooden rocker as she read him a bedtime story. I could picture a beautiful young woman in her wedding dress, holding onto the arm of her lover as they posed for a black and white photo. I could feel the anticipation as a man proposed, sliding his grandmother’s ring onto his future wife’s finger, asking her to be his forever. I could almost feel the joy and sorrow forever etched into each piece.

We entered the little store and I went straight for the antique section. I never bought anything but would immerse myself in another person’s world for just a few moments. I fingered the rings worn into the shape of the owner’s finger through years of use, feeling the stones set in gold. I smiled as I imagined all the places they had been. There were bracelets, some in perfect condition and others bearing the patina of age. Those were my favorites. I continued onto the necklaces, old pearls and diamond pendants worn with pride to the most formal of events.

I trailed my fingers along the display, gasping aloud at what I found next. Reaching out, I clutched the simple pendant in my palm as I was thrown into the past. Though it seemed impossible, it was the same.

April 1998

“You don’t have anything to be nervous about,” I kept telling myself over and over. “It’s Daniel—my Daniel.”

The last seven months had been indescribable. I would never have imagined that I could find a love like this, but I had known it that first day.

When I’d finished my freshman year of high school in Dallas, I’d never planned to leave. But when Dad decided to move to Colorado after Cheryl kicked him out and filed for divorce, I had to go with him. He was hurting. I’d never seen him like that, and I couldn’t stand the thought of him moving out there alone. Mom had resisted at first but relented when I convinced her Dad needed me more than she did.

I’d never traveled outside of Texas before and was amazed by the beauty of Colorado Springs. In Dallas, I’d been surrounded by skyscrapers built on flat plains. Here I found myself surrounded by snowcapped mountains. Everything was green and lush, the opposite of Dallas. I loved it, though the fondness I felt for Colorado Springs may have been completely due to the people I’d met here.

I’d come for my dad, but it was here I’d found my life.

Erin had been so nice the day I had started work at the little coffee shop. I’d been nervous, but she’d shown me around, giving me advice, and at the end of our shift, she had invited me to her house to hang out the next day. I’d had no idea that accepting her invitation was going to change the course of my life.

Something had stirred in me the moment Dad had stopped the car. It had only intensified when I walked inside. It was as if the air around me was filled with a magnetism drawing me forward, urging me ahead. That call was met by hazel eyes, the outer portions lined in brown, melting into variations of green flecked in gold.

For an instant, I’d froze, my mind trying to catch up with what my heart was already racing toward. It was as if my heart jumped to life, not realizing it had lain dormant before that moment.

I was unable to look away while he remained motionless at the top of the stairs. His dark-blond hair was unruly, the loose, wavy curls coming down just over his ears and brow. He was tall and slim, every inch formed, from the toned muscles showing on his forearms to his well-defined chin. He was perfect. But none of that would have mattered because his eyes alone swallowed me whole.

And I hadn’t been away from him for a single day since.

My heart fluttered again with thoughts of Daniel as I packed my bag for my sixteenth birthday. The rest of his family had gone to San Diego for the weekend, so we had the place to ourselves.

I rushed down the hall, preparing myself for Dad. I hated lying to him.

“Hey, Dad.” He was on the couch drinking a beer, staring unseeing at the TV. He wasn’t dealing well with the divorce, and I was starting to really worry about him. Not once in my entire life had I seen him drink, and now he did on a daily basis.

Pulled from his thoughts, he turned to me and forced a smile, setting his beer on the coffee table. “Happy birthday, Mel.”

“Thanks.” I felt nervous and was sure it was written all over my face. “Umm, Stacy’s picking me up to go watch a movie, and then I’m spending the night at her house. Is that okay?”

“Well sure, honey, you have fun.” He turned back to the TV and picked up his beer. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I raced out the door. Stacy was parked on the street, and I climbed into her car. “Thanks for doing this.” I smiled at her, feeling guilty for involving her in my lie.

“No problem. Just have a happy sixteenth, okay?” She pulled into the grocery store parking lot where Daniel waited for me.

“Thanks,” I said. “See you Monday at school.”

She grinned and mouthed, “Have fun,” as she drove away.

“Hey, baby.” Two strong arms wrapped around my waist, and I turned to look at Daniel’s face. “Happy birthday.” He kissed me and led me around to my side of the car.

“Ready?” he asked as he climbed into the driver’s seat. I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt, realizing the double entendre. Was I ready? I thought I was, but that didn’t make me any less nervous. I didn’t say anything, and I could tell the silence set Daniel on edge.

He reached over and brushed my hair behind my ear. “Hey, look at me. You know we don’t have to do this, right? I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready to do.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek, and I knew he meant it. He would never do anything to hurt me.

“Are you ready?” I hesitantly looked at him, already knowing his answer.

“Of course I want to.” He raised his eyebrow a little bit, and I knew exactly what he meant. He’d had a hard time holding himself back for the last seven months, but he’d never pushed. “But that doesn’t matter. I’d wait for you forever.”

That’s why I wanted Daniel to have this part of me. I knew he loved me, and he’d wait for me no matter how long that was. It wasn’t like we hadn’t talked about it and planned for this day, but it didn’t stop the butterflies. We’d committed our lives to each other; now it was time to commit our bodies.

I smiled softly at him, took his hand, and folded it into my lap.

“No, I’m ready, just nervous.”

He nodded and pulled out onto the road.

When we arrived, he parked in the driveway and came around to help me out.

I couldn’t help but notice how his hand trembled against mine. He was just as nervous as I was. This would be his first time too.

As soon as we walked through the door, he pulled me into his arms. We just stood there wrapped up in each other, neither of us saying anything. We didn’t need to.

He kissed me again and then led me into the den. A fire crackled in the fireplace, warming the chilly April air. Candles glowed around the room, and blankets and pillows were spread out in front of the fireplace.

“Come here. I have something for you.”

He led me to the nest of blankets and sat me down. I took off my shoes and threw them to the side, crossing my legs under me.

Daniel knelt in front of me, handing me a small box. “Happy birthday.”

I unwrapped the gift, putting the paper aside and opening the lid to the black velvet box.

“Daniel,” I whispered. “How, how?” I couldn’t even get the question out. Emotions swirled, leaving me without words.

I had seen the necklace in an antique store on our first date, a flat gold pendant with delicate artwork etched on the front of it, but so worn, it was impossible to tell what it had been. I’d fallen in love with it, but hadn’t said a word, simply admired it with a smile and moved on.

“Do you like it? I saw your face when you first saw it in the store, and I wanted you to have it. I know it’s old, and I hope I didn’t ruin it, but I wanted it to have a part of us as well.”

He pulled the pendant from the box and flipped it over to reveal the cursive “D & M” engraved on the back.

“I love it.” I pulled him to me, trying to show him in my kiss just how much it meant to me that he knew me so well. I had never received a better gift. “And I love you,” I whispered against his mouth.

“I wish I could tell you how much I love you,” he whispered, “How much you mean to me.” He ran his nose over my cheek and continued down my neck, setting a fire across my skin, churning coals that burst into flames deep within my soul.

“Show me.”

Tears welled up and spilled over, running down my face unchecked. My chest constricted as an intense mixture of love and pain broke through the walls I had so carefully put into place. I heard a strangled sob and realized it was coming from me.

I felt a soft hand on my arm.

“Mel, what’s wrong?” Katie’s voice was filled with concern as she took in the expression on my face.

I couldn’t speak, my breathing rapid and strained, but I managed to wheeze out, “Daniel.”

She looked down at my clenched hand. She pried my fingers loose, searching for what was within.

She studied the pendant for a moment and then ran her finger over the faded “D & M.” A small, knowing smile formed on her lips, and she walked it straight to the register.

****

I stood under the hot stream of water feeling dazed. I still couldn’t believe it had come back to me. My hand went to the chain around my neck. I could almost feel the energy radiating from it.

I breathed deeply, allowing that energy to comfort me.

When I’d come back from Colorado that last time, I’d tried to rid myself of every memory of the life I could no longer have. I’d packed everything he’d ever given me in a box and dumped it at Goodwill, leaving it there as if it would somehow make me forget.

The next morning I’d panicked, knowing I never
wanted
to forget. Those were the only memories that would ever mean anything to me. I needed them to survive. I’d gone to get it all back, but it was too late. The one thing I wanted most was gone.

Yet fate had brought it back to me, confirming what my heart had told me all along. Daniel loved me. That knowledge alone gave me the first true joy I had felt in years.

I finished my shower, surprised to feel refreshed. I always felt tired and worn, but there was something I didn’t quite understand bubbling under the surface of my consciousness.

The door slammed downstairs, and all the comfort I’d felt evaporated. I replaced the towel with a robe, having no desire for Nicholas to see me so exposed. His feet pounded against the stairs.

“I’m late.” He sounded frustrated as he kicked off his shoes, stripped, and stepped into the shower. I was surprised he hadn’t been home earlier, but it was a pleasant surprise. At least I’d had the time in the shower to be alone in my thoughts. Now it was time to put on my mask and play my part. Nights like these were the whole reason I was here.

“I picked up your suit from the cleaners earlier. It’s hanging in the closet.”

He nodded as he shut the shower door behind him.

Nicholas was in and out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the cabinet.

“This night has to be perfect, Melanie.” He looked at me with a warning in his eyes as he dried himself off.

I didn’t know why he thought he had to instruct me about how to act. I’d never let him down before. I was there to make him look good, and that’s what I did.

“Of course, Nicholas.” I simply agreed with him, saying as little as possible.

After finishing my hair, I stepped into the huge walk-in closet attached to the bathroom to get my dress. Nicholas was already there, putting on his suit.

I rushed as I dropped the robe from my body, hoping to get dressed before he noticed. Of course, I failed. Nicholas groaned from behind me. I hurried to pull my underwear on, trying to ignore him.

“Turn around, let me see you,” he demanded.

Shit. I hated this.

Slowly, I turned, my underwear my only source of cover. I kept my head down, refusing to make eye contact with him.

“You’re almost perfect,
Melanie
,” he sneered at me, hate dripping from his words. I wondered if he despised me as much as I did him. He looked me up and down, reaching out to run his fingers in a line from my neck, to my bellybutton, where he jerked his hand away. “You need to see a plastic surgeon. I’m sick of looking at those scars.” He turned away from me to finish dressing, his use for me over for the moment.