Beta Test (#gaymers) (19 page)

“Tease it,” Ravi ordered. “Don’t go straight to finger fucking.”

Oh yes. Tristan loved knowing exactly what Ravi wanted, loved not having to even ask for directions, loved that Ravi was totally comfortable with this, to the point that he held one leg back to give Tristan better access.

And this might all be new to him, but he knew how to coax pleasure without penetration—fingering like this was one of his favorite things when he masturbated, and he did all his favorite things for Ravi. Running his fingers around and around the rim, he lingered everywhere that got a moan from Ravi, gradually progressing to little flicks and harder rubbing. Coordinating his hand with his mouth was a bit tricky, but he loved the dueling sensations of giving and receiving in the same instant. Sucking and fingering. Fingering and sucking. He could happily do this all night.

“Now,” Ravi panted. “Give me more.”

Gently, Tristan eased a finger in, loving how Ravi didn’t hold back his moan of satisfaction as Tristan breached the tight ring of muscle. He continued to tease, fucking in then retreating, waiting until Ravi was rocking up to meet his hand before going deep. The angle was a bit different, but he knew what he was looking for, crooking his finger until—

“Yes. Right there. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.”

Tristan had to laugh because never, ever had anything felt as good as knowing he was giving this much pleasure to Ravi.

“Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Ravi continued to chant, but he raised his head off the mattress. “You’re too damn good at that. And I love feeling you rubbing on me.”

Tristan made an inarticulate noise and pulled his fingers back because he hadn’t realized he was humping against Ravi’s leg until he mentioned it. But Ravi didn’t seem to care.

“Would you like to fuck me for real? There’s a condom in my wallet on the floor.”

“I...I’ve never topped.” His whole face heated.

“Kind of figured.” Ravi grinned at him. “Don’t worry, I’m going to talk you through it.”

Oh yes please.
Ravi talking
about
talking was almost enough to get Tristan off right then. “I...that would help. Patrick—”

“Was an idiot,” Ravi said firmly. And maybe Patrick was. He sure as heck hadn’t had Ravi’s oral skills. But he’d also made it clear that he thought Tristan was too clumsy to top, like he didn’t trust Tristan to get it right. And Tristan was
all
about getting this right for Ravi.

Ravi rolled away, snagging his pants with one hand and extracting his wallet. He tossed a condom on the bed but scooped it back up before Tristan could grab it and try to sort out putting it on. He winked at Tristan. “Let me handle this part.”

Tristan had to bite his lip to keep from coming as Ravi made short work of getting the condom on. “Now rule one is there’s never such a thing as too much lube.” He rubbed a generous handful up and down Tristan’s dick before fingering himself, pushing more lube inside.

“Oh fuck. I could come just from watching you do that.”

“Better not.” Ravi laughed. “Want me on my knees or want to do this my favorite way?”

“Favorite way.” Tristan didn’t even have to think about it. While the control of being behind Ravi was a nice thought, he was all about whatever made Ravi the happiest, and he eagerly complied as Ravi arranged him half-sitting up against the headboard and pillows.

“I’ll let you finish on top if you want, but I love this way to start, love sitting up.”

This wasn’t a position Tristan had encountered in a lot of porn, so it took him a second to process the logistics. But Ravi had no such hesitance, bracing himself with one hand on Tristan’s shoulder and the other reaching behind him to steady Tristan’s dick while he—

“Ohmigosh.” All Tristan’s oxygen escaped in a rush as Ravi started to lower himself down. It was tight, it was hot and it was nothing like his imagination had ever provided. And Ravi straddling his lap was the sexiest thing ever. Ravi’s feet hugged Tristan’s hips as he started to slowly rock, moaning softly.

“Yeah, see. You’ve got to start slow, okay? Let the other guy set the rhythm at first.”

Tristan didn’t want to think about other guys right then. Maybe not ever. “Whatever you need,” he said breathlessly.

A wide smile broke out across Ravi’s face. He leaned back, hands landing on Tristan’s knees. “Gonna hold you to that.”

* * *

Tristan was the sweetest guy Ravi had ever hooked up with. That much was certain. Everything else was rather muddled right then, including Ravi’s emotions. But all he could really focus on was Tristan’s thick cock and finding the perfect angle where he could both get pressure on his gland and bend down and kiss Tristan. He couldn’t quite manage that, but Tristan nuzzling his chest was a nice consolation prize. This position burned Ravi’s quads, but he loved it for the control it gave him over the fuck.

“Um...not gonna have to flip positions for me to come...” Tristan gave a self-conscious laugh even as he got into the motion, getting a hand on Ravi’s hip. Tristan’s moans sounded like he was the one getting fucked, which was exactly how Ravi liked it.

“Driving you crazy, baby?” Ravi loved knowing he was pushing Tristan to the brink. “Don’t come yet.”

“Not before you,” Tristan said earnestly, but his squished-closed eyes and trembling muscles said he might have trouble keeping to that.

“Flip.” Ravi made an executive decision that if this were Tristan’s first time topping, he really should get to experience it from both sides, so to speak. He moved to kneel next to Tristan, holding on to the thick wood headboard.

“Now remember what I said about nice and slow at first. Let me push back onto you.”

“Got it.” Tristan moved into position then held his cock and body so steady Ravi wondered if the guy was even breathing. But true to his word, he didn’t so much as budge while Ravi gradually pushed back onto his cock. Ravi gave a couple of experimental rocks, riding Tristan’s cock until he found
almost
the right angle.

“Tilt your hips,” he commanded. Tristan instantly complied, aiming right for Ravi’s gland. “Yeah, exactly like that. You’re a natural.”

“How...how do I make you come?” Tristan’s voice was strained yet insistent.

“One hand on my dick, other flicking my nipples.” Ravi went for the simple, direct route to getting himself off.

“Oh
thank you
.” Tristan managed to make Ravi’s orders sound like the best present ever. He followed directions, stroking Ravi’s cock with the perfect grip while he fiddled with his nipple rings. Then the perfectionist went for extra credit, bending forward to kiss and lick Ravi’s neck. Electricity rained down Ravi’s spine, making his neurons glow like rows of Diwali lights.

“Going to...” Ravi’s body tightened, anticipating, ready to—

“Me too. Oh God. Me too.”

Boom.
That. Right there. He tipped over into climaxing with a single moan from Tristan. He swore he could feel Tristan’s pulse, feel every ounce of tension in his muscles. For a brief, shiny moment, it felt like their every cell aligned, like they connected on some fundamental, primal level. Ravi’s ass spasmed hard around Tristan’s cock as his own unleashed spurt after spurt across Tristan’s headboard.
Oops.
Ravi couldn’t be bothered to care about that right then though, collapsing backward the second Tristan pulled out. Tristan was breathing like he’d run his first 10k with no prep.

Ravi grinned up at him. “Nope. Still not bad at sex. Going to have to try harder.”

“Shut up.” Tristan used his shirt to wipe off the headboard before flopping next to Ravi. “Seriously though, that was good? Not just first-time-good but good-good?”

“It was most def good-good.” Ravi laughed. It would be easy to pretend like a connection like that happened every time he fucked, let Tristan believe this was simply average sex. But Ravi couldn’t keep his own wonder at bay.

Tristan touched Ravi’s face, fingers light and gentle. “Stay tonight? We can shower, and I’ve got some T-shirts and flannel pants you could borrow—”

Ravi cut him off with a kiss. “You had me at shower. And I’ve got a training run tomorrow morning with my race friends, but my workout stuff is in the backseat of my car.”

“Good. There’s a coffee place down on the corner. I’ll get you a cup in the morning while you get ready.” Tristan gave a smile so sweet it gave Ravi an instant toothache.

Oh
,
Tris
,
what am I going to do with you?
“This—”

“Doesn’t mean anything.
I
know
.” Tristan sat up, smile dimming. “But the thing is, we seem to keep doing it.”

“Yeah.” Ravi closed his eyes against Tristan’s wounded expression. “We do.”

“Is it really
that
much harder to keep things quiet here? No one from work visits me. No one lives near me—”

“Meena lives in my complex, and Noah and Adrian live close.”

“So no sleepovers there. But that doesn’t mean we can’t...find some middle ground.”

“Like friends-with-secret-benefits?”

“Exactly. I want to be your friend,” Tristan said in a quiet, earnest voice that hit Ravi like a missile from a
Space Villager
gunship. Like
boom!
There went the quiet, happy little planet of Ravi’s life. Because he’d
had
plenty of friends-with-benefits, and not a single one of them could make Ravi’s insides wobble like this. He didn’t want to be Tristan’s friend; he wanted to be Tristan’s everything.

And therein lay impossibility. Tristan wanted a secret boyfriend because that was his MO—he was too scared to stand up to his parents and live his life. That wasn’t how Ravi rolled. Ravi needed the secrecy to avoid fucking up work for either of them, but if he had a boyfriend, he wanted the conspicuous kind. The kind who went out with him and his friends, the kind he could brag about and show off. That wasn’t ever going to be Tristan. Ravi needed to end things.

“I want to be your friend too,” he said softly. “But I
love
my new project. And I know full well how it feels to lose work I love when things go south.” He didn’t mention how much more he liked Tristan than Emilio and how losing that was going to kill him too.

“What if you stop worrying about when things go south?” Tristan pressed a gentle kiss to Ravi’s lips. “I’m taking a risk here too. But I...I’m not ready to quit this thing.”

The tremor in Tristan’s voice was what did it. It blew past logic and fear, leaving only the desperate desire to make Tristan smile, to let him know that he wasn’t alone in bringing scary feelings to light. “I’m not either.”

He opened his eyes in time to see Tristan beam, and his heart did this strange little wobble.
I
am so fucking screwed.

Chapter Nineteen

Monday night was one of Ravi’s volunteer nights, so Tristan was home alone washing sheets. Because that was what happened when your secret so-not-a-boyfriend hung around all weekend and you had three nights of rather inventive, definitely-not-awful sex: you washed
all
the sheets. He’d run through all the sheet sets he owned, something Ravi had found hilarious, and Tristan found himself stupidly proud of. He’d never so much as had sex in this apartment before Ravi.

And he didn’t know what other guys did, but if Ravi kept hanging around, Tristan foresaw
a
lot
of laundry in his future. But he’d buy stock in Tide if it meant more weekends like last one. He hadn’t had anything like this since Patrick. Ravi had left for his running friends on Saturday morning, but then returned that evening. Sunday Ravi had a birthday party for some other friends, but he’d returned to Tristan in time to share dinner together.

I
could get way too used to this.

Ring.
Ring.
Tristan’s cell sounded as he put the sheets into the dryer. The picture on the caller ID screen reminded him exactly why he shouldn’t get too comfortable with Ravi.

“Hi, Mom. This is a surprise.”

His mother usually called every other Friday night, right after her tennis match, and right before her dinner with his father. His first few semesters in college, she’d called a bit more often, asked more questions about his life and his friends, but they’d settled into the stilted biweekly conversation routine after he’d come out.

“A good one, I hope?” His mom laughed before he could answer. “I won’t keep you long. I just wanted you to hear the news from me and not from idle speculation in the political rags.”

“You made your decision, then?” He sank down onto the stool in the laundry area. He’d been hoping against hope for
months
that she’d announce her retirement and be a normal retiree. Golf. Tennis. Not so much in the public eye. Maybe a
bit
more accepting about him...
Nope.

“The committee has been just
relentless.
” His mother tried for world-weary exhaustion, but Tristan knew her well enough to know that she secretly loved the attention. “They want me to run in the special gubernatorial election. Oh, I won’t win, of course. I’m pragmatic enough to know that, but I can help shape the conversation. And you never know...”

Except sometimes you did. “People love you, Mom. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

He wasn’t lying—she was gregarious, confident and well-liked by everyone she met, traits he absolutely hadn’t gotten from her. And it would be just his luck if she won, and he had four more years of having to be super careful about his personal life.

“Oh hush. Now, I need you to come to Pasadena the weekend of the thirteenth. The Conservative Justice League is honoring me with my first fundraiser, and it’s when I’ll make the official announcement and platform speech. They need a unified family presence.”

His hand tightened around the top rung of the stool. The smell of bleach stung his sinuses, and a firm
no way
hovered on the edge of his tongue. “I’m not sure I can get free—”

“Tristan. We did not send you to one of the top business schools to have you languish in this...parody of a job. I want to talk to you about your future when you come. I have some ideas.”