Beta Test (#gaymers) (21 page)

Josiah’s family lived north of San Vicente Boulevard, in a house that reminded Tristan a lot of the home where he’d grown up in Newport Beach—a large estate with a semicircle drive and midcentury modern styling. Josiah apparently lived in the pool house, which given that he was some kind of wonder kid who’d graduated college really young, totally fit what Tristan knew of the guy. Apparently Josiah’s mother didn’t mind risking her furniture and decor to a huge group of guys.

“Your mother is seriously okay with you doing this while she’s out of town?” Tristan asked as they followed Josiah to the kitchen to stow the snacks.

“Oh yeah. This isn’t the first time. The cleaning service arrives at nine on Monday morning. As long as everyone’s out by then and I pay the cleaners, we’re cool. Mom likes that I have friends.”

“That’s...neat.” Tristan’s mom had always acted like Derek’s herd of friends was an insult to her sensibilities, then later had seemed relieved at Tristan’s lack of social life. Maybe that was why he’d never worked that hard to get friends.

“Anyway, we’ve got board games in the dining room, Xbox and Sega in the lounge downstairs and the media room, and the
Space Villager
pod-racer module and
War Elf
happening throughout the house. You’ll recognize a lot of people from work, but I’ve also got other friends here too. Everyone’s really friendly.” Josiah grabbed Tristan’s arm and began a manic-fast tour of the two-level house, dragging Tristan along from point to point.

All told there were probably thirty or more people scattered throughout the house and yard, with some people lounging by the large pool and hot tub outside too. Meena and her husband were in the dining area with the board gamers, while Adrian and Noah were showing off the pod-racing module’s latest tweaks in a conversation area tucked behind the kitchen.

“
War Elf
? Been forever since I played that one,” Ravi said as they came back around to the main part of the house, stopping to grab some pretzels. “Is there a battleground challenge going on that we could get in on?”

“Absolutely. Follow me. You guys can be on my team.” Josiah still hadn’t released Tristan’s arm and he steered them into the large, open living room area. He finally let go of Tristan long enough for them to get their laptops out and get settled on one of the long leather couches.

“It’s okay if you’re not familiar with this one,” Ravi said to Tristan. “It’s a basic capture-the-flag type team challenge. You’ll catch on quick.”

“I’ve played.” Tristan restrained himself from laughing. “It’s been a while, but I think I remember the basics.”

“If you don’t want to just play the default warrior, you’re welcome to give my chieftain a shot,” Josiah offered. “She’s level twenty but I haven’t played in a while so the gear’s a bit out of date.”

“Take him up on it,” Ravi urged. “You’ll have more fun with more powers, and this way everyone won’t have you pegged as a newbie. Highest I’ve got is a druid elf, and they’re kind of tricky to pick up on the fly.”

“Um, sure.” Tristan accepted the laptop Josiah plunked down in front of him and fixed his hotbar while Josiah queued them all up for a private battleground. It had been a long time since he’d played a chieftain, but he thought he remembered a fair number of the spells and stances and combos.

Josiah continued to hover as they got started with the game. The random assignment turned out to be a craggy mountain map, and the rugged landscape with deep canyons and rocky cliff faces made maneuvering difficult. Still, Tristan thought he remembered his way around even though it had been a while.

“Hey, stick with me,” Ravi said. “I can cover for you.”

“It’s okay.” Tristan ignored the command, quickly ducked down a narrow gorge and slipped ahead of the rest of his team while they jockeyed for position in the center of the map. Ravi might be in charge—blissfully so—in the bedroom, but here, Tristan got to call some shots.

“Hey!” A shout went up from a redheaded guy across the room. “Who’s got the flag?”

“Dude, whoever it is, they are fast.” The redhead’s friend next to him thumped the tan leather couch with his fist before returning to his laptop.

“You got it?” Josiah leaned over Tristan to peer at Ravi’s screen.

“Like I’d say out loud.” Ravi didn’t look up from his screen.

“Shit. It’s the chieftain,” the redhead whined when Tristan couldn’t hide in the gorge any longer and had to cross an open spot of terrain, giving himself away. Two warriors and a druid angled to intercept him, but Tristan activated his speed boost and darted out of the way, throwing spells and dodging their blows. Damn. He’d forgotten how much fun it was to be sucked into a fight and get high on the gaming buzz.

“I’m on my way—holy fuck.” Ravi’s voice went from concerned to amazed as Tristan crossed back into friendly territory, and hell if Tristan didn’t revel a bit in that awe, showing off more now that he knew Ravi was watching. Spells were still coming his way, melee characters having given up, but Tristan danced and wove through the hilly terrain and managed to break line of sight for most of them, rendering their damage harmless. The cooldown on his speed boost came up just in time for him to return to their home base at a full-on triumphant sprint.

“Winner!” Josiah crowed. “You’ve been holding out on us!”

“I’ll say,” Ravi muttered.

“Want me to play my own character in the next round?” Tristan asked, all nonchalantly, still trying not to grin like a lunatic. He booted up his own laptop.

“Thought you’d never done a LAN party before?” Ravi asked, all suspicious now.

“I haven’t, but I...uh...logged a ton of hours in high school and college. And maybe a few since.” Enough to only need to wait for a two-minute game patch, anyway. Ravi and Josiah leaned in to watch the game load. Tristan’s favorite character winked back at him from the welcome screen.

“‘A few?’ You guys, he’s a high wizard and he’s got a firedrake battle-charger. Oh my god. If you don’t let me play him sometime this weekend, I’m going to totally do something horrible to you while you sleep.” Josiah laughed, a deep, full infectious sound.

“He’s not kidding,” the redhead said. “Hide the sharpies.”

“I’ve never even seen a high wizard, and I’ve been to plenty of these. Can’t you only get a battle-charger by winning the annual online tourney?” Ravi shook his head, the same awe in his voice from when they’d been playing. Seeing as how it was usually Ravi who blew Tristan’s mind with his talents—both at work and in bed—Tristan’s pulse gave a happy thrum to be the badass for a change.

“It’s no big deal.” He shrugged, trying hard to suppress a grin. He’d won a lot of tourneys and one-on-one battles over the years, and being able to impress guys had never been his top objective. But it was pretty darn cool nonetheless.

“How about you come sit over here?” The redhead’s friend, who had a platinum mohawk, patted the space next to him on the couch.

“Stay.” Ravi pressed down on Tristan’s shoulder, like he might be tempted to escape. The touch felt solid and real, a tangible reminder of the connection they shared far beyond the game.

“We’re keeping him,” Josiah called to the others.

For the first time, possibly
ever
, Tristan felt like he totally fit in somewhere. This was his team. His man, even if no one else could know that part. Who would have guessed that the game his parents gave him such a hassle over playing would be his ticket to finally fitting in?

“He’s ours,” Ravi added, and Tristan’s gut gave a deep ache. He wanted to belong to this man in the worst way.

* * *

The kitchen area was deserted when Ravi went in search of another beer. Josiah’s house was seriously swank, in one of the best neighborhoods in Santa Monica, with a killer view. And for all Josiah could be a bit of a live wire, he had the hosting thing down. Ravi wasn’t really much for gaming on his own unless his guys demanded his presence online and he had nothing better to do, but there was something magical about the late-night hours at a LAN party when conversations turned serious and hushed among those not gaming out of respect for those sleeping and those still playing—rivalries became deadly serious after midnight. He’d drifted away from the
War Elf
crowd a few hours ago—both because he liked moving between different groups and because he’d needed to go kick some ass on the first-person shooter games. The
War Elf
mechanic allowing them to assemble their own armies meant his casual-level player status ended up essentially being Tristan’s backup, which was...humbling.

He popped open the beer and headed out on the patio for a breather. It was also strangely arousing, watching someone so effortlessly competent throw spells and take down bigger and stronger opponents, all with the same guileless smile. The same guy who was so hesitant behind the wheel of the truck had lightning-fast reflexes in-game and wasn’t afraid to shout orders.

That’s my guy
, Ravi had wanted to crow more than once. But of course, he didn’t. Couldn’t. Speaking of his man, Ravi spotted a familiar figure on the balcony overlooking the front of the property. Feet moving without the permission of his brain, Ravi followed the patio around the house to the Adirondack chairs where Tristan lounged, all alone.

“Get tired of your new fan club?” Ravi took the chair next to him.

“Nah...just getting sleepy. I’m not used to this much interaction for this many hours.”

“You’re doing great,” Ravi said, resisting the urge to reach over and pat Tristan’s arm or thigh. “And seriously, why didn’t you ever tell any of us that you’re a hardcore gamer? I guarantee you’ll be getting a lot more respect around the office now.”

Tristan shrugged. “Just didn’t feel relevant, and gaming is...private for me.”

“Private?” That was a new one for Ravi. “How can gaming be private?”

Tristan was quiet for several moments, the stillness of the night blanketing them, making Ravi more patient than usual. “After Derek died, it felt like everyone just forgot about me. I know that sounds all whiny—”

“No, I think it sounds like a kid who had a really crappy thing happen.” Fuck it. Ravi went ahead and put a hand on Tristan’s leg.

“Anyway, someone gave me a copy of the early version of the game, and it was like...this whole universe opened up. One where I could be alone and not have to deal with people or questions or expectations. I wasn’t Derek, wasn’t ever going to
be
Derek, but in the game...I could be someone,” Tristan said quietly.

“Tris, you
are
someone.” His chest went colder than the icy brew in his hand.
Why can’t you see how wonderful you are?
Ravi tightened his hand on Tristan’s leg.

Tristan continued on like he hadn’t heard. “The game was where I went when missing him got to be too much, when all my parents’ plans for me and rules to make sure I didn’t repeat Derek’s mistakes got too intense. Because I’m not the guy they wanted, Ravi. That one died. They got stuck with the gay loner.”

Oh fuck. Why couldn’t they be alone where Ravi could hold Tristan like he wanted to?

“Hey. They got a great kid, whether or not they believe that. And trust me, I know all about family pressures, you know that.”

“I do.” Their eyes met and held in the dark, and the mountain of denial Ravi had been hiding behind gave way.
I
could fall in love with this guy.
This wasn’t just fucking and hadn’t been for weeks. They understood each other on a level Ravi had never had with a boyfriend.

Leaning in, he brushed a kiss across Tristan’s mouth. “Anyone would be lucky to have you on their team.”

“Shh. What are you doing?” Tristan pulled away, his eyes darting around like a nervous squirrel. “There are still plenty of people from work around. Someone’s going to guess.”

“Maybe...” Ravi took a deep breath. “Maybe I’m okay with that.”

“What?” Tristan swiveled his whole body around in the chair, nearly dumping himself on the deck in the process. “You’re the one who said you can’t be dating a coworker.”

“I know what I said. But, you have to admit—this thing between us doesn’t seem to be going away.”

“It’s not,” Tristan agreed, but he sounded miserable about it.

“I don’t want to stop seeing you.” Ravi went ahead and ventured out onto this conversational limb, ominous creaking and all. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and all that. “I guess what I’m trying to say is...I care about you. And I don’t see that changing.”

His heart clattered like a set of
manjeera
cymbals, and he had to look away while he waited for Tristan to answer.

“I...I care about you too.” Tristan’s voice was thicker than the glass beach floats scattered around the deck.

“Good.” Ravi’s whole body sagged with relief. “Now I’m not saying we run back in there and make some big announcement—”

“God no.” Tristan’s agreement was a bit too fast and vehement for Ravi’s taste.

“But if people start to figure it out, we simply act like it’s no big deal.”

“And if things go south?”

“Then we cross that bridge when we get there. I’m not thinking about the end right now. Just the beginning.” Ravi let himself look back at Tristan, squeeze his hand. A strange calm descended on him now, all his restlessness of the past week replaced with a determination to make this work.

“I...” Tristan made a sound that was closer to a dying bird than actual speech. “I’m not sure.”

Ravi sighed. He should have expected this reluctance. He might have dealt with his own issues about workplace romance, but that didn’t mean that Tristan’s issues magically disappeared. “Look. Part of why I’m thinking about this now is I need a date for this thing, and I want to take you.”

“You want to take me on a date? Like an actual public date?”

“
Tristan.
What do you think we’ve been doing? Yes, I want to take you on a date.”

“Oh.”

“I’m being honored by the AIDS Project at a gala on the thirteenth.”

Tristan pulled away from his touch, but it wasn’t until he spoke that Ravi realized how desperately he wanted a yes, wanted this thing with Tristan to be real and mutual. But instead what Tristan whispered was “I can’t.”