Betrayals (2 page)

What purpose? I wanted to say, but the lethargy all through me didn’t allow it. I had no idea what he was talking about, but for some reason it still frightened me.

“Now, I mean to keep you quietly sedated for a time,” he said, “but not for too long a time. I find I’m truly eager to begin with you, and as soon as the Puredan is brought to me I’ll have you drink it. After that you’ll no longer need to be sedated, and we’ll be able to begin.”

He chuckled again. “There’s something rather amusing that you should hear. Your father and some crony of his attempted to claim you, actually challenging my right to possess you. I put them off until tomorrow, but only to give myself time to prepare something really special for them. It will be the highlight of my dinner party tomorrow night, and I mean to let you be present to watch. No, don’t try to thank me, I’ve already decided on how I mean to be thanked.”

His chuckling really bothered me, especially since I could almost remember something about my father and some friend of his. That memory was just as disturbing, even without any details. I didn’t want to hear about any of it, and the best way to escape was in sleep. I felt sleepy anyway … sleepy and frightened … sleepy and miserable … sleepy and very lonely …

“… know what they could do to me for this?” a thin and trembling male voice demanded. “They could end my career, and then where would I be? Please ask for something else, my dear, I beg of you.”

“But there isn’t anything else that I want,” a female voice responded, one that Valiant seemed to recognize. “You owe me more than one favor, love, and if you don’t pay up I’ll just have to collect in another way. Would you prefer if I did that?”

“No!” the male voice almost shrieked, and then it quieted again. “No, I would not prefer that other way. You leave me no choice but to do exactly as you wish.”

“Stop making it sound like the end of the world,” the woman chided with a laugh. “No one will be doing anything with him until it’s time to send him on his trip, so he might as well do his waiting here. I have this perfectly lovely little box prepared for him, made out of steel so that nothing will be able to harm him. When he learns to beg properly I’ll let him out for a while, but I won’t forget to put him back again. That should satisfy your feelings of anxiety, shouldn’t it?”

“Perhaps,” the male voice allowed grudgingly while Valiant’s insides began to twist and burn. He couldn’t quite remember why he felt like that, but it had something to do with part of what the woman had said. And his head hurt, for some reason he also couldn’t remember. What was going on here—and where in the name of chaos was “here”?

“Oh, he’ll be fine,” the woman said with more laughter. “I’m just going to put him to work for a while, and then you can have him back. I’m sure he thought he’d seen the last of me, but a person’s power isn’t always linked only to her career position. When I decide I want something, I never rest until I get it.”

“Well, now you have him,” the male voice said, still sounding extremely unhappy. “Just be sure you don’t lose or damage him, or we’ll both regret it. If I’m blamed for anything, I’ll make certain that you’re right there beside me.”

“Worrier, worrier,” the woman laughed, then went on to reassure the man again in different words. Valiant tried to listen, hoping to find out where he was and what was happening, but everything both inside him and out began to lurch. Not sick-making lurch but sleepy lurch … as though he were being rocked in the arms of someone who needed badly for him to be there… even though he couldn’t be there … wherever there was … sleepy lurch, back and forth, back and forth … out but not in … please, please, never in …

CHAPTER TWO

The mists of confusion rolled out very slowly, like a tide receding inch by inch from the shore. The first thing I noticed was that it seemed to be mid-morning, and the second was that I sat in a chair. The chair stood in a bedchamber a good deal larger than my own, the rest of the furniture and decorations speaking clearly of how much gold had been used to accomplish the look of understated opulence. Rose and gold combined with white and green and brown—none of the colors overdone, all of them perfectly balanced … Yes, a small fortune had been spent on that room.

I found myself wondering where it might be, but even as the question formed I already knew the answer: that noble I hadn’t had much time to worry about; he’d made good on his threat, and had claimed me for his own purposes.

The ability for normal motion had also begun to return to my body, which let me put a shaky hand to my head. That awful man wanted children with stronger Fire talent than his noble women could give them, and so he’d chosen me in order to get what he wanted. I had some vague memory of him mentioning something about sedatives and Puredan. Once he’d given me the Puredan, he’d said, the sedative would no longer be necessary….

It took two attempts, but I finally managed to get to my feet in order to walk around a bit. The fear growing inside my middle made me want to run, but simply walking straight was still something of a chore. That sedative must still be hanging on in some way, so getting rid of it was a priority. Not to mention figuring out what in the world could have happened …

I stopped not far from the wall of curtained windows, feeling the frown which creased my forehead. My last solid memory was of being part of my Blending, facing the last of the noble Blendings. It was the final competition, and we were just about to win. I knew that with as much certainty as our Blending entity had, knew we were stronger than the nobles, and then—nothing. Everything had stopped and gone black, but not for any reason easily seen.

“You’re a fool,” I whispered to myself, hating the way my voice shook even then. “The reason you lost is perfectly obvious: the nobles cheated. They were about to lose and they knew it, so they cheated.”

A small amount of anger flared at that, the amount so small because of the size of the fear filling me. I fought to keep the fear from turning into terror, struggled to think calmly rather than fall to pieces, but wasn’t having much success. No one had to tell me that my Blendingmates were nowhere near, that I’d been separated from them and now stood alone. I had no one to depend on but myself, and in the past myself hadn’t proven to be very reliable.

The ice around my heart grew a bit thicker with that realization, so I continued on toward the windows. It was possible to see bright sunshine beyond the sheer white curtains, but nothing else. If there were terrace doors, for instance, stepping outside would help—especially if it were possible to simply walk away. I needed to be away from there, even though I had no idea where I would go….

Brushing one of the curtains aside brought immediate disappointment. Not only was that room on the second floor of its house, a very fine filligreed grill had been put over all the windows. Sunlight came in, and it was even possible to see out easily, but the grill was of metal and didn’t appear removable. No one would have been able to get through it, not even a child.

The word “child” made me sick to my stomach, so I turned away from the useless windows. The lethargy which had held me so tightly had receded quite a lot, but some of it persisted in tingeing my thoughts and motions with vagueness—which was an additional worry. That noble had spoken about giving me Puredan; would he come by with it as soon as the sedative wore off completely? Just how soon would that be, and was there any way I might avoid it?

Questions of that sort kept me pacing back and forth across the room for a while. At one point, when I passed a Full-length mirror in a dark wood, intricately carved, frame, I noticed something else. I no longer wore the white robe we’d all had on for the competitions. Instead I wore a beautiful, obviously expensive dress of rose and gold which seemed to match the room. I had no memory of having put on that dress, so someone else must have put me in it. Another thing to add to the list causing agitation….

I had just reached the vicinity of my chair again when I heard a sound at the door. Someone seemed to be unlocking it, and it came to me that I hadn’t even tried that door. Obviously it had been locked, but what if it hadn’t been? It made me ill to realize that I seemed to be in the midst of meekly accepting what had been done … and what would be done … Then the door opened, and my illness increased.

“Good morning, child,” that noble said, smiling as he entered and closed the door behind him. He also examined me with his eyes as he walked closer, but happily he stopped more than five feet away.

“You needn’t look so stricken,” he said with amusement as my heart thudded painfully hard. “I’ve merely stopped in to say that business matters demand my time, and therefore I won’t be returning until almost dinnertime. I’ll see you then, of course, as I mean to keep my promise. You will share the amusement I’ve arranged, and then you will be permitted to thank me for the privilege.”

“What amusement?” I forced myself to ask, again hating the way my voice trembled. “And if you’re waiting for me to thank you for anything at all, you can expect to have a very long wait ahead of you.”

“A show of spirit? How delightful.” His chuckle did seem delighted, as though we were playing some sort of game. “In another woman that show would be quite unacceptable, but in you I find it rather enchanting. As for the amusement, I refer to the dinner entertainment I’ve arranged which will revolve about your father. He means to come here tonight to demand your return, obviously mistaking me for one of the peasants like himself whom he’s accustomed to dealing with. I mean to teach him better.”

“But of course he’s just like you,” I said, the words popping out before I could stop them. “The two of you could be twins, aside from whatever meaningless title you have. And your title is meaningless, since you let it be given to you rather than insisting on working to earn it. They made you less than a whole man, and you allowed it.”

“The delight has suddenly gone out of your conversation,” he grated in return, his expression having turned hard with anger glittering behind his gaze. “With that in mind, I tell you now that you’re never to speak to me in such a way again. You, of course, will obey, as you’ve been given no choice in the matter. Just as you will never exercise your talent again.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked in a whisper, a terrible chill suddenly clutching at my insides. “You can’t keep me from using my talent, no one can….”

“I imagine that you’re now in the process of reaching for the power, and are discovering that touching it is quite impossible,” he replied, vindictive satisfaction appearing in his dark eyes. “Denying you whatever might be left of your talent was the first thing I did after the Puredan was given you, and commanding obedience was the second. You will learn just how obedient you must be tonight after dinner, when I take full pleasure from you. And now I really must go”

He performed a small, sardonic bow before turning and heading for the door, but I barely noticed. I stood in deep shock with my fists to my head, trying frantically to reach to the power just as I’d done all my life. The action was as natural as walking or speaking, and it felt as though I were paralyzed or struck mute! Not only couldn’t I reach the power, it wasn’t even possible to locate it!

I stumbled to the chair I’d returned to awareness in, collapsing into it as the sound of the door being locked again came as though from a great distance off. Heavy shock had wrapped me in numbness, so that even knowing I’d already been given the Puredan became no more than a secondary consideration. I’d been cut off completely from my talent, and would never be allowed to exercise it again.

That was the time I learned just how deeply into depression it was possible to fall, which was the point where the desire to die outweighed the urge to live. The monster who held me captive meant to keep me as a pitiful cripple, unable to deny his least whim and wish, unable to defend myself against his depraved intentions. To someone else, the matter stated in such a way might have seemed melodramatic; to me, it seemed the end of the world.

I sat unmoving in the chair for a timeless time, my mind almost empty of thought, and then there was sound at the door again. A moment later it opened, and two women entered. The younger was a girl carrying a tray with covered dishes and a tea pitcher, and the elder seemed a higher-level servant. I paid very little attention to the pair as the girl set down the tray on a table and left again, but the elder woman apparently disliked my extreme distraction.

“That tray contains your lunch, which you should be quite hungry for by now,” she announced from where she stood, only two paces into the room. “Lord Lanir was quite clear concerning his wish to see you properly nourished, so you will go to the tray and eat. The command, of course, is to be considered his.”

The woman’s voice had been harsh with the tone of one used to being obeyed, and I actually stirred a bit in automatic response. My parents had certainly trained me well, and the unconscious response seemed to satisfy the woman. She gave a brusque nod and turned to leave, shutting and locking the door behind herself. But by that time I’d fallen back into apathy, so even the stirring quieted. I had no appetite, and probably would never have one ever again.

I sat staring and unmoving for another rather long stretch of time, but then an odd thought crept into my head. That noble, apparently named Lord Lanir, had said I’d already been given the Puredan as well as his orders. If that were so I would have no choice but to obey him, and yet there I sat, having nothing to do with the meal he wanted me to eat. That woman had clearly expected me to obey the secondhand orders, but I hadn’t. Could she simply have been mistaken to expect something like that?

A moment of thought convinced me that her being mistaken was unlikely. Her noble employer must have told her what to expect, and the miserable man was certainly in a position to know. That meant I should have obeyed, and yet I hadn’t. But not obeying orders given you while you’re under the influence of Puredan is impossible …

“You fool!” I said to myself aloud, suddenly feeling extremely stupid. “When we freed ourselves from the first orders given us under Puredan, didn’t we specify that we were never to obey such orders again? None of us knew if the trick would work, but it looks like it did … !”