Betrayed (The Worshipped Series Book 2) (32 page)

I step out of the shower feeling lighter for the first time since that horrible day. The day that I thought I was going to die. I shake my head to clear those thoughts. I don’t want to think of it anymore. I can either let it go and move on, or I can continue to dwell on it. I dry off and change into sleep shorts and a T-shirt. I walk out of the bathroom and I can hear Jason in the kitchen. I walk around the corner and see him putting the last dish into the dishwasher. He closes the door and turns around. He lets out a loud sigh and he relaxes when he sees me. I tilt my head and wonder if he thought I would run out on him. I wasn’t lying when I said I was here to stay. As long as I see him making changes and trying, I will be here for him. It will take time for me to forgive him, but I can at least try. 

“I was thinking while doing the dishes, and I want to know if you would be willing to give me a week to show you I can be a better man for you. Let me show you and make up for the terrible things I have done. I want to show you that you alone are the reason for me wanting things I really don’t understand. Can you do that for me? And if after a week and you decide you don’t want this, I will let you go. You can go back to California and go back to your life before you met me.”

I don’t even think twice about his offer before I say, “Yes. I’ll give you a week.”

He nods clearly relieved that I agree. I start to turn around and leave to get ready for bed. I stop and think that if he is willing to change I need to at least show him I am willing to really try as well. 

“I’m going to lie down. You can come join me if you want. But, no funny business. You can sleep in the bed with me. That’s it. Got it?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Smart ass. I walk to the bed and I turn down the sheets. I slip into the bed and I hear Jason turning off the lights. I make myself comfortable and a few moments later I feel the mattress dip with Jason getting in. He has been sleeping on the couch for so long that I don’t remember how it feels with him being so close. I have to tell my heart to stop beating so fast. There isn’t going to be any touching or kissing of any kind. I know what his kiss and touch does to me and I cannot have him turning my brain into goo. 

I can hear him breathing and I roll over and use my hand to prop up my head. I can see him through the light shining through the window and he looks relaxed for the first time in a while. Kind of like the first time when we arrived here. Knowing I somehow eased the pain he was going through makes me feel content. I never wanted to hurt him by ignoring him, but I had a feeling it would do the trick and I was right. 

“I can feel you staring at me.” Jason says in husky voice as he rolls over towards me. 

“Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“What are you thinking of?”

Even in the dark and knowing he can’t really see me, I feel exposed. This is a very intimate feeling. Pillow talk. Who would’ve guessed?

“I don’t know. Just that you seem more relaxed now. And I’m wondering why.”

The mattress shakes as he rolls over and he faces me. “I am relaxed more now because you are still here. I thought for sure telling you of my past would send you running for the hills. But here you are. Inviting me into your bed.”

“Well it’s technically your bed. But I see what you are saying.”

“I’m just relieved you are giving me a chance to prove myself. I know I am a bastard. I know I have treated you like you’re a thing, a piece of property, but you have to know that you do belong with me. Even if you hate me, there is something between us that we can’t ignore. Even after this week goes by and you end up leaving me, you will always be mine.”

His words wash over me and I wish I could look and see what color his eyes are. I want to know if they are dark or the light brown I have come to love. 

“I told you I’m willing to try. I’m just going to take it one day at a time and see how it goes. I know you are sorry for hurting me, but it’s going to take a little longer for me to forgive you for almost killing me.”

He moves closer to me and I hold in a breath. I told him no touching. I can’t let him touch me or I will lose the upper hand. 

“Jason what are you doing?”

“Just let me hold you. I need to hold you. Don’t tell me no. I need to feel you next to me. I promise I just want to hold you.”

Fuck me why does he have to sound so … so needy? Like he can’t bear to be next to me and not touch me. I can do this. I can give him this and not lose control. 

“Alright, but this is as far as it goes. Understood?”

“You sure are a bossy thing tonight,” he says and he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to him. I lay my head on his chest and he instantly lets out a breath he was holding in. He holds me close to him and tightly. Almost as if he is afraid I will get up and run away from him. 

We lay here for a while not speaking. I hear Jason’s light breathing and I feel the rise and fall of his chest. It’s comforting and relaxing. I can fall asleep peacefully right now. But I don’t. I have a nagging thought and I don’t know if I should let it go or just get it out. Jason starts to run his hands through my hair and I try to let him relax me. But it’s not working. Thoughts of Katie run rampant through my mind, and I feel the urge to talk about her. Maybe knowing how much Jason told me tonight makes me want to tell him something about myself too. He opened up to me and I feel the need to do the same. 

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” he softly asks me. It’s crazy how he knows something is on my mind or is bothering me. 

“How do you do that? How do you know something is wrong?”

“It isn’t just one thing. Your body tenses up, and you start to move around more. It’s almost if you’re fighting your own thoughts. Plus you have been sighing very loudly for the past few minutes. And it isn’t a relaxing sigh. More of an annoyed kind.”

I didn’t even realize I am doing all those things. But in a way he’s spot on. I don’t want to think about Katie. I have fought the memories for so long it’s my natural response whenever I tend to let my mind wonder to her. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I feel like I need to. You shared something with me and it only seems fair for me to do the same.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I won’t push you to talk about what is bothering you if you’re not ready.”

I lift my head and look at him. It seems strange to hear him be so comforting and sincere. He never ceases to surprise me. 

“It’s about my sister. I’m just thinking about her. She always has a way of creeping up when I let my guard down.”

“Tell me about her. What was she like?”

“She was amazing.” I smile thinking about Katie before she was taken from me. My heart beats rapidly in my chest, knowing this is the first time I have spoken this story out loud to anyone. “Katie was always happy and so full of life. Katie was the life of the party and always center of attention. But she wasn’t some spoiled rich kid. She cared about others more than herself. She was always doing something to help others. My mom used to call her Mother Theresa. I followed Katie everywhere. There was hardly ever a time that I wasn’t right where she was. No matter what is was. We were attached at the hips. Her friends were my friends. Everything she ever did she made sure I was included. We were only one year apart and people told us many times that we should’ve been twins.”

Jason pushes my hair out of my face as he says, “She sounds amazing. I wish I could’ve met her.”

I smile at him. He is being very sweet, but he doesn’t know the entire story. Everyone said it was an accident, but I blame myself for how Katie died. 

“I think she would’ve liked you. She was just as blunt about everything like I am.”

“I have a feeling that isn’t what you wanted to say.”

“No, it’s not. But I … it’s just that memory of her is hard to relive.”

Jason sits up and pulls me in between his legs. He starts to rub my shoulders and I let my head fall back against his chest. He is right next to my ear when he says, “Pretend I’m not here. Just let the memory come. Don’t fight it anymore.”

Maybe he’s right. Maybe I do need to go back and actually let myself think of that horrific day. The day that changed not only me, but my entire family. It’s a day that none of us will forget, but we pretend it never happened. I close my eyes and I take myself back to that day. I let the heat coming off Jason’s body sooth me. I match my breathing to his. And I’m instantly fourteen again. 

“I was walking home from cheer practice. Katie had been begging me for months to try out, and she was always there cheering me on. She was the first person I told when I found out I had made the squad. I remember as if it was yesterday. That day was hotter than any of the others and Katie wanted to go home and go swimming right after school. I wanted to come too, but she told me I couldn’t miss cheer practice. She said I needed to go so I could become the best cheerleader our school had ever seen.”

It’s remarkable how I can hear Katie’s voice after all these years. I can still remember what she wore for that day. I can remember how her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail. Everything about that day I remember. 

“I agreed to stay at practice and Katie went home. We’d normally walk home together since our school was only a few blocks away from home. I knew she would wait for me to come home from practice before she got into the pool. At least I thought she would. I remember at practice I felt something. I still don’t know what it was, but my chest felt like someone was stepping on me. I ended up leaving earlier than the rest of the other girls. I was worried about Katie. Something inside of me was telling me to get home as soon as possible. And that’s what I did.”

I ran all the way home. I ran the five blocks like it was nothing. I ran as if my life depended on it. I just knew something had happened to Katie. I don’t know how I knew, but that bad feeling never left me. 

“I ran inside our house calling out for Katie. I looked everywhere for her and I remembered she said she wanted to go swimming. I was out of breath and almost in tears. This feeling of dread and uneasiness would not go away. I ran outside to our pool and that’s when I saw her.”

I come back to the present for a minute when I feel Jason’s hands rubbing my arms. I still can’t believe I am telling him this. I haven’t told anyone about Katie before. The memories are just to fucking painful to think about. 

“The first thing I noticed was all the blood in the water. I didn’t understand why there was so much blood. I remember seeing her things out by the pool. I remember what color bathing suit she was wearing. What tanning lotion she was using. What music she had on her iPod. When I finally realize her body is floating in the water unnaturally, I immediately jumped in the water and pulled her out. Katie and I were life guards at the local pool for the past two years and I knew she knew how to swim. I knew she didn’t just … drown. I pulled her lifeless body out of the water. It was a struggle getting her out by myself. It hadn’t sank in yet that she wasn’t breathing. That her head was split wide open and it was so bad I could see her skull. I laid her as gently as I could on the concrete and once I saw her face and the way her eyes looked I knew. I knew no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried to bring her back, she was already gone.”

“I didn’t let that stop me from trying though. I started CPR and I lost track of time. I don’t know how long I tried to get her to come back before I just started screaming at her to come back. I screamed for so long and so loud that my throat was starting to hurt. One of the neighbors must have heard me yelling, and she came over to see what was wrong. As soon as she saw Katie, she wasted no time in calling the paramedics. She called my parents too. I didn’t care what they were doing. I only wanted my sister to wake up. To not look like she was dead, because she wasn’t dead. I couldn’t let myself think she was gone and never coming back. Even though deep down, I already knew it, I just couldn’t accept it.”

“Karen?”

I shake my head trying to shake the memories away. I must’ve gotten lost into the memory. It seemed so real, like it was just happening. 

“I’m alright.”

“Are you sure? You’re shaking.”

“No, I’m fine. Just give me a second.”

But I need more than a second. The memory won’t stop. The pain of that day won’t go away. I am still back at the pool watching myself as that small, young girl. The girl who is crying hysterically and screaming for her sister to come back. The girl who has to be pulled away from her sister’s body kicking and punching. 

I see the girl’s parents come home and once they realized what was happening, the mother falls to her knees and the father rushes to catch her. I see the little girl still crying as she over hears the paramedics tell her parents what happened. She listens as they say she must have tripped and hit her head so severely that it cracked her skull. That when she fell, she fell into the pool and since she was unconscious, she drowned. I hear them say there was nothing anyone could’ve done. But I know that’s not the truth. 

I should’ve been there. I should’ve skipped practice that day and came home with Katie. If I was there she wouldn’t have tripped. She wouldn’t have fallen in the pool and drowned. It’s all my fault. Katie is dead because of me. She died alone because of me. I see the little girl walk over to her parents and I see the mother look up at her. The mother’s eyes are full of pain and regret. But there is also blame. I see the mother blaming her for letting her sister die. For letting their daughter die alone. The little girl sees that too, and she turns and runs up to her room and slams the door shut. She falls on the bed holding her pillow as she screams and cries for the sister that is gone forever.