Better Homes and Hauntings (36 page)

Still, this was where the perks of working for vampires came in—years of observing human weaknesses gave them enough information to know just how to lure us in. Each of our desks was flanked by a mini-fridge prestocked with sodas and juice we’d listed on our postinterview preference lists. Our work computers were custom-built from the fastest processors and computers available—as in “available on planet earth,” not available at our local Computer Barn. And each of our chairs was the very latest in ergonomically supportive, butt-cradling comfort.

On the far wall, I spotted a console for the latest Orange Door entertainment system, complete with digital jukebox, touch screen, and four wireless headsets.

And in the corner was an enormous aquarium filled with colorful, gliding tropical fish. Ms. Gibson explained that the fish tank was supposed to “accommodate the human need for color and light stimulation without the dangers of a window.” I didn’t think she intended to make us sound like cats in need of a flashlight to chase, so I let it go. The tank was pretty soothing, after all.

Despite these very nice toys, we still had to pass a four-week probationary period. It was pretty sensible, really, when you considered the reliability of the average college student. It would probably be
more
sensible to give us a much longer probationary period, but we were only going to be working with the Council for a few months before we headed back to school.

Of course, the probationary period was sort of twofold. Some of us would work freelance for the Council during the school year if we proved ourselves to be competent, trustworthy, and non–vampire provokers. We would be able to keep the cars, the salaries, and the other perks, and then slide right into full-time, post-graduation employment. Sure, it would take some of the angst out my final spring semester, but the dental plan would be worth it.

Beyond the perks, tracing vampire lineage was a challenge. It was a huge mystery waiting to be unraveled and (thanks to a freshman-year switch in majors to computer science) I was one of a very few people who had the skills to do the thread-pulling. More importantly, I would be connecting people to their families, and family was something I’d sorely lacked growing up. Sure, we had a few uncles and cousins who’d been first in line to take “something to remember” Mom and Dad by after they’d died, but disappeared like smoke when Iris and I had needed actual help adjusting to life without parents.

Iris had done her best to give me a solid, happy home life when she was human, but I felt the lack of connection to a larger identity. Of course, I couldn’t exactly complain now, with the ever-expanding troop of supernatural creatures that seemed to materialize at our house at the drop of a hat. I deeply appreciated the color and chaos they brought into our lives. And if I could give that to someone else, if I could give them the family they never knew they’d been missing, I would consider it a contribution to the world.

And once the search engine was established, there
would be other opportunities to work on the vampires’ secret projects. Who knew what I would see, what I could learn, where they would send me? This was the beginning of an exciting, adult life in which I could establish myself as that elusive “something more” I had yet to figure out.

We were dismissed early, but barely so, after signing a mountain of releases, waivers, and nondisclosure agreements. Most of the paperwork involved agreeing that our estates didn’t have the right to sue the Council, no matter what happened. We also signed a single document in which we had to check “yes” or “no” regarding whether we wanted to be turned should we be injured on the job beyond the treatment capabilities of modern medicine. I was surprised to be the only one who actually mulled this signature over. Aaron, Marty, and Jordan all immediately checked yes. Then again, I doubted that those three had any actual vampires in their families. They’d never seen the post-turning adjustment problems, the struggle with bloodthirst, the horrible burnt-popcorn smell that lingered after vampires came into contact with sunlight. They thought it was all nighttime glamour and leather coats.

With a rather redundant warning not to discuss our nondisclosure agreement with our families, Amelia sent us home. At least, she sent Aaron, Marty, and Jordan home. She asked me to stay a few minutes because Ophelia had some papers she needed to send to Iris’s business, Beeline. I stood outside Ophelia’s office waiting for at least ten minutes, trying not to take it personally that I wasn’t invited inside to wait or that when she finally handed the papers out to me, she just shoved an
envelope out of her doorway without actually showing her face.

“Thank you,” I said as pleasantly as I could, while Ophelia snatched her hand back and slammed the door.

“Company car and a clothing allowance,” I reminded myself as I walked out of the employee exit, rummaging around in my purse, affectionately referred to as the Bag of Holding. “A 401(k) and a dental plan.”

My keys were, as usual, at the very bottom of my purse. The parking lot was empty, but at least the humans had designated parking right under the streetlight. It was the vampire version of handicapped parking. I would take time to be offended by that once I was safely ensconced in my locked car.

I glanced around the empty lot, once and then a second time, while my heels made a quick clip-clop across the pavement. Just as I passed an unoccupied SUV, two strong hands clamped around my shoulders and yanked me out of my shoes.

I froze. I couldn’t move and time stopped and all I could think was,
I’m going to die. Iris is going to deserve such an “I told you so.”

His hand wrapped around my jaw, squeezing it so hard I thought I felt the bone buckle. I pinched the panic button on my keyless remote. In the distance, I could hear my car alarm wail. My feet flopped uselessly two inches above the ground as he—at least, I thought it was a he—dragged me toward the SUV. Given the fact that I was a little over six feet tall, the guy must have been huge.

Fighting back the initial panic, I hoped, somewhere in the back of my mind, that this was another one of
Cal’s tests. Calm. I had to stay calm. This was just like getting thrown around the mat by my instructor, Jason. I just had to assess what needed to be done and go through the steps. I threw an elbow back, but missed his ribs, and his grip on my arms tightened. I wrapped my leg around his, hoping to make it harder for him to walk if he planned to carry me off. I threw my head back, hoping to connect with the bridge of his nose. But I missed there, too.

My heart raced. There’s no way this could be Cal. My brother-in-law would have cackled like a loon if he’d evaded a head butt. Which mean this was real.

Shit. I was going to die.

My assailant squeezed me tight against his chest and wrapped his hand around my throat, making it almost impossible for me to breathe. But he didn’t say anything, which was completely weird. Vampires were notoriously chatty during violence. And he wasn’t biting me, which was even weirder.

I was either being attacked by a run-of-the-mill human mugger or a remedial vampire. I wasn’t sure which was worse.

I struggled, wiggling my arm loose, and pressed a button on the ugly agate brooch on my lapel, sending a cloud of colloidal silver spray mushrooming around my head. It was harmless to me, but if this guy was a vampire, he’d be allergic to silver in all its forms.

Jackpot! My vampire attacker coughed and spluttered, losing his grip on my arms as the silver did its work. I reached into my purse and grabbed the hairbrush strapped into its special compartment. The ordinary looking purple-plastic brush was another one of
Cal’s security contraptions. I gripped the bristles hard enough to make a silver stake pop out of the handle. I rammed the point into my assailant’s thigh. It wouldn’t kill him, but he certainly wouldn’t be chasing after me any time soon.

“AUGH!” he cried, letting go of my arms entirely and dropping me to the pavement like a sack of potatoes.

My knees almost gave under my weight, but I planted my feet. It was a good move, considering that all the guy’s weight pitched forward on my back and I was bent in half. The hands gripped at my hair, keeping my head down. I reached back, searching for the hairbrush. I pulled it from his leg with a sizzling hiss, like angry bacon. I raised it to stab the other leg, when he suddenly shoved me aside and leapt toward the street using his completely unfair vampire speed.

“Yeah, you better run,” I panted, bending at the waist so I could prop myself against my knees and catch my breath. But the slick material of my suit gave way under my sweat-soaked palms and my hands slid right off. I fell forward and, unable to catch myself, toppled face-first onto the pavement.

Ouch.

Blinking rapidly, I watched the vampire limp away. His blond hair shone almost blue in the sickly light of the streetlamps. He turned back as if he was reconsidering, and I reached into my purse for my final piece of vampire self-defense equipment, a flamethrower the size of a small canister of hairspray. And then my eyes managed to focus on his face.

“Holy crap.”

Golden-brown eyes, high cheekbones, long straight nose, chiseled jawline, and a smirky mouth, the same features that had haunted me for the last five months.

Mr. Barely Visible was now fully visible. And he didn’t seem to be in the mood for kissing. He was in the mood for attacking me in the parking lot and then running off into the night.

BOOKS BY MOLLY HARPER

In the land of Half-Moon Hollow

Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs

Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men

Nice Girls Don’t Live Forever

Nice Girls Don’t Bite Their Neighbors

Driving Mr. Dead

The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires

A Witch’s Handbook of Kisses and Curses

“Undead Sublet” in
The Undead in My Bed

The Naked Werewolf series

How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf

The Art of Seducing a Naked Werewolf

How to Run with a Naked Werewolf

The Bluegrass series

My Bluegrass Baby

Rhythm and Bluegrass

Also

And One Last Thing . . .

Available from Pocket Books