Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives (28 page)

when dieters figure that they've blown their diet
Roy F. Baumeister, Todd F. Heatherton, and Dianne M. Tice,
Losing Control: How and Why People Fail at Self-Regulation
(New York: Academic Press, 1994), 177–78, 190; Roy Baumeister and John Tierney,
Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength
(New York: Penguin, 2011), 222.

“People do tend to self-regulate day by day”
See C. Peter Herman and Janet Polivy, “The Self-Regulation of Eating: Theoretical and Practical Problems,” in Kathleen Vohs and Roy Baumeister, eds.,
Handbook of Self-Regulation: Research, Theory, and Applications
, 2nd ed. (New York: Guilford Press, 2011), 525.

people who plan to start dieting tomorrow
Dax Urbszat, Peter C. Herman, and Janet Polivy, “Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, For Tomorrow We Diet: Effects of Anticipated Deprivation on Food Intake in Restrained and Unrestrained Eaters,”
Journal of Abnormal Psychology
111, no. 2 (May 2002): 396–401.

“apparently irrelevant decisions”
Warren K. Bickel and Rudy E. Vuchinich, eds.,
Reframing Health Behavior Change with Behavioral Economics
(Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 2000), ix; see also Roy F. Baumeister, Todd F. Heatherton, and Dianne M. Tice,
Losing Control: How and Why People Fail at Self-Regulation
(New York: Academic Press, 1994), 250.

strange, brilliant skeleton of a book
J. M. Barrie,
The Boy Castaways of Black Lake Island
, General Collection, Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library, Yale University.

“Those faults which we cannot conceal”
Samuel Johnson,
Selected Essays
(New York: Penguin Classics, 2003), 76, first published in
The Rambler
, No. 28, June 23, 1750.

Fast-food joints exploit this loophole
Sarah Nassauer, “Restaurants Create New Seasons As Reasons to Indulge; Limited-Time Shakes,”
Wall Street Journal
, March 6, 2013.

“argument of the growing heap”
Desiderius Erasmus,
The Praise of Folly
, Clarence Miller, trans. (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1979), 31, n. 4 (also called the “Sorites paradox”).

research shows that with active distraction
Jeffrey Schwartz and Sharon Begley,
The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force
(New York: ReganBooks, 2002), 84.

Author Jean Kerr spent half her writing time
Jean Kerr,
Please Don't Eat the Daisies
(New York: Doubleday, 1957).

the more I thought about rewards
For an extensive and fascinating discussion of the use and pitfalls of rewards, see Edward Deci,
Why We Do What We Do: Understanding Self-Motivation
(New York: Penguin, 1996); Alfie Kohn,
Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes
(New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1999); Daniel Pink,
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
(New York: Riverhead, 2009).

Organizational theorists Thomas Malone and Mark Lepper
Thomas W. Malone and Mark R. Lepper, “Making Learning Fun: A Taxonomy of Intrinsic Motivations for Learning,” in Richard Snow and Marshall J. Farr, eds.,
Aptitude, Learning, and Instruction: Conative and Affective Process Analysis
(Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 1987), 223.

children who got a reward for coloring
Mark Lepper, David Greene, and Richard Nisbett, “Undermining Children's Intrinsic Interest with Extrinsic Reward: A Test of the ‘Overjustification' Hypothesis,”
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
28, no. 1 (1973): 129–37.

as soon as the reward stops
Deci,
Why We Do What We Do
, chaps. 2–4; Pink,
Drive
, chap. 2; Kohn,
Punished by Rewards
, 82–87.

within six months of delivery
Michele Levine et al., “Weight Concerns Affect Motivation to Remain Abstinent from Smoking Postpartum,”
Annals of Behavioral Medicine
32, no. 2 (October 2006): 147–53.

about one in five American adults
NPD Group, “Report on Eating Patterns in America,”
http://bit.ly/1zHGeu1
.

According to a review of studies
Traci Mann et al., “Medicare's Search for Effective Obesity Treatments: Diets Are Not the Answer,”
American Psychologist
62, no. 3 (2007): 220–33.

One of the secrets of a happy life
Iris Murdoch,
The Sea, the Sea
(New York: Penguin, 1978), 8.

people who got a little treat
Dianne Tice et al., “Restoring the Self: Positive Affect Helps Improve Self-Regulation Following Ego Depletion,”
Journal of Experimental Social Psychology
43 (2007): 379–84.

“Constructive destruction”
Jan Struther,
Mrs. Miniver
(New York: Mariner, 1990), 213.

‘All severity that does not tend'
James Boswell,
The Life of Samuel Johnson
(New York: Penguin Classics, 2008), at 497.

women are more likely to eat chocolate
Sonia Rodriguez et al., “Subjective and Physiological Reactivity to Chocolate Images in High and Low Chocolate Cravers,”
Biological Psychology
70, no. 1 (2005): 9–18.

Americans spend about half their leisure hours
“American Time Use Survey: 2012 Results,” Bureau of Labor Statistics, June 20, 2013,
http://www.bls.gov/news.release/atus.nr0.htm
.

Immanuel Kant permitted himself only one pipe
Manfred Kuehn,
Kant: A Biography
(Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2002), 222.

In the acquisition of a new habit
William James,
Writings 1878–1899:
Psychology: Briefer Course
(New York: Library of America, 1992), 147.

average American sits for at least eight hours
James Vlahos, “Is Sitting a Lethal Activity?”
New York Times Magazine
, April 14, 2011; Marc T. Hamilton et al., “Too Little Exercise and Too Much Sitting: Inactivity Physiology and the Need for New Recommendations on Sedentary Behavior,”
Current Cardiovascular Risk Reports
2, no. 4 (July 2008): 292–98.

I visited my friend A. J .
A. J. Jacobs,
Drop Dead Healthy
(New York: Simon & Schuster, 2012), 63–74. For another account of life with a treadmill desk, see Susan Orlean, “The Walking Alive: Don't Stop Moving,”
The New Yorker
, May 20, 2013.

“From the day I got my driver's license”
Tory Johnson,
The Shift: How I Finally Lost Weight and Discovered a Happier Life
(New York: Hyperion, 2013).

People who use language that emphasizes
Vanessa M. Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt, “How to Say ‘No': Conviction and Identity Attributions in Persuasive Refusal,”
International Journal of Research in Marketing
, 29, no. 4 (2012): 390–94.

several of the top reasons for this failure
“Take Meds Faithfully,”
Shopper's Guide to Prescription Drugs
, No. 7, Consumers Union, 2007,
http://www.consumerreports.org/health/resources/pdf/best-buy-drugs/money-saving-guides/english/DrugComplianceFINAL.pdf

One regrets the loss
Oscar Wilde,
The Picture of Dorian Gray
(Thorndike, ME: G. K. Hall, 1995).

people eat and drink more or less
For a helpful discussion of how we regulate our eating according to other people's consumption and presence, see Brian Wansink,
Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think
(New York: Bantam, 2006), chapters 5 and 8; C. Peter Herman and Janet Polivy, “The Self-Regulation of Eating: Theoretical and Practical Problems,” in Kathleen Vohs and Roy Baumeister, eds.,
Handbook of Self-Regulation: Research, Theory, and Applications
, 2nd ed. (New York: Guilford Press, 2011), 522–36.

one group of registered voters was asked
Christopher J. Bryan et al., “Motivating Voter Turnout by Invoking the Self,”
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences
108, no. 31 (August 2011): 12653–56.

Haruki Murakami, an avid long-distance runner
Haruki Murakami,
What I Talk About When I Talk About Running
(New York: Knopf, 2007), 104.

“I had to train myself”
Janet Malcolm,
Forty-one False Starts: Essays on Artists and Writers
(New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2013), 36.

In their invaluable book
Made to Stick
Chip Heath and Dan Heath,
Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die
(New York: Random House, 2007), 195–99.

38 percent of readers
always
finish a book
“The Psychology of Abandonment,” Goodreads,
http://www.goodreads.com/blog/show/424-what-makes-you-put-down-a-book
.

Associate with people who are likely to improve you
Lucius Annaeus Seneca,
Letters from a Stoic,
Robin Campbell, trans. (New York: Penguin, 1969), 43.

“health concordance”
Deanna Meyler, Jim Stimpson, and M. Kristen Peek, “Health Concordance within Couples: A Systematic Review,”
Social Science and Medicine
64, no. 11 (June 2007): 2297–310.

If one partner has type 2 diabetes
Aaron Leong, Elham Rahme, and Kaberi Dasgupta, “Spousal Diabetes as a Diabetes Risk Factor: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis,”
BMC Medicine
12, no. 12 (2014),
http://www.biomedcentral.com/1741–7015/12/12
.

quite susceptible to “goal contagion”
Kelly McGonigal,
The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It
(New York: Avery, 2012), chap. 8.

“I stand on one foot”
Gretchen Reynolds,
The First 20 Minutes: Surprising Science Reveals How We Can Exercise Better, Train Smarter, Live Longer
(New York: Hudson Street, 2012), 256.

I agree with Andy Warhol
Andy Warhol,
The Philosophy of Andy Warhol (From A to B and Back Again)
(New York: Harvest, 1977), 96.

Van Halen famously required bowls of M&Ms
David Lee Roth,
Crazy from the Heat
(New York: Hyperion, 1997), 109–11.

There is no more miserable human being
William James,
Writings 1878–1899:
Psychology: Briefer Course
(New York: Library of America, 1992), 147.

One very effective way to change your habits is to start or join a
Better Than Before
habits group. Being part of a group is a terrific way to create accountability, make new friends or deepen existing friendships, and ensure that your life reflects your values.

I've heard from many people who want to launch or join
Better Than Before
habits groups, so I created a starter kit to help get the ball rolling. If you'd like a copy, email me through my blog,
gretchenrubin.com
, or at
[email protected]
.

Some groups consist of people who know each other already—colleagues at a law firm, college friends, a church study group, members of a family—and some groups consist of strangers who come together just to work on habits. Group members don't need to be working on the same habit; it's enough that they share the aim of
habit change
. Even two people give each other an invaluable boost in accountability and support. Finding an “accountability partner” can make a real difference. Because Obligers need external accountability to stick to their habits, belonging to a
Better Than Before
group would be especially helpful to them.

No technology can replace face-to-face encounters with other people. Nevertheless, if it's not possible to get together physically, technology provides many solutions. There are dozens of apps, devices, and platforms to help you connect with other people.

Remember, though, to get the benefit of being part of a group, you must participate. It's not enough to lurk or listen. You must speak up, hold others accountable, help to keep the group on track, ask questions, and show up. If someone recommends a book, read it; if someone suggests an app, give it a try.

In the tumult of everyday life, it can be easy to overlook the things that really matter. By setting aside this time to work on your healthy habits, you can make your life happier, healthier, and more productive. Together, we can help each other to do better than before.

I hope that
Better Than Before
has given you many ideas about your own habits. For more, you may want to investigate my website,
www.gretchenrubin.com
, where I regularly post about my adventures in habit formation, as well as suggestions and further research on habits and happiness.

I've created many additional resources on the subject of habits. You can request the items below by emailing me at
[email protected]
or by downloading them through my blog:

• A copy of the template I made for my daily time log, as mentioned in the chapter on the Strategy of Monitoring.

• A copy of my Secrets of Adulthood for Habits.

• A copy of my Starter Kit for launching a
Better Than Before
habits group, as discussed in the chapter about the Strategy of Accountability; accountability groups help people swap ideas, build enthusiasm, and most important, hold each other accountable.

• A one-page discussion guide for book groups; or a discussion guide for teams and work groups; or a discussion guide for spirituality book groups and faith-based groups.

You can also email me at
[email protected]
or sign up on my blog to get these free daily or monthly newletters:

• My monthly newsletter, which includes highlights from the daily blog and the Facebook page

• The daily “Moment of Happiness” email, which provides a great habits or happiness quotation

• My monthly Book Club newsletter, where I recommend three books (one book about habits or happiness, one work of children's literature, and one eccentric pick)

If you'd like to volunteer as a Super-Fan, email me at
[email protected]
. From time to time, I'll ask for your help (nothing too onerous, I promise) or offer a little bonus.

I've written extensively about happiness, and you can also request many resources related to happiness, such as my Resolutions Chart, a Starter Kit for launching a happiness project group, discussion guides for
The Happiness Project
and
Happier at Home
for book groups and spirituality and faith-based groups, Paradoxes of Happiness, some “Top Tips” lists, my comic called “Gretchen Rubin and the Quest for a Passion,” and a copy of my Patron Saints. Email me at
[email protected]
or download these resources from my blog.

For more discussion about habits and happiness, you can join the conversation on …

Twitter: @gretchenrubin

LinkedIn: GretchenRubin

Facebook: GretchenRubin

YouTube: GretchenRubinNY

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Pinterest: GretchenRubin

If you'd like to email me about your own experience and views, you can reach me through my blog,
www.gretchenrubin.com
. All email does come straight to me. I look forward to hearing from you about this endlessly fascinating subject: the practice of everyday life.

—Gretchen Rubin