Between Us (The Renegade Saints #3) (18 page)

Pulling to a stop in front of my apartment, Ian turns my way.

“Good dinner,” he says.

“It was,” I agree.

He looks away from me and coughs nervously. “So, I’ll be busy for the next few days. Trying to wrap up my outline for my next Robert Monroe book, plus doing all this Renegade stuff. You know how it is.”

I know he’s busy, but I have the impression he’s making excuses. He’s always busy, which is how I’ve gone days without seeing or hearing from him. In the wake of Cole’s text the other day, I thought for sure I’d hear from Ian at some point. Obviously, I didn’t.

“I totally get it,” I assure him.

I’m a little miffed that he isn’t getting out to walk me in, but I guess that isn’t a thing for him. After unbuckling myself, I open the car door and step out. Turning to face him, I smile. “So I’ll see you when I see you,” I say.

“Next week at the latest,” he answers.

“Sounds good,” I say before closing the door. I give him a wave before spinning on my heel and heading into my building. As I walk through the glass entry door, I hear him driving away. Shaking it off, I head for my apartment. I’m slightly annoyed when I walk in and realize Lana isn’t home. Checking the board in the kitchen, I see she’s left me her usual
out for the night
note
.

With a disappointed sigh, I head into my room to get undressed. Taking off my shoes, I put them neatly back in my closet. My dress is still clean, so I take it off and hang it back up. Once my bra is off and in the hamper, I throw on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top before heading into my office. I’m too keyed up to sleep, so that means it’s time to work. Feeling the need to see Cole, I pull up the files of our interview. Leaning in, I watch intently, noticing how flirtatious he was with me that day.

My musing is interrupted by the sound of my doorbell. Letting out a frustrated groan, I pause the video. There’s no doubt in my mind that it’s going to be my neighbor, Brenda. She’s got a really annoying habit of ‘borrowing’ things from us—and either failing to return them completely or bringing them back destroyed. We’ve stopped loaning her anything important, but she still shows up at will. I’d ignore the door completely, but if I don’t answer it, she’ll knock for hours. It’s gotten so bad Lana and I are kicking around the idea of moving.

Rising from the desk, I make my way to the door, grimacing as the doorbell is rung again twice in quick succession. Definitely Brenda, then. I fling the door open with a scowl firmly in place.

I realize within a second that I’m looking at a male chest as opposed to one of Brenda’s never-ending supply of Backstreet Boy concert T-shirts. Looking up, I find myself looking into Cole’s eyes. Immediately, a rush of lust speeds through my veins.

“Oh,” I squeak. “What are you doing here?”

He looks a little lost, which makes him seem out of his element.

“I, ah…”

I stare at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“Fuck it,” he says. “I didn’t like Ian driving you home. I wanted to spend time with you… I’ve missed you and I couldn’t stay away another second. ”

I know I’m grinning like a fool as I open the door wider and gesture for him to come in. After he walks past me, I close and lock the door before pointing him in the direction of the living room. Once there, he waits for me to choose a seat. When I do, he sits directly next to me. Close enough for me to be able to smell his cologne, which makes me want to climb him like a jungle gym. As I stare at him, I realize he’s fidgeting. I’ve never seen him seem quite so unsettled.

“First of all, you’re acting weird. You need to speak up and tell me what’s going on because that whole text thing? It was not okay,” I tell him. “You should have talked to me first.”

He cracks his knuckles and looks around the room in silence. After what feels like a year, he turns back to me.

“I can’t do traditional relationships,” he announces.

Crossing one leg over the other, I stare at him in silence. When it’s apparent he isn’t going to follow his sentence up with anything, I prod him.

“You can’t leave it at that,” I tell him. “Explain yourself.”

He runs his hands over his jeans as he stares at me, and I can almost see the gears turning in his head.

“I don’t want to be in a two person relationship. That’s…not for me. I wouldn’t mind being committed, but I have to draw the line at anything one-on-one. It’s too fucking danger—erm, complicated.”

I caught his slip, and I file it away. Something about being in a traditional relationship scares him. Very interesting. I’m not letting him off the hook, though. He owes me some kind of an explanation for saying Ian could join us, among other things.

“How does that pertain to me?”

His head rears back and his eyes go wide.

“Jesus, Devon…you have to know how much I want you.”

“So much that you can’t wait to share me,” I counter. “You said yes to Ian without even asking me. It would’ve been one thing if we’d been on the same page, but I was with you the night before, alone. I wasn’t thinking of Ian when I was with you and, frankly, I hoped you weren’t thinking of him then, either.”

“I wasn’t,” he assures me firmly. “It was all you, Devon. That was my mistake—I broke the rule with you.”

My stomach churns as I process his choice of words.

Narrowing my eyes, I ask for clarification, “There are rules?”

His eyes dart away from mine as he nods.

“I’ve known for a long time that I didn’t want to be in a relationship, alone. Since I was sixteen years old, I’ve never been with anyone without a third person being present. Until last week,” he clarifies, “with you.”

“You didn’t seem to mind,” I reply.

He waves his hands frantically as he leans forward. “No! No, I didn’t mind. I don’t want you thinking that! It was amazing—perfect. But it was also scary because if you want that one-on-one thing, I can’t give it to you. But I don’t want to lose you, Devon.”

“Explain to me what it is that you want.”

“You,” he says quickly.

I force myself not to move as butterflies start flapping their wings inside my stomach.

“I want you,” he continues. “But we need someone else with us. We were both attracted to Ian and I thought that’s where this was going the whole time, didn’t you?”

I nod my head but say nothing out loud. What can I say? Yes, I did—but now I’m not so sure. I can’t say that. At least, not right now.

“Why,” I clear my throat before continuing, “is it so important to have a third person? Is it because you need a man there, too? Is it about sharing women? Make me understand.”

Rubbing at his beard with his left hand, he frowns. “It’s not about… sharing,” he says.

“It’s always been about…” He pauses and clenches his jaw. “Uh, pleasure,” he says finally.

I get the feeling he’s omitting a very important detail.

“Every woman I’ve ever done this with has said it’s the highest high—to be worshiped by two men,” he assures me. “I’d say the man isn’t important, but I’ve had two women before and it wasn’t ideal, so maybe it means more than I think. The dynamic is better when it’s me and another man.”

“Why did you cringe when I said sharing?” I ask.

When he looks away, I note his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallows.

“I just… didn’t like the way it sounded,” he says after a lengthy pause.

Clearly, he doesn’t like the way sharing sounds. I wonder if that’s an all the time thing, or if it’s the idea of sharing me in particular that makes him edgy. I’m hoping for the second. Crossing my arms over my chest, I stare at him silently until he turns and looks back at me.

“You need to answer this next question honestly,” I say firmly. “Could you see us having a real relationship? Long term?”

His eyes flash as he nods emphatically. “Absolutely. Yes.”

“With Ian?”

Running a hand through his hair, he looks away.

“Hopefully,” he answers.

It’s the lamest non-answer ever. His lips are saying one thing, his actions another. In my profession, I’ve learned to pay attention to the things left unsaid. When lips lie, body language will always show the truth.

“What if he can’t ever get over his anxiety about the whole thing,” I press.

“He will,” Cole answers firmly.

The man is exasperating to the nth degree. I alternately want to strangle and kiss him.

“And if he doesn’t?”

“He has to,” he says quietly.

“What happens while we wait? Do I just sit over here like an old maid, burning through vibrator batteries?”

His eyes close and he lets out a choked groan. When he opens them, his expression is pure lust.

“We couldn’t have sex,” he growls. “That wouldn’t be right.”

“Right for who?” I ask.

“What this is,” he says as he gestures between us, “is real. I told Ian we’d wait for him—we can’t just close him out.”

Now I’m the one closing my eyes as I take a deep breath and try to keep up with my racing thoughts. The thing with Ian—I don’t see it happening. Not only that, I don’t believe Cole really sees it happening, either. He’s adamant about a three-way relationship, but I know there’s more to this than meets the eye.

I believe Cole and I have something indefinable that I don’t want to lose. Would it be the worst thing in the world to agree to this, merely as a way to work through his defenses and figure out what the hell his no one-on-one relationship thing is really about?

I don’t think so.

In fact, I think I have to do it this way to get to the bottom of this. One way or the other, I need to know.

“So we can have everything but sex?”

He swallows hard as he looks me over. “It would be bending a rule, but, if that’s what you want, then yes. I sure as hell won’t ever say no to you. What happened between us was different. You’re… different.”

His rules baffle me, but I’m ecstatic to hear him say I’m different.

“And what,” I question, “would we tell Ian?”

“Nothing,” he says firmly. “Until he mans up, this is none of his business. We won’t talk to him about it and we’ll wait to take the biggest step. It’s not like he doesn’t already know we did something.”

Cole is kidding himself if he thinks he can share. All signs point to no in this scenario. Right now, I’m really not sure how he’s ever done it before. Whatever he’s done in the past, I’m assuming sharing wasn’t an issue because he wasn’t truly invested in his partners.

That would mean his caveman reactions now are because it’s me we’re talking about.

“What about everyone else?” I pester. “I think people have already started to notice.”

“We’ll keep it quiet until he joins.”

“We’ll lie?”

He frowns as he shakes his head. “We wouldn’t lie, exactly. We’d just… not be letting people into our business.”

“A lie by omission is still a lie,” I say softly.

He swallows nervously as he stares at me. “Just for a little while,” he assures me, “until we work it out with Ian.”

I can’t believe I’m about to do this. It’s so shady and underhanded to agree to something I know won’t work… But I can’t lose him.

“Okay.”

His eyes go wide.

“Okay, yes?”

I nod. “Yes.”

I barely have time to get the word
“yes”
out before he’s coming toward me.

T
he instant she agrees, I’m on her. These past few days have been hell, and sitting next to her at dinner tonight without being able to touch was torture. As soon as my lips touch hers, she wraps her arms around me and holds on tight.

I’ve thought of her taste for days and I was sure I remembered it perfectly, but the reality is far better than the memory. I’d say I could easily get addicted to this, but I think I already am. And now that she’s agreed to the whole ménage thing, it’s okay for me to feel that way.

I let out a groan as she climbs into my lap, straddling me so that she’s right against my hard cock. I fist one hand in her hair and set the other against her waist so I can control her movements. Feeling her rock back and forth on top of me is the ultimate temptation, and I know it’s going to be hard not to go all the way. Fuck knows I want to.