Between Us (The Renegade Saints #3) (28 page)

“Y
ou’ve been avoiding me.”

Looking up from tuning my guitar, I sigh. Reckoning day is here. Flynn and I are here early because our women are both out in the stadium setting up their equipment for the show. Without Gavin and Tyson being here yet, it means Flynn and I have the room to ourselves. I should’ve known he would use this opportunity to get real.

“I see you every day, several times a day,” I answer.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he gives me a tough look. “You can see someone every second of each day and still avoid them, if you want to. Don’t be a dumbass,” he says. “After what went down at the bowling alley, you know we need to talk.”

Ah, yes. The bowling alley where I somehow wound up with a wicked case of diarrhea mouth and spouted off about my issues to Flynn and the guys.

“I thought maybe we’d had all the discussion we needed to have that night,” I answer.

I’m lying, of course. Flynn and I have been best friends literally since birth. The chances of him letting me get away without a real talk were zilch.

Taking a seat on the couch next to me, he lets out a snort. “You really are a dumb asshole if you believed for one second this conversation wasn’t coming.”

“You’ve been a little busy,” I remind him.

“And you were hoping I forgot?”

I let out a heavy sigh. “Figured with all the other shit going on, it was possible you could have forgotten.”

“Uh-huh,” he says dryly. “You’re my fucking brother. No matter what happens in either of our lives, you always will be. You dropped a few breadcrumbs the night at the bowling alley, but it’s time to give me the full loaf. Yeah, shit has happened between then and now that delayed this conversation, but it was always coming.”

Setting my guitar down, I nod. “I should’ve known I wouldn’t be so lucky.”

Tapping on his watch, he gives me a
cut the shit
look. “Quit stalling. Take me through what’s going on. When did this whole thing start?”

Reaching up, I run my hands through my hair. He’s right. It’s time for me to come clean.

“When your mom died,” I admit.

“I put it out of my mind for a long time,” he says. “And then Dad told me about Delilah and Dominique, I remembered it all. What I remember is how he disappeared and went a little off the rails for a while. But he came back,” Flynn reminds me. “He was one hundred percent there after that. I’ve never blamed him for—”

I cut him off. “I never blamed him either,” I assure him. “That isn’t what this is.”

“Okay. Then what is it?”

“I thought he was going to die,” I admit. “Things just got all jumbled up in my head and as the years went by, it got worse as life happened around me.”

“Gavin’s parents,” he mutters. “They would make anyone question commitment.”

“Yeah,” I confirm. “And then when Tyson felt comfortable enough to tell us the truth about everything, it just made it worse.”

“Those two situations are basically the worst possible examples. There’s another side though. We’ve had good examples too,” he reminds me. “Your parents. Gram and Pop. My parents loved the fuck out of each other. What happened to them wasn’t some dramatic toxic bullshit. I hope you see the difference.”

“I do.
Of course
I do,” I assure him. “I’ll never forget how in love they were. That’s part of what made it so hard at the time. I thought he couldn’t live without her, that love had left him weak. The thought took root and once it was there, I never tried to get rid of it. Years passed and other things got added on top of it. Maybe if we’d had a normal life and hadn’t spent the last ten years on the road, I’d have made peace with it earlier. I don’t believe that though. Honestly, I think until I met Devon, I never would’ve wanted to try.”

“Because she’s it for you,” he says.

Leaning my head back against the back of the couch, I stare at the ceiling. After a long pause, I lift my head back up and look at him.

“I think so, yeah.”

“Dude. You don’t just think so,” he chides. “You know so. I suspected a while ago—and I should’ve said something then. Only the drama of what’s been going on kept me from cluing the fuck in to just how serious this is. Now that I’m looking with a clear head, I see it. She’s your forever.”

“You never let me just ease into shit,” I grouse. “Give me five seconds to adjust.”

He waves me off. “Fuck that. These months of me being pretty goddamn oblivious were your time to adjust. You need a kick in the ass.”

“Consider me kicked,” I retort.

“Not yet,” he says dryly, “but you’ll get there. I guarantee it.”

I’m not even a little surprised when I open the door to my room a few days later to find Pop standing there. His timing is impeccable, which is how I know Flynn’s fingerprints are all over this. Devon is out with Tessa shooting with Gavin at rehearsal right now, so I’m alone.

Pop hugs me tight when I let him into the room, and then announces I need to sit my ass down on the couch. No matter how old I get, he’ll always be my elder, so I comply without a peep of dissent.

“You know why I’m here,” he announces.

I nod. “Flynn,” I say simply.

“Flynn,” he confirms. “I had no idea you felt this way, Cole. I wish you’d told us this years ago. We could’ve cleared it up then”

My throat constricts as I swallow and look away. “I don’t think I was ready to talk about it back then,” I admit.

“What happened with Todd after Rachel died—that was bad. My son lost himself, no question about it. But in the aftermath, he came back strong. You completely ignored that part of the story and focused on the fear,” he tells me. “I remember everything that happened and I’m so sad to know you were going through that and we didn’t realize. I know it was scary and I’m sorry we failed you when you needed us to help you through it.”

I wave my hands at him frantically. “Pop! No. It isn’t like that. I was just a kid and the way he shut down after she died…I really thought he was going to die.”

Pops face is sad as he nods once. “I won’t lie to you. After Flynn said he knew his dad didn’t want him anymore, I was as scared as you probably were. I was also angry at, and ashamed of, my son. That night after you kids went to bed, I went to his house and let myself in. Found him drunk and holding on to Rachel’s wedding dress in the living room, bawling his eyes out. He broke my heart, Cole, but I knew I couldn’t let him get away with what he was doing a second longer.”

My eyes go wide at his description of Todd. The idea of him crying into her dress is fucking heartbreaking.

“I’m going to tell you now what I said to Todd that night. He gave me permission, so don’t feel like he wouldn’t want you to know.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I want to,” Pop says firmly.

I nod. “Okay.”

“I told my son he had a choice. He could tarnish the memory of the woman he loved by being a two-bit pansy, or he could man up and honor her by showing she chose right the day she took her vows with him. I reminded him of how much she loved their son, and told him how disappointed she had to be, watching him fail as a father when she couldn’t be there to take care of him anymore. What I said was harsh, but true. Broke my heart to give it to him like that, but it needed to be done. We always have a choice,” Pop says. “You can run from life, or face it.”

“While my son cried, I asked him one question. If he could turn the clock back knowing how it would end, would he marry Rachel again? He was horrified. Told me that even as she was taking her last breaths, getting to spend those last few minutes with her was better than any moment he’d had since she’d died.”

“I live for your Gram,” he tells me. “The idea of living even five minutes on earth without her is awful—but, if the time comes and she goes first, I’ll do it. And if I go first, she’ll go on without me. Pain is temporary, son. Love is forever. We make choices in life, each one of us. Choose love—always. The idea of losing someone terrifying you is a
good
thing. It means you feel it deep. The highest high can bring the lowest low—but if you walk in faith, it will always get you by. Take every moment as the gift it is and live. That’s all any of us—Rachel included—ever wanted for you boys. Honor her memory by living life fully.”

I’m not even ashamed when I fall into my grandfather’s arms like I’m still a snot-nosed little kid. I shed a few tears and so does he. He stays with me for about an hour, asking questions about Devon and telling me stories about what life was like when he and Gram started dating. When he leaves, I feel like he’s taken the weight of the world off of my shoulders.

If we didn’t have a damn show tonight, I’d be ordering flowers by the dozen and leaving a trail of rose petals to the bed. I’m in love with Devon and now I need to find the perfect way to tell her, as soon as possible.

T
onight we’re hanging out with Tyson, and I have to say, I’ve really come to like him. He doesn’t even realize how great he is, but everyone else sees it. I’m hoping someday he’ll let down his guard enough to let someone in. We’re just about finished eating our after-show snack when there’s a knock at the suite door.

Cole gets up and crosses the room to look through the peephole. When he looks back over his shoulder at us, I see he looks unsettled. I get why when he opens it and I see Ian standing on the other side. Things between the three of us have been tense for quite a while. I’m not even sure why. Ian said he wanted us to wait, but since then he’s avoided us both like the plague.

“Hey,” he says as he walks in and shuts the door behind him. Looking at the table, he nods at me and Ty. The way he’s walking and the slur to his words suggest he’s drunk.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Cole stares at him. “What’s up?”

“Wanted to talk to you both,” Ian announces.

“As you can see, we’re hanging out with Tyson right now,” Cole says.

It couldn’t be more obvious how not thrilled Cole is about Ian being here right now. For the record, I feel similarly.

“But I need to do this now, while I’m… Look, it’s about…you know,” Ian stumbles. “Things have been awkward, and I know it’s because you two are mad I’ve taken so long to come around.”

Now it’s my turn to be uncomfortable. I look at Tyson in horror, but he waves me off. “Don’t worry,” he assures me quietly. “It’s fine.”