Betwixt, Before, Beyond (25 page)

Acknowledgements

No matter how big or small a project is, it takes many awesome people to pull it together...and they all deserved to be acknowledged for their time and brilliance.

Allison Potter - my editor, publicist and PA. I can't tell you how stoked I am to have you working with me. Thanks for your positive energy, your meticulous work and of course, your OCD ;-)

Scott & Ruth - once again, thanks for your wealth of medical knowledge. Your expertise and time is so appreciated.

Eden Crane - thank you for the stunning cover. You captured exactly what I wanted and I couldn't be more pleased.

Inklings - thank you for the critiques girls. I always love getting your feedback. You make my work better with your excellent suggestions and you make my life better by just being awesome :-)

Indie Inked - thank you to the girls who critiqued for me, and thank you to the rest of you as well. Becoming part of this awesome group has amplified what is already a really cool job.

Karen, Suzy & Taylor - I've so enjoyed getting to know you lovely ladies over the past year. It's been a privilege chatting to you about your work and getting to read some of it. Thanks for your help with proofing Before.

Alice - thank you so much for being one of my most active Street Team members. I feel like you deserve a special mention because you're always first on the scene to read my work. I love you for that xx

My precious family - as always, thanks for your constant support, belief and pride. I love you all so much.

My saviour - thanks. You know why :-)

To all the people who spend their lives putting the needs of others before their own. You make the world a better place.

xx

Thank you.

Chapter
One

Dale's late. I hate that.

I'm never late.

The plan was to meet outside his place at 4 o'clock today. So, where the hell is he?

I tap my foot on the ground
in frustration. It hurts a little, but the Doc told me I needed to keep exercising my bad leg. Due to my mondo knee injury, my left leg is now skinnier than my right. Awesome right? It looks ridiculous, and I'm doing everything I can to get my legs looking even again before the summer rolls around. Like hell I'm wearing shorts with odd-shaped legs! So I keep tapping...and checking my watch. Finally after five minutes—which feels more like twenty—Dale's car appears down the road.

I've thought of a few things I can say to him when he gets out of his car. Some of them are sarcastic
. Some are just outright annoyed, and there's one sweet funny one, which I'm so not in the mood to say right now. I'm trying to think of which one to take the lead with when I blurt out, "Where's your hair gone?"

I can't help my sharp tone. How am I supposed to hide my horror? My boyfriend cut his gorgeous curls off without even freaking telling me he was going to
!

Dale's grin is adorable as usual, taking the steam from my temper.

"You don't like it?" He closes the car door and saunters towards me, lightly resting his hands on my hips once he's close enough.

I'm too annoyed to tell him that it actually looks quite good, so keep my skeptical pout in place while I run my hands through his very short locks. It's not quite the same. I have to admit that in spite of his long curls not being the height of fashion, I really loved them. I used to wind them around my fingers when we were lying on his bed chatting. I won't be able to do that anymore
, and it makes me a little sad.

"Come on, Nicky." He nudges my cheek with his nose. "Is it really that bad?"

I give the hairs at the nape of his neck a little tug, making him laugh and wince at the same time.

“
I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” I try to step out of his grasp, but he won’t let me. His hands move to my waist, holding me steady.

His head tilts to the side
, and I see him embarking on one of those persuasive speeches in his soft voice that always wins me over.

I hold up my finger to stop him. "Don't you dare tell me you wanted to surprise me, because you know I hate
surprises. And don't say you did it for me, because you thought I'd like it better. I loved your curls, and you know that."

He lets go of me, clearing his throat in that sheepish way he does. Scratching the back of his head, he scuffs the path outside his house with the toe of his Converse.

"I didn't do it for you, Nicky. You have absolutely nothing to do with the state of my hair."

I shouldn't frown. I know the world doesn't revolve around me, although Dale often makes me feel like it does. He's way too good for me.

Swallowing back the thought, I push aside my fears and paste on my steely glare face. "Why'd you do it then?"

He shrugs, looking just a little embarrassed.

"Dale, why?" I snap.

"Because college is not too far off
, and I want to be prepared for interviews. I'm getting applications ready, and I need to present myself as best I can."

College.

Damn, I hate that stupid word.

My mouth goes dry like it always does when I think about the next school year. My brain spasms and I close my eyes. Big Bear High without Dale is going to be all kinds of torture. He's basically my only friend. Trent was right, when I publicly dumped him in that hospital bed, I did commit social suicide. My ex-friends now treat me like the dried
-up gum you find beneath cafeteria tables. Amber has no qualms about grimacing right in my face. Penny, aka Twitterbug, has no qualms about sending out random tweets about me, involving hashtags like #limpalot, #deadleg and #thebitchlived. It was way harsh and had me in tears almost everyday until Dale forced me to unfollow her and all my old friends. Returning to school after my rehab has been the hardest thing I've ever done, but Dale never left my side. Slowly walking me to each of my classes, holding my hand and telling me it'll be okay. He's still doing that! He's been holding me up and making me strong. Next year however...

I swallow
hard.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess you do look a little smarter." I have to concede. I want him to know I support him. He deserves the best. He's smart, a hard worker
, and he'll do great at college. I'm just going to miss him. Not that I can say that out loud or anything.

Instead, I push a smile over my face and step into his space. I run my fingers through his new "do" and smile. His hands are back on my hips
. Man, I love the feel of his hands on me. He makes me safe, secure. I feel like I can do anything with him by my side.

His expression is going all soft and mushy as the breeze catches my hair and blows it across my face. He gently tucks it back behind my ear. Maybe he knows what I'm thinking.
Can he smell my fear about him leaving me? He doesn't say anything though, just pulls me towards him and lifts me up so our lips are in line.

"You know, babe
. I couldn't have cut my hair if it wasn't for you."

"Oh yeah," I murmur, slightly confused as our lips brush together.

He pulls back so he can look into my eyes. "I would never have had the courage to flash my scar around like this if I hadn't been dating the most gorgeous girl on the planet."

I roll my eyes, but can't help blushing.

He grins. "I don't need to hide when I'm around you." His voice is so soft and tender, I think my heart is actually melting.

My lips pull into an instant grin as I place my hand on his cheek and kiss him softly. His arms tighten around me as I deepen the kiss. Man, he is good at this. We haven't really talked about our ex
-relationships much. We've mentioned them in passing, but never had that serious,
let's get down to details
type of talk. Thankfully! But, I know he must have been with someone who taught him a thing or two about girls. I can tell by the confident way his hands move over my body or the magic his tongue creates whenever we're kissing. I'm certain he's got all the right moves tucked away inside him and man, do I wish he'd show me a few of them...or like
all
of them.

My insides flush at the thought. Because of my accident, Dale and I have been forced to take things really slow and that suited me just fine, initially. I was so over being mauled by guys
who didn't care about me. Being with someone who actually liked spending time with my brain was refreshing. We've connected on this really deep emotional level. I trust him completely. But, now that my limbs are basically behaving themselves, and now that I've been dating Dale for 6 months....I want more.

His tongue sends sizzles down my spine. I'm just considering ripping his shirt off, when he pulls back and gently lowers me to the ground. I give him a disgruntled sigh. He never plays fair.
He always stops things before they really get started.

I cross my arms with a half-hearted scowl.

He looks a touch incredulous. "Nicky! We're on a public street! Outside my house!"

I lift my chin and sniff. "It wouldn't make a difference where we were
, Dale."

His expression melts like butter as he tucks his fingers into my hair and pulls me towards him. His lips are divine as they press against mine. They move
from my mouth, across my cheek and come to rest against my earlobe.

"You're worth more than a quickie while my parents are out of the house, Nicole." I love and hate the way he says that. Why can't we just do it already
?

Oh, that's right. I remember now. The thought is heavy and a little depressing, so I step back and gift him a smile that hides everything I'm truly feeling.

"So I was thinking we should go to the gym, and then head to your place for a movie." Dale keeps his hand on my face, rubbing his thumb over my frowning lips. 

Ugh! The gym! I know it's a good idea
, and we should totally do that, but...

But as usual, his sweet grin makes me nod
. At least I'll get to see Dale working out. That'll be worth it.

"Do you want me to walk you home so you can get changed?" He laces his fingers through mine.

"It's only 'round the corner. I'll be fine." I let go of his hand and start limping away.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll see you in fifteen minutes." I wave my hand in the air.

"I'll come
collect you soon," he calls after me.

I think he will forever worry about me. Ever since rescuing me from death, he's been my personal bodyguard
, and I love him for it. However, today I just need fifteen minutes to gather myself.

I limp away, knowing he's watching my every move. I don't look back. I don't want him to see the tears welling in my eyes. Dale Finnigan will not sleep with me because he's made a promise to himself that the next girl he sleeps with is the woman he's going to marry. If you ask me, it's kind of ridiculous. At the time he told me, I thought it was chivalrous and sweet, but now I just think it's a pain in the ass. I want him. I want him so bad and not just because he has a hot bod, but because...well I've never made love before. I've had sex with selfish guys who got what they wanted then zipped up their flies, but with Dale
, I know it'd be different. It'd be slow, intimate...amazing.

It'd be all those things because I'm in love with him.

I haven't told a soul I feel that way about him. I've never loved anyone before and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd fall for someone like Dale, but I have and like, super hard.

He'll never know it. Like hell I'm going to tell him. He'd never say it back to me and I know this for several reasons. One - He won't sleep with me, which obviously means he has not once entertained the idea of us getting married. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm only 17, but I can't help it. I've doodled Nicole Finnigan on so many pieces of paper now it's embarrassing. Two - He's applying to colleges, which means he's more than happy to leave me. Three - I'm not good enough for him. He may disagree
with this if I ever brought it up, but what does he know? I rely so heavily on him it's not even funny. The fact I'm aware of it, must mean it's pretty bad. He puts up with all my shit... like every single day and still kisses me good-bye. He hardly ever loses his cool with my stupid moves, unless I really push his buttons, which I intentionally do sometimes. Those post fight make up sessions have gotten me so close, but Dale’s will is always stronger.

I inwardly groan. It
’s never going to happen for us. I just need to let it go and face the fact that come August, I’m going to be waving good-bye to the best thing that has ever happened to me.