Bewitched by Bella's Brother (12 page)

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manage my family, Sebastian. And stop ending our

relationship before it’s begun. Who says I won’t want to see you when you come back for the holidays?”

Sebastian lifted up a corner of his mouth and looked

longingly to where the children were gathered, dripping on the concrete porch before they went inside to change. He’d never been a kid like that; he’d always been perfectly dressed and quietly alone. He loved seeing these children here. But then, so did all the Brynes.

“You don’t want a summer boy,” he said quietly. “Boy or

girl, you want a forever one.”

Asa nodded. “And who says you can’t come back,

Sebastian? Doctorates only take a year or two. Give it a chance—hell, let’s get to third base, at least. Or are you getting spooked because you know my parents?”

Sebastian shook his head. He was dry now, but it was

still cool under the oak tree. Almost convulsively, he pulled the towel around his shoulders. “I’m getting freaked out because I
love
your parents. Knowing I’m gay is one thing.

Sleeping with their beloved older son is another. I’m going to go get dressed. We can talk about this later.”

Behind him he heard Asa sigh. “For a guy who spends

four nights a week swimming because he can’t go to the

gym, you’ve got the heart of a runner, you know that,

Sebastian?”

Sebastian pretended he didn’t hear.

But things lightened up over dinner. The family was

good at talking—but the kids were better at it. Sebastian enjoyed sitting the children’s table; he told them jokes that every parent dreaded (like the one about the “see-food” diet or the brainsucker starving) and then listened to them talk Bewitched by Bella’s Brother |
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about how space aliens were tougher than Spongebob. The

only bad thing about eating at the kids’ table was that they were always done in a minute and a half. Little Janelle

helped by sipping slowly at her juice box and telling him a story about how she wasn’t afraid of monsters but spiders were
skeery
, but eventually, Sebastian had to go outside and join the adults.

“Finally! We were starting to think you were giving up

your grown-up card!”

Sebastian grinned at Courtney, Bella’s sister, and

leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. “Sweetheart, it never arrived in the mail.”

“Likely story,” Courtney’s husband, Jim, said from her

other side. “I think you just signed the student deferral plan—you’ll get little plastic pieces once a year until you’re a senior citizen!”

The table laughed, and the banter began. Bella had two

sisters—Courtney and Denise—and two brothers—Emmet

and Asa. The three middle Brynes were married to equally talkative people, and banter at the grown-up table was one of Sebastian’s favorite things. His childhood had been filled with quiet meals in the kitchen or rather stiff formal dinners.

Sitting down with a group of people as gregarious as he

was—and who were kind, not snarky and superior like a lot of college undergrads—had become one of his favorite things.

This particular night, though, he was content to sit and let the banter wash over him until Isabella’s mother, Brenda leaned over. “What’s the matter, Sebastian—you look sad.”

Sebastian smiled at her. “Just a little melancholy,” he

admitted, because hiding wasn’t his style. “I’m going to miss this.”

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“But only for a little while,” Brenda said firmly. “You’re not leaving the family, Sebastian; you and Bella still get Thanksgiving and Christmas, and even other summers. I’ll put you up myself, you know that.”

Sebastian smiled at her and leaned in to kiss her cheek.

Brenda was a medium-sized, self-contained woman whose

face still held the elegant beauty of her children—but she was also maternal and warm, and Sebastian had come to

treasure her.

“You’re right. I’m just sentimental.” He smiled to let her know that it was all good, and she looked at him

perceptively.

“You’re just wondering how badly you want another

doctorate, and if maybe you don’t want the rest of your life to start,” she said baldly. “You can’t sit at the kids’ table forever, Sebastian.”

Sebastian gave his best effort to a smile and watched as Asa excused himself from the table to go check on Jordan.

“Will you still cook for me if I’m sitting at the grown-ups’

table?” he asked, trying to be facetious.

Brenda got his attention with a hand on his arm, and he

found himself staring into a set of gray-blue eyes so similar to Asa’s and Bella’s that his breath caught.

“I’ll cook for you as long as you show up at my door,

Sebastian. Nothing can get in the way of that—right?”

Sebastian smiled again, this time with all his heart.

“Thanks,” he murmured. “You… you really don’t know what

that means to me.”

Brenda followed Sebastian’s eyes; Jordan and Asa were

peering avidly into a shrub by the tire swing in the yard, and Sebastian wondered what bug Jordan had spotted now.

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“I think I know better than you do,” she murmured, and

then she kissed his temple unexpectedly. “I’m going to go get dessert; go tell them it’s strawberries and ice cream.”

Sebastian had to field several children on his way to get to Asa and Jordan, and he was laughing and breathless by the time he arrived. Something about Jordan’s intentness on the glossy-leafed small tree made him quiet abruptly,

though, so he didn’t need the little boy’s glare to shut him up as he approached.

“Sh!” Jordan hissed, and Sebastian nodded his head in

serious agreement.

“Absolutely,” he whispered. “Why am I shushing?”

“It’s a
chrysalis
!” Jordan told him fiercely. “And it’s going to be a
butterfly
soon.”

Sebastian caught Asa’s eye, and they both nodded

seriously. “Gotcha,” Sebastian said, and then his need to have the last word faded, and they both settled in and

watched.

After about a minute, Sebastian looked at Asa and

mouthed, “It’s not
doing
anything!”

Asa grimaced and mouthed back, “I
know
!”

Sebastian raised his eyebrows, and he and Asa

crouched shoulder to shoulder for another couple of

moments while the little boy stared rapturously at the pudgy green thing suspended from the leaf of the tree.

“Uhm, Jordan?” Sebastian said hesitantly. “Uhm… that

butterfly might not come out for a little while… butterflies are usually, you know, uhm, in that state for a couple of weeks.” He shot a meaningful look at Asa. “They don’t

usually just
come out
and be all pretty and
gay
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out in the dark for a while.”

Asa quirked up a small corner of his mouth. “Don’t

worry, Jordan; they can see the sun through the chrysalis, just like you can see it through your T-shirt. But Sebastian’s right that this
particular
butterfly might not be ready to come out right now. He’s late. The
other
butterfly that Sebastian is thinking about is all ready to fly.”

Jordan had no idea what they were talking about. “You

mean he’s not going to come out of his chrysalis tonight?” he asked over his shoulder.

At that moment, Jason, who was Jordan’s age, came

galloping over breathlessly. “Jordan! Jordan! Guess what!

Grandma said we can stay the night on her floor! Aunt

Bella’s gonna stay too! We’re gonna go to the zoo tomorrow; can you come!”

Jordan looked up at his father with his heart in his

eyes. “Dad… please? I’ll be so good in summer school for the rest of the week. Please? And I can check on the butterfly tomorrow!”

Asa looked at him and ruffled his hair, then winked at

Sebastian. “Yeah, kid—go tell Grandma you can stay.”

Jordan dashed away, leaving Sebastian and Asa still

standing shoulder to shoulder. Sebastian couldn’t seem to move away.

“So,” Asa said conversationally, “want to go home and

play butterflies?”

Sebastian grimaced. “Do you promise not to pull my

wings off?”

Asa looked at him sideways. “Do you promise to fly

back?”

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Sebastian sighed. “I can’t answer that right now.”

“I promise not to pull your wings off anyway.”

Asa’s arm was so warm… and Sebastian moved closer to

him, just a little. He let the evening wash over him: the coolness of twilight, the smell of grass and the pool and the horses on the property next door. Brenda planted bulbs

every year; there were irises and crocuses and even wild roses on the far end of the yard, crawling along cattle-wire fence. The night was lovely, and Asa….

Asa’s arm snuck behind them, and he rested his hand

lightly on the small of Sebastian’s back. Sebastian had put on a T-shirt after swimming, but Asa’s hand seemed to burn right through that. He shuddered while Asa ran a rough

thumb back and forth across the waistband of Sebastian’s tie-dye rainbow swim trunks.

Well, Asa was lovely too.

“I’ll have to trust that you won’t,” Sebastian murmured, and the pressure of that hand became firmer and more

insistent.

“You can always trust me, Sebastian,” he said, and

then, probably because nobody was behind them, that hand moved, cupped his bottom, and squeezed suggestively.

Sebastian’s whole body tingled with the flush of blood under his skin. Asa moved forward to work out the details of

Jordan’s stay with Grandma, and Sebastian lingered back

and watched the solid, hard line of his shoulders as he

walked. A wave of helplessness swept over him.

He wanted so badly to belong here, in this place he

loved, with this man who seemed to be strong and safe and kind; all of the things he’d wanted in his life, wrapped up in a package that smelled like a June evening.

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Exactly who leaves that sort of thing for a snowy

mountain in Spokane?

They had driven to the Bryne’s in Asa’s SUV, and the

trip back was much quieter with only the two of them in the car.

“When will they be back tomorrow?” Sebastian asked

into the dark.

“Mom said late; I figure around six or seven.”

“For the
zoo
?” The zoo in Sacramento was only a half hour away!

“The San Francisco Zoo,” Asa corrected with a grim

smile. “Apparently it’s something Mom and Courtney were

cooking up, and since you two don’t work tomorrow, Bella wanted in.”

“That’s funny—Bella usually bai….” Oh God, Sebastian

felt thick. Bella had been all smiles as they’d left; she’d even batted her eyes at Sebastian and blown him a kiss.

“Bella usually what?” Asa didn’t have to shift in this

car—but it didn’t matter. He was so damned good at

powering it through the darkness that all Sebastian could do was look at his hands and wonder what it would be like to be

“driven.”

“Uhm….” Sebastian flushed, and looked at those hands

again. “Bails. She usually bails on trips with the kids.

Maybe, uhm… maybe she just wanted to spend more time

with Jordan.”

Asa kept his eyes on the shifting, curvy road, but

Sebastian could feel an electric tension between them, strong enough to pull all his blood to his groin.

“Yeah, Sebastian,” Asa said gently, humoring him.

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“That’s it. She wanted to spend more time with Jordan.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian echoed greyly.

“Sebastian?”

“Yeah?”

“Why is it that I’m the ‘man-virgin’—but you’re the one

who’s so afraid to make love?” They could both hear the air-quotes; Asa didn’t even have to take his hand off the wheel.

Sebastian grew even more uncomfortable—and even

more aroused. “I have more to lose if this goes wrong.” His voice came out small and rough.

“That’s not true,” Asa said mildly. “I haven’t been really touched in over a year. You play your cards right, and I could lose my heart.”

Sebastian swallowed. “That would be painful,” he

acknowledged. He would know.

“What do you have to lose, Sebastian?” Asa asked

quietly, and Sebastian looked away.

“Well, we both know who gets to keep the family in the

split,” Sebastian said miserably, and it was the truth. If things went wrong, there went his one place for

Thanksgiving and Christmas. It had taken him five years of being Bella’s friend—five years of holding babies and chasing children and changing diapers and laughing with her

family—and now he felt like he’d gotten his MA in human

relationships. One bad breakup with a guy walking the gay-side and it could all mean shit, and, dammit, that would hurt.

Asa pulled the car into the driveway and put out a

restraining arm to keep Sebastian from leaving immediately.

“It’s the same thing I have to lose,” he said, and Sebastian Bewitched by Bella’s Brother |
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had to concede.

“Are you afraid of what your family will say if you come out?” Sebastian asked unhappily. That restraining arm

dropped, and Asa’s hand stayed companionably on his thigh.

Asa rolled his eyes, in his grim, paternal way.

“Hardly!” he chuckled. “I came out. My mother was more

afraid for you than she was for me.”

Sebastian gaped at him like a jellyfish in peanut butter.

“Wha…?”

Shrug. “Our exact conversation? Mom said, ‘Are you