Beyond (BOOK 1.5) (2 page)

I lift my chin and sniff. "It wouldn't make a difference where we were, Dale."

His expression melts like butter as he tucks his fingers into my hair and pulls me towards him. His lips are divine as they press against mine. They move from my mouth, across my cheek and come to rest against my earlobe.

"You're worth more than a quickie while my parents are out of the house, Nicole." I love and hate the way he says that. Why can't we just do it already?

Oh, that's right. I remember now. The thought is heavy and a little depressing, so I step back and gift him a smile that hides everything I'm truly feeling.

"So I was thinking we should go to the gym, and then head to your place for a movie." Dale keeps his hand on my face, rubbing his thumb over my frowning lips.

Ugh! The gym! I know it's a good idea, and we should totally do that, but...

But as usual, his sweet grin makes me nod. At least I'll get to see Dale working out. That'll be worth it.

"Do you want me to walk you home so you can get changed?" He laces his fingers through mine.

"It's only 'round the corner. I'll be fine." I let go of his hand and start limping away.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll see you in fifteen minutes." I wave my hand in the air.

"I'll come collect you soon," he calls after me.

I think he will forever worry about me. Ever since rescuing me from death, he's been my personal bodyguard, and I love him for it. However, today I just need fifteen minutes to gather myself.

I limp away, knowing he's watching my every move. I don't look back. I don't want him to see the tears welling in my eyes. Dale Finnigan will not sleep with me because he's made a promise to himself that the next girl he sleeps with is the woman he's going to marry. If you ask me, it's kind of ridiculous. At the time he told me, I thought it was chivalrous and sweet, but now I just think it's a pain in the ass. I want him. I want him so bad and not just because he has a hot bod, but because...well I've never made love before. I've had sex with selfish guys who got what they wanted then zipped up their flies, but with Dale, I know it'd be different. It'd be slow, intimate...amazing.

It'd be all those things because I'm in love with him.

I haven't told a soul I feel that way about him. I've never loved anyone before and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd fall for someone like Dale, but I have and like, super hard.

He'll never know it. Like hell I'm going to tell him. He'd never say it back to me and I know this for several reasons. One - He won't sleep with me, which obviously means he has not once entertained the idea of us getting married. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm only 17, but I can't help it. I've doodled Nicole Finnigan on so many pieces of paper now it's embarrassing. Two - He's applying to colleges, which means he's more than happy to leave me. Three - I'm not good enough for him. He may disagree with this if I ever brought it up, but what does he know? I rely so heavily on him it's not even funny. The fact I'm aware of it, must mean it's pretty bad. He puts up with all my shit... like every single day and still kisses me good-bye. He hardly ever loses his cool with my stupid moves, unless I really push his buttons, which I intentionally do sometimes. Those post fight make up sessions have gotten me so close, but Dale’s will is always stronger.

I inwardly groan. It’s never going to happen for us. I just need to let it go and face the fact that come August, I’m going to be waving good-bye to the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Chapter 2

The college replies start coming in way sooner than I think they will. I was expecting a few months, but no, no...here we are only 5 weeks down the track, and I can see it. A stark, white envelope is sitting on Dale's kitchen counter flipping me off. I want to snarl at it, but instead press my lips together and try to pretend I haven't seen it.

Dale's mom, Mary, is twittering around the kitchen, eyeing it with a secret smile. My heart sinks to the bottom of my skinny jeans. I swear it squeezes out past my shoes. I can see it on the floor, gasping for air as Dale spots his mother's gaze and his eyes round with nervous pleasure.

I notice the emblem on the top left corner of the envelope before he flips it over and rips into it. Columbia? Freaking Columbia University? That's in New York. That's like the other side of the world! He never told me he was applying there!

He never told me, because every time he tries to raise the subject of college, I cut him off and start harping on about something else. I'm such an idiot!

Columbia.

I can't breathe.

I hate you Columbia University!

Please don't get it in. Please. Please! I look away from his trembling hands as he reads the letter. I feel sick and breathe in sharply to ward off the dizzy spell.

"Did you get in?" his mother asks.

Dale's face is pale and tight. My brows bunch together as I watch him. His head shake is minuscule, but sounds so loud in the quiet room.

Woohoo!!

I mean...

Dale tosses the letter out of his hand. Mary and I watch it flutter to the floor as Dale slumps into a kitchen chair.

Dude. He's gutted. I mean seriously gutted.

That stings. Does he really want to get away from me that badly?

I cross my arms as Mary scoops up the letter and quickly scans it. Her face morphs with empathy.

"Dale, honey, I'm so sorry."

He flicks his hand, trying to look all nonchalant. My elation at his rejection from the east coast school is fully stunted by the sadness cresting over his features. As much as his sadness hurts me, I creep towards him and pull out the chair nearby, reaching down for his hand. I squeeze his fingers. With a forced smile, he squeezes back, once again putting my needs before his. He doesn’t want to smile right now, he probably wants to go up to his room and shut out the world for the rest of the day, but instead he's squeezing my hand, knowing I'll feel rejected if he doesn't do it.

I hate myself sometimes.

I pull my hand free and rub his thigh. "Did they give you any reason?"

He shakes his head before snatching back the letter and re-reading it. "It'll be my police record. I guarantee it."

"Honey, you don't know that." Mary places her hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I do, Mom." He looks up at her. I can't see his expression, but the pain cresting over Mary's face gives me a good enough idea. "That damn thing is going to haunt me forever." He thumps the table. "I want to turn back time!"

"You know you can't." Mary's calm voice tells me they've had this conversation many times before.

"I hate it," he mumbles darkly, but then his voice goes all quiet and wobbly. "Just, can we not...please don't tell Dad."

Mary's pained expression mirrors mine. "Honey, you know we have to."

"Yeah, but not today," he chokes out the words. "Promise me you won't say anything until I'm ready."

His mom looks all worried as she gazes at him.

"Promise me, Mom!"

"Okay, okay." She raises her hands like two white flags. "I won't say a word."

With that, Dale pushes up from the table and stalks out of the room.

Should I follow him?

I look to Mrs. Finnigan.

"Just give him a few minutes." She smiles sweetly. Her lips are tight, her eyes only just glowing with warmth. I still can't figure out if she likes me or not. It took her a while to meet the girl Dale was dating. I was hardly up for social calls when we first got together. I think Mary was really concerned when she heard it was me. My prior reputation does proceed me, I suppose. I've changed a lot since the accident though, and she seems to understand this, but she's still wary of me.

I guess I get it. From what Dale has told me, he was a bad boy a couple of years back. Maybe his parents think I'll pull him down that path again. I don't really care about proving myself to them. Sucking up is really not my style. However, I really want an answer to the question burning a hole through my brain, so I put on the sweetest demeanor I can muster.

"So, um." I tuck my hair behind my ear. "Why doesn't Dale want to tell Mr. Finnigan?"

"Oh." Mary sighs, folding the dish towel in her hand and hanging it neatly. "Well, Dale's father always wanted to go to Columbia. His father wouldn't allow him to...he insisted that he go to seminary instead."

I don't miss the slightly bitter edge to her words. Her smile is glum as she gazes at her kitchen counter.

"As a way to motivate Dale after his accident, Charles talked a lot about Dale's dreams and what he wanted to do with his life. They sort of decided on Columbia together, and it was a big part of helping Dale recover. They researched the college, spent hours picking out the perfect classes. For Dale, setting his eyes on something positive really motivated him. I think maybe he feels as though he's let his father down somehow."

"But he hasn't." I almost sound desperate. "It wasn't his fault he was rejected."

"I know," Mary says quietly. "But in his mind, it is. He's been working overtime trying to prove himself to us, not that he needs to. But we just can't seem to convince him otherwise. I don't think he'll ever truly get over what he went through when he was fifteen. A part of it will always stay with him."

I already figured that. I knew what it was like to live with mistakes. We've both had to learn to deal with the fact that we can't change the past, but Dale seems driven by this power to prove that his life was worth saving. It influences most of his decisions. He never wants to be his old self again…ever.

"I guess Columbia was another step towards redeeming himself...to making his father proud." My heart is cracking as I say the words.

Mary nods, tears forming on her bottom lashes. "Dale never whispered a word to any of his friends about this. It was like their little father-son secret. They really had their hearts set on Columbia, you know." Blinking rapidly, Mary sniffs and shakes her head. "Charles will be so disappointed."

I don't know how to respond to this. All I know is that I really want to see Dale, like now.

Armed with my new-found knowledge, I ease out of the chair, giving Mary an awkward squeeze on her arm as I make my way to the stairs.

"Make sure you leave the door open." In spite of her sniffles, Mary still manages to give her standard reminder. I roll my eyes before turning to face her.

"Yes, ma'am." I nod and paste on a smile before racing up to Dale's room.

Leave the door open. Seriously? This isn't the 1950s! And besides, when did that ever stops kids from getting it on? If we didn't do it here then we'd just find someplace else! Thankfully, my parents didn't have this open-door policy. They probably should have, but I don't think it even occurred to them, even after they found out what I got up to before I was hit by a car and left for dead. The four longest days of my life. My parents found out so much during that time, all my secrets were laid bare. We've been slowly working our way through them, building up trust, learning to communicate with each other.

They trust Dale though. That's no secret. They think the sun flippin' shines out his butt. I think they love him more than they love me sometimes.

This twitches my insides just a touch, but I'm okay with it. I love that they love my boyfriend. It gives us so much freedom at my place. Most of our heavy make out sessions and in-depth talks happen in my room, so I'm really not complaining.

I tap on Dale's door. The immediate response is Jester's bark. I brace myself for his voracious greeting, doing my best to stay calm as the black labrador bounds towards me.

"Jess…" Dale's voice is low and filled with warning.

Jester manages to control his urge to jump on me, but doesn't have any qualms about burying his nose in my crotch. "What is it with this dog?" I nudge him off me.

"He knows a good thing when he sees it." Dale grins at his cute line, but the joy quickly fades from his expression.

I finally get past Jester, but not before giving him a proper greeting. I rub his ears and pat his head before he relents and follows me to the bed. I carefully climb up next to Dale while Jester nestles at our feet. Dale's arm automatically comes around my back and pulls me close as I rest my head on his shoulder. I love that.

I trace my finger over the design on his T-shirt, not sure what I should say.

"I'm sorry," I finally mutter. Not really, but he needs to hear that right now.

After a long sigh, he kisses my forehead. "I know there are other colleges, but Columbia was my first choice, you know? After my car accident, it was one of the first things to motivate me. I made an effort to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I found my passion for writing. I made all these plans."

"Wrote your bucket list, huh?"

"Well, yeah. I guess. Not on paper or anything, but it's been swimming through my head for a couple of years now. I've always wanted to see New York and Columbia's a great school."

He hasn't mentioned his dad once. Part of me wants to call him on it, but one look at his vulnerable expression, and I just can't do it. Maybe it's better that he doesn't know what his mom told me.

I clear my throat. "There are other schools." My encouragement sounds so completely lame right now.

"Yeah." He squeezes my shoulder. "But what's the bet they won't have me either?"

"Dale," I chide, "you'll get in somewhere."

"Will I though?"

"Yes!" I slap his chest and prop myself up so I can look into his eyes. "You are a catch, Dale Finnigan. Any university will be lucky to have you."

He sighs, but gives me a smile. Another forced one that's totally for my benefit, not his. "I guess I just wanted Columbia."

Pulling me down, he rests his cheek against the top of my head and lets out another sigh. All I can do is hold him.

Chapter 3

Okay, so Mr. Morose is still walking the halls of Big Bear High. I haven't managed to get a smile from Dale in four days. The weekend sucked. Like yeah, officially! In the end, I got so sick of his somber silence that I got pissy with him and left. He didn't come around to win me over like he usually does.