Beyond Famous (Famous #3) (19 page)

He told me about his co-star, albeit only when I asked about her.  I wanted to make him feel like I was okay with it even if in reality, I cringed at the thought of him kissing some other girl on film. But, hey, it was his
job
. He'd said it a hundred times, and he was right.  I'd just have to deal with it.

"I don't know that much about her really.  Beyond on stage at the MTV awards, I only met her the one time in L.A. and I was preoccupied, if you'll remember.  My girl was piggybacking around with some wanker, so my mind wasn't really focused on Davina Duchman."

He was teasing me, but I could see it had hurt him.

"I'm sorry," I said softly, my heart thumping at the pain he had over it.

As fast as lightening, he flipped me over and his body covered mine and I gasped.  "You better be," he said in a low voice as he nuzzled against my neck, but I could hear the amusement behind the words.  My hands ran up his back into his hair and I turned my face into his. Obviously, he was as aroused as I was and I could feel the proof of it pressing against my hip.

"Making love makes the time go too fast, Brook," his lips brushed mine even as he gyrated against me, and I breathed against him as my air left me in a rush.  I reached up and pulled his earlobe into my mouth, sucking and nipping at it with my teeth.

He shifted me so that I was completely underneath him and my legs came up on the sides of his hips. His hardness pressed against me as he dragged his mouth across my jaw and down the curve of my neck.

"Mmmm...” I moaned.

 Cade brushed my hair back and I drowned in his blue eyes before he rested his head on mine, his lips continuing to torture my neck, sending shivers through my entire body.   I pulled his head down so I could kiss him and he groaned against my mouth, giving in to the inevitable, our hips surged together.

"I said, I
don't
want to make love...” He groaned in protest, but his mouth took mine hungrily. I opened to him and moved my mouth with his over and over, until I couldn't breathe and my heart was beating wildly in my chest.  He lifted his mouth slightly to take a breath now and then, but we continued to devour each other's mouth again and again.

We fit so perfectly together; making love was effortless, natural; necessary.  As necessary as breathing.

Emotion welled within my chest and my throat ached, even as he set my body on fire.

"Jesus, Brook. Tonight will disappear in an instant and these three months will feel like forever."

I closed my eyes at the pain in his voice.  Tears squeezed from between my lashes despite my resolve not to cry.

Cade was right.  Losing myself in him would make time fly, but it felt so right and we both needed the closeness of it. 

His mouth moved to my breast and I arched against him, wanting the blissful torture to continue, yet needing his mouth on mine and his body intimately connected with mine.  I wanted to be connected with him in every way possible.  Our mouths moved perfectly together as he filled my body with his and his fingers threaded through mine, his other moving to twine in my hair to hold my head.

"Cade...” I cried into his mouth even as my free hand pressed into the muscles on his butt to bring him deeper into me.  I just wanted to be closer. His movements were slow, measured, like he wanted to savor every touch and memorize my response.  It was amazing, beautiful and...us.  Just us.  "Oh, babe," I said breathlessly.

We made love for hours, with our hands, our mouths, our bodies.  We worshiped each other again and again, never wanting to let the other go, needing the constant contact as some sort of shield to the coming goodbye... and the aching loneliness that loomed like a tsunami over us.

When finally we lay spent, gasping for breath in each other's arms, I turned my face into his neck and gave in to the sobs I'd been holding back. His gentle hands brushed my hair back as he hovered above me. 

"Brook.  Look at me."  My shoulders were shaking softly and I knew I didn't have the strength to look up and see the anguish on his face.  I could tell from the thickness in his voice that he was succumbing to the overwhelming emotions as well.

My arms wound around him and I pressed into him even tighter and I felt his lips on my face, tracing my cheeks and my tear-dampened eyes, until finally moving to my mouth to brush back and forth over it.

"Brook... babe, we'll get through this because we have to. You know how much I adore you.  You're all I think about."

I nodded and tried to control my voice enough to speak. "I know.  It's the same for me."

He rolled to my side but continued to look into my face, lying on his side facing me, touching my hair, trying to soothe me and kiss the tears away.  I finally brought my eyes up to his.  He was so gorgeous, his face soft and sated from our lovemaking, but full of pain and love.  We just lay there looking at each, other and I wondered what time it was, how many hours and minutes I had left with him.

He must have read my mind because he shook his head.  "I don't want to know.  I don't want the sun to rise, Brook."

My eyes closed.  "How do you do that?  How do you know me so well?"

He smiled softly.  "Hmmph.  You're part of me." His thumb rubbed across my lower lip and pulled it down before he leaned in to kiss me softly on the mouth.  "And, I love you more than anything on this earth."

Another tear slipped from my eyes, and he bent to kiss it away.  "These songs, Brook... they're all of our songs...”

I closed my eyes and nodded.  "I know."

"I mean, the song you sang in London, the one I sang at the wrap party... everything, even some that we only talked about." His eyes held an incredulous look like he was amazed that I'd remember them.

"Yes."  My throat ached, and I couldn't say much, so I just reached out to trace his jaw with my fingers and nodded softly.

"You're so beautiful.  You touch me in places that no one ever will again.  You're so perfect for me, do you know that?"

I couldn't help but laugh a little through my tears.  "So, you keep saying."

"And
will
continue to do so until you believe it."  He kissed my nose and my forehead and I snuggled into him, content just to hold him, smell him and feel him wrapped all around me.

SOMETHING WAS SHINING
in my face and I wanted it to go away.  I threw my arm over my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. 

Sleep
.

My heart constricted in my chest as I realized where I was and that I didn't want to be sleeping.  I sat straight up in bed, my chest heaving with my frantic breathing as my eyes searched the empty bed and room around me.  My eyes stung, my throat hurt...   "Cade?" I started to cry. "Cade!" I yelled.

He rushed out of the bathroom and I saw that he was already dressed in gray pants and a black T-Shirt.  He took one look at me with the tears running down my face and sat on the edge of the bed so he could pull me into his lap.

"I'm so sorry...” I sobbed against his chest.  "I didn't mean to fall asleep, to... to waste our time together."

"Love, it's okay.  I was tired too."

"But did you sleep?"  I looked up into his face as his thumbs brushed away my tears.

"Um, no, honey, but it's okay."  I shook my head as my face crumpled.

"No!  I'm
so pissed
at myself," I said in disgust and as usual, he tried to comfort me.

"Babe, don't be.  It allowed me to watch you sleep, Brook."

"So what? Are you Ryan now?"

He only smiled sadly.  "Only where you're concerned, Julia."

I slid my arms around his neck and cried into him.  "Oh God... I can't do this.  I thought I could, but I just
can't
, Cade."

His arms tightened around me, and he buried his face into the side of my neck and shoulder, one hand coming up to cradle the back of my head.  He was breathing heavier, but he was silent, just holding me in his arms like he'd never let me go.

My phone vibrated and I knew it would be my mother.  She was going to help get Cade to the airport without anyone knowing.  Well, at least that was the plan.  The whole world was watching the airports, knowing he'd be traveling today. It had gotten so damn insane.

I pulled back so I could look into Cade's face.  His eyes were liquid with unshed tears and I knew he was hurting as much as I was.  I leaned my forehead against his cheek as I sat in his lap and inhaled his scent with my shaky breaths, trying to get control of the crying.

"What time is it?" I asked, not wanting the answer.

He waited and swallowed.  "Just after eleven."

I sucked in my breath.  It was worse than I thought. I grabbed on to him tighter as a new flood of tears ran through me.  "Oh, God."

He just held me and let me cry.

I knew he had to leave by twelve or he'd miss his plane.  I glanced around the room and noticed his bags were already packed. His guitar was in its case waiting as well.

"I thought you were going to play me another song."  I sniffed back the tears and tried to smile at him, but I knew it was a pathetic effort at best.
I can't hide from him.  He knows everything.

He sighed.  "Is that what you want?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know what I want right now... except that I
don't want you to go
."

Again, his arms pulled me close and he nodded against my shoulder.  I knew he was crying with me this time.  I was so damn selfish.  I should be making this easier for him, helping him to do what he had to do, and instead here I was this quivering mass of tears.  He deserved better from me.

"I'm sorry.  I’m not being fair, Cade.  I know you have to go, and I'll be fah... fine."  I pushed off of his lap and moved to my open bag to gather out the clothes I had brought.

"Well, I bloody won't be," he said miserably.

 I pulled on some panties and a bra, knowing that Cade was watching as I did so.  After I had donned the jeans and the T-Shirt, I went to the bathroom to study my reflection.  My eyes and mouth were swollen, and my hair was a wild mess. 

I was a mess.  I ran my hands through my hair and under my eyes to remove the ruined makeup. Ruined by lovemaking and tears.

When I came back to the bedroom, Cade was sitting on the bed next to his open guitar case, and holding the instrument on his lap.

"I'm the one who will be the mess.  The minute I leave, you'll turn into a tough futuristic babe, yeah?" he tried to tease me, but the tears in his eyes kept it from having the effect he wanted.

"Hmmph!  Hardly," I said as I sat down next to him and ran my hand down his arm. His expression reflected that he realized my weakness where he was concerned.

I wish I felt tough.

He started to pluck at the guitar softly. A soft haunting melody and I knew this song would be sad, full of the loss he talked about last night.  When he began, the lyrics made my heart stop.

“Is this from the same band as the one last night?” I asked.

“
Yes, it’s called
Shattered. Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding….”

I looked down in my lap and struggled with my emotions as I listened to his vibrant voice sing the words that echoed how I felt.  I bit my trembling lip then tears fell from my traitorous eyes.  He knew how this was affecting us both, so I brought my eyes back up to his. I wanted to see his beautiful face for every second left to me. I didn't need to hide my feelings from him... I
couldn't
, even if I wanted to.

The music slowed as a tear fell from his eye and he lifted his hand to brush it quickly away before continuing, the music increasing in speed and volume. His voice became stronger as he sang and he never took his eyes from mine.  I had to put a hand to my mouth to keep from sobbing aloud.  I didn't know how he did it... singing with tears on his face.  He was so much stronger than me... even if he thought I was the strong one.

The last few notes died out and as he put the guitar back in the case, I knelt in front of him and wound my arms around his body, my head buried in his chest as we clung together, his hand stroking my hair.  I felt his lips pressed to the top of my head as he breathed me in.

"I love you.  Always," he said against my forehead.

"I know.  I love you, too."  After a few minutes, I moved out of his arms and sat next to him on the bed. I needed to talk to him.

"You know all the songs on the iPod?"

"Yeah, I noticed that it was a new one. Did you lose your old one?"

I smiled and shook my head.  "No. It's new."  I reached out and took his hand.  "I sent Nathan a list of the songs I wanted to load on it, and had him set up a new account, and buy two new iPods."

His brow dropped and he shook his head in question.  "Two?"

"Uh huh.  One for me, and one for you.  I put it in your duffle yesterday when you were out of the room. The account is set up using my email address, but you'll have access to it as well."

His eyes searched my face as comprehension appeared on his features.  "Music is a way we've always connected...”

I nodded.  "I just thought that we could download songs for each other on the days we can't talk... or maybe, every day.  I can load them in the evening, so you'll see them when you wake up, and you could do the same for me in the mornings.  That way...” I fiddled with my fingers in my lap, but he reached over to take my hand and raise it to his mouth, "we can add to our playlist together. And will you add the song you sang last night and this morning?"