Beyond Hope's Valley: A Big Sky Novel (9 page)

She'd returned to Indiana with Aaron . . . but there was so much more that she hadn't expected in Montana. She'd learned to appreciate a new place and a different type of lifestyle. She'd worked in an Englisch store and had made new friends. She'd grown closer to God too, thanks to Ben.

Even as his name filtered in her mind, her stomach twisted into a knot.
Is this how Mem feels, even after all these years?

Mem's tears had been real as she'd confessed her love for an Englisch man. Marianna had never actually confessed she loved Ben, but she did care for him more than she should. A cloud passed over the sun, dimming the light around them, and she wished with one breath she could blow away her dark thoughts as well as the clouds.

Twenty minutes later they pulled into the Zooks' property and parked. The last time she'd been there was the night of the youth sing. That night she'd just started getting used to the idea that they might be leaving Indiana. Now she'd left and returned. And they'd survived the parting. Aaron had come to her to win her heart, and it had worked. Here she was. Here
they
were. Their future presented itself in wood and glass, and Marianna sucked in a breath.

It was a small cabin with wood siding and a green metal roof. It sat in a peaceful alcove between the pasture and the woods. Marianna glanced around. The woods blocked the view of the Zooks' main house and the road. They had their own slice of earth where no one would bother them.

Aaron cleared his throat. She turned to him. Pride gave his face a warm glow.

"What do you think?"

"It's beautiful . . . I . . . I don't know what to say." She turned back, taking in the porch that ran the length of the front and the tall windows that flooded the house with light.

She placed her small hand in his larger one, squeezing. "I can imagine a swing hung on the porch, and curtains in those windows. I'm sure around back there's the perfect place for a garden, and is that an apple tree over there?" She pointed, and laughter bubbled from Aaron's chest.

"
Ja
, it's an apple tree, and I can see the house does suit you."

"Can we go inside?" Marianna curled her lips in a smile. She wouldn't let thoughts of Ben ruin this moment.

She climbed down from the buggy and extended her hand. "Do you need help down?"

He smiled sheepishly and then placed his hands on her shoulders, lowering himself, stepping down onto his good leg first.

Honest, simple, true.
She couldn't think of three better words to describe Aaron.

Even as he stood, Aaron's hands stayed on her shoulders—a lingering excuse to touch. Heat rose to her cheeks, and she lifted her chin. A deep longing for his kiss surprised her.

He studied her eyes, smiled, and then leaned forward, offering the kiss she waited for. His lips were warm and the kiss was gentle, but the tightening of his fingers around her shoulders told her he desired more.

A rustling sounded behind them, and Marianna pulled back, looking over her shoulder.

"It's only the wind in the brush." His voice was husky.

He leaned forward again for another kiss, but she pulled back. She knew better than to let the desires of their flesh lead them where it ought not. "I'm ready to see the house now."

"Don't you want to kiss me, Mari?" His Adam's apple lifted and fell. His blue eyes widened and her heartbeat quickened, doubling its beat. Something inside urged her to step forward, to wrap her arms around him, to absorb his warmth and allow him to kiss her—to hold her. To discover each other in ways they never had. But even as her body longed for that, warning bells chimed in her head.

She released the breath she'd been holding and stepped back. "Of course I want to kiss you, but we can't let ourselves get carried away . . . it'll only make the months until our wedding more difficult."

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again.

"Someday there will be no waiting." Her voice escaped as a whisper.

"
Ja
." He stepped back and cleared this throat. "That's something to look forward to."

She approached the front door, and anticipation pushed against her throat. A sluice of joy struck her. She was really here. This place would soon enough be her home.

"You better step inside now, Miss Sommers, before I pick you up and carry you in myself."

She stepped through the door behind Aaron. He hurried to the center of the living room and lit a lantern, although that wasn't necessary. Bright mid-morning light shone through the windows.

She stood in the living room archway and glanced into the kitchen. Though simple, the rich wood that Aaron used for the cabinets and the stone countertops made the house look far from plain. She walked through the large, empty living room into the kitchen with slow steps, taking it all in. Her fingertips trailed over the countertops, and she considered all the wonderful meals she could make here. Food to sustain them, cooked with love.

"Granite," he said. "The man at the lumber yard recommended it. You can put a hot cookie sheet right on top of it without hurting it."

"Already thinking of cookies, are you?"

Aaron patted his stomach. "Of course." He winked. "It keeps my mind off other things."

She noticed small squares of fabric on the kitchen counter. Picking them up, they were some of her favorite colors—blue, red, pink. "What's this?"

"I know the curtains must be white, plain, but this place needs some color,
ja
? If you pick out your favorites I'll get the fabric for a quilt on my next trip into town."

She returned the fabric to the counter and then clapped her hands together. "Really?"

He chuckled as he removed his hat and then hung it on a hook by the door. "Didna think you'd get that excited. I cannot wait to show you the rest of the house and the bed the quilt will cover."

She followed him to a large bedroom just off the living room. A simple bed frame had been set up with a new box spring and mattress.

"I figured you had sheets and things in your hope chest at home."

"
Ja
. I've been preparing for some time now." After a pause she added, "It's what all young Amish women do, you know, plan for their future. Although I never imagined anything like this." She walked to the window and placed her fingertips on the cool glass. "Has your ma been here?"

"No, not yet. I wanted you to see it before her."

"Just think." She released a sigh and sat on the mattress. "I'm the first woman to sit on this bed—in my home." Her eyes scanned the frozen ground and the trees that stretched naked limbs into the air.

She turned back to him and noticed the color had drained from his face. "Are you all right? Is it your leg? I told you you've been on it too much."

"
Ja
, maybe I have." He lowered his head and then sat on the mattress next to her, running a hand down his smooth-shaven face. He circled a finger around his shirt collar and then nodded his chin toward the doorway. "There's another room you have to see."

Marianna rose and followed him back into the living room and toward a closed door. With his eyes fixed on hers, Aaron opened it. With a sweep of his hand he motioned for her to enter. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

She walked into the small bedroom and the first thing that caught her eye was the large window and window bench. She placed a hand to her chest and rushed forward, taking in the view of the pasture and trees. Tears came to her eyes, and she didn't understand why.

Aaron approached and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I hope those are happy tears."

She nodded, hoping they were too. The tears rolled down her cheeks, but weariness overwhelmed her. Her limp hand refused to swipe them away. "This will be a perfect room for our child."

She pictured a small girl with dark hair like hers and bright blue eyes like Aaron's. She imagined sewing her dresses and kapps. She thought about welcoming Aaron home every night and their family around the dinner table. She thought about their child growing and more children coming. A family, a real family, gathered around the dinner table and reading stories by lantern light. Butterflies danced in her stomach and more fluttered around her heart.

The impact of what she was about to do by marrying Aaron hit her like never before.

Marianna placed a hand to her forehead. An overwhelming feeling came over her like it had that dark Montana night when the spooked horse carried her and Sarah away in the buggy through the trees and brush. She tried to contain herself. Tried to calm the swift surge of bittersweet joy.

She sat on the window bench. "Can you imagine a baby here, Aaron?" She brushed away her tears. "Can you picture yourself as a father?"

He didn't answer, and she turned to face him. His skin was red above his shirt collar. His hair rumpled, as if he'd run his hand through it. A hint of sweat glistened upon his brow.

"Are you all right?"

"Just my leg." He sat down beside her. "I think you were right when you told me I've been doing too much."

Was it really the pain in his leg that caused this reaction? A nagging feeling inside Marianna told her there was more. There was a moment's hesitation where each assessed the other. She opened her mouth to ask what she knew she ought, but no words came.

Aaron turned his attention back to the meadow. "
Ja
, that's why I built this, with the thought of a child in mind." Even as he said the words Marianna could tell his mind was on something else.
Someone else?

How can I marry him when he won't even share his heart? His thoughts?

She sighed and turned her eyes to the small winter finch that hopped from bare tree branch to bare tree branch. The day seemed colder than it had a few minutes ago, and she crossed her arms and pulled them tight, feeling a shiver carry up her spine.

Dear Dat and Mem,

Hello from Indiana! I suppose it's cold in Montana, but I imagine you reading this letter in front of the warm fire. Knowing Dat he would have wanted to open this letter as soon as he saw it in the mail, but knowing you, Mem, you would have bawled him out if he did . . . so I assume that you're reading this letter together. I'm glad you are, because there so much I'm wanting to tell.

Today was the day. The one I've been thinking about for a while. I visited the house with Aaron. It was more beautiful than I expected and it's hard to believe one day yet it will be mine . . . ours.

Levi looks well. He has news for you, but I'll allow him to share it in his own time. News that might mean my wedding won't be as soon as I imagined, but I'm adjusting to that idea.

As I pray, I feel deep inside that I should give to and care for Levi and Naomi first. My own marriage will come in good time. I told Aaron such, and he stated he understood, yet his eyes were full of questions—worry even. Maybe he wonders if I am having doubts? If I cannot convince him with my words maybe the commitment I'll show him in the months to come will speak otherwise. Love, as you've always told me, Mem, is more than jest a warm feeling deep inside. It's the standing by someone in the good days and bad.

Tell all the children hello for me. I miss them with a deep ache. I tell myself I'll see them sometimes soon. I hope that indeed will be the case.

Love,

Marianna