Beyond Reach (12 page)

She looks up at me with sad blue eyes. “Why doesn't he like me, Sam?”

I shrug. “I have absolutely no idea. I think any guy in his right mind would love you. Even Conrad can't figure it out.”

“I wish I could just hate him and be done with it. Okay, maybe not
hate
him, that's pretty strong, but I really wish I could dislike him a lot. Why is it that being dumped doesn't just automatically make you despise that person?”

“I don't know…”

“I mean, he didn't exactly
dump
me, because we weren't really dating, well, other than with you and Conrad. And to be fair, he was rather sweet about it. He said he just didn't want to be serious with
anyone
right
now.” She gets that extremely worried expression again. “Do you think it's because he actually
is
the guy in your vision? What if he's really depressed and trying to sever his relationships because he's planning a suicide?”

“No, I honestly don't think that's what's going on.”

“But what if you're wrong, Sam? Remember some of the things we read on that suicide website? People are supposed to cut ties with their loved ones before they check out. How can you be certain that Alex
isn't
the guy in your vision?”

For her sake, I give this my full consideration, but I just can't buy into it. I know that Olivia needs an explanation to make her feel better, but thinking of Alex as suicidal seems totally ridiculous. Still, she looks slightly hopeful, which strikes me as pretty weird. I mean, does she want him to kill himself? No, of course not. She just wants a reason for her heartache.

“I have an idea,” I tell her. “How about if I ask Conrad about Alex, without mentioning our suicide concerns. I'll ask Conrad for his take on the whole thing and what he really thinks about Alex and his motives for breaking up with you.”

“It wasn't actually a breakup,” she says again. I wonder if that makes her feel better.

“Fine, I won't ask about the breakup, okay? I'll ask Conrad about Alex's state of mind and if he, like me, thinks his buddy needs to get his head examined for not wanting to go out with you. Will that work?”

She rolls her eyes then actually smiles. “Well, something to that effect might be acceptable.”

H
e just wasn't that into her
, “ Conrad tells me for about the third time. I think I've questioned him a little beyond his patience, and I'm surprised he hasn't hung up on me by now.

“Sorry to be such a pest,” I say. “But Olivia is taking this so hard… I promised her I'd try to figure it out.”

“Well, tell Olivia that it's not because of Alex's parents and it's not because of another girl and it's not because Olivia isn't cool. She is. It's just Alex, okay? He can be like that. He gets his mind set on or against something, and there's no turning that boy back. I guess it can be a good thing, like when it comes to serving God or sports or things that require determination. But I'm pretty sure that he's just not into Olivia.”

“Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that she sort of went after him?”

“Maybe…”

“Aha.”

“Most guys don't like to be pursued like that. I mean, I suppose it's kinda flattering when a girl likes you so much that she'll go after you, but most guys want to be
the ones doing the chasing. I think it has to do with the hunter instinct.”

I laugh. “Sort of like the cavemen, out hunting down their women, knocking them over the head with a club then dragging them back to the campfire to whip up some Brontosaurus soup?”

He chuckles. “Yeah, something like that.”

This makes me remember how I showed very little interest in Conrad last fall. And it wasn't that I was trying to play hard to get; I was just so focused on finding Kayla that I probably seemed indifferent. Maybe that's what Olivia needs to do—focus on something else.

Conrad and I talk a little more; then I tell him it's getting late and I have homework and better get to it.

“Still playing hard to get, huh?” he teases.

“Seriously, I still have geometry and history.”

So we hang up andl hit the books. And some kids might think it's nerdish to cut off a conversation with my boyfriend just to do homework, but the fact is I do take academics pretty seriously. Oh, I'm certainly not like my dedicated lab partner, Garrett Pierson, who's been obsessing over every tiny detail in this week's chemistry project. But I am definitely college-bound, and I do try to keep my grades up. So much so that I've even considered dropping my chemistry class for now. I so don't get it, and it feels like my grade is totally riding on Garrett.

To make matters worse, Garrett, while completely competent, is not very adept at conveying information to me. He tends to take over the projects, only giving me bits
and pieces of facts, so that for the most part I'm in the dark. I think I'll try to discuss this with him tomorrow.

After picking me up the next morning, Olivia wants me to tell her everything Conrad told me last night.

“All the details,” she insists as she drives toward school. “Don't spare my feelings.”

“He really didn't say that much. But it was enough to reassure me that Alex is not suicidal, okay?”

“That's it?” She sounds disappointed.

“Pretty much.”

“Don't Alex and Conrad talk? You know, the way we do?”

“I don't know…”

Olivia pounds the steering wheel with her hands. “So that's
it?”

“Yeah. That, and Conrad said Alex just wasn't that into you.”

“Duh.”

“But Conrad did have a theory about that.”

“About what?” She glances at me.

“Why Alex wasn't that into you.”

“What is it?” She sounds way too eager now. “Is there something I can do?”

“See, that's just the problem.”

“Huh?”

“You're too eager, Olivia. And Alex probably got scared off.”

She lets out a groan.

“Conrad told me that most guys don't like to be chased. They want to be the pursuer.”

She nods. “Yeah, you tried to tell me that.”

“But you didn't listen.”

“I just like him so much, Sam.”

“I know.”

For the rest of the way to school, we don't say anything. I know she's feeling bad, and I wish there was something I could do to help her, but maybe she just needs to walk through this.

“I'll be praying for you, Olivia,” I say as we prepare to part ways at school. “I think God wants to bring something good out of this.”

She nods sadly. “Yeah, I hope so.”

As I walk to class, I wonder how hearts can get so entangled that people get hurt like that. And I wish Olivia could've been spared. But at the same time, I think she has something to learn here too. And it's not just about how to play hard to get.

She still seems pretty bummed at lunch. So to distract her, I start talking to her about chemistry, my next class, and how I plan to confront Garrett. “And maybe I'll just drop it and take physics next year.”

“Yuck.” She makes a face. “You want to be stuck with a science class in your senior year?”

I roll my eyes. “I wish I'd followed your example and taken them all before now.”

She actually smiles. “Yeah, something I learned from my dad. If it's going to be unpleasant, it's better to just get it over with.”

I consider this. “Maybe I'll stick it out in chemistry then.”

Even so, I do confront Garrett And, of course, I hurt his feelings in the process. Or so it seems. Because as soon as I say my little spiel, he instantly clams up and totally ignores me. I just sit there across from him, watching as he furiously pounds today's notes into his laptop— the mad scientist hard at work. Then I notice something. He has straight, dark brown hair. And the way his bangs fall across his forehead and almost into his eyes looks similar to the guy in my vision.

“Garrett,” I say suddenly and he looks up.

He doesn't say anything, just stares at me with that wounded expression.

“I'm sorry if I offended you. You are a great lab partner and I really appreciate you, okay? I'm just worried that I'm riding on your coattails here.”

He almost smiles.
“My
coattails?”

“You know what I mean. I feel like you're carrying the whole load.”

“But that's okay.” He looks down at his computer. “I'm used to it.”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugs and looks back down, muttering, “Nothing.”

“All I'm asking is that you include me, oA:ay?”

He looks back up again. “I'll try.”

“Thanks.” I'm trying not to stare at him now, trying not to obsess over the fact that he might possibly be the guy in my visions.

Ironically, Garrett actually makes a noble attempt at including me in our experiment, but I'm so focused on him and whether
or not he's suicidal that I'm totally useless. Consequently, everything he explains goes straight over my head.

Even so, I try to keep the conversation going with him after class ends, walking with him down the hall, although he's going in the opposite direction of my next class. As I'm walking (or is it stalking?), I attempt to ask chemistry-related questions that sound lame even to me. Finally he stops walking and turns and looks at me.

“No offense, Samantha, but you really don't get it, do you?”

“Huh? What?”

“Science. “

Oh.” I sort of smile. “Is it that obvious?”

He nods. “So, what's your point here?”

“My point?” Does he know that this isn't about science? Can he sense that I've got a whole different agenda here? I give him my best innocent look.

“Yeah, first you tell me you don't want me to help you in class; then you show how totally ignorant you are… I mean, what am I supposed to do?”

I hold up my hands like I'm surrendering. “Maybe this should be your call. Maybe you'd like a different lab partner. In that case, I think I'll just drop chemistry anyway.”

His brows draw together as he considers this. “Well…” He sighs. “I suppose if it really was my choice, which I doubt it is, I'd tell you to stick it out.”

“Even if I drag you down?”

He shrugs. “I can handle it.”

“Okay then. I'll stick it out.”

Okay then.”

Thanks, Garrett”

He still looks a little stunned, and his face is turning slightly red. I have a strong suspicion that this is the longest conversation he's ever had with a girl.

“See ya,” I call as I turn and walk the other way.

Maybe he's not really the guy in the visions. Maybe I'm just trying to peg any guy with straight dark hair as a suicidal maniac. Maybe I should ask God to show me something a little more definite. Maybe, maybe, maybe…

By the end of the day, I think I'm probably totally wrong about Garrett. And I'm sure he must think his lab partner is one strange chick.
Stranger than he knows actually.
But I decide that whether or not Garrett Pierson is the suicidal guy in my visions, I am going to become his friend. Because I can tell he needs a friend. He's obviously lonely and a bit of a nerd. And I think it's no coincidence that I've been partnered with him. He's definitely going on my prayer list.

I convey this information to Olivia as she drives me home, but unfortunately she is still obsessing over Alex. She has now gotten it into her head that she might be able to win him back by ignoring him. I'm thinking,
Too little, too late
, but I don't say this. How can someone as intelligent as Olivia actually think that it will do any good to ignore a guy who is already ignoring you? I mean, how's he supposed to even notice?

“And,” she continues, as she works through what seems to be about a ten-point plan, “I'm thinking about joining a band.”

“Huh?” I turn and actually tune in to what she's saying now. “You mean like jazz band or something—”

“No, I mean a rock band.”

I laugh, certain that she's pulling my leg now, which I deserve since I haven't really been listening.

“I'm serious.”

“A rock band?” I study my friend. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, I guess it's not really a rock band. I think it's more alternative. That's what Cameron called it.”

“Cameron Vincent?”

“Yeah. He's looking for a girl to do vocals for them. He asked me to think about auditioning.”

“Are you serious?”

She gives a firm nod, but I can tell by the glint in her eyes that she's probably not as serious as she's trying to appear.

“You'd actually want to hang with
those
guys?” I imagine those hard-looking rocker dudes with their tattoos and piercings and bad boy images. Something about sweet Olivia in their midst just doesn't compute. Talk about a rose among the thorns.

“Those guys?”
She glances at me as she slows down for the stop sign. “That sounds pretty judgmental, Sam.”

“Well, everyone knows they're a pretty wild bunch. They're big-time partiers, and I'm pretty sure they do more than just alcohol.”

She nods again. “Yes. I know that.”

“You'd be comfortable with that whole scene?”

“It's not like I'd start smoking dope with them
or
anything.”

“Well, duh.”

“But maybe God is up to something.”