Beyond Repair (31 page)

When I was done, I had lined up nineteen bottles of hand sanitizer next to my kitchen sink. I stared at them for a minute. These bottles used to be my obsession, the only thing that relaxed me. My dependency on them was weak. They did nothing. I was stronger than that, and I didn’t need any reminders of my stupid addiction.

I picked up the bottle closest to me and squeezed its contents into the sink. My breathing quickened as I moved to next one. Like taking the hair off the bottles of alcohol, I loved ridding myself of the weight that had held me down for years.

When I was finally done with all nineteen bottles, I swept my arm over the counter, knocking them all into the recycling bin.

Getting rid of all of my obsessive crap was a better distraction from cleaning, but now it was over. I needed something else to calm me down. I snatched the vodka bottle.

Since I didn’t have any shot glasses, I poured a guesstimate of a shot into one of Mia’s glittery princess cups. And then I started putting all of the bottles away. Without hair—because tying your own hair around bottles was fucking gross.

My phone rang, and Zoey’s name flashed across the screen. I gulped down the vodka, shuddered, and answered the phone.

“Hi, Zoey. Good news, huh?”

“Yes! Great news for us. I’m so glad the kids don’t have to deal with any surgery.”

“Me, too. One thyroid removal was enough for this family.”

“She’s still doing well?”

“Oh, yeah, she’s great. She really missed school. She should be back in karate next week. The doctor said she could go back after a month.” I walked to the kitchen to get more vodka.

“I’ll tell Kyle.” She paused, and I knew what was coming. “How are
you
doing?”

I threw back my shot. “Ugh. Um, me? I’m good. Glad I don’t need surgery.”

“Come on, Brooke.”

I sank down to the kitchen floor. “Zoey,” I whispered. “What am I going to do?”

“Don’t tell him. Why would you even consider it?”

“I don’t … I don’t know if I have it in me to be responsible for …”

“You wouldn’t be responsible for anything that happened to him. They wanted you gone. That’s why they had you sign those papers when you couldn’t think straight and gave you all that money. Why would you go back and tell them anything? Especially when they find out
why
you know.”

Mia. I’m not going to tell him. He’ll take Mia.
“You’re right.”

“I know. I’m the smart sister.”

“Today you are. I, um, better go. I have to finish some stuff for work, and Mia and Chris will be home soon.”

“Okay. But I wanted to tell you that Kyle stopped by the house Chris is working on last night to borrow some tool. He said Chris was really happy when he was talking about you and Mia. Like elated.”

I knew he loved us, but for some reason hearing that gave me a little comfort. “He was?”

“Yeah. So if things get hard because of what you found out today, don’t shut down. Don’t push him away.”

“I’m not going to shut down like that again.” And I knew if I fucked up and tried to push him, he would still stay.

But I was done with pushing and avoiding. Just like I was done with hand sanitizer and tying hair around open bottles. I was going to deal with this. I
had
to.

* * *

Chris sent me a text that he loved me and to call him if I needed to talk, so I knew he must have heard the news from Kyle. I didn’t call him. I had to sort through everything in my mind, and I loved that Chris understood me and knew I needed space.

I managed to finish my work for the day and took another shot before Mia and Chris got home. The first thing Chris did when he came in was hug me.

I closed my eyes as I leaned against him. “Thank you.”

He didn’t answer, just kissed the top of my head. I opened my eyes and looked at Mia, who was yawning as she watched us. “Hi, sweetie. How was school?”

“Are you done hugging yet? Can I color with markers?”

“Sure, go bring them and some paper to the table.”

She ran off and I pulled out of Chris’s grip with a sigh. “I’m going to get pizza delivered, okay?”

“Sure.” He was leaning down as I talked to him and inhaled. “Have you been drinking?”

“I took a few shots.”

He nodded. “Can’t say I blame you.”

* * *

“Mom, you are not very good at this game tonight.”

The three of us were sitting on the floor, playing Memory. Half of the cards were gone already, and I had yet to make a match.

Mia flipped over two matching cards. “See? Dad just had that one.”

I grinned at her. “I’m letting you guys win.”

“No, you’re not! I’m really good!”

Chris pretended to look offended. “Yeah, we don’t need you to let us win.”

I laughed. “You caught me. I don’t have a good memory tonight. I’m going to leave you two to finish, and I’ll clean up the kitchen.”

Chris looked at the clock. “Why don’t you say good night to Mia? I’ll put her to bed when we’re done playing.”

Mia looked like she was going to argue, but then she yawned. “Okay.”

“Well then,” I said, giving her a hug. “Good night. Love you.” I kissed the top of her head and smiled at Chris as I headed to the kitchen.

Cleaning up was a lame excuse. The whole point of getting pizza was so you didn’t have to clean up. We ate on paper plates and had thrown them out already. I just had so many thoughts running through my mind and had to figure them out. I grabbed a bottle of spray cleaner and mindlessly wiped down the table and counters as thoughts danced in my head.

He could not find out about Mia. There was no way. I did not want to chance him asking for custody or visitation rights. Pierce and his father were not good role models for a little girl. Drugs, rape, manipulation, lies, and way too much power and money.

But I didn’t know if I’d ever get a court to see that. These people had the means to get whatever they wanted. I couldn’t risk it.

I didn’t care about the two of them so much. What really bothered me was their family was more than just Pierce and Frank. Several others were innocent people who didn’t know an hour of surgery could save their lives.

And I was withholding that information from them. I felt like I was breaking a law, as if I knew a crime was going to happen and was not alerting the police. Who was I to let someone get cancer? What if he had some distant relative with a kid just like Mia and they were impacted? Even if I never knew about it, it would still be on me, putting another family through hell. And no one knew better than me how lucky we were with Mia. Not all cancer cases were fixed up and tied with a pretty bow like hers. I would basically be a murderer.

I didn’t realize Chris was behind me until his hands were on my shoulders. “Hey.”

I jumped and shook my head at my dramatic reaction as I turned around to face him. “She went down okay?”

“Yeah.” He pushed my hair behind my ear and hesitated. “I know you have a lot on your mind, but I found something out today that might help you decide.”

I stared at him. What could possibly help me with this? “Okay …”

“Let’s go sit down.” I followed him to the couch, and he rubbed the top of his head. “Kyle and I have a mutual friend. Joe? Has he ever mentioned him to you?”

After I shook my head, and he continued. “Joe’s a lawyer.”

I closed my eyes. “I don’t want to take this to court, Chris. I know it won’t end well.”

He took my hand between both of his. “That’s not what I’m saying. Kyle and Joe were talking—about me, apparently—a few days ago. I hadn’t talked to Joe for a while, but he called me today. It came up that my girlfriend has a kid without the biological father in the picture. Kyle told him things were serious, and Joe called me to let me know he could help out if I wanted to adopt.”

“Oh.” It was so sweet that Chris wanted to legally adopt Mia, but I really didn’t think this was the night to talk about it. “I don’t even know how that would work. I’ve never looked into it.”

“That isn’t why I’m telling you about this. But the way it would work?” He swallowed. “The biological father would have to give up all rights. So you’d have to go to him anyway. If you went with the one-night-stand-and-forgot route that you told your parents, and I’m not even sure that’s legal, you’d still have to go to court, and the judge might rule that you notify the last known area he’s in.”

“Huh?”

“Like publish ads in the newspaper about the situation and see if he contacts you.”

This was too fucking much. I really didn’t want to hear more, but I had to say what I knew was coming. “And since the area I lived in where Mia was conceived is the area that Pierce lives in now, chances are he’ll see it.”

“Bingo. But I don’t want you to go through that, any of it, at all. I don’t need anything legal to be Mia’s father. I’m telling you this because it has to do with what I found out.”

“Go on.”

“I told Joe that I wasn’t going to have you do that, that it was a bad situation.” Chris paused, and I could tell by the way that he looked at me that he didn’t want to say what he was about to. “And he said that meant you were either abused or raped.”

I attempted to smile at Chris. “Smart lawyer.”

“Yeah, he’s seen a lot. He, um, just went off and started talking to me about legal stuff in abuse situations. I was going to tell him to stop, but then I told him to skip to the other one.” He looked at me, guilt flashing in his eyes. “So, he knows that about you now. I’m sorry I told him.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I would have been horrified by this about a month ago, but now it meant nothing to me that some guy I’d never met knew I was raped.

“Well, you were right. He would have rights to Mia.”

Oh, great. I was going to cry. I could feel the tears burning my eyes. “I
know
. I told you that.”

Chris pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. “There is something you don’t know,” he said, as he ran his fingers through my hair. “It was illegal.”

I pulled away. “Well, no
shit
it was illegal. That’s why they had me sign that contract and paid me off.”

“No, Brooke. The contract they had you sign was illegal.”

“It couldn’t have been. People are paid to keep quiet all of the time.”

“When there is a relationship, or an affair, something like that, yes. It is legal to have someone sign a contract and pay them. And they would be responsible for breaking it. But when someone is raped, it’s tampering with a witness. Someone who is a victim of a crime cannot be legally bound to keep quiet about it. It doesn’t matter how much they were paid.”

All of these years I’ve worried … “So, he wouldn’t get her?”

“Well, that I’m not sure of. It would be another case. But another crime was committed against you when you were manipulated into signing those papers. They’d never hold up in court.”

“He had a lawyer there,” I said slowly. “He spurted off all of this legal shit to me and then I signed the papers because I just wanted to get out of there …”

“It’s pretty amazing what people will do when their image is involved, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” The wheels were turning in my brain. “Do you think Joe will talk to me?”

* * *

Six days later, I leaned over from the passenger side of the car and kissed Chris. “Wish me luck.”

He gripped the steering wheel. “I really don’t want you going in there alone.”

I nodded. Chris had made it very clear over the past few days that he wanted to be with me today. “But this is something I really need to do alone.”

“I get it,” he said, still looking unhappy with the idea. “Here.” He took my phone and handed it back to me after a minute. “Every ten minutes an alarm is going to go off. I want you to text me that you’re okay. If you don’t, then I’m going to come in and find you.”

I opened my mouth to tell him it was overkill, but then I remembered what happened the last time I was in this building. I nodded and squeezed his hand before I stepped out of the car.

“Brooke?”

I leaned down. “What?”

“You’re the strongest person I know. Don’t let them make you feel like anything less.”

I grinned and slammed the door, heading toward the building. I was wearing one of my black work suits with a dark blue shirt to blend in. My hair and makeup were perfect.

I wasn’t wearing heels, though. Those fuckers weren’t worth the effort.

And they also sucked at security, just like when I worked there. The building was locked, but I went to the door where the reception was located and told the receptionist my name and that I had a meeting.

The door buzzed open.

I walked up to the receptionist, smiled politely, and told her who I was there to see.

“You said you had a meeting with him?”

I didn’t, but I lied anyway. “Yes. Can you please call him and tell him I’m here?”

She nodded, picking up the phone. “What company are you representing?”

“Oh, just tell him it’s Brooke Griffin.”

“Hello, there is a Brooke Griffin here to meet with you … Brooke Griffin … Yes, she’s here … Okay.” She hung up the phone and smiled at me. “Take a seat, someone will be down shortly.”

“Great. Thanks.” I sat in one of the many overpriced chairs and crossed my legs. I wanted to fidget but resisted the urge. I would not give him the satisfaction of thinking I was nervous.

Because I wasn’t really nervous. I was impatient. I couldn’t
wait
to grab control of my life back.

The alarm went off. I texted Chris and settled back to wait some more. I had a feeling this was going to take a while.

Finally, the elevator doors pinged and slid open. I looked over as the man in a security uniform stepped out. His eyes flickered as he looked at me, and he tilted his head.

“Ms. Griffin?”

I stood up. “Yes?”

“You’ll be meeting in the Lakeview Conference Room. I’ll take you there.”

“Thank you.”

We stepped into the elevator, and I watched him press the button to the fourth floor. I pulled out my phone to text Chris, when the guard turned to me.

“In August, I will have been working here for five years.”