Beyond Shame (6 page)

Torn, she looked at him again. "Do you mind?"

He leaned in and touched his tongue to the corner of her mouth. "Go. Let her show you a few tricks. You can try them out on me."

She licked the spot he had and was disappointed she couldn't taste him on her skin.
Soon.
Turning, she smiled at Lex. "What sorts of things are you going to teach me?"

"The best kind." Lex folded Noelle's arm over her shoulders and pulled her through the door, past the woman with the chains on her nipples. "This is Dallas's party room."

The walls were lined with sofas, the center of the room strewn with cushions. Between and over nearly every surface were people—some talking quietly, laughing, while others groaned and gasped as their bodies moved together. It was impossible to tell where most began or ended. Noelle only saw miles and miles of skin, and none of the shame that always hung in the air back in Eden.

They were
fucking
, all of them, and no one seemed the slightest bit ashamed.

There was no safe place to rest her gaze, and she couldn't decide what she wanted to stare at first. "Our party was...not like this."

Lex laughed and kissed her cheek. "This is more fun. Come on."

A raised platform at the far end of the room held a couch. Dallas sat—no,
sprawled
out on it, his arms stretched across the back of the sofa, his gaze burning hot as Lex led her up the stairs. "All she's missing are the pigtails. Well played, Lex."

"I'm not that devious, sweetheart. She picked it out." Lex leaned close to Noelle's ear. "See that look? He's thinking about you on your knees, with your pretty pink tongue on his cock."

Noelle thought Dallas spent more time stuck on Lex, but when the leader did turn those steel-silver eyes on her, she
wanted
to fall to her knees in deference to the unchecked power there. How Lex managed to snap at him and seem so casual, Noelle couldn't begin to imagine.

Dallas smiled, as if he could read every thought as it flickered through her mind. "What do you think, Lexie my love? Still shy or just adorably submissive?"

Lex's hand slid into Noelle's hair and tightened, jerking her head back. Noelle gasped, first because of the sharp pull, the should-have-been-pain that left her senses a jumble, and then because Lex's mouth was on her throat, the woman's tongue raspy and a little rough.

Lex eased away. "I suspect a bit of both."

With her head still wrenched back, Noelle could only whimper softly and close her eyes as she began to melt. Maybe Dallas heard that thought too, because he laughed. "Dirty girl. Put her on her knees before I decide to put you over mine. Unless that's the lesson you want to teach her first."

"Behave." Lex scratched her nails down his bare chest and knelt at his feet, then glanced expectantly up at Noelle as she tugged at his belt.

Lex seemed unashamed, which made it easier to join her. Noelle fought to ignore the press of attention, telling herself that the people at the party were already engaged in far more engrossing activities than staring at her. But when she peeked over her shoulder, plenty of men watched her with eyes that held no secrets. If Dallas was imagining her tongue, these hard men with their menacing tattoos and their slow, greedy smiles were imagining things far more vulgar.

She turned back in time to see Lex pull Dallas's belt open. Noelle lifted her gaze to his, and he nodded in acknowledgment. "They're watching us. If it makes you feel better, pet, it's not all about you. Lex has men beating each other to a pulp once a week in the cage fights, just trying to impress her enough to use her clever mouth on them. You learn some of her tricks, and the boys will crawl to give you anything you want."

Lex's purring hum was almost lost under the sound of Dallas's zipper rasping open. "Who wants a man who'll crawl?"

The dirty movies gave this a name. A blowjob. Dallas had given it a cruder one—
sucking dick
. She imagined Jasper's big hand on her head instead of the small of her back, imagined him pushing her head toward his groin while he rasped those coarse, raw words.
Suck my dick.

Warmth pulsed between her legs. She squirmed and watched Lex's hands as the woman freed Dallas's dick and stroked it slowly with both hands.

"Beautiful." Lex reached out to catch one of Noelle's hands and pressed it to the hard length of his shaft. "Have you ever done this before, honey?"

"Once." Under a blanket in the semi-darkness, because even that small rebellion had seemed wild. It couldn't compare to this, to Dallas watching through drooping eyelids as she eased her fingers carefully up his erection. She couldn't look away from it, from the shameless jut and the way it seemed alive under her hand, especially when her fingertips brushed the flared head.

He groaned and tilted his head back. "You're a curious little kitten, aren't you? No wonder my favorite snarling cat's gotten so fucking protective of you." Dallas sank a hand into Lex's hair, tugging the same way she'd tugged at Noelle's, and her face went slack with pleasure. "Show her how you use your tongue, Lex."

She bent her head and licked over Noelle's fingers. "Watch him," she whispered. "You'll know what he likes."

She curled her tongue around the head of his cock until it gleamed, wet and slick, and Noelle could see what Lex meant. Dallas was the one with a dominating hand twisted in Lex's hair, but every swipe of her tongue made him exhale sharply, a gruff, quiet noise that grew deeper, gravelly and rough.

"He likes your tongue," Noelle whispered, her own voice husky too. If she slipped her fingers beneath her panties, she knew what she'd find. The slickness of arousal, the proof that she was dark and twisted, bound for sin. She was so far past saving that she might as well admit it. "It looks...exciting."

Dallas laughed roughly. "That's right, kitten. You're going to like it here just fine, aren't you?"

Maybe. And what did that make her?

Lex lifted her head, her breathing as jagged as Dallas's, and dragged Noelle's mouth to hers. A sure kiss, certain, gentle and rough at the same time. And Noelle could taste Dallas on the other woman's tongue, something sharp and foreign, something that made Noelle moan as she squirmed, desperate to relieve the empty ache between her thighs.

Strong, forceful fingers snagged in her hair. Dallas jerked the two of them apart, pulling both their heads back with another deep, rumbling laugh. "Jas, come get your kitten. Lex can't concentrate on blowing me properly with all this sweet virgin tongue nearby."

Lex slapped at his hand. "I can teach her just as well on Jasper's cock."

"We'll see," Dallas drawled before turning Noelle's head. Jasper was walking toward them, his brows drawn together in a frown that looked more
intense
than anything. Her heart beat wildly as she imagined fumbling open his pants and copying Lex's technique. Tongue and lips and staring up into his eyes and—oh God, everyone would be watching her, and she didn't even care.

When Jasper stopped at the foot of the stage, Dallas lifted one eyebrow. "Want to join me on the couch so blowjob lessons can continue, or have you got something else in mind?"

Jasper held his hand out to Noelle. "We're going to talk, maybe have a few drinks."

"Uh-huh." Dallas released her hair, and Noelle inched to the edge of the raised platform before slipping her hand into Jasper's in silence.

He led her down, closer to the center of the room, to one of the couches lining the wall. Instead of sitting beside her, he dropped and pulled her onto his lap, facing the room. "What did you learn, Noelle?"

No safe place to rest her gaze again, but at least most of the people weren't staring at her anymore. Noelle wiggled a little, shifting restlessly in spite of herself because she wanted something hard to rub against. "Dallas likes to watch Lex lick him. I think he likes the watching as much as the feeling."

"Close," he whispered, easing one hand between her knees. "What else?"

She edged her legs wider, too wanton to deny him—or herself. "Dallas thinks I'm adorably submissive."

Jasper's voice dropped to a growl. "Are you?"

The growl was good. It shivered through her, pulsed between her legs, and if he didn't touch her soon, maybe she'd do it herself. "I don't know. I understand the words, but I think they mean more to you than they do to me."

"You do know." His fingers gripped her thigh. "Did you like it when she pulled your hair? When he did? When he was telling the two of you what would get him off?"

Submissive. Inclined to submit. To obey, to yield. To give control and authority over herself to another. Wasn't that at the root of her confusion? Lex had offered her sexual liberation, and Noelle had reacted with shame and disappointment. But was that because she didn't want to shoulder the burden of her sinful desires, or because it truly appealed to her?

Did it matter, in the end, if she enjoyed it? "I liked it," she admitted. "I like imagining you doing things."

"Things like this?" His hand moved higher, and his thumb brushed the thin fabric covering her sex.

The touch set off a cascade of desire that left her trembling, and yet it was so gentle. Too gentle. "Worse things." It came out as a breathless whisper. "Bad things."

"Luscious things," he countered, turning her head toward Dallas's stage. "Watch them now."

Her breath escaped on a gasp as she watched Lex take Dallas between her lips, into her mouth—
deeper
. Noelle clutched at Jasper's arm, transfixed as Lex surged down again. "She's taking him into her throat?" She couldn't decide if the thought was terrifying or so hot she might combust.

"Swallowing him whole." The pressure of Jasper's thumb increased, but only for a moment. "Does it look like she's submitting?"

She parted her lips to say
yes
, but hesitated. There was too much power in Lex's posture, too much defiance. Even when a dark-haired man covered in tattoos slid behind her and began to ease up her dress, Lex looked entirely in control of both men, as if Dallas was putty in her hands and the man behind her was there only for her pleasure.

"No," she answered finally. "She's not submitting."

"No. She's in charge. She's the one who decides." He moved his hand then, lifting it to cup Noelle's breast through her thin dress. "Just like you."

Her nipple grew tight, pushing against his hand, and she wanted to feel his broad fingers against her skin. "What if I don't want to be in charge?"

"Then you get ink. Because once you submit to a man, really
submit
, he's not gonna want to let you go."

She wet her lips, suddenly uncertain. "But how do I keep from doing that before I'm supposed to?"

"You give pleasure, not yourself." He pulled the bodice of her dress lower, baring her breast.

Across the room, a redhead with a wicked smile stared at her. No, at her chest, his gaze starved as it traced the curve of her breast, the tight nipple, and she felt the first stirrings of power. Was this how Lex felt when Dallas gazed at her with naked hunger? This certainty that she was desired, coveted, and could grant or withhold her affections at her whim?

Maybe bestowing it would be enjoyable. Lex seemed to revel in tormenting Dallas with her tongue while the dark-haired man stroked his fingers between her thighs.

Noelle turned her face enough to speak against Jasper's jaw. "Do you want me to give pleasure to other men?"

"Your desire, Noelle," he reminded her. "Do
you
want to?"

"I don't know," she lied, because she didn't want him to encourage more fantasies. Her imagination was all too ready to conjure one involving the smiling redhead and Jasper and being held immobile as rough hands explored her body.

Jasper made a quiet noise and set her on her feet, rising behind her. "Back to the platform," he murmured.

"Why?" she asked, nerves rendering her clumsy, but he was already guiding her back to the raised platform where Dallas watched her approach with half-open eyes.

"Because you won't know if you like pleasuring other men until you do it." Jasper's voice dropped, and his lips brushed her ear. "Get your mouth on his dick this time."

An order. A command. No shame in obedience, no wondering if they'd find her dark urges repellent. The stage was low enough she could climb onto it without using the steps. It left her on her hands and knees, her dress riding up to flash her panties, and she twisted to peer at Jasper, more aware this time of the way she must look to the room. "Now?"

He reached out and slid his hand up Lex's spine. "Move over, greedy bitch."

Lex braced one arm on the couch beside Dallas and drew her tongue up the underside of his shaft. "Plenty of room." She brushed Noelle's cheek with her free hand. "You come back for another tutorial, honey?"

Pressing up to Lex also brought her closer to the tattooed stranger. He was familiar—maybe he'd been the one with Jasper in the market, had helped to rescue her.

He grinned at her and gave Lex's hip a swat that made Noelle's insides clench in envy. "Want me to knock off, Lex? Or are you so good you can teach a virgin to suck cock while you're riding my hand?"

"Ask our fearless leader here how good I am, Ace." She circled her hips slowly against the man's hand as she leaned over to lick Noelle's lower lip.

Lex made it easy to fall into. It felt good to kiss her, open mouthed, felt better to follow her back to where Dallas's erection—
dick
, she whispered to herself,
cock
—stood thick and glistening, harder than before. Shivering, Noelle parted her lips and traced the tip of her tongue up his shaft.

Dallas sank a hand into her hair, his fingers more gentle than commanding. "Come now, kitten. Lex didn't teach you to be so prissy."

No, Lex had lapped at him like a melting ice cream cone on a hot day. The image made Noelle laugh as she opened her mouth wider and swirled her tongue around the crown of his cock.

Jasper whispered her name, and she felt the careful brush of his hands pushing her skirt higher, up over her hips to her waist. Then he curled his fingers under the back of her panties and drew them down.