Beyond Shame (9 page)

Her father's endless rage.

Shivering, she banished his face from her memory and concentrated on Rachel's movements. "You came from Eden too, didn't you?"

"Yep. I doubt we ever ran in the same circles, though." The blonde smiled impishly. "I was solidly middle class."

Noelle tried to return the smile. "My acquaintances were limited mostly to the families of my father's political allies. We had bodyguards with us whenever we left the house—I always thought they were there to keep us from being exposed to dangerous ideas or people."

"Dallas has meat shields go everywhere with him here, but it's mostly to keep people from blowing his head off. Your boy Jasper's one of them, you know."

Your boy.
Another inexplicable discovery. Jasper had hardly said two words to her that weren't about sex, and she was infatuated with him. Or maybe she wanted to believe it was
him
and not the way he made her feel, dirty and fulfilled all at once.

And yet... "I don't think he's my boy. He won't even...you know."

Rachel dumped ice into another, larger glass. "Won't what? Fuck you?"

"Yeah." Noelle had expected it at Dallas's party. She'd wanted it, after he'd made her come. But he hadn't let her open his pants, not even to try Lex's tricks on him. And he'd left her after their shopping excursion with nothing more than a kiss. "I don't know, maybe he feels sorry for me because I almost passed out at his feet."

"Mm-hmm." Rachel held up another bottle. "Whiskey, our most popular. Never water it unless they ask you to—Dallas's orders."

"All right." She consigned that bit of information to memory and wondered what she'd have to forget to keep it there. "How do you remember all the recipes? Practice?"

"Mostly." Rachel set down the bottle and leaned her hip against the bar. "A good trick? If you don't know how to make something, tilt your head, smile, maybe laugh a little, and admit it.
Huge
tips."

"Really?" Noelle started to tilt her head and then caught herself. She'd seen Jasper's eyes narrow with tight hunger when she tilted her head and confessed ignorance about some sexual matter. "Oh. The men like us to be a little clueless, don't they?"

"They all like to be the first to plow some virgin soil, that's for sure." Rachel brushed her short blonde hair out of her eyes and stuck a cigarette between her lips.

Noelle's worry that Jasper was taking pity on her vanished, replaced with the gnawing fear that he'd only find her interesting while she was mostly innocent.

So what?
There were other men. She could be like Lex, free to touch whatever man she wanted. Or she could be like Rachel and earn her keep working the bar. "You weren't at the party last night. Do you not go to them?"

"Sometimes. I usually sit out the action, though. Have a drink and watch the show."

Noelle felt her cheeks warm. "You don't agree with Lex about having fun with the men?"

Rachel laughed. "Lex is Lex, though most of the women around here enjoy it too. I don't know—it's enough for me to know that I could, if that makes sense."

Why couldn't that be enough for her? Probably for the same reason she was here in the first place. Some twisted, broken need inside her that pushed her to risk everything. "Are you waiting for the right person?"

The woman chuckled and picked up the shot she'd poured. "Yeah, maybe I am."

Noelle gestured to it. "Can I try that?"

"Sure." Rachel handed it over.

It burned going down and brought tears to her eyes. Noelle wheezed out a breath and wondered if her throat was actually dissolving. "Okay, the alcohol I was arrested for drinking? Most definitely watered down." Her idea of
drunk
was probably as inadequate as her idea of
orgasm
.

The quiet amusement was back on Rachel's face, sparkling in her eyes. "Stick around. This place is like that—intense."

"Does it ever stop feeling...?" Noelle shook her head and set down the glass. "Feeling. That's it. I feel so much right now, I don't know what to do."

That sobered the blonde, who straightened with a faint frown. "Why would you ever want to stop feeling?"

"No, I don't want to," she said quickly. "But
intense
is the right word. It's so intense, all the time, and I don't know if this is what life is, or if there's something wrong with me."

"Give it time," Rachel advised. "You'll figure it out soon enough."

As if it mattered either way. The Broken Circle held a seductive promise, with its dark corners and smoky scent. Sometimes she thought she was a little high just from being here, like she could close her eyes and float.

Or she could open them and make choices, the first of her pampered, silly life. "Will you show me how to make that other drink again?"

"Anything you want to see." Rachel began to gather the ingredients. "You going to the fights tonight? I was thinking about it, but I have a side job to get on. Maybe later?"

Fights. Violence was almost as taboo as sex in Eden. "Jasper mentioned that, but why are they fighting? Did something happen?"

"Yeah, they're breathing." The blonde rolled her eyes. "Why
don't
they fight? To settle scores, win respect, blow off steam. Make the chicks' panties fall off, that's a big one."

"I've never seen a fight. Is it really that compelling?"

"Depends. I'll admit, there's something to be said for sweaty, half-naked guys beating the shit out of each other. A certain..." Rachel's lips curved in a tiny smile. "Animal appeal?"

Noelle tried to imagine it. Jas, stripped to the waist, fighting. Raw, unchecked violence. Fists against flesh, all of that power realized. "I guess I can see that."

"I guess you can. Tonight, after closing. Main warehouse over on Sixth."

"If you want, I could cover the bar for a while so you can do your other job." She'd probably fumble half the orders, but no one seemed to care once the girls started dancing. "Then we could go over to the warehouse together."

"Thanks, but it shouldn't take long." Rachel finished pouring the liquor and added a dash of bitters. "The generator over at the parlor's been acting wonky, so I told Ace I'd fix it up."

The name was naggingly familiar. "Ace... The one with all the tattoos?"

"That's him. He does good work." Rachel held up her wrist, where you could barely tell the cuff of ink obscured a city bar code. Then she turned and lifted her shirt, revealing two lotus flowers, one at the small of her back and the other between her shoulder blades, both connected by a tangle of vines.

As tempting as it was to reach out and trace one of the lifelike vines, Noelle kept her hands to herself. "That's gorgeous. But didn't it hurt?"

"At first. After a while, I don't even think I was conscious anymore."

"It hurt
that
much?"

Rachel laughed and took another drag from her cigarette. "No wonder Lex has taken to calling you baby girl."

Heat rose in Noelle's cheeks, bringing the first rush of humiliation with it. She didn't know which stung worse—knowing everyone thought she was stupid, or knowing they were right. "I must seem ridiculous to you."

"No." The woman slid an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. "You've got a lot of living to do, that's all. You want to come to the parlor with me? I'll be finished before you know it, and we can go watch Jas kick the shit out of someone. He never loses, you know."

Living. Most emphatically
not
what she'd been doing in Eden. Noelle reached for the remaining glass and knocked it back. It still burned its way down her throat and kicked in her stomach, but she liked the tingles that followed. She was warm. Loose.

She was living. "I'd like that."

Ace

"Here's your problem." Rachel wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, leaving behind a black smudge. "Your voltage regulator's shot."

Ace knew he should be listening to the words coming out of her mouth, but damned if he'd ever been able to. Rachel Riley was a golden angel begging to be debauched, even in a pair of cheap overalls with grease on her face.

Fuck Jasper for sending her over here, anyway. And fuck Jasper for not fucking the new princess already. Noelle had come trailing in behind Rachel like a lost little duckling, and oh, she and Rachel made a picture. He'd carve out a kidney to see all that blonde and brunette hair tangled together—preferably while they fought over who got to suck his dick first.

For a man who'd had a hooker on him less than an hour ago, he was damn hard up for some blighted satisfaction.

Rachel waved a wrench at him. "Are you even listening to me?"

Ace blinked away the image of hot, clumsy blowjobs with a sigh. "Yeah, sweet thing. Something with a regulator is shot. Can you fix it?"

"Probably. I'll adjust the phase compensation, see if that clears it up." She grinned. "What's it worth to you?"

"The whole ten inches?"

"Charming, but I prefer cash. Though I'm not above bartering." She turned to Noelle and handed her the wrench. "What do you think? Could I use another tattoo?"

Ace's dick went rock hard, and it had nothing to do with how Jasper's princess pursed her lush lips as she considered the question. Having Rachel in his chair was torture. She didn't just get off on the adrenaline of the needles—she went beyond herself. He'd seen women flogged into that blissful state before, but she'd been the first one to drift there while he laid ink.

It was the closest he'd ever come to fucking her. "Princess doesn't know about tattoos, sweetheart. Jas is bringing her back tomorrow to get her bar code filled."

"I know that, but she can still help me with aesthetics."

Noelle was watching him like she was afraid he'd eat her if he opened his mouth, which was pretty damn shy for a girl who'd ridden Jasper's finger to ear-splitting orgasm only a few feet away from him the previous night.

Maybe Jas was right. Maybe the girl was another Rachel, not another Lex. Bottled up and repressed. Didn't mean he wouldn't tease them both the same way. "You saw her flowers, Noelle?"

The brunette nodded. "They're beautiful."

"Damn right they are." A woman lost in a sensual haze in his chair always inspired him to impressive feats of artistry. "I could always extend them. Vines around her waist or down her arms. Flowers just above her cuffs."

"Around my hips, maybe." Rachel slid her hands from the small of her back all the way around to her upper thighs.

Christ, he'd have his face practically in her pussy. "What do you think, princess?"

"I think it sounds beautiful." Noelle narrowed her eyes, her tone stiff and prim. "And I'm not a princess."

"Oooh, feisty." Ace poked Rachel in the side. "You teaching her to use her teeth, Rae? And after Lex spent all that time teaching her
not
to use them."

"An angel and a devil," Rachel murmured. "One on each shoulder, huh?"

If he didn't know better, he'd think Rachel was sneaking a peek at his dick. Let her see how hard he got when he reached out to tangle a lock of her blonde hair around his finger. He tugged, not looking away from her face even as he addressed Noelle. "Rachel here is our good girl. But she'd be wasting her time whispering in your ear, princess. I think you already know you want to be very, very bad."

Rachel licked her lips. "Maybe every woman does if you can figure out what turns her on."

Even angels. Even her. "Fix my generator, Rachel, and you can have any tattoo you want."

She arched an eyebrow and held out her hand. "Deal."

Ace folded his hand around hers with an easy smile. Jasper and the other lumbering hulks could chase after the baby deer in the woods. There was no challenge in that hunt. No satisfaction.

He knew how to take his time.

Chapter Seven

Dom went down with the second blow, and Jasper supposed it was too much to ask for him to stay there.

He didn't really want it anyway. His whole body was tight, jittery, and even the run out to Sector Three had provided no satisfaction. Quiet, uneventful, and now he had to sate his appetites on nothing more rewarding than Dom's face.

Jas had been in worse spots.

Dom spit blood as he staggered back to his feet, uglier for taking the hit. His insults hadn't gotten any more original, either. "You punch like a pussy."

"Hard enough to put you on the mat." Jas stretched his neck and circled, not bothering to guard with his fists and arms as he faced the other man. A matter of time, that was all, and he'd lunge in, desperate to land a punch on an unprotected area.

"Gave you that one," Dom lied, feinting left with a quick jab. "Figured I'd let you hit something, since you can't get it up for that that sweet city ass."

"Christ, is that your game? Bore me to death because you punch like a little boy?"

Dom rose to the bait, charging toward him with a bellow. His hook came slow, so slow the man wasn't just telegraphing his moves, he was sitting down to write them fucking love letters. Jas took the hit, using the distraction to drive a fist into Dom's midsection.

When he doubled over, wheezing, Jas grabbed Dom's hair and kneed him in the face. Bone cracked, and he hit the ground again, blood gushing from his broken nose.

Jas kicked him for good measure, a light tap to the ribs. "You're not even trying, man. Get up."

That brought the man to his feet again, snarling and rabid. He lunged forward and rammed Jasper against the side of the cage, and the watching crowd roared.

Still no match for straight-up brute strength. They grappled, and Jas lifted Dom off his feet and slammed him to the mat with a growl. Dom drove his knee into Jas's hip and tried to roll them, but he couldn't get the leverage.

Neither of them wore shirts, so Jas grabbed at Dom's hair again instead of sweat-slick skin. "You better tap out before I pound your fucking face in, shithead. I'm in a mood."

Dom tried to twist and then slapped his open palm on the mat with a snarl. "You fucking fucker."