Beyond the Hell Cliffs (4 page)

“Hey, jack-ass… care to show me that again?  I felt like I almost learned my lesson!”

Zakk looked at Hemmil, who just nodded, before turning back to re-engage Raegith.  Reaching down, Zakk reacquired the stick that Raegith had used on him before and tossed it back to him.  Raegith simply swatted the stick away, keeping his eyes locked on Zakk.  The soldier hesitated for a moment, shrugged and then closed with him.  Raegith waited until Zakk was right up close before aiming for Zakk’s groin and throwing a swift kick.

Zakk was as quick to defend the blow as any man… too quick.  Raegith feigned an attack that Zakk would have expected from an inexperienced fighter like himself and opened up his actual target.  As the soldier blocked the approaching groin shot, Raegith snapped out his hand as if he were flinging a persistent booger and poked Zakk in the eye.

Zakk cried out and his hands went right for his face, but Raegith grabbed his left hand, yanked it away while he reared back and slapped Zakk right across the face, open-handed and slathered with humiliation.  The blow resounded like thunder on the plains, at least to Raegith’s ears.

“Educated!” Raegith yelled as Zakk reeled from the stinging rebuke.

Raegith did not have much time to celebrate.  Though he opted for the most humiliating assault he could think of, the slap was in no way debilitating to the trained soldier and Zakk quickly countered by grabbing the rejoicing nitwit by the collar.  He yanked Raegith into him
and the top of his head met the prince’s already softened face. 

By the time Raegith woke up it was already noon and the group was in the midst of travel.

“He’s awake!” a strange voice called out as Raegith roused from his coma.  A new face hovered over his, looking him over with a grin.

It was a Twileen man, of about middle age, as far as Raegith could tell.  He had dark brown hair, a sly face and gleaming
amber eyes.  On his head was a green, pointy hat with an odd bend at the tip.  Raegith noticed that his face, though a bit numb, did not feel nearly as horrible as he remembered it should feel.  He was also surprised his eyes were opening at all after the vicious headbutt Zakk had given him.

“Ya look a bit confused, boy,” The Twileen said in a somewhat musical tone.  “Also, a bit muddled, jumbled, disorderly and disorganized, but by disorganized I don’t mean de-organized, because as the doctor assured us all, whence we put you back together, that all the organs were there, ya see, and seein’ that there was a great lack of spare parts upon your re-assembly and seein’ that you are, in fact, seein’ right now, we can discern that you are… alive!”

Raegith reached up to the man’s face and felt it to see if he was dreaming.  The man gave him a funny look, probably just as confused now as he was, before biting one of Raegith’s fingers.  Raegith jerked his finger back and barely mumbled an “Ow.”  The strange Twileen man just continued to look at him as if he were a peculiar new life form.

“What the hell is this?” Raegith asked.

“This is reality, boy.”

Raegith gave the man a flat look.  Whoever this clown was, he didn’t appear to be a great source of information.  The man noticed the look and probably guessed what it meant, because he just smiled and lifted Raegi
th to a sitting position.  The prince tried to resist, knowing what kind of pain was in store for him, but to his surprise he felt perfectly fine and the only pain was to his eyes when he took in the brightness of the sunny day.

He was sitting atop a cart being pulled by a horse.  The plains stretched out in all directions, the sea of deep green only interrupted by patches of shrubs or shady trees.  It was spring, as far as Raegith knew, and everything was vibrant and alive.  Across the
road a pair of rodents with huge, bushy tails chased each other and quickly disappeared into the thick weeds that would have reached his hip if he were walking.  Raegith had very little experience with flora or fauna and the image of such a great, open space made him a bit dizzy after so long inside an enclosed keep.

“Where are we?” Raegith asked, not daring to take his eyes off the picturesque scene before him.

“That’s a bit of a tough one,” the man said.  “An easier question might be: where are we not?”

“Okay, where aren’t we?”

“We’re not at the Hell Cliffs,” the man replied.

“Yeah, no shit.”  Raegith turned back to look at the man who was squatting down beside him in the cart.  “Ya know, you don’t strike me as particularly helpful, which means I am an absolute idiot for continuing to try, but… can I ask who you are and why you’re lording over me at the moment?”

“Of course, boy, you can ask whatever you like.”

Raegith slapped his hand over his face in frustration.

“Who are you and why are you lording over me at the moment?”

“Ebriz Leafcutter, at your service, milord!” the man said, nodding his head toward the prince.  “And I’m lording over you because the good Paladin wanted someone to keep an eye on you after Lady Onyx fixed your face and because you are a peculiar breed of prince and I was more than a bit curious as to what you might be all about.”

“Oh, excellent!” Raegith proclaimed, his spirits seemingly raised.  “Well, Ebriz Leafcutter, allow me to explain what I am all about.  I’m the bastard son of a king and a prostitute who wouldn’t be called a prince by anyone but a buffoon.  I have no wealth other than these impressive linens I wear strapped about my person with twine; I have no ability in leadership, combat or manual labor; my only ambition in life is to feel the sweet caress of naked females, simultaneously, preferably… oh, and I am to lead a group of warriors into the very home of our nation’s most bitter enemy and order them to attack my homeland!”

“Speaking of which,” Raegith said, looking around.  “I was under the impression there were more of us.  Where the hell is everyone?”

“Questing,” Ebriz said, sitting down on some sacks of what appeared to be rice.

Raegith gave the Twileen an absurd look and Ebriz sighed at the prince’s confusion.

“They were hailed a few minutes before you awoke.  A villager from a nearby village frantically informed them of a group of bandits raiding her home and they all charged off to go rescue the people from the dastardly culprits and return the village to peace.”

“Why would they do that?” Raegith asked.

“For the experience, mostly,” Ebriz casually replied.

“I feel like I’m going to be saying
this a lot in our time together,” Raegith said, flatly.  “You’ve lost me.”

“Milord, you are indeed in need of a practical education, I do believe, but fortune smiles upon you, for I am a patient man and education is one of my many skills.”

Ebriz pulled out a long pipe and struck a match to it, puffing it gently to life between his grinning lips.

“You are travelling with a group of adventurers on a long and arduous journey to
perform an invaluable service to your kingdom.  While the alpha and omega of such a journey is pretty exciting, the in between can get extremely boring and boredom is a total bitch.”

“Okay,” Raegith said, finally comprehending.  “So in order to fight the boredom, we jump at any opportunity to go do something challenging that will give us more of an ‘experience’ in our ‘quest’ to save the world, right?”

“Have you gone sour in the head, boy?” Ebriz shouted, nearly dropping his pipe.  “What kind of sadistic lunatic would, in Fate’s name, do such a thing?  Do you know how deadly raids can be?  No one in their right mind would charge off into battle because they’re bored, you fool!  That’s insane! Why would you even think such a thing?”

“I don’t know!” Raegith exclaimed, worried that he had just come off as a total idiot.  “You were talking about boredom and I just thought…”

“You just thought what?” Ebriz asked, getting even more worked up.  “Yes, it’s boring as hell out here, but to think those brave souls would risk their lives just for thrills?  Why that’s… that is completely offensive!  Totally uncalled for, milord.  Not cool!”

“Ebriz, I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean to…” Raegith started to say before catching a faint twitch of the Twileens mouth.  “Wait… Fate’s be damned, you’re
screwing with me, aren’t you?”

“Ah, how quickly you
are, prince,” Ebriz said with a smile.  “I’m a bit ashamed that I gave it away so quickly.  To answer your questions honestly, the group has travelled to a nearby village to investigate a raid that happened some time ago, but could mean trouble for us later if we don’t handle it.  We are to ride ahead, keeping to this road until they return.  How soon that will be, I do not know, but all of them were needed, apparently.”

“So we just keep riding along with all the gear?  What if they don’t come back?”

“If they don’t come back, then I’m going home,” Ebriz laughed.

The two spent most of the day riding and talking.  Ebriz was a bard tasked with travelling with the company.  When asked why the party needed a bard, Ebriz brought up the boredom argument again and Raegith just let it go before the bard could lure him into another intellectual trap.  Ebriz was witty and maybe even a bit mentally unstable, from the manner in which he talked, so Raegith liked him right away.  They talked about what life was like for a bard and for a Twileen.  Raegith, having spent very little time outside the walls of Forster’s Keep, mostly listened and questioned the bard, but Ebriz was extremely talkative and did not mind going on for hours, until the sun waned on the horizon.

The pair passed only a few travelers, who paid them little mind.  To Raegith’s disappointment, none of them were young women.  As the sky grew dark, Ebriz pulled the cart off the road and out into a field, heading toward a copse of short trees.

“Hey, do you feel like getting out and walking a bit?” Ebriz asked as they pulled into the less steady dirt and grass.

“If this cart sways much more, I might not have a choice.”

“Exactly,” Ebriz laughed.  “Here, walk behind the cart and fix the grass that get
s smashed by the wheels.”

“Fix the grass?” Raegith asked, clearly perplexed.

“Pick the blades back up, mess them about with your hands…” Ebriz instructed.  “Just, you know, fix the damn things.  We don’t want just anyone to see a set of tire tracks leading off the road and right out to our camp.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Raegith said, blowing him off.  “If you’re worried, why don’t you do it?”

“And you’ll drive the cart out to the trees?”

Raegith paused a bit.  He had no idea how to drive a cart and most likely did not have the night vision that Ebriz did, being full Twileen and all.  “Okay, so I’ll just fix the grass then?”

“Sure, milord, whatever you feel like doing,” Ebriz replied comically.

The next day was more of the same riding along the road.  Raegith had only slept a little that night, as Ebriz kept him up for the first half of the night talking and then, a bit past midnight, suddenly yawned and declared that his half of the watch was over and it was Raegith’s turn.  He then lay down, pulled a blanket over him and quickly dozed off.  Raegith complained that he didn’t even know they had started watch, but Ebriz admonished him for trying to shirk his half of the duties and that if he fell asleep during the night they might both be killed by the Demonic Fire Monkey who raged about the countryside at night.

“Demonic Fire Monkey?” Raegith asked, disbelieving his partner.  “Bullshit, there is no Demonic Fire Monkey around here, or anywhere else for that matter!”

“Shhh,” Ebriz chastised him.  “Do you want the monkey to hear you?  Just because his ears are unholy flames doesn’t mean he is without exceptional hearing.”

“You are so full of it!  Forget it, I’d rather stay up all night than put up with this nonsense.  Just go to sleep, you crazy little man.”

“I can’t sleep now,” Ebriz grumbled like a child.  “Not when I think you’re completely underestimating the hearing capabilities of the Demonic Fire Monkey.  No, milord, I will not trust my life to sleep if you will not promise to alert me the moment you suspect the presence of such a horrendous beast.”

“You know what, I think I can do that, actually,” Raegith replied, exasperated.  “If you will shut up and go to sleep, I will promise to tell you the very second I see a flaming monkey on the loose.  Surely on this moonless night, such a spectacle could not possibly go unnoticed.”

“Well… you might be surprised.”

As the cart slogged along, despite the brightness of the Spring morning, Raegith dozed infrequently, until a bump in the road or some noise brought him back from his upright sleep.  While at first having the sun on him in such an open space was exhilarating, the glowing sky orb was quickly becoming his enemy.

Within a few hours, a pair of men on strange mounts approached from behind the cart.  As they got closer, Ebriz called out to Boram and Tavin.  The pair
were returning from the village, with the rest of the party following an hour behind them.  It was the first time Raegith had seen either of them aside from the night he was brought into the camp. 

Boram wore an odd assortment of armor, with plate armor over his chest, held together by leather and fur.  On his shoulders were massive skulls of some vicious-looking beast and strapped across his back was the giant sword.  He rode upon a large, armored ox with wicked horns that curled out in front of it.  Tavin was dressed like a hunter, in green and brown clothing, a leather vest with several pouches and pockets about it and high, leather boots.  An elegant recurve bow was at his back and a
large, fat-bladed knife was sheathed at his waist.  He wore an archer’s hat on his head and a wooden whistle on a string about his neck.  On his shoulder rested a fearsome bird or prey that stared sideways at him and flexed its enormous talons.  It must have been the “Carver” the man referred to the night before.  Unlike Boram, his steed was horse-like, but with a wider body and padded paws instead of hooves, making it much more noiseless than his partner’s beast.