BFF* (17 page)

I gave Alison and Rachel sets of barrettes, hand-painted with little purple flowers. Rachel gave us each purple T-shirts that said
FRIENDS
and Alison gave us purple leather picture frames. Inside was a photo of the three of us, plus Maizie, Burt and Harry. Leon had taken the picture right before Thanksgiving. We'd had to carry Burt and Harry to Alison's in their cage, the one the Robinsons use to take them to the vet. In the picture we're sitting on Alison's bed, laughing our heads off. Alison is holding Maizie, Rachel is holding Burt and I'm holding Harry, who is trying to escape. It's a great picture.

But when Rachel looked at it she started to cry. “I'm going to die of loneliness without the two of you!” That got Alison started and a minute later, I was in tears, too.

Finally Mom came to my room and asked if everything was all right. We explained that it was and Mom asked if we'd like a pizza. Of course we said “Yes.”

While we were waiting I taught Rachel and Alison a song I'd learned at camp. It's called
Side by Side
. The part I like best goes:

We sang it about twenty times, until we were laughing so hard we had to stop.

Iris

I went on for three pages in my letter to Rachel but I didn't tell her the real truth except for the
description of Dad's place. I didn't tell her how unhappy I was feeling or how homesick, or how Bruce has been having nightmares. We were sleeping next to each other on rollaway beds in the living room. So every night I'd get up with him and comfort him until he fell back to sleep.

I didn't tell Rachel that it wasn't always sunny here, that sometimes it was damp and foggy and the ocean was freezing and nobody in his right mind would get wet. I didn't tell her that Mom wasn't with us. And I certainly didn't tell her about Iris.

Iris is Dad's friend. That's how he'd introduced her to us on our first night in California. “Kids … this is my friend, Iris. She lives down the hall. We met in the laundry room.”

“I've heard a lot about you,” Iris said.

“I haven't heard a word about you,” I answered.

Before we went out to dinner that night Dad looked me over and said, “Wow, Steph … you've really been putting it on.”

I was hoping he would add something else. Something like,
But you still look great to me!
When he didn't, I said, “I haven't gained an ounce. You've just forgotten what I look like.”

Then Iris said, “Maybe you could come to exercise class with me. I go every day at four.”

“That's a fine idea,” Dad said.

“I have other plans,” I told them both. Right away I could tell it was going to be a long two weeks.

I suppose it could be worse. Iris could look like one of those girls on the beach who are always playing volleyball. They're tall and tan and skinny with long blonde hair and they say
Hi
as if it's a six syllable word. But Iris is small with short dark hair and pale, creamy skin. She isn't even young. She's thirty-six. She's divorced but she doesn't have any kids. I knew from the start that Dad and Iris weren't just friends. I knew from the way they looked at each other—the same way Dana and Jeremy do—like sick dogs.

Iris works for an entertainment agency. Her job is finding books that would make good movies. It sounds like a really easy job to me. All she has to do is read. But over the holidays she was reading at home instead of at the office. Except
home
seemed to mean Dad's place. After a couple of days I'd asked Dad, “Doesn't Iris have any other friends?”

“Sure,” Dad said. He was also taking time off from the office.

“Then how come she's always hanging around here?”

“I think her other friends are away for the holidays.”

“What about family?” I asked. “Doesn't she have any family?”

“No,” Dad said, “she doesn't.”

I thought about what Rachel had told us. About how people can get very depressed during the holidays if they don't have friends or family. So I didn't say anything else about Iris hanging around. Not then, anyway.

I decided the only way to get through the two weeks was by telling Dad I had a lot of school work to do. “Tons of reading,” is how I put it. Dad and Iris were impressed, which meant they left me alone.

I still hadn't worn the bathing suit Mom bought for me. Nobody thought that was strange because Iris doesn't wear a bathing suit either. She says she's allergic to the sun. I told her that's a real coincidence, because so am I. When Iris does sit outside she wears a wide-brimmed straw hat. The only makeup she uses is lip gloss, which she carries around in her pocket and smears on her lips at least a hundred times a day. I wonder if Dad gets it on his face when they kiss. I hate to think of them kissing! But I'm sure they do. Iris is always touching Dad. She touches him a lot more than he touches her but I haven't heard him complaining. I wonder if Mom knows about her.

We were eating out every night at medium
fancy restaurants where I ordered huge dinners and finished every mouthful. “You certainly have a healthy appetite,” Iris said one night.

“Yes,” I said, “isn't Dad lucky … suppose he had a daughter with anorexia instead?”

“Mmm …” Iris said. She says that a lot.

Everyone around here is thin. Everyone except me. Well, who cares! Since I've been here I eat as much as I feel like eating, whenever I feel like eating.

After dinner, we'd usually play a game of Scrabble and I'd eat either ice cream or cookies, depending on what I'd had for dessert at the restaurant. I'm getting good at Scrabble. Once I scored thirty-two points on the word
fusty
. Iris asked if I knew what it meant. “Yes,” I told her. It has two meanings—one is
musty
and the other is
old-fashioned
. She couldn't believe I knew so much.

Yesterday, Dad took Bruce on a fishing trip. The boat left at five
AM
. Dad wanted me to come, too, but I said, “No, thanks.” I don't like the idea of fishing. It's bloody and disgusting. I was really shocked that Bruce wanted to go. After all, fishing is a violent act. But I didn't discuss that with him. I was afraid if I did he'd have more nightmares, about fish getting nuked.

“If you won't come with us I'll ask Iris to keep you company,” Dad said.

“I don't need a babysitter,” I told him.

“Iris won't mind. And the two of you can spend the day reading.”

There was no point in arguing.

I slept until ten that morning. And when I got up Iris was already there, reading on the deck. I heard her radio. She plays classical music all the time. In some ways she reminds me of Rachel, like the way she reads a book a day and the kind of music she enjoys. I wonder if Rachel will be like Iris when she grows up. I wonder if Iris and Rachel would get along if Iris were Mr. Robinson's friend.

I threw on my shorts and shirt and carried the container of orange juice out onto the deck.

“Good morning,” Iris said.

“Morning,” I answered, taking a swig of juice directly from the carton.

“Why don't you get a glass, Stephanie?” Iris said. “It's more sanitary that way.”

“I don't mind,” I said, taking another drink.

“I was thinking about the rest of us,” Iris said.

I ignored that and wiped the juice off my mouth with the back of my hand. “So …” I said, “how long have you and Dad known each other?”

“About six weeks,” she said. “We met in the
laundry room right before Thanksgiving.” She smiled when she said that. She and Dad must think that meeting in the laundry room is really cute.

“We had a fabulous Thanksgiving,” I told her. “Mom and Dad were so glad to see each other!” I drank from the carton again. “Dad was hoping Mom would come out here for the holidays but she had to go to Italy … on business.”

I didn't wait for Iris's reaction. I went back inside and pulled my wallet out of my duffel bag. Then I went out to the deck again. “You want to see a picture of my mother?” I asked, flipping through the photos in my wallet. When I came to Mom's I flashed it in front of Iris's face. “Isn't she pretty?”

Iris studied the picture.

“She's got a very successful travel agency,” I said. “She's a real go-getter … she makes a lot more money than Dad.” I had no idea if that was true but it sounded good. “They've been married fifteen years,” I added. “May twenty-fourth is their anniversary.”

Iris marked her place in the book she'd been reading with a piece of Kleenex. Then she closed the book and rested it in her lap. “I know how you feel about me, Stephanie,” she said, looking directly at me.

“No, you don't,” I told her.

“Okay … maybe I don't know, exactly, but …”

“That's right. You don't know exactly.”

“Well, you're making it pretty clear,” Iris said.

I leaned over the railing of the deck and looked down. “My parents are trying to work out their problems,” I told her, “and I don't think Dad can work his out with you hanging around night and day.”

“Will you please watch what you're doing!” Iris said as I leaned over even farther.

I could taste the orange juice coming up. If I do fall, I thought, I probably won't die. I'll probably just break an arm or leg. We're only three stories up. “You're wasting your time if you think Dad's going to marry you,” I said, “because this is just a trial separation which means you're just a trial girlfriend.” I straightened up and sat in the canvas chair, opposite Iris, with my arms folded across my chest. “So why don't you go and find somebody else?”

Tears sprang to Iris's eyes. “You know, at first I wanted you to like me,” she said, “but now I really don't care if you do or you don't.” She jumped up. “Excuse me … I just remembered there's something I have to do at home.”

“Take your time …” I called after her.

I spent the rest of the morning sitting in the
deck chair, looking out at the ocean, and wondering why I didn't feel better now that I'd told Iris my true feelings.

While I was eating lunch Alison called and asked me to come to Malibu either tomorrow or the next day. I told her I couldn't.

Alison was disappointed. “Mom says she'll send a car for you so your folks won't have to make the trip.”

“I wish I could,” I said, “but …”

“Are you trying to tell me something?” Alison asked.

“What would I be trying to tell you?”

“That you're embarrassed to ride in a car with a driver?”

“No,” I said.

“Are you embarrassed because you think we'll have a house full of movie stars?”

“No … I never even thought of that.” Actually, a house full of movie stars sounded pretty good to me. And I'd love to see Alison's house. Most of all, I'd love to see Alison. But I just can't do it. I can't explain what's going on here. And I can't pretend that I'm having a great time when I'm not. Alison would know in a second that something is wrong.

“It's very quiet around here,” Alison said. “Mom hasn't been feeling well so she's resting a lot.”