Big Decisions (5 page)

The pond loomed ahead, a bit grayer than the snow. The top of the ice was not perfectly smooth. There were skaters’ marks all over it, and bits of snow, straw, and wood ashes left from other skaters on earlier evenings.

The boys soon had the fire started. They put their skates on and slid across the ice, pushing the scrapers. Scrapers were homemade bits of aluminum fastened to broom handles that smoothed the ice on the frozen pond.

As the boys worked, Lizzie helped the little ones tie their skates, arranged quilts on straw bales, and stoked the fire. Then she sat on a bale of straw and squinted into the sun as the pond became alive with black-garbed figures flying across it, looping and swerving, in a sort of intricate dance.

She decided to drink a cup of hot chocolate before lacing up her skates. There was just something about a steaming cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter day, Lizzie thought, that made your heart so cozy you could hardly stand it. It felt like the softest cashmere scarf around your stomach, soothing it and warming your whole body until you felt fluffy all over.

Hot chocolate tasted even better with a chocolate chip cookie to dip into it. Chocolate chip cookies were funny things, though. They were almost a staple in an Amish child’s lunchbox. All the mothers made chocolate chip cookies. They made molasses cookies and whoopie pies and snickerdoodles and raisin cookies, too, but the most popular was always chocolate chip.

But chocolate chip cookies were as unpredictable as the weather. Each mother had a different recipe. Some cookies were hard as a rock, but they were the best to dip in hot chocolate.

Others were high and dry and, the minute they hit that creamy liquid, dissolved into a warm mushy mess. You couldn’t get them to your open mouth fast enough before they disintegrated and landed in the bottom of the cup. If you were lucky, a few chocolate chips floated to the top, and you could at least rescue them.

Aunt Becca’s chocolate chip cookies were the best, hands down, Lizzie thought. They were firm and chewy and a tiny bit overbaked. If you broke one in half, you could hold it in the hot chocolate for a long time, and then lift it to your mouth with style and grace.

Lizzie never did, though. She just wolfed them down, dripping hot chocolate on the front of her coat. She was dismayed to find that she had already eaten four cookies and probably could have eaten four more.

Sally and Dorothy giggled, sitting beside her on the bale of straw.

“Are you hungry?” Sally ventured.

“Mmm-hmm!” Lizzie said emphatically.

“You ate a bunch of cookies!” Dorothy said, giggling.

“I’ll go skating now and work them off,” Lizzie said, smiling down at Dorothy.

Energized, she quickly laced up her white figure skates, hit the ice running, and with swift strokes soon caught up with the upper-graders who were already organizing a game of “freeze tag.”

That was a game they never tired of playing. When the students who were “It” caught someone, that person had to stand at the very spot where he or she was caught. That student was guarded by those who were “It,” while the others tried to dart in and free him or her.

As the sun climbed toward noon, hats and scarves, stocking caps and mittens were flung off near the fire. The owners skated off as fast as they could before being caught. The students dodged, twirled, and sprang away from each other until they were all gasping for breath, their cheeks red from the cold and exertion.

After lunch, the boys were allowed to play hockey, but they had to leave an area of the pond for the girls and smaller children. All afternoon, Lizzie taught the girls how to gracefully skate backward and in a circle, lifting one foot over the other, distributing weight onto the inside skate so that the skater naturally turned in a circle. The girls practiced, fell down, laughed hard, sat on the ice and talked, drank more hot chocolate, and kept trying.

It was all delicious fun. There was no other word to describe it. On the ice, Lizzie forgot the task of being a teacher and was genuinely happy, almost like a child with her pupils, if only during those precious hours of ice-skating.

The following Monday morning, Mandy flew down the stairs and literally burst into the kitchen. Her eyes were wide and very green in the soft lamplight as she told Mam and Lizzie the reason for her excitement.

“I’m getting married!” she said breathlessly.

Lizzie stopped halfway to the table with a handful of knives and forks, her mouth dropping open in disbelief.

“Surely you mean this fall? This coming November?” she croaked.

“No. This spring!”

Mam turned quickly from the sink, her eyebrows drawn down in a serious display of disapproval.

“Not this spring, Mandy. Amish people have their weddings in the fall. In November. You can’t get married in the spring.”

She turned to stir the scrambled eggs, the subject closed, swept away by her refusal. She calmly continued her work of getting breakfast on the table for her family as Mandy glanced at Lizzie, raised her eyebrows, and shrugged her shoulders helplessly. Going over to the stove, Mandy leaned forward, peering closely at Mam to get her undivided attention.

“You don’t understand, Mam. You really don’t. John wants to get married in March because his—our—herd of cows is arriving the first week in April, so … Well, Mam, we can, can’t we?” she implored.

“But … but …,” Mam spluttered. Then she did what she sometimes did when she was at a loss for words. She scolded. Clicking the gas burner lower, a bit more forcefully than was absolutely necessary, she said angrily, “Now see, Mandy, you made me burn these eggs. Lizzie, don’t just stand there doing nothing. Get the juice poured. There’s no jelly on the table.”

The subject was closed until Dat had finished his breakfast. Then Mam brought it into the open, abruptly and unexpectedly.

“Mandy says John wants to marry her in March.”

Dat’s eyes flew open as he stared at Mam.

“This coming March?” he asked.

Mandy nodded eagerly, fairly bouncing on her chair. “Yes! This March, Dat. He’s—we’re—getting a herd of cows in April, and he thinks it’s wiser, smarter, or whatever to be married in the spring so I can help on the farm.”

“Will the preachers agree to it, even?” Mam asked.

“Well, I don’t know why not. It’s done sometimes, although rarely. It’s not really forbidden; it’s just different.” Dat sat back in his chair, adjusted his suspenders, and smiled a watery smile at Mandy. “So I guess if we have to get rid of you, we may as well do it in March as wait until November. It’s all right with me.”

Mam turned a very light shade of green, Lizzie thought, as reality sank into her head. This was the middle of January, and that meant eight weeks at the most to prepare for the wedding.

Mam threw up her hands. “Oh, dear!” she said, resignedly.

Lizzie gazed unseeingly at her dish of cereal, her appetite gone. Oh, this was just great. Little Mandy would be getting married before her, making her feel like a spinster, an old maid who just couldn’t manage to get married in turn. Why couldn’t they wait until fall; then she would get married first, the way it should be. John and his cows! That was nothing but a stupid excuse.

She slapped her spoon down on the tablecloth.

“It’s senseless that Mandy gets to get married first, all because of a herd of cows,” she snapped. “How unromantic is that? So now our whole peaceful winter is over. Mam’s nerves will be on edge, and she’ll boss everyone around for the remainder of the season.”

“You’re just jealous, Lizzie,” Mam said. “There’s absolutely no reason for you to be so childish. If John and Mandy want to get married in March, they can get married then. There is no shame in that. Actually, it is a very grown-up, sensible thing to do.”

Lizzie snorted, but she didn’t say anything more.

So over the next eight, very short weeks, Mandy glowed with happiness and anticipation as she unpacked and repacked her ridiculously expensive set of china, caressed her linen tablecloths lovingly, hummed, sang, and whistled. It all amounted to an enormous housefly in Lizzie’s soup of life. She tried to be generous, happy for Mandy, rejoicing with her, but it wasn’t always possible. That’s just how Lizzie was. She wanted to marry Stephen, but so far, he hadn’t even mentioned getting married. All he talked about was hunting or ice fishing or the boat he would like to buy, and it made her nervous, wondering if he was not going to ask her to get married until they were old.

Lizzie threw herself into her teaching duties as a way of dealing with the maddening pace at home. The school was full of excitement as they planned a Valentine’s Day party. The pupils’ eyes shone with anticipation, little beacons of happiness on a dull winter day. They would have cookies and candy and punch, the children decided. The students would each bring a covered dish instead of their usual boring lunchboxes.

Macaroni and cheese would stay hot on the back of the stove. Ham sandwiches, applesauce, carrots and dip, and chocolate pudding rounded out the Valentine’s Day menu. Lizzie would supply the paper plates and cups and choose all the games.

Lizzie sat at her desk while the children planned, writing notes to the mothers explaining what their children should bring for the party. The pupils each folded Lizzie’s notes and stored them carefully in their lunchboxes.

Valentine’s Day was such a big event in the one-room schoolhouse, even if the upper-grade boys pretended to hate it. Many mothers bought Valentines at the K-Mart in town, although some of the more conservative mothers sent homemade cards with their children, deeming the store-bought ones too worldly.

So in the middle of gray February, the school was filled with a festive air as the students took a break from studying to decorate the classroom for the party. The children attached red paper hearts to the windows with double-sided Scotch tape. They stretched chains of pink and red construction paper from each corner to the middle of the room. Red balloons dangled in great clumps above Lizzie’s desk.

Little first-graders squealed and clapped their hands, jumping up and down. They spilled their chocolate milk out of their lunchboxes, and chased each other until Lizzie had to tap the bell to quiet everyone. Planning a Valentine’s Day party was as much chaos as the party itself, but Lizzie loved every minute of it.

The week before Valentine’s Day, Lizzie sat at her desk and frowned at the upper-grade boys near the back of the room. All day four boys had huddled together at Levi Lapp’s desk, whispering. Lizzie got up to help the first-graders write their math problems on the blackboard. As she was correcting one of Anna Miller’s sums, she heard an almost inaudible giggle, but a giggle nevertheless.

She slowed her writing, every muscle tensed. Yes, there it was again. She whirled, just as Levi quickly opened his desktop and shoved something inside. The remaining three boys bent studiously over their desks, the picture of demure, engaged scholars working on their English.

“All right,” Lizzie said loudly.

Four pairs of innocent eyes stared back at her. The classroom became very, very quiet.

“Levi, what did you just place in your desk?” she asked quite firmly.

In the silence that followed, little Rachel Esh picked nervously at her apron, dropping her English book.

“First grade, you may return to your seats.”

They sat down quickly, turning to watch the big boys.

“What is it?” she asked, in a voice she hoped was authoritative, even scary.

“Nothing,” Levi announced, impudently.

Marching back to his desk, she yanked the lid open and bent to peer inside. Levi leaned back nonchalantly. He didn’t seem to have a care in the world, which only fueled her anger. The desk was empty inside except for a matchbox.

“What is in the matchbox?”

“Nothing.”

The classroom was as quiet as a lull in a storm, and about as threatening. The lower-graders were terrified, their eyes open wide, their faces mirroring the tension.

“Why did you throw it into your desk in a hurry, then? Give it to me.”

Levi grinned as he handed it over.

Lizzie grasped the matchbox firmly and slid the cover off without at any hesitation. Nestled inside was the cutest mouse she had ever seen. His beady, little brown eyes stared up at her, unblinking and quite unafraid. It’s fur was brown and so neat and shiny. Perfect little ears protruded from its cute, rounded head.

There were chocolate cookie crumbs in a corner of the large matchbox, and unbelievably, a plastic soda bottle lid filled with water, which had spilled a bit when she pulled it out of the desk. Lizzie’s eyebrows lowered, but her mouth began to twitch. It was just so charming! What a darling little mouse!

Lizzie wasn’t afraid of mice. She could never bring herself to kill one, and she hated mousetraps. It was the cruelest thing anyone had ever invented. How would people like it if a huge steel bar snapped them to their death in such a horrible manner? She always pitied the mice, hoping they could somehow escape the house, avoiding Mam’s broom and Dat’s trap.

Lizzie knew she should be stern and strict and punish Levi, while warning the other boys about doing something that distracted the whole classroom. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Didn’t the way Levi had fed this little mouse show real responsibility and kindness? He even gave it water to drink.

“Well,” she began, and then her mouth just opened into a smile. She gave up.

“Isn’t he cute?” she asked.

Instantly there was bedlam in the classroom as children started giggling, holding their hands over their mouths as they laughed. The students in the lower grades rose in their seats for a better view as Lizzie walked down the aisle to show them, amid oh’s and ah’s of approval. After everyone had properly seen the mouse, she returned it to Levi.

“Now, why don’t we keep him as a pet for a little while? He’s a fat little country mouse, and I think he would be very happy with plenty of food and some shavings. Does anyone have a small cage?” Immediately a number of hands shot up, and the children bounced in their seats with enthusiasm.

The rest of the day the entire school was upbeat, except for Levi. Lizzie kept him after school for a serious talk about respect.