Billy's Bones (19 page)

S
HADOW
hadn’t touched his kibble by the time Tom got home and let the dog out of his crate. But Tom was pleased to see that even depression couldn’t outweigh a dog’s love of good, tender steak tips. Shadow ate them, if reluctantly. He was a Labrador, after all—he had a reputation to uphold. But then he went back to his dog bed and stayed there throughout most of the evening, only getting up when Tom coaxed him into going outside to pee.

By the time it got dark, around ten, Tom was outside on the deck—alone, since Shadow refused to be coaxed away from his dog bed—drinking a six-pack and glaring at the smelly hot tub. He couldn’t motivate himself to do anything. None of the books on his Kindle seemed interesting to him; nothing he could watch on the Internet seemed worth the effort of finding it. He’d tried distracting himself with porn but had given up when his dick refused to cooperate.

So he just drank until the buzz seemed to help soothe his frayed emotions. And then he kept drinking, which he should have known would be a mistake. The beer stopped soothing him and started to make him maudlin until he was swimming in a sea of dark, depressing thoughts.

How could Kevin do this to him? He’d only been trying to help. Sure, he’d fucked it all up, biting off more than he could handle…. Was that a mixed metaphor? Shouldn’t it be chewing… something?

Anyway, it was all Sue’s fault. She’d made him do it! Hadn’t she? What a bitch….

Why doesn’t my dog love me?

Somehow—he couldn’t even remember going into the house to find his cell phone—he was dialing Kevin’s number. Kevin didn’t answer. Of course. The answering machine picked up, and Tom wanted to hang up on it. But instead he found himself talking into the stupid thing. Worse, he was crying.

“All I ever wanted to do was love you. That’s all. But you don’t give second chances, do you? One shot and if somebody screws up, well, fuck ’em! It’s over! Now Shadow won’t eat anything, and I think he might be sick, but the vet won’t see him, and the hot tub is all swampy, and it’ll probably rot my skin off if I try to get in there. Where I come from, people are supposed to get second chances, man! Love is supposed to be…. If somebody loves you, they deserve a second chance! That’s all I’m sayin’….”

It went on and on, even though part of him knew he was making a fool of himself and he was just repeating everything. It was hopeless.

Until Kevin picked up the phone and interrupted him. “Jesus Christ! It’s almost one in the morning, you dumb shit! If talking to you is the only way to get you to shut the fuck up, then fine! I’ll talk to you. You’re drunk, aren’t you? You sound totally shitfaced.”

Tom was so shocked by the sound of Kevin’s voice, he was stunned into silence. He just sat there sniffling for a moment until Kevin asked, “Are you still there?”

“Yeah.” Tom’s voice sounded small and vulnerable.

“What’s wrong with Shadow?”

“I don’t know. I think he’s depressed. Everything sucks now that you’re not here.”

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone, until Kevin sighed and said, “Christ. Don’t do anything until I get there. Give me a few minutes.”

And then he hung up.

Tom sat in the deck chair, staring at the phone as comprehension slowly dawned on him.
He’s coming over.

Shit
. Tom’s head was swimming with the alcohol, so he wasn’t sure if he was happy about that or not. Kevin might just take one look at how pathetic he was and tell him to give Shadow back to Lee if he was too useless to care for a dog properly. Although Kevin could have told him that over the phone. Tom was too confused to think clearly about what this might mean.

The only thing he knew for certain was that he wanted to throw up.

He was still leaning over the railing when the kitchen door opened and Kevin came out onto the deck, Shadow scampering around his legs in puppy ecstasy. “Well, isn’t that a pretty sight.”

Kevin bent down to pick up the empty six-pack carton and held it up. “Did you drink all of this by yourself?”

“Unh” was all Tom was able to get out. His mouth was full of acid.

“Jesus. I’ll be right back.” Kevin disappeared into the house again and returned a moment later with a glass of water and a hand towel. He set the water on the deck railing for a minute while he wiped vomit off Tom’s mouth and chin. Then he held up the glass. “Here. Rinse and spit. Over the railing, please.”

Tom did what he was told.

“You feel better?”

“I guess.” Tom’s head was still spinning, but he no longer felt quite so nauseous.

“Do you need to throw up some more?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Come on, then.” Kevin put an arm around his naked waist and pulled Tom’s left arm over his shoulder.

“I shouldn’t touch you,” Tom said, slurring his words.

“I’ll tell you when you can and can’t touch me, counselor. I’m taking you up to bed, so don’t give me any more shit.”

Tom let Kevin lead him into the house and upstairs. He could hear Shadow whimpering as they climbed the stairs because the dog was still afraid to follow them up, but Kevin told him, “I’ll be right back, Pup. Good boy!” Then he dragged Tom into the bedroom and lowered him onto the bed.

“Are you sure you’re not going to puke again?” Kevin asked.

The room was spinning, but Tom felt if he could just manage to lie still for a while, maybe it would stop. “I don’t think so.”

“All right.” Kevin pulled the blankets out from under Tom and drew them over his naked body. “I’m gonna take Shadow outside for a minute and then see if I can get him to eat something. But I’ll be back.”

“Thanks.”

And then, though he couldn’t really be sure of it with his eyes closed and his head swimming, Tom felt something warm and soft brush his forehead. It felt like Kevin had kissed him.

W
HEN
he woke in the morning, Tom immediately became aware of three things: his mouth tasted like vomit, his head ached, and Kevin was sleeping beside him. It was only gradually that he began to remember making a total ass of himself the night before.

He sat up gingerly, feeling as if his body might shatter if he moved too quickly. When he lifted the covers, he couldn’t resist peeking at Kevin’s body. Yep. Naked, all right. And still amazing.

Is he back?
Tom didn’t dare believe it was true. Probably, Kevin had just taken pity on him and stayed to make sure he’d be okay. As soon as he woke up, he’d be gone.

Tom slipped out of the bed quietly. Shadow was lying on his dog bed, but for once he didn’t get up when Tom did. He glanced at Tom, but then he sighed, and his eyes went back to Kevin’s sleeping form. The dog seemed to be just as cautious of Kevin’s return as Tom was.

Don’t let him out of your sight, Pup!
Tom thought. Then he quietly opened the door and went into the bathroom.

He brushed his teeth, wishing he’d done it before sleeping, and gargled with mouthwash to get the taste out of his mouth and the smell off his breath. Then he used the toilet and washed his hands and face before returning to the bedroom. He would have liked to take some ibuprofen but not on an empty stomach. And he had no intention of going downstairs until he’d had a chance to talk to Kevin. He didn’t want the man blowing by him with a quick “See you” as he headed out the door.

Tom lay there a long time, watching Kevin and reveling in how adorable he looked with his hair tousled like a sleeping child. When Kevin opened his soft hazel eyes at last, he gave Tom a sweet smile that made Tom’s heart flutter in his chest.

“Mornin’, counselor.”

“Good morning.” Tom reached out to touch those full lips but stopped himself. His hand settled on Kevin’s pillow, rubbing a finger on the cotton pillowcase instead. “I’m sorry I was such a jackass last night.”

Kevin’s smile didn’t dim. He shook his head and said, “I’m not.”

“No?”

Kevin hesitated before saying, “I thought I was done with you. Even when you came to my trailer, somehow I was strong enough to tell you to go away. And I was damned proud of myself for doing it. I told myself nothing you could say or do would ever get me to come back. Then you call in the middle of the night, blubbering like an idiot about how much you and Shadow need me… and my heart melts.”

“Did you really hate me that much?”

“I never hated you, counselor. If I hadn’t loved you, I never would have let you fuck with my head like that. But that’s why I had to get away from you.”

Tom’s brain seemed to be stuttering. It couldn’t process everything Kevin was saying because it was stuck on one word. “You… loved me?”

Kevin sighed and reached up to slide his fingers through Tom’s beard. “Still do.”

“I… love you too.”

“But I need you to promise me something,” Kevin continued. “If you want me back—”

“I do!”

“—then I need you to stop helping me. I know all of this has been because you want to help. But you need to stop. Okay?”

Tom lifted his own hand to clasp Kevin’s and hold it tightly. Then he brought it to his lips and kissed it. “I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry. You do what you have to do. I won’t interfere anymore.”

Kevin looked into his eyes for a long time, as if he wanted to say something more. At last, he said, “Lie back.”

Tom did as he was told, rolling onto his back and laying his head against his pillow. Kevin lifted himself up on one arm and leaned over him, hesitating just a second before lowering his face and kissing Tom gently on the mouth. Tom felt the warmth of the kiss shoot down through his body, straight to his crotch, and he exhaled a shuddering breath into Kevin’s mouth. But he didn’t dare move for fear he would make Kevin panic. Kevin didn’t seem to be panicking, though. He lingered with the kiss, exploring Tom’s lips with his own and licking them with his tongue. When he pulled away, he looked down at Tom with eyes full of desire.

“That was nice,” Tom said, though it was an enormous understatement. He was hard as a rock now and wanted nothing more than to pull Kevin down on top of him. But he held back, knowing Kevin wasn’t ready for that.

“It was… good,” Kevin agreed.

“Did it make you feel anxious?”

Kevin nodded and let out a long breath, as if he’d been holding something in. “Yeah. But it feels different now. I have all kinds of shit going on in my head that I really don’t want to think about when I’m kissing you. But it’s not as… terrifying… as it was before.”

That was good. And it was the entire point of digging into past memories—to decrease their power over us. But Tom didn’t say that. He’d promised to let Kevin do this on his own, and he meant to stick by that promise.

“I loved it,” he said.

“That’s good. I was afraid I’d suck at it.”

Tom pulled the blankets aside to flash his erection at him. “Does that look like it was a bad kiss?”

Kevin laughed. “Now who’s being crass?”

“I learned it from you.”

Kevin made a rude noise and then glanced over at Shadow. “I think someone’s trying to get our attention.”

The dog had been whimpering and thumping his tail on his pillow for a while, stuffed ducks having long been banned from the bedroom. But Tom had been too caught up in what was going on between him and Kevin to acknowledge it.
I’m a bad parent.

“He ignored me when I first got up,” Tom said. “I think he wants
you
to take him out. He’s missed you a lot.”

Kevin gave Shadow a warm smile. “I’ve missed you, too, Pup. Almost as much as your daddy.”

Eighteen

“Y
OU
just need to shock it,” Kevin said, looking at the somewhat murky water of the hot tub.

“What?” Tom asked. “You mean with electricity?”

Kevin laughed. “No. You just put an extra-large dose of chlorine in to kill everything. The tub will be unusable for a day, but we can have it running again by tomorrow afternoon.”

“That’ll be nice.”

Tom leaned over the side of his deck chair to put his plate down for Shadow to lick. The maple syrup on what was left of his pancakes probably wasn’t good for the dog, but it wasn’t like Tom fed him maple syrup on a daily basis. And it was nice to see the pooch scarfing down anything put in front of him. Kevin had said Shadow ate a bowl of kibble before bed last night, and the dog had certainly been enthusiastic about breakfast.

Tom lifted his head to see a magnificent view of bare ass as Kevin leaned over the hot tub console to remove the filter. Things were definitely looking up.

“Are you still going to sell your trailer,” Tom asked, “now that you’re no longer bent on escaping my clutches?”

Kevin straightened up and turned to grin at him. “I don’t know. Can’t say I’m particularly attached to it. But it’s a run-down piece of shit. Probably nobody will want it anyway.”

They both knew, of course, that Kevin was likely to spend all his time here at the house now that they’d patched things up. Moving in permanently might not be far behind. But neither mentioned it. There was no point in rushing things.