Bird Song (26 page)

A pink beribboned box of charcoal sticks was propped upright, a sheet of paper covered with tiny bumps lay at its side.
 
Lark’s free hand reached inside to retrieve the note while I released her other hand so that she could skim the surface with the pads of her fingers.
 
“I wish that these came in different colors so that you could feel the colors that you’ve brought into my life.
 
Until then, at least you can use these to show others what you feel,” she read, the sheet of paper starting to flutter beneath her fingertips.

“Who is it from?” Stacy asked as she peered at the blank sheet.
 
“Does it say?”

Lark shook her head.
 
“That’s it.
 
It has no name on it.”

“A secret admirer!
 
Well, this is much better than flowers, I’ll give you that,” Stacy said, her nose wrinkling at the residual smell of the numerous blooms that clung to us as we stood alone in the hallway.
 
“I wonder who it’s from.”

I remained silent, as did Lark.
 
How does one go about telling their friend that their boyfriend, who hadn’t given them anything for Valentine’s Day, was the secret admirer of another?
 
I looked at Lark’s face and tried to gauge what her emotions were.
 
She looked ethereally beautiful as always, but there was something I couldn’t detect hidden in her eyes.
 
It was like a fog had rolled in and blocked everything from sight.

“It doesn’t say who it’s from,” Lark said softly as she folded the sheet of paper up and tucked it back into her locker.
 
She closed the door gently, pressing it in when it wouldn’t seal properly, and then simply walked away.
 
I started to follow her when the bell rang.
 
Soon she was swallowed up by the masses of bodies that filled the hallway; students trying to rush to class in a mad dash at trying to forget what it was that had been labeled “lunch”.

“You don’t think that she’s upset about what Graham said, do you?” Stacy asked as we walked towards our respective classes.
 
I shrugged my shoulders, not wanting to look into her face for fear that she’d be able to see the lie that I couldn’t voice.
 
“I would be if it had been me.
 
Robert was right.
 
It is a good thing that Graham didn’t get me anything.
 
I mean, we’re not really that serious anyway.
 
Not like you and Robert.
 
You’re all in love and crap.
 
I like Graham, but I don’t think I know how to get past that and into something more.
 
Like isn’t really enough…you know?”

“Yeah,” I answered.

“I mean, you and Robert—you two were meant for each other.
 
It’s like when Robert was born, God had you set up on a shelf for later, the yang to his yin.
 
Graham’s not my yang.”

I laughed in spite of myself.
 
“No, he’s definitely not your yang.
 
I don’t know if he’s anyone’s yang, but then again I was stupid enough to think that maybe he was mine, so what do I know?”

As we neared Mr.
Branke’s
class, Stacy turned to face me.
 
“Grace, you made the classic mistake of falling for your best friend.
 
It’s perfectly normal and doesn’t mean you don’t know anything about who is and isn’t meant to be with each other.”

She waved goodbye as she walked towards her class, leaving me to ponder what she had just said.
 
I couldn’t help but smile.
 
She had said that I was perfectly normal.
 
No one had ever said that before.

***

At the end of the school day, when everyone else’s heads were full of dancing and party dresses, mine was filled with chocolate covered raisins and a gross-out comedy fest at the theater.
 
Robert had managed to save my flower from the mountain of blossoms that Lark had left behind in the cafeteria and I carried it safely in my bag as we rode home on the back of his bike.

So have the plans changed?

The plans…
No, the plans haven’t changed.
 
We’re still going to the movies.

So, when are you going to tell me?

I felt my head jerk back at the question.
 
Tell you what?

As we approached my house, I saw that the driveway was empty.
 
Janice’s car wasn’t in its usual spot, and I knew that Dad wasn’t home either.
 
Robert pulled the bike into the drive and turned off the engine.
 
“Why you lied when you told me you didn’t know why you didn’t like this holiday.”

I started to stutter, the words unable to form anything but incoherent sounds in my mouth.
 
I looked at him and saw the pained look in his eyes.
 
I had hurt him.
 
I quickly turned my head away as I tried desperately to climb off the motorcycle without killing myself.
 
I walked towards the front door and fumbled with my key ring—it looked ridiculous and plainly obvious that I was stalling since only one key occupied the ring—my heart was pounding a thick and heavy beat as I felt his shadow cross over mine, blocking out what little light there was from helping me see what I was doing.

“Grace, don’t run away from me,” he said, his breath blowing across my ear; he was a lot closer than I thought.

I turned around to face him, knowing that I’d never be able to open the door or avoid answering him.
 
“I’m sorry,” I managed to say in a low mumble.
 
I stared down at my boots, afraid of seeing any more hurt in his eyes and knowing that I was the cause.

His hands cupped my face and lifted it, forcing me to look at him.
 
“I don’t need you to apologize.
 
I just want you to be honest with me.
 
I know this is difficult for you, but I’m not going to hurt you for being honest.
 
I love you.
 
I’ve always loved you, even before you existed.”

The warmth in my cheeks flooded his palms and he smiled.
 
I sighed at the sight.
 
“Okay, truth?”

He nodded his head.
 
“Truth.”

“I think this is ridiculous, since you already know; I hate today because today is when my mom died.
 
I hate the decorations, hate that every single year it looks like someone’s throwing a party on a day that I think should be reserved for mourning.”

I shut my eyes, hoping to block out the painful images of seeing my mother’s last moments before she died—moments that I had altogether forgotten until Robert helped me to remember on my urging.
 

“I can usually push it out of my mind and forget about it, but sometimes the blatant reminders just make me want to curl up into a ball and hide until February fifteenth.
 
Today is the day I became Grace the Freak, the day I’m at my most freak-like, and I don’t know how to be anything else.”

Robert sighed softly as he pulled me against him, his arms wrapping securely around me.
 
“You’re not a freak, Grace, and no matter how many times you try to attach that label to yourself, it’ll never stick.
 
Not to me, anyway.
 
I guess that’s one reason why we’re so perfect for each other; we both loathe this day, and yet, we’re both tied to it for some inexplicable reason, although yours has far more merit.”

I sighed into Robert’s chest.
 
“I’m sorry I lied to you.”

His arms wrapped around me tighter, his chin resting atop my head.
 
“You don’t have to apologize for this.
 
I understand your reasons, and support you.
 
I just wish that you could trust me enough to tell me anything.”

“I’m working on that,” I mumbled, inhaling the intoxicating scent that was starting to overwhelm me.

He laughed as he felt my mood change and pulled away slightly.
 
“So where is your dad?
 
Janice?”

I turned around in his arms and finished opening the front door, pulling him inside and quickly shutting the door behind us with my foot.
 
“Dad is where he always is on this day; he’ll be at work until four, and then head off to the cemetery until it closes at six.
 
I don’t know where Janice is, but if she’s with Dad, they both won’t be back until six-thirty at the earliest.”

“So we’re alone, then?” he asked, his mischievous smile turning my stomach over deep within me.

“Um…I don’t know.
 
Graham might be coming home, soon,” I said nervously, silently praying that I was wrong.
 
Oh so very, very wrong.

“He won’t be.
 
His shift started five minutes ago,” came my little miracle answer.

“So we’re alone, then,” I whispered, marveling at the idea.

Robert brought my hand against his lips, his breath against them causing the faint hairs on my arms to stand at attention.
 
“What do you want to do now that we have this house all to ourselves?”

“I-I…”
 
I couldn’t say anything.
 
I looked at the stairs, wondering if saying that we could go to my room would seem too forward.

With blinding speed, Robert scooped me up into his arms and raced up the stairs, my door opening and closing so quickly, I would have sworn we walked through it.

“What makes you think we didn’t?” he chuckled as he
set
me down on the bed, lying down next to me.
 
“You have so much faith in me; I don’t know why.”
 
His fingers pushed aside a fallen lock of hair from my face, his thumb brushing the outside corner of my eye, tickling my lashes.
 
“I often wonder what it was that I did to deserve you, to be so blessed with you, with knowing and experiencing you.”

“I do the same thing,” I whispered.
 
He had moved his hand to my neck, his fingers grazing the pulse-point and slowly dipping into the hollow at the base of my throat.

“Yes, but my kind views blessings far differently from yours.
 
We have so much in the way of abilities and power.
 
When you take into consideration what it is that we’re capable of, and what it is that we do, there really isn’t much that humans possess that can give us cause for appreciation.

“But with you, whenever I’m with you, whenever I’m able to touch you and smell you, hear your voice, your thoughts I feel like I’ve never truly known what being blessed was.
 
And when I hear this, feel this-” he laid his head on my chest, directly above my heart “-I understand what it means to experience a miracle.”

We remained that way for some time, his head pressed against my heart, his hand against my throat, feeling the pulse there as the journey of the life that my heart pumped into each vein repeated itself over and over again.

“Robert,” I said softly as the sunlight that had been shining through my window started to recede.
 
“Is…is this all that we’re going to be doing until it’s time to leave?”

His head lifted and he smiled at me, a heart-stopping, breath-catching smile that would have made me forget what I had just asked had it not also sent my stomach into a fit of urgent dancing.
 
“This is all that I trust myself to do, Grace.
 
I feel very roguish, being all alone with you in this house, laying here like this knowing that there isn’t anyone around to walk in.
 
It tempts me to do…other things, but I know I have more control than that.”

I felt my heart stop when he said “other things”, but I also knew that no amount of cajoling was going to get him to do anything more than this.
 
It was more than I expected, and enough to make me realize that I was doomed if I ever had to choose between self-control and letting go when it came to Robert.

“You’re silly,” Robert laughed, his fingers moving towards the bottom of my chin, tickling me and causing me to giggle.
 
“And I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

He raised his head and shifted his body so that he was nearly fully on top of me.
 
“Really?”

I rolled my eyes.
 
“Of course, really.
 
You know when I’m lying.
 
You proved that today.”

“True.
 
I guess I was kind of hoping that you’d say something utterly human like ‘how can I prove it to you’ or something along those lines.”

I stared at him, at the incomparable and undeniable perfection that was Robert, and started laughing.
 
“You wanted me to do what?”

“What?
 
It’s been my experience that when questioned about what they say, human girls will go out of their way to prove it to be true.
 
I was just hoping that perhaps you’d simply follow type,” Robert said, laughing along with me.

“And what exactly
were
you hoping I’d do?”