Bird Song (31 page)

I sucked in my breath at the revelation that Lark had kept this from her…and I had now revealed it.
 
“N-not exactly.
 
Let’s just forget I said anything,” I said quickly.
 
I picked up my spoon and focused on eating my soup, hoping that Stacy would let the subject die.

I should have known better.

“No.
 
I want to know.
 
Is there a way?”

I shook my head.
 
“No.
 
There isn’t a way for humans to become angels.”

She frowned at me, obviously doubtful of my reply.
 
“So why did you even mention it?”

I didn’t want to lie to Stacy.
 
The lies were piling up one on top of the other, and I couldn’t add this one to it.
 
“It’s the truth, Stacy.
 
There isn’t a way for humans to become angels.
 
Angels are born, not made.”

Her frown deepened.
 
“So you’re basically telling me that there’s no hope in me ever becoming immortal?”

I opened my mouth and then closed it, unsure of how exactly to proceed with this topic of conversation.
 
I wasn’t exactly clued in on all of the specifics myself, so what could I say to her that wouldn’t get her hopes up or dash them away completely?

“You’re going to have to talk to Robert or Lark about that,” I finally said.
 
It was the best that I could do.

Stacy bobbed her head up and down in silent acceptance and we finished our soup in the quiet of the kitchen.

After cleaning up, we headed up to my room, the whole purpose of Stacy coming over having not yet been addressed.
 
I closed the door quietly behind us and then sat on the bed with my back facing the window.

Stacy sat next to me, one leg dangling off the bed, a shy blush spreading across her face as she struggled with the question she had wanted to ask me before we became sidetracked by the immortality discussion.

“Grace…this is kind of personal, so if you don’t want to answer I’ll understand.
 
You and Lark are my best friends, but Lark’s not into guys.
 
At least, not to my knowledge, so I couldn’t ask her this question, but you and Robert are joined at the hip so I know that you’d be able to.”

I watched Stacy’s hands as she rambled through her introduction, her fingers were flying through the air as she fidgeted with her nervousness and unease.
 
I knew exactly how she felt.

“What I wanted to know was if you and Robert have…you know, done it yet.”

I nearly choked on my own tongue as the shock of the question took control.
 
It prevented me from recovering in time to reassure her that I wasn’t offended as she started to apologize profusely, her hands flitting around like nervous birds.

When I had regained my composure, I grabbed her hands and pulled them down, pinning them to the bed.
 
“Stacy, it’s okay.
 
I wasn’t expecting this, but I’m not offended.
 
Just shocked.”

Stacy nearly started apologizing once again, her stammering voice contradicting the strong and self-assured person I had always known her to be.

“Calm down, Stacy,” I said reassuringly.
 
“Calm down and I’ll answer your question.”

She stopped talking, her hands quit fighting against mine, and she waited with an almost instantaneous patience for me to answer her.
 
“I guess the only way to go about this is to be honest.
 
The answer is no, Robert and I haven’t…done it.”

Her face showed shock, her eyes wide with surprise.
 
“You haven’t?
 
But you two look so…close, like something intimate has happened between you.
 
I thought…”

I nodded, understanding what it was that she had assumed.
 
“We haven’t done anything other than kiss.”

“What kind of kiss?”

It was my turn to blush as I realized that I was about to admit to Stacy just how chaste my relationship with Robert truly was.
 
“The kind you’d give your brother…if he were unbearably handsome and you were in madly love with him.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

Stacy looked out the window, her gaze focused on the empty space on the street down below.
 
“I was going to say—I didn’t know what I was going to say.
 
This is all so weird for me.
 
I mean, I’ve never had a girlfriend, someone I could talk to about this kind of stuff before, and now that I have two…one can’t talk to me about sex and the other hasn’t done anything more than kissing.”

I couldn’t prevent the sad smile from forming on my lips as I acknowledged just how woefully ignorant I was when it came to topics like these.
 
“I’m sorry that I don’t have the, uh…experience that you’re looking for.
 
I guess that’s one less thing we have in common, eh?”

Stacy chuckled.
 
“I don’t have any experience in that department either, Grace.
 
I just wanted to know what exactly it was that told you, if you
had
done it, that it was the right time.”

“Oh.
 
Well.
 
That’s something different,” I mumbled, embarrassed at my incorrect assumption.

“Tell me about it.
 
How pathetic are we, huh?
 
Two inexperienced know-nothings thinking the other had some knowledge about sex.”

I felt my head nod at her overwhelmingly accurate statement.
 
“What made you ask anyway, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Stacy sighed and leaned back on her elbows as she wore an invisible pattern into the carpet with her toe.
 
“I kept thinking about what would have happened tonight if I had gone to the dance with Graham.
 
Would I have been able to think nothing of it and just go along with the crowd?
 
Just do it because everyone else is?
 
I mean, don’t get me wrong; I’ve never thought of it as something special, you know?
 
It’s not like my parents ever stressed remaining pure or anything like that, so I have to wonder if the reason I simply don’t like the idea of it is because if I did do it, it’d be with Graham.
 
Does that make sense?”

The idea of Graham having sex with anyone wasn’t exactly my idea of appealing conversation, but I couldn’t just ignore Stacy’s need to talk or the fact that although she could have gotten far more sage advice from Lark, she had chosen me to open up to.

“I think that the longer you are with Graham, the more you’re going to start questioning everything about your relationship until you come to a decision about what you really want.”
 
There.
 
I planted the seed I didn’t know I had.

Stacy’s head tipped up and she stared at the ceiling as my words began to sink in.
 
“I guess you’re right.
 
I don’t know what it is I want, but I do know what I
don’t
want.
 
I don’t want to end up a stupid statistic for some Government Health Agency because I caved in to peer pressure.
 
I don’t want to say that my first time was with someone I didn’t love.
 
And most importantly, I don’t want to do it just because it feels good at the time, like I’m under some stupid spell or something.
 
I’ve got enough brains to say no.”

She was right.
 
I marveled at how right she was.
 
“It looks like you don’t need to worry about what it is you want, Stacy.
 
Your don’ts are just as good.”

Stacy brought her head down to look at me, confusion and disbelief layered onto her face.
 
“You sound as though I made a decision for you, too.”

“You sort of did,” I replied as this time, it was her words that sunk in.
 
“I’ve been so stupid.”

Intrigued by my admission, she sat up.
 
“What do you mean?”

I sighed, the relief of finally being able to talk to someone about it almost dripping from the sound.
 
“The reason Robert and I haven’t…you know, is because he’s not ready while I’ve been more than ready.
 
Or so I thought.
 
The feeling I get when I’m with him is incredible.
 
It’s euphoric, and all-together consuming and I can’t help but want to feel more of it and I realize now that it’s because of what Robert is.
 
He insists that I’m not susceptible to his ‘charms’, but now I know that I am.
 
At least, when we’re that close I am. “

Stacy’s mouth was poised to speak, her face surprised at what I had revealed about the intimacy of my relationship with Robert.
 
Obviously Lark had been keeping a great deal from her.

“Angels don’t get by on just their looks, Stacy.
 
They radiate a type of divine charm that makes people automatically like them.
 
You cannot help but be drawn to them, attracted to them.
 
Most of it is artificial but it affects us all the same, and we become so enchanted just by their aura, we’ll do whatever they want, even without the mental interloping they’re capable of.

“Robert and Lark both thought it wasn’t possible for me to fall under their—how did you put it—spell, since I defied both of them with every chance I got, but it looks like they were wrong.
 
I’m just like everyone else.”

I looked at my reflection in the mirror facing the foot of the bed and sighed at the sullen expression that now tattooed my features.
 
“I should be happy that I’m starting to resemble someone normal.”

Stacy rested her hand on my knee, the soft touch comforting.
 
“So why do you look so down?”

I shrugged my shoulders and sighed, a half-hearted smile forcing itself onto my face.
 
“I guess because now I’m going to start second guessing every single emotion I feel when I’m around Robert, try and decipher what’s genuine and what’s a product of his innate charm.”

“You love him, Grace.
 
I’ve seen the way the two of you look at each other.
 
It’s not the kind of look that makes you sick from the syrupy sweetness.
 
It’s the kind of look that makes you envious of what the two of you have, the connection that goes deeper than anything most people have ever felt with anyone else, much less with the people
they’re
with now, myself included.”

I looked into Stacy’s eyes and saw the genuine gleam of envy in them.
 
It was almost laughable that someone like her would be envious of me.
 

“I know I love him.
 
I think I was probably born knowing it and it just laid dormant until he came into my life, as stupid as that sounds.
 
I just don’t know if what my body feels is what it would were Robert human and not…well, him.
 
I mean, I know he’s not making me feel that way.
 
Not on purpose anyway.
 

“And I feel incredibly stupid now because I’ve been pressuring him into being more physical with me even though I know he’s not ready.
 
I feel like the abusive girlfriend and I, too, have enough brains to know how to say no, and yet I won’t take it for an answer.”

Stacy giggled as the words that came out of my mouth painted me more and more like the abusive girlfriend I had described.
 
“I wouldn’t worry too much about abusing Robert, Grace.
 
Something tells me he can handle himself.”

I nodded in agreement, giggling despite myself.
 
I glanced at the clock on the dresser and sighed once more.
 
“It’s getting late, Stacy.
 
Graham will probably be home soon, and Robert might stop by, too.”

She cocked her head to the side, the part about Robert obviously not what she was expecting to hear.
 
“Your dad lets him come over this late?”

I shook my head and raised my finger to my lips.
 
“No one knows.
 
Well, Graham knows.
 
He came in while we were asleep and saw us together.”

Stacy’s mouth made a slight popping sound as it hinged open in shock.
 
“He sleeps here with you?”

“Robert?”

Stacy rolled her eyes at that.
 
“No,
Ghandi
—of
course
Robert!
 
Lark didn’t tell me that he was spending the night here with you!
 
And you two haven’t…wow.
 
That’s one patient angel, Grace.”

I laughed as I stood and helped her up.
 
“I’m the one with the patience, remember?”

She nodded, laughing right along with me.
 
We walked downstairs and headed to her car.
 
“I’ll see you tomorrow at school then,” she said before she climbed into her little car.
 
“Thank you, Grace, for everything.”
 
She reached up and wrapped her arms around me, a quick hug that carried with it a great deal of friendship and affection that I knew I was not entirely deserving of.