Bird Song (6 page)

I pulled away, sinking back down his chest, the dizziness nearly drawing forth a faint from me, and smiled at my own foolishness.
 
I attempted to take a breath to calm myself, but the force of Robert’s strong hands at my face pulling me back up towards his lips sent every nerve ending in my body shooting out towards him, hungry for whatever he was about to give to me.

As his lips pressed against mine with force and clear intent, I whimpered.
 
This was like no kiss we had shared before.
 
It was as though he were a starving man, and the only sustenance he could find came from me in the form of kisses I was only too willing to give to him.
 
My fingers thrummed with feeling as they tangled in the silk of his hair, while he covered my top and bottom lips with tiny kisses that each felt like a thousand little bursts of flame on my skin.
 
He planted soft kisses in the corners of my mouth, and sighed at the excess of it all.

I could feel the blood start to leave me when once again, his lips pressed against mine with a firmness and a conviction like I had never experienced in him before.
 
I pulled him towards me even as I leaned down, the urge to never break contact with his mouth blocking out anything that might argue to the contrary.

But I couldn’t block out the strength of the divine.
 
With a ragged cry, as though it physically hurt him to do so, Robert tore his mouth away from mine, his hands curled into strong knotted fists at his sides, his breathing erratic, his chest rising and falling like a stormy sea that mimicked my own.

“Why?” I breathed, gasping for air that didn’t seem like enough, that couldn’t fill that need I knew only he could.
 
“Why did you stop?”

He turned away from me, his mouth pulled tight with a pained expression.
 
You know why.

I grunted.
 
“I only know what you want to tell me.
 
There’s more to this than you’re letting on, Robert.”

His gaze returned to mine and I could see the physical pain in his eyes now.
 
I felt the sudden ache in me as I recalled the last time I had seen such agony in his face, and felt more confused than ever before.
 
“You’re not…going to die if you kiss me…are you?”

I breathed a sigh of relief when he snorted, a good sign during awkward moments like this.
 
“Well then tell me what is wrong with the two of us doing something as simple as making out?”
 
I grimaced at the sound of my voice saying those last two words.
 
How cheesy it sounded.
 
Making out was something you did with a part-time prom date.

Robert was my soul mate.
 
He was the other part of me.
 
There was just no getting around it, and I had cheapened it with that make out comment.
 
I placed my head in my hands and groaned.
 
“Ugh, I’m such an idiot.”

Don’t be embarrassed, Grace.
 
It was insightful.
 
It tells me that you’re thinking about us in ways that go beyond just dating.

My head snapped back up.
 
“What are we, Robert?
 
What are we besides just dating?
 
Soul mates don’t just sit and search each other’s minds all day, you know.”

Don’t you think I’m aware of this, Grace?
 
I look at you and I see all the things I want for us.
 
But there are limitations to what we have, what we are.
 
You’re human.
 
You cannot begin to understand the complexities that are involved when humans and angels are together.

I felt my eyes lower into slits as I looked at him.
 
“While you know it all.”
 
It sounded spiteful.
 
It sounded jealous.
 
It was how I felt.

I know enough, Grace, but don’t make assumptions based on what little of my past has been revealed to you.
 
You’re the only person I have ever felt a physical and mental connection with.
 
You’re the only person I have ever
felt
.

I wanted to believe him.
 
I wanted to trust that what he was saying was the truth, but knowing that he could bend the truth just a little bit-

I will never lie to you again, Grace.
 
I won’t do that to us, not again.

My eyes rose to meet his, and I felt the scars where my heart had mended itself after the only lie Robert had ever told me had destroyed it start to burn.
 
He had lied to me when he couldn’t, and was now promising never to lie again now that he could.
 
I shook my head at the absurdity of it all.
 

“Okay, you won’t lie to me again.
 
So tell me now, what are the complexities involved between human and angels who love each other?
 
Why is it that we’re here together, and you want to treat me like my name is Hannah and you’re Grandpa Bob?

He started to laugh, which grated at what little self-control I was holding onto.
 
I wouldn’t kiss Hannah, Grace.
 
Period.
 
I would never look at Hannah the way I look at you, either.
 
You make me question every experience I have ever felt through anyone else, because with you, it feels like I captured a star in the palm of my hand that’s ready to explode, and the intensity of it has filled up every single part of me so much so, I feel as though I might burst before it does.

When I touch you, I feel it to the very bones beneath my skin.
 
He brushed my temple with an extended finger, the faint contact enough to feel the charge that flowed between us, confirming what he had just described.

I reached for his hand, and brought his palm to my mouth to kiss the longest line that ran down to the crease in his wrist.
 
“I don’t know how we’re going to get through this if we both feel the same way about each other but one of us isn’t willing to be close,” I mumbled against his palm.

His arms encircled me once again, and I settled into them, feeling too tired to argue anymore.
 
We were together, and we both knew that we affected the other profoundly.
 
He hadn’t answered my question, but if I had doubted how he felt when it came to me, it was long gone.
 
I would get my answer.
 
I could wait for it, if I needed to.

I closed my eyes and started to drift off to sleep, content to know that even unconscious, Robert was still with me, occupying my dreams.
 
I fell asleep within minutes, but the sleep of the content never prepares you to be rudely awakened by a hand that was far less gentle when it was urgent than when it wasn’t.

“Mmm…what?” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and my mouth, the slight moisture that had collected in the corner cause for some embarrassment.

Graham came in here.
 
He wanted to talk to you about my sister, but when he saw us, he left.
 
I don’t think he will say anything to your father, but his head is full of questions that he shouldn’t be thinking about you.
 
Robert’s body was tense, his hold on me firm and protective.
 
I tried to digest what he had just told me, but it didn’t seem right.
 
Why would Graham come to my room in the middle of the night?

I told you, he wanted to talk about Lark.

I couldn’t stop the small smile that formed on my face.
 
I tucked my lips between my teeth to fight them from pulling into a full blown grin, and focused on what it was that Graham might have thought after seeing Robert asleep with me in my room.

You know what he was thinking.

I stared at him, my lids still heavy with sleep, and shook my head.
 
I didn’t know.
 
I might know Graham better than anyone else, but if there was one thing these past few months have proven it’s that I didn’t know him as well as I had thought.

He thinks that you and I…

“What?
 
He thinks that you and I what?” I managed to croak out.

He thinks that we’re having sex.

I looked at Robert and felt the laughter start to ripple through me.
 
It was soft, nearly silent, but it was there, and it was irking Robert, which suited me just fine.
 
I wasn’t interested in making him feel better about what had just happened, and what Graham had assumed was going on between the two of us.

What did it matter?

It matters to me.
 
It’s insulting to think that we’d behave in such a manner.
 
You, and everything about you is paramount to me, Grace, and that includes your reputation.

I rolled my eyes at that.
 
“What do you think he’s going to do?
 
Run around school and tell everyone that I’m sleeping with you?
 
It’s already difficult for most people to believe that you’re even interested in me, let alone sleeping with me.

And that’s all this is between us, anyway.
 
Just sleeping, because it takes a feat of superhuman strength just to get you to kiss me.”
 
I rolled over and turned my back to him, the conversation and the fact that he felt so insulted by the thought of people thinking that he wanted to be with me turning the blood in my veins to ice.

Grace, please stop jumping to conclusions.
 
This is difficult for me to talk about.
 
I’ve never had to before.

I snorted at that.
 
“You’ve been around for over a thousand years, and you’ve never had to talk about your sex life?
 
Give me a little credit, please, Robert.”

I felt a swift movement behind me and fell onto my back, suddenly finding myself pinned beneath a very angry angel.

I give you all the credit in the world, Grace, but sometimes you have no idea how foolish you can be.
 
I’ve never had to discuss this before because there’s never been anything to discuss.
 
I cannot believe that I have to discuss this with you now, like this, but so be it.

I have had many, many women and girls in my life.
 
But I have never, ever been with them in the way that I hope to someday be with you.
 
I have never felt this way about anyone, in fifteen hundred years of existing among your kind.
 
I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you.
 
But I have waited this long, and I can wait just as long for it to be right between us, to be safe between us.

There are some things in life you expect to hear, know that you’ll hear, and know exactly how you’ll feel when you do.
 
Then there are moments like this, where what you hear is exactly the opposite of what you expected, and exactly the opposite of what you’re prepared for.

“I…don’t understand.
 
Ameila said-”

My mother told you something that was only half true.
 
I have been with many women and girls.
 
But not in the way that you think.
 
I’ve shared
…
thoughts with them, dreams of desires.
 
But it has never been
…
physical, and never anything near as desperate as what I want with you.

The soft glow of light that surrounded Robert had changed from a muted black to a nearly brilliant blue as he saw the thought process in my mind run through the logical conclusions that were left to be made.

“So you’re…”

A virgin?
 
Yes.
 
Just as you are.

I knew my mouth was hanging open in surprise; I knew that my eyes were wide with the full impact of this new fact about him.
 
But the way my heart was pounding in my chest made it quite clear that there couldn’t have been anything he could have told me at that moment that would have made me happier.

“
Is that why you’re treating me like some kind of nun?”

It is part of the reason.
 
There’s more, but I think I’ve done enough sharing for one night, Grace.
 
I want you to think about what I have told you.
 
I want you to truly think about it, and try to see why it is I am taking this as slowly as possible.
 
With a swiftness that whipped my hair around my face and drew forth a quick gasp from my throat, we had reversed positions, and I was now atop him.

Sleep, Grace.
 
I want you to think about all of this while you sleep.

“I’m not a child, Robert.
 
I don’t need to be told when to go to bed,” I complained, refusing to lay my head down.

He placed a strong hand at the back of my head and gently, albeit forcefully, pressed my head down onto his chest.
 
Please.
 
I’m sorry about what I said.
 
We can discuss all of this later.
 
Go to sleep, Grace.
 
I’ll be here in the morning when you wake up.