Bitter Almonds (32 page)

‘Who's the beauty?'

‘Family.'

‘I see.'

The dubious tone his commander used pushed him over the edge. He scooted forward. ‘I owe you for today. But to be clear, you say anything about her and you will wish you hadn't.' He pulled back, holding the man's gaze. Threatening his superior was not a smart move. He didn't give a shit.

‘That kind of family, then?'

‘Yes, sir.'

‘Don't worry. And you don't owe me anything. Men like us have to stick together now. You covered my back when my wife was sick. Let's hope we make it there before the ax starts swinging.'

 

33

Nadia heard a knock on the girls' bedroom door. She lifted her face off the damp pillow. Crying non-stop, her voice came out hoarse and weak. ‘I want to be alone, Mama.'

‘It's Fatimah. Let me in. I can help you.'

‘Please go away.'

‘Omar called me. I have a message for you.'

Scurrying off her bed, she unlocked the door. ‘He called you? When?'

Fatimah walked in, closing the door behind her. ‘About an hour ago. He's worried about you.'

Nadia brushed her cheeks with her palms, trying to seem more composed. With pity clear on Fatimah's face, she knew she failed. ‘What did he say?'

‘He wanted me to meet you at the bus station and come home with you. He was frantic. But I couldn't get the children ready in time. I'm so sorry.'

Nadia wiped her nose with her sleeve, not bothering with hygiene or decorum. Fatimah's exaggeratedly sympathetic tone aggravated her. She must have looked as miserable as she felt. ‘As you can see, I'm capable of taking a taxi on my own,' she snapped. If everyone insisted on treating her like a child, then by God, she would act like a child.

Reaching for her hand, Fatimah pulled her toward one of the beds. ‘Omar didn't want you to come home alone and have to face Huda by yourself.'

‘Huda is out.'

‘Mama Subhia is so worried. She told me you locked yourself in here as soon as you arrived and refused to talk to her.'

Nadia glanced at the door. ‘I didn't mean to upset Mama. I just . . . I . . . I don't know what to say to her.'

‘I brought the children. They will keep her busy and make her feel better, don't worry. I want to understand what's going on with you before Huda comes home.' Fatimah crossed her legs and tilted her head to one side. ‘Huda will not be as patient as I am.'

Fatimah's veiled threat threw Nadia into a fit of uncontrolled sobbing. She covered her face with both hands. Why couldn't she hold it together anymore? She had not stopped crying since Omar left her at the bus station in Homs.

‘Talk to me,
habibti
. Why did you go see Omar?'

Dropping her hands to her lap, she shrugged. ‘It doesn't matter.'

‘Oh, it does. A great deal. Marwan is going to walk in here at any minute. I suggest you have a better answer for him.'

‘You called him?'

‘Omar did. And he asked me not to leave you alone when Marwan gets here.' Fatimah brought her voice lower. ‘What happened?'

Nadia crossed over to the window. She imagined Omar by her side when she faced Marwan. But Omar had better things to do, didn't even give her a chance to explain. He had stopped her, cut her off before she made a bigger fool of herself. At least he sent her an ally.

‘I told Omar I don't want to marry Marwan.'

‘You could have told him that over the telephone. Or written him a letter.' Fatimah joined her by the window. ‘I think I understand why you did it this way. But did my brother?'

‘It made him angry. He said I used him to stab his friend in the back.'

‘You could have come to me. I would have understood. I saw it coming.'

‘You did?'

Fatimah nodded. ‘I told Omar the day he returned from his secret assignment, this lid is not for this pot. You and Marwan are not right for each other.' Fatimah pulled on Nadia's hands, bringing her face closer. ‘I think it hurt Omar to know that. He wanted you to be happy.'

‘Omar gave me what I asked for. But I didn't know what I wanted then.' She buried her face in Fatimah's shoulder, using the fabric of her dress to soak fresh tears. ‘Why did Omar listen to me?'

Sure steps clicked on the tile floor, and she sensed Fatimah stiffen.

‘Omar will do anything for you, stupid.' Huda's sharp voice slashed through the air like a whip.

Nadia snapped her head out of Fatimah's embrace.

‘Whether you deserve it or not, is a different story.' Huda slammed the door shut.

Fatimah let go of Nadia. ‘Why are you so cruel?'

‘Oh, please.' Huda rolled her eyes. ‘At least I'm honest. I don't manipulate people like Nadia does.'

‘I did the best I could with the mess my coward brother and his evil wife threw at me. I didn't manipulate anyone.'

‘What do you call what you have done, then? First you accepted Marwan, kept him hanging for two years. Then you cast him aside and threw your problem on Omar. They both deserve better.' Huda took quick steps closer and lifted her index finger in Nadia's face. ‘They deserve better than
you
.'

‘That's what Omar said.' Nadia threw herself on the nearest bed and buried her face in the cover, fully absorbed in her misery.

‘Huda, please. You're not helping the situation.' Fatimah sounded angry, her tone firm. ‘Can't you see how upset she is? Marwan will arrive soon and we need to have a plan to diffuse the situation, not escalate it.'

‘Fine. Let's do this.' Huda held Nadia's shoulders and forced her to flip on her back. ‘Do you want to marry Marwan?'

‘No.'

‘Then tell him that straight to his face.'

‘She can't. It has to come from him.' Fatimah gave Huda a little shove, moving her away from Nadia. ‘Marwan is the one who must end it. At least that's how it should seem to everyone. For his sake.'

Huda drew a long breath. ‘So that's why you went to Omar?' Her voice grew louder. ‘It's worse than I thought. You used Omar to hurt Marwan? How stupid can you be?'

‘Stop calling me stupid.' Nadia pushed off the bed. ‘I tried everything I could think of to show Marwan we aren't suited for each other. Nothing worked.'

‘And you decided to ruin Omar instead?' Huda threw her hands in the air. ‘You're right. You're not stupid. You're selfish.'

Fatimah grabbed Huda's arm. ‘What do you mean she ruined Omar?'

‘Don't tell me you don't know how your own brother feels about her.'

‘Of course I know. I would have to be blind not to see it. But she has no idea. And if you hadn't barged in like a thunderstorm, I would have gently opened her eyes.'

Nadia stepped between them. ‘What are you two talking about?'

‘It was plain as daylight.' Huda tapped Nadia's chest. ‘The day you said you wanted Marwan, you snuffed Omar's soul out.'

‘What are you saying?'

‘Omar is in love with you, stupid.'

The words rang in her ears. A hot wave flashed her cheeks, as if Huda had thrown a cup of tea in her face. Her knees buckled and she dropped on the bed again. A hand touched her shoulder. Fatimah's lips moved, but she heard nothing. Huda snapped her fingers in front of her eyes. She tried to focus. ‘This can't be,' she heard herself say.

‘Why do you think Omar didn't request to transfer back here not once during the past two years?' Fatimah smoothed back her hair. ‘He couldn't handle seeing you together with Marwan.'

Feeling behind her, she scooted on the bed until her head touched the windowsill, needing the space to breathe, to comprehend. ‘He . . . he never mentioned anything.'

‘How could he?' Fatimah sat beside her. ‘Marwan is his best friend. And you needed Marwan to silence tongues.'

Huda bent forward and placed both hands on Nadia's knees. ‘You gave Omar no choice but to step aside.'

Nadia's heart thumped hard, threatening to jump out of her chest. She started hyperventilating. Her thoughts scanned the past years, replaying events she had experienced with Omar, situations she could have seen in a different way had she known. The patience he had shown Shareef when he demanded his sworn oath, his strange behavior in the kitchen the day he had told her about Marwan's intentions, the emotional way he had bid her goodbye the day of her engagement, his marked calendar counting the days since then. The memories crashed down on her and she feared her heart might stop beating altogether. Fingering her pendant, she whispered, ‘Why didn't anyone tell me?'

‘I had my suspicions for a long time. It's not my place to say anything.' Fatimah laid a gentle hand on hers. ‘He never confided in me or Waleed.'

Huda crossed her arms over her chest. ‘I doubt he confided in anyone.'

‘It's possible you are wrong, then.' They had to be. Life was not that accommodating. Now that she realized the depth of her feelings for Omar, the possibility of him sharing her feelings seemed improbable. She could not be this lucky. No one was. ‘How can you be so sure?'

‘Oh, I'm sure. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't help his emotions from shining in his eyes when he looked at you.' Huda shook her head. ‘Honestly, it was difficult to watch.'

Recalling how awkward Omar had been last night, and how he had cut her off in the restaurant, Nadia sprang to her feet. ‘Do you think Marwan knows?'

‘We will find out soon enough.' Huda headed to the door. ‘I'll see what Mama has in mind before Marwan gets here.'

Nadia stumbled after her. ‘Mama knows about Omar too?'

‘She was the first to notice.'

An hour crept by. Nadia's bewilderment and self-doubt increased with each ticking second. The anticipation of Marwan's visit drove her mad. She kept to herself in the room, unable to face her mother, her thoughts oscillating like a pendulum between her fulfilling interactions with Omar and her stale time with Marwan. Why hadn't she seen what everyone else saw?

Foretelling possibilities for a future with Omar, relief swept over her like a tide bringing hope and promises. Lightheaded, she couldn't sit still. She paced the room, suppressing nervous laughter, keeping elation trapped inside her chest. Marwan. She had to address the issue of Marwan. Should she tell him how she felt before he had a chance to say anything, or should she let him get everything out of his system first?

The doorbell rang, and she heard him greet everyone in the living room. Running her fingers through her loose hair, she took a deep breath and stepped out.

Marwan stood to face her, his stance reserved and polite. ‘Are you all right?'

She nodded, her courage abandoning her, tying her tongue. She took the seat across from where he stood and threw an apologetic glance at her mother, sitting with both her grandchildren on her lap. To her surprise, Mama drew her lips into a soft smile, bolstering her nerves.

Marwan sat on the edge of the sofa and rested his elbows on his knees. ‘I respected Omar's wishes and waited until now to talk to you. Will you tell me what's going on?'

‘Did he not explain things?'

‘Omar didn't say much. He has enough to worry about, and you shouldn't have burdened him with our problems.'

‘What's the matter with Omar?' Mama asked.

‘You haven't heard?' Marwan sounded impatient. ‘A military coup overthrew the government. Hafez Al Assad is in power now.'

Fatimah grabbed her youngest before he slipped from Mama's hands. ‘Is Omar in danger?'

‘It shouldn't affect him a great deal. His superiors most likely will change. Assad will instate Ba'ath party members loyal to him in places of power.'

‘That's why Omar couldn't come with me.' How blind and selfish she had been. She hadn't sensed his panic when he dropped her off at the bus station. She had been too absorbed by her predicament. Huda was right. She
was
selfish.

‘Omar will be stuck in Homs for a while, until things calm down.' Marwan addressed Mama, ‘Do you mind if I have a word with Nadia in private?'

Mama waved her hand at Huda and Fatimah. ‘Come. Let them talk.'

Fatimah hesitated to follow Mama into her room, trying to honor her promise to Omar not to leave Nadia alone with Marwan.

‘Fatimah, the children need to be changed.' Mama's tone left no room for argument, and Fatimah complied.

As soon as the door to Mama's room closed, Marwan rounded on Nadia. ‘How could you do this?'

‘Do what?' Nadia tried to sound nonchalant, making it seem she had not a care in the world. If Marwan was looking for a way to accept what she did, then she would have to force his hand.

‘You realize your situation is bad right now?'

‘According to whom?'

‘To me, damn it.' His voice remained calm, but his face reddened. ‘I thought you held me in better regard than this. You are tied to my name. What you did affects my family.'

‘But your family doesn't know.'

He placed his hand on his chest. ‘
I
know. You went to Omar behind my back. You spent the night . . . outside your home. And don't try this meaningless talk that he is
like
a brother to you. I know better.'

She stared at him. So he knew how Omar felt. And like everyone else, he had said nothing. Was she the last to know? Anger boiled under her skin. Perhaps she underestimated Marwan's trust in Omar. ‘You aren't seriously accusing me or Omar of misconduct.'

‘Don't insult me.' Marwan thrust his face closer. ‘I know Omar like I know the lines in my palm. I thought I knew you too, but you took me by surprise.'

‘Maybe I shouldn't have been so impulsive, I give you that. But I don't see how big of a problem that is.'

He slammed his hands to his sides. ‘If you can't feel the weight of what you've done, then I have a
bigger
problem.' He held her shoulders and mellowed his tone. ‘Two years. Two years and you haven't figured out what matters to me?'