Bitter Farewell (17 page)

Liv touched Danny’s face. “I know you’re thinking into everything, because of your father...”

“No, it’s not that. Not just that. Liv, my heart only feels right when I see you. When I touch you. When I... when I love you...”

Liv closed her eyes for a second.

Of all the words to leave hanging out there on a night like this...
love
.

“Danny, I just wanted to feel you again,” Liv said. “Tonight. Right now.”

“What about forever?” Danny asked.

It’s a question Liv had the answer to, but she wasn’t sure whether that answer would ever exist. Or if it would just remain in her heart, sometimes helping her, but most of the time hurting her.

As the silence fell between them, they still held each other. She refused to let go, no matter what truths waited outside the cabin.

“That day,” Danny whispered, breaking the silence, “that day... just happened so fast. It was my fault.”

“Your fault?”

“He came home the night before and he was just... done. Done with me. Done with Johnnie. Done with my mother even. He swung and broke things and the rage deep in his eyes told me a story that I feared would come true. I felt like someone was going to end up hurt or dead. And it was the first time I touched my father... I grabbed his arm and when he turned and swung at me I could have defended myself but I didn’t. I went to the ground and stared up at him. I knew I could take him, Liv. I could have gotten up and...”

Liv rubbed Danny’s cheek and inched closer. She sensed it all coming now and she knew Danny needed her more than ever.

“I walked away, like the man he never was and would never be. I went upstairs and told Johnnie it was time to go. My mother heard us and told us it was okay. We had to go. We had to find our own way. Johnnie and Davey had booked some gigs in Maryland and we were trying to get into Pennsylvania. It all just made sense.”

“And you followed your heart.”

“To your house, Liv. But you... didn’t come with me.”

“It wasn’t because I didn’t love you or believe in you.”

Danny kissed Liv’s forehead again and his arms held her tighter. Their bodies pressed tight and Danny’s heart beat hard and fast.

“Let’s have tonight,” Liv whispered. “Just like this.”

“I can do that,” Danny said. “Only if I can say one more thing.”

“Go for it.”

Liv had her eyes shut when Danny spoke. And for a second she thought she was in a dream.

“I love you.”

Liv wasn’t sure how to reply. Was it fair to put Danny into the trap? Because that’s what Bakersville was. Nothing but a trap. It held people capture and replaced dreams with fear with each passing year.

Liv instead kissed Danny’s chest and they drifted off to sleep.

One thing Danny didn’t know was that as they were falling asleep, their bodies wrapped together, Liv mouthed...
I love you too, Danny...

(13)

Danny opened the door to his father’s house and had the same feeling like he used to have. Worrying if his father or mother would be awake, waiting for him to come home. Sometimes they would sit on the couch and wait all night if they had to. More than once Danny came home to find his father sitting on the couch, sleeping.

The door shut behind Danny and he looked around the empty house. It was a shell of memories, a structure of what was and what could have been. Maybe that was the hardest part of it all... the
what could have been
. Danny knew every person had the same feelings as he did, thinking about things that everyone could have done differently in life and he reminded himself that he couldn’t rewind time.

He walked into the kitchen to find the guys waiting for him.

Johnnie leaned against the sink with a cup of coffee. He looked over his shoulder and up at the clock above the sink.

“Well, well... look who came home.”

Chris and Rick looked at each other and smiled. They casually stood and began to clap for Danny.

Davey turned around in his chair, looking like hell from a good night of drinking.

“Where did you end up?” Davey asked.

“Better yet,” Rick said, “who did you end up in?”

Danny looked at the coffeepot.  The smell teased his senses and he walked to the cabinet and found a mug without saying a word. He and Liv had woken up all of thirty minutes ago. They shared a hot kiss that Danny hoped would lead elsewhere, but Liv said she needed to get home to her father. Danny knew it was an excuse and took it for face value. They parted with a kiss and Danny left her car and watched her drive away. It was a horrid feeling in his heart and gut, wondering if he’d see her again.

But he had a plan.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and turned to face the band.

“Good morning,” he said and raised his cup.

“Same to you little brother,” Johnnie said. “You’re smiling ear to ear.”

Danny looked at Johnnie and nodded.

“Old feelings or new problems?” Chris asked. “Because that’s all that kind of sex is going to give you.”

“Can it be both?” Danny asked.

“How about some breakfast?” Johnnie asked.

“Who’s cooking?” Rick asked.

“Danny should,” Davey said. “After all, we did spend an hour last night looking for him.”

“Sorry about that,” Danny said. “I had to find... Liv...”

“Well, Mitch got thrown out of the bar,” Johnnie said.

“He did?”

“Yeah. He tried picking a fight with Davey.”

Danny looked at Davey.

“I took care of him,” Davey said.

“Yeah but now we’re sort in trouble,” Chris said.

“Trouble? Why?” Danny asked.

“Got a call from Peter at the crack of dawn,” Johnnie said. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and handed it to Danny. “There’s a few new videos online of Chasing Cross. Raising hell mine and Danny’s old hometown.”

“Peter doesn’t like it?” Danny asked.

“Peter doesn’t like anything that doesn’t make money,” Rick said. “You know that.”

“Well, he has a point,” Johnnie said. “The videos kind of show us as a party band. Probably not the best image right now... not with why we’re supposed to be here...”

Danny watched a few seconds of the first video. A blurred video of Chasing Cross on stage jamming out. The sound quality wasn’t that great either which didn’t do much justice for the video.

“I’m not worried about it,” Danny said and handed the phone back to Johnnie.

“I don’t think anyone is,” Davey said.

“Except Peter,” Rick added.

“Well, obviously,” Davey said.

“Hey, guys,” Johnnie said. “I called in a breakfast order about ten minutes ago down at Maggie’s. Take the old man’s car and get it.”

Danny saw the way the band looked at each other. It was obviously planned out well before Danny showed up. He played it off and waited for everyone to leave the kitchen before taking a seat at the table.

“Lay it on me,” Danny said.

“Lay what on you?”

“You got everyone out of here for a reason. Are you pissed about me and Liv?”

“Not at all,” Johnnie said. “That’s your business. I have no clue what you two are doing or trying to prove, but I hope you both get what you want out of it.”

“Then why are we like this? I feel like I’m about to get in trouble.”

Johnnie sipped his coffee and gently placed his mug in the sink. He walked to the table and sat in Davey’s seat. He folded his hands and looked at Danny.

“What do you want to do with everything?”

“What do you mean?” Danny asked.

Johnnie opened his hands and looked around. “All of this. It’s ours now, brother.”

“I don’t know. I mean, the dirt is still fresh on his grave...”

“Okay,” Johnnie said. “If we keep it, we have to pay the taxes. Which isn’t a big deal. But someone’s got to watch it and take care of it when the tour starts again...”

Danny felt his heart drop. He had to look away from Johnnie for a second. Johnnie could be casual and fast paced about this. And why not? What relationship did Johnnie have with their father? None. The time came and went for Johnnie and he took it on the chin. But not Danny. How many times did Danny try only to be let down again and again? Even during the smallest glimmers of hope with their father he was let down. But not Johnnie. Johnnie put his wall up a long time ago and left it up.

“You haven’t been thinking about the tour,” Johnnie said. Danny opened his mouth and Johnnie put a hand up. “Rightfully so. I get it. Trust me, I get it. So much at once here. But we have to tour again.”

“I know that,” Danny snapped.

“I just wanted to know if we should sell the house and the land,” Johnnie said. “Let someone else live here. Maybe make new and better memories. We could have someone clean it out and you and I can go through everything once we’re done with the tour.”

Danny nodded. That was the logical thing to do. The house couldn’t stand empty. That would be wrong. That would just be harboring everything bad that happened. That would give their father the victory in life and death.

“But if you aren’t comfortable right now,” Johnnie said.

“It’s not that,” Danny said. “I mean, I haven’t been able to take a breath... you know?”

“I do know. And that’s, uh, my other point here.”

“Other point?”

Johnnie rubbed his jaw and stood from the table. “Peter called me this morning to give me an earful about those videos.”

“Yeah.”

“And he wants us back, or at least out of here. Today.”

“Today? He can’t tell us what to do.”

“Of course he can’t,” Johnnie said. “But he’s right. We came for the funeral and it’s done. It’s time to go. We need to get our heads straight and get back on the road.”

“Johnnie, I can’t just up and leave here,” Danny said. “Not with...”

Johnnie looked down at his little brother. Danny looked up at his big brother. As they stared at one another, they still conversed. They could read each other’s minds. Danny knew Johnnie worried about him. Staying meant facing the same old demons. Staying meant probably getting hurt. But staying also meant possibly finding that last little piece of his heart.

“Peter is going to be pissed,” Johnnie said.

“He’s always pissed,” Danny whispered.

“Yeah, you’re right. He is.”

Johnnie put an arm around Danny and slid his hand up to Danny’s head. He squeezed and shook Danny’s head jokingly.

“I just can’t right now,” Danny whispered. “I know he didn’t mean much to you... but to me... and then Liv...”

“You don’t have to explain a thing,” Johnnie said. “You’re a big boy.”

“I have to face this alone,” Danny said. “Kind of like last night.”

“Sorry about that. But that was your mess.”

“I don’t blame you,” Danny said. “I sort of wanted to punch you in the face too, but I left instead.”

“Glad you didn’t,” Johnnie said. “That video would have really set Peter off.”

Danny laughed and pushed from the table. He stood and poured another cup of coffee. There was a calming peace inside the house, something new to Danny.

“So... are you and the guys going to Colorado then?” Danny asked.

“Yeah,” Johnnie said. “We’re flying to Los Angeles first, to meet with Peter. Just to talk about some tour dates and try to work on studio time in between dates to get some of the acoustic stuff done. Rick should be getting his cast off soon too.”

“Then we’re back to normal,” Danny said. “Life goes on.”

“That it does, brother, that it does.”

Danny looked into his coffee. Could life go on without Liv? Again? The first time Danny left was to chase a dream. Now he had the dream. What would leaving prove this time? It would only hurt worse, especially for Liv.

Danny turned and looked out the kitchen window, hiding his emotions.

“I can’t help you with this,” Johnnie said. “I support anything you do though. Love is a strange thing, brother, that’s why we write songs about it. But we’re leaving today. We have a plane on its way to pick us up in about three hours.”

Danny nodded. “I couldn’t leave if I wanted to.”

“Why not?”

Danny looked over his shoulder and smiled at Johnnie. “I have to fix the fence I broke.”

“You’re going to use a hammer?” Johnnie asked, laughing.

“It’s time I fix the things I’ve broken.”

**

Liv sat in the driveway and stared at the house. She remembered sitting in the same spot, in the same car, on the day she came to look at the property. After years of buying and selling real estate she knew when it was her time to settle. Something clicked one morning when she was eating breakfast in her small apartment five miles out of Bakersville. Something brought her back into town.