Bitter Sweet (6 page)

              “We? We, do nothing. You should go get new roommates; yours hate you nearly as much as you hate them. I’m going to another place where maybe it will be quiet again.”

              The door to the physics lab creaked and I turned to look, someone had just entered the building. Seith, however, turned and slowly walked to a window, opened it, and jumped out lightly, landing with barely a thud and leaving me alone in the room. I quickly followed him. I saw him slowly walking across the grass toward the dock by the lake and ran after him, catching him just as he reached the dock’s edge.

              “Now what do you want?” he asked, annoyed.

              “If I’m going to be caught out late, I’m not going to be alone.”

              “I’m not going to be able to do anything with you around,” he sighed. “Let’s go.” He turned, walking back down the dock toward the grass.

              “Go where?”

              “Back to your room, where else?” He walked in silence for a while until we got closer to the cabins. “Stay close and keep your head down,” he said when we saw the first teacher walking across the grass toward the student cabins. Suddenly, he ran from one tree to another and I barely managed to keep up. “I said stay close.” This time he took my hand, and I blushed at his soft touch. He pulled me with him. He didn’t let go until we got to my cabin and I had to pull the room key out of my pocket. "Oh sorry," he said, letting go. My roommates hadn’t gotten back yet. He followed me in, looking around the room. “I assume this bed is yours?” he said pointing mine out.

              “How did you know?” I asked.

              “It’s the least… shocking.” I looked at the other three beds in the room; they were covered in printouts of digital pictures they had taken with others at the camp and things from home. In contrast, my bed was less… shocking. He sat down on my bed and looked out the window, his head hanging upside down off the other side.

              “Wait, why are you still here?” I asked, realizing what just happened.

              “Does my presence bother you?” he asked, not looking at me.

             
“Yes, it does.”

              “Should I apologize for being who I am? I am who I am; I’m not the one pretending to get along with people who annoy me. That’s what I don’t get about you. It has been bothering me,” he stated, annoyed, and it was like he was annoyed at the fact that he didn’t know something more than being annoyed at me.

              “I don’t pretend to do anything.”

              “Yes, you do,” he said sitting up. “You aren’t one of these stupid idiots who think they know anything just because they know that the number 360 and the word circle has some sort of relationship. I’ve watched you as much as you have watched me, that I know, Vanessa. So why, why pretend?” He spoke so fast that it sounded as if he was angry.

              “I don’t pretend to do anything, like I said.”

              “You’re in denial,” he said, throwing his hands into the air and falling back to look out the window again.

              It was silent for a moment. “What are you looking at?” I asked, moving beside him.

              “The stars, they give me a sense of perspective. No matter how big and bad I may be up close, once you take a few steps back, I’m no more than a tiny speck among a greater picture.”

              I laid down next to him on my bed and began to stare out the window. The cabin was silent and we stayed like that for about ten minutes. “I’m sorry,” I said, breaking the silence.

              “For?”

              “Pushing you off the table earlier; that was mean.”

              “It was already forgotten.” It was silent for another five minutes or so.

              “I don’t think what I’ve been doing was pretending. I feel that I'm unsure about everything; I don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling right now. I was so cradled at home that being away has forced me into so many different situations all at once.”

              “Don’t be scared of the unknown.”

              “I’m not scared of the unknown. It’s more I’m scared of when I finally figure out what it is I didn’t know, will I have the power to overcome it?”

              “Who is the real Vanessa? I’ve been trying to figure that out.”

              “You wouldn’t like her much either; that’s an unknown you don’t want to explore.”

              “She must be: cynical, pessimistic, silent, and very hard to read. I’d bet very few will ever understand her, making it very hard for her to develop lasting relationships," he began. I looked at him, but he kept his eyes on the window. "And that she’s also: caring, loving, intelligent, and beautiful?" he finished. No one had ever called me beautiful but my father. "Yeah, I’d never want to get to know her.” No one had ever spoken to me like that before. I didn’t know how to respond. He started out highly sarcastic, but as he finished, the sincerity was overwhelming. We just lay there a few more moments, I hadn't noticed our hands were touching until he sat up and stood; I followed suit. “I should be going before they do cabin checks.”

              “Yeah.”

              I walked him to the door; he opened it, turned, and simply said “Goodnight” and walked into the darkness. I didn’t speak to Seith over the next few weeks, but I stopped pretending to like my roommates. They didn’t seem to mind as well because they never really liked me either. Seith still sat alone in the back and aced every test; it was like that night never happened.

              The closing ceremony and our last night in the camp came sooner than I had expected. The teachers handed out certificates that meant nothing and at a dinner that was much better than usual, everyone exchanged numbers and emails. I looked over at where Seith usually sat, but he was gone. I got up and slipped out of the dining hall. I headed to the physics lab but he wasn’t there, then the dock, and again, he wasn’t there. I didn’t know what I expected to say to him if I had found him. I was heading toward my cabin when I saw him sitting on the steps.

              “Hey,” was all I could think of to say.

              “I thought your roommates would get here before you,” he sounded concerned.

              “Have you been waiting for me?”

              “Not long.”

              “Why?”

              “I will probably never get a chance to do this again,” he said and he took a step toward me. He leaned in, taking my hand in his, and he kissed me. I didn’t know what to do; I had never kissed a boy before, but I knew that if I wanted to kiss anyone, it would have been this boy. The kiss lasted a long time and I naturally raised my arms to around his neck and his hands moved to my waist. When we finished, my heart was racing and he took my hand, raising it to his cheek. “I’m sorry for pretending. I pretended that I didn’t like you, it’s just that I’ve never done this before. It took me all this time to realize that I would rather have you here for a moment than never.”

              “I know the feeling…” We both smiled lightly.

              “I guess this is the last time I will ever see you.”

              “Yeah.”

              “Should I say bye?” he asked.

              “I rather you didn’t.”

              “Then good night, Vanessa,” he said, letting my hand go. I watched him disappear into the dark for a second time. I didn’t see him the next day when our parents came to pick us all up.

              No boy had ever spoken to me like Seith had after that. They all seemed to be too afraid to take that leap. It made me miss those few moments when Seith and I were together every time I went on a date like this.

              Lost in my reminiscence, I hadn’t notice that the movie was over until Eugene tapped me on the shoulder. It was still a little early so we walked in and out of the stores around Time Square. We passed a Victoria Secret and he went all red so I grabbed his arm and pulled him inside for about twenty minutes; he would turn cherry red and splutter as I asked his opinion on various objects I held up for him to see, even buying some of the smaller thongs I found. Occasionally, his eyes would dart to the little pink bag and he would turn red again.

              We ended up at a Burger King to complete the picture of the most classic date: a movie and a dinner, although I don't think Burger King is the best date dinner. Eugene went on about how we have to stay in contact as I stared out the window, remembering Seith and watching cars go by, not really paying attention to him. I became bored of this conversation fast and I was ready to go home. We got to the car and were heading home, then we got a flat tire. He was going on about some ball he hit at some batting cage when there was a loud bang and the car hobbled to a stop just as we were crossing under some subway tracks. Eugene looked a little shaken, his knuckles white on the steering wheel. He turned to me and asked if I was okay before he got out of the car to check on everything. He walked around back and I heard him shout.

              “Damn it. Well, give me a sec to change this. I have to get the jack in the back and we will be on the way in no time,” he said, kneeling next to the flat tire.       

              “Ok,” I replied, getting out of my seat.       

              I don’t think he had noticed where we had stopped and I wanted to keep a lookout while Eugene was trying to get the car off the ground. This really wasn’t the best place to get a flat tire. The lone working street light overhead flickered in and out of life as the moths fluttered around it, throwing ominous shadows on the concrete walls that were heavily covered in gang signs and graffiti. Overhead, the subway roared past, rumbling the tracks and sending a small amount of dust floating down and shaking the ground. Something warm hit me on the shoulder and made me jump. I reached over and felt where whatever it was had hit me. It looked like something black and it felt sticky. I turned to go get a napkin and a glint of red from whatever it was on my finger caught my eye. I was completely puzzled as to what it was when a gust of wind from another train blew steam coming from a nearby manhole my way. When it cleared, I saw her. I never heard her approach, but I’d never forget her voice.

              “Hi,” she giggled. She was very young, I’d guess maybe twelve or eleven, with red curly hair down her back and dimples that would put Shirley Temple to shame. Her head was tilted to one side like I was some fascinating toy, her scarlet eyes unblinking, unnerving me. She tilted her head to the other side as if another angle would show her something new. Her white top, red skirt, and big red hair bow matched her scarlet eyes.       

              “Uh, hi,” I said, trying to keep fear out of my voice. Normally I wouldn’t be scared of a little kid, however, there was something cold about this one.

              “Are you lost?” asked Eugene, not feeling the same sense of danger that had my heart racing.

              “No, I’m not lost, but I think we can help you.” The little girl giggled.       

              “We? Aren’t you alone?” I asked.      

              “You know, it’s not safe to be out late like this. It’s your lucky day we came along,” came a much deeper male voice; somehow he had gotten very close to me without me noticing. He took a long, thin, grimy finger and swept my hair aside to get a better look at my face. He looked into my eyes and I could see my reflection in his black ones. He grinned a smile of yellowing teeth, all but a single canine that glinted in the dim light. There was a hole where the other should be. A horrible smell slowly arose from his clothes, which were covered in dark brown stains and other dirt. The smell drew my eyes to his hand where he clutched a dead rat.

              “Hey, don’t touch her,” Eugene yelled, standing and balling up his fist, which would have normally been a threat, but Eugene was visibly shaking.