Black Butterfly (19 page)

             
Although I was dying to know how much he was getting I didn’t dare ask. The waitress brought Raheem’s water and left our table quickly.

             
“So, what makes you so sure that this baby isn’t yours?” I asked. “What if the condom broke?”

             
“It didn’t break.” He seemed certain. “The dates don’t match either. There is no damn way. I am willing to bet my inheritance on it.”

             
“I don’t get it. Darrick was your best friend right?”

             
“Uh huh. We were really close. I confided in him about who my father was and then he suddenly started to compete with me. He was always trying to take my girlfriends, and wasn’t satisfied until he got with Jamia. I broke it off with her once I found out. Darrick was still my boy though, or at least I thought he was. I didn’t want to let some broad come between us. We’d been cool since elementary,” he said looking defeated. It was as if his world had come crashing down in such a small amount of time. “They had been fucking around for almost a year by the time I found out. Her excuse for cheating was that I stayed out of town too much. I was doing what I had to do to stack my paper. When I first started hustling I didn’t even realize that I was in my pop’s will.”

             
“Damn, how’d they hide it for so long?” I shook my head trying to fathom the thought. Some people were just foul as hell.

             
He took a sip of water. “I have no idea. I was gone a lot and Darrick would check up on her for me. I guess he did a lot more than I thought he was doing. All I know is Darrick plotted this shit with her. She’s pregnant, so they came up this whole plot to get some money out of me. They think once I get my inheritance I’ll pay her off. Or better yet they think I’ll automatically think the baby is mine and just take care of it. When she gives birth she’s getting a DNA test asap.”

             
“Did she say or do anything to make you think that money is her motive? Is she still dealing with Darrick? Damn, that’s trifling.”

             
“Okay baby. One question at a time.”

             
“Sorry.”

             
“She kept saying that she would leave me alone if I give her half a million dollars. I asked her why in the hell would I give her that much money and where would I get it? Yeah, that nigga Darrick had to tell her. I sure didn’t. You’re the only woman I feel comfortable talking to about this. Shit, money is no thang to you. I think she is still fucking around with Darrick, because I haven’t heard from him in months. He’s grimy as hell and would do anything for that paper. I guess he sees my pockets as his come up.” Raheem sat back in his seat. His water glass was empty.

             
“How did your pops die?” I asked.

             
“He had sickle cell. He was fifty eight.”

             
“So, you’re about to be a millionaire?

             
“Well, yeah…I guess.” He grinned.

             
“What if the baby’s yours?”

             
“There’s no way. I’ll prove it to you. Besides, I only want you to have my babies.”

             
“And ruin my figure?” I smiled.

             
We shared a laugh despite the situation.

             
“We’re rich enough to fix you back up.” He stared into my eyes lovingly.

             
“You’re still sending me poems.”

             
“You’re still invading my thoughts. I can’t help it. I try to fight it.”

             
“You are not trying hard enough,” I teased.

             
“I already know that you don’t want me. You don’t have to rub it in.” He pouted playfully. He got serious suddenly. “That baby’s not mine Tay. I will show you.”

             
“What if it’s some rare chance that one of your little soldiers seeped through a microscopic hole in the condom? It’s possible. Would you be ready to be a father?”

             
“I already told you…”

             
I cut him off. “You put your dick inside her right?”

             
He nodded yes.

             
“Alright then. That’s all the possibility you need.”

             
Looking defeated, he played with his straw and avoided my eyes. “Damn, you’re hard.”

             
“Would you be ready?” I asked again.

             
“I wouldn’t have a choice. I would have to man up. It’s not mine though. Like I said, I want you to have my babies one day.”

             
“You must want a wife and the whole nine.”

             
“Do you want a husband and the whole nine?’

             
“No,” I snapped with an attitude.

             
“Damn, I find your feistiness to be a huge turn on.”

             
“Stop,” I said avoiding his intense stare.

             
“Why?”

             
“You’re not slick Rah. You need to straighten this shit out between you and Miss Prego. I don’t fit into the equation right now. You just have way too much going on. I will fall back and let you handle your business.” I placed a few dollars on the table and stood up.

             
“Seantay…baby…”

             
I walked toward the door without looking back.

             
“Seantay!” He called out as he followed me.

             
Reluctantly, I turned to face him.

             
“Don’t make me say it. You might not be ready to hear it.” His eyes pleaded for me to sit back down.

             
I turned around and walked out of the restaurant. I heard his footsteps behind me.

             
“Tay, please stop.”

             
“You’re right Rah! I’m not ready,” I said and rushed to my car. After I got in I raced off. I
wasn’t
ready.

*                   *               *

              “Hello,” I answered my phone on the second ring. I’d been waiting for Reba to call and tell me all about her date with Pierre.

             
“What’s up girl?” Reba asked.

             
“Nothing girl. I’m about to do some yoga.”

             
“Yoga? Okay.”

             
“Yes yoga. How was your date?”

             
“How was yours?”

             
“I didn’t have one. What’s up with you Reba?”

             
“I’m cool girl. My date was just fine, but Raheem keeps calling begging me to call you. Please talk to him before I kill him. Stop ignoring the damn phone. Pierre is here and I am so sick of Raheem interrupting us. Tay, I am begging you to talk to the man. He’s so damn in love with you it’s pitiful and pure sickening!”

             
“Okay. If he calls back I will talk to him, but I am not calling him. Now get back to Pierre. I will talk to you later okay.”

             
“I’m not joking bitch. If Raheem calls me one more…”

             
“Okay Reba. I told you I will talk to his pussy whipped ass,” I laughed.

             
“You whipped him. That’s your damn fault. Now let me get off the phone with you so I can do some whipping of my own,” Reba joked.

             
We laughed. “Speaking of the devil this is Raheem beeping in.”

             
Reba got off the phone with me in a hurry.

             
“What do you want Raheem?” I asked.

             
“Damn baby. I just want to talk to you.”

             
“We talked already. I am busy right now okay. Don’t keep bothering Reba. She told me that you keep calling her.”

             
He sighed in frustration. “Why are you acting like you don’t feel anything for me? You have to feel something.”

             
“Nope. Nothing. Jamia killed it for me,” I said dryly.

             
“Jamia’s a gold digger who loves drama. Don’t let her come between us Seantay,” he said pleading his case.

             
“She’s a pregnant gold digger who loves drama and she is possibly pregnant by you. How romantic is that Rah? Huh?” I asked.

             
“You know what! Fuck this shit! I don’t have to take this!”

             
“Good.”

             
“You got your damn nose so far up your ass you can’t even smell the real thing when it’s right in your face!”

             
“Oh, so you’re the real thing huh?”

             
“Yeah.”

             
“Really?”

             
“Really.”

             
“Well, the real thing has too much shit with him right now. Get it straight Raheem.”

             
“Damn Seantay…I want to be with you. Come over. Please. I want to see you baby,” he begged without shame.

             
“I can’t Raheem.  Hopefully things will work out for you.” I didn’t want to deal with love and the emotions that came with it.

             
“Just for a little while.”

             
“Bye Raheem.” I hung up thinking I would feel better. All I felt was empty.

*                     *                    *

              By one a.m. I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to sleep until I saw Raheem. I felt so bad for how I’d treated him. Slipping into some work out sweats, a tee shirt, and white Nikes I rushed out of the house. I had to see him. I drove without music and just listened to the sound of the wind. The misty breeze from the ocean seemed to calm me. I reminded myself to drive to the beach with my dog. I’d been neglecting her lately. Yeah, I was a bad mommy.

             
Even with sleep in his eyes Raheem looked sexy as hell. After knocking for what seemed like forever he’d finally opened the door. He looked shocked to see me standing there so late dressed as if I was going on a morning run. “Come in baby,” he said stepping aside for me to walk inside. “You look…comfy.”

             
I laughed. “Sometimes I feel like just chilling. Besides, I don’t have to try to impress you anymore.”

             
“Yeah, no need for that mami. I’m already impressed,” he agreed. “So, what changed your mind?’

             
“I wanted to apologize to you. I was rude and inconsiderate. Please accept my apology.”

             
“Okay. I accept it. Now, does that mean you’re ready to hear what I wanted to tell you at the restaurant?”
              “I don’t know what I’m ready for Raheem. I just want the truth. I know I won’t run from that.”

             
“I love you Seantay. Shit, I am in love with you. You have me wide open woman; like a book with no cover. No matter how hard I try it’s no switch to turn this shit off. It drives me crazy because I know you don’t want this.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it. Shivers traveled up and down my spine.

             
In a complete state of shock, I just stood there speechless. I couldn’t believe he’d actually said that he loved me. After a few minutes I finally found my voice. “I’m afraid. I have never ever been in a real serious relationship.

             
“I’m in no rush baby. I will wait until you’re ready.”

             
I gave him a flirtatious wink and licked my lips. “How long are you willing to wait?”

             
“As long as it takes,” he said sternly. His eyes were glued to my lips.

             
“Okay. What if it takes a really,
really
long time?” I watched him closely

             
His eyes narrowed. “Okay Seantay, let’s be for real. I can’t wait forever.”

             
“But if you really love me you’d wait as long as it takes,” I taunted him.

             
He cracked a sexy smile. “Yeah baby, it’s good, but I’m no fool. I realize that I do love you, but if the feeling isn’t mutual I won’t force it. I just wanted to let you know how I feel about you. I’m a real man and I can admit my shit. I have never felt this way about another woman. Love is something you can’t fight baby. It always wins. I realize that now. I stopped fighting it. Stop fighting it Seantay. I know that you feel the same way about me.”