Black Forest, Denver Cereal Volume 5 (30 page)

“
Just how he is,” Sandy
smiled. “I guess his college girlfriend is my real
mother.”

“
From Eastman,” Maresol
said. “He was twelve when they met. Child protégé. She was twenty.
They dated off and on for a long time. She played the violin. She
played with a rock band so she traveled the country ten months of
the year. They got together when she was in town. He visited her in
the summers. One of those times led to the beautiful
Sandy.”

“
Then she died. He’s not
sure how or why. There doesn’t seem to be a record of that,” Sandy
said. “Seth didn’t know I was born or anything until they met me,
you know, when I was ten. I guess I look like her. Charlie and
Sissy’s mom is my real mom’s cousin. When she and my father didn’t
get pregnant right away, she was worried she’d lose him. She passed
me off as their child after my real mom died. Anyway, it’s a big
mess. I’ve been trying to call her but she won’t take our calls
again. So I don’t know her side of the story.”

“
You seem to be all right
about all of this,” Ava said.

“
I guess, I kind of
expected it,” Sandy said. “Delphie told me that Seth was really my
father. I thought she meant he was like a father to me, which he
is. Aden says Sam’s his Dad but Sam’s not his real father, you
know? Anyway, the NICU nurses used to go on and on about Rachel and
Seth. You’ve seen them together, right?

“
It’s like they know each
other,” Maresol said.

“
Rachel always seems so
happy to see him,” Ava said.

“
Exactly. The hardest
thing for me was my Dad,” Sandy said. “You know, my step-Dad Mitch,
Charlie and Sissy’s Dad. I loved him completely, without
reservation. I think of him as my Dad. I was worried that Seth
would want to be called Dad or whatever. Luckily, Seth loved my Dad
completely too. So it all worked out.”

Just then they heard Rachel’s mewing
cry.

“
One second,” Sandy
trotted off toward the piano room.

The women watched as Sandy paused at the
door. Hearing Rachel coo, she turned in place.

“
Anyway, today is a
celebration of life, not all this stupid stuff,” Sandy said. “How
shall we celebrate?”

Sandy’s smiled brightly at Ava.

“
I was thinking cake.
Maybe cupcakes so that Charlie doesn’t eat the whole thing in one
bite.” Turning to Maresol, Sandy laughed, “Have you seen him
eat?”

“
I have four boys,”
Maresol said. “I know what they are like at that age.”

“
Can we have chocolate
cupcakes?” Ava asked.

“
Chocolate it is!” Sandy
reached for a sopapilla. “But after we finish these. Do you have
some of Delphie’s honey?”

Maresol went to the cabinet and brought out
a honey bear filled with Delphie’s organic honey. In the sunny
kitchen with the friendly company, the woman polished off the warm
fried bread pockets. Sandy gave Ava some sunscreen and shoed her
out to the patio.

Outside, in the bright sun with the laughing
children, Ava finally felt like her painful odyssey was coming to
an end. Dale came down from the apartment to sit with her.
Together, the two friends, surrounded by friendly strangers and
good food, began to look at a future without their beloved
Beth.

~~~~~~~~

Saturday early morning — 2:15 A.M.

“
What is it?” Aden
asked.

“
Rachel’s hungry,” Sandy
said.

As they had been taught, Rachel slept
between them in their bed. Studies said Rachel would have all kinds
of health benefits if she shared their bed for the first four
months of her life. Sandy was just glad to not have to get out of
her warm covers, get dressed, drive or walk to the hospital, sit
nursing in the NICU, stay for an hour or two, and then go through
the heart wrench of leaving Rachel at the hospital to come
home.

“
Are you all right?” Aden
asked. He switched on the light.

“
Of course,” Sandy scooted
up to lean against the headboard. “Are you?”

“
Yeah, I guess so,” Aden
chuckled. “I’m so used to being… on guard, I guess.”

Sandy smiled.

“
Can I get you anything?”
Aden asked.

“
I’m as happy as a peach,”
Sandy looked down at Rachel. “It’s great to have her home. She’s so
healthy and happy.”

Aden leaned over to look into Rachel’s face.
Rachel’s eyes were closed while she breastfed.

“
You seem uncomfortable,”
Sandy said.

“
It’s all new,” Aden said.
“All of this.”

“
You never had two A.M.
feedings with Noelle or Nash?” Sandy asked. “You did them in the
hospital a bunch of times.”

“
Noelle’s sleep was always
weird,” Aden shook his head. “And Nuala took care or rather didn’t
take care of Nash. I didn’t like it but I figured it wasn’t my
place to interfere.”

“
Does it feel weird?”
Sandy asked.

“
I feel great, Sandy,”
Aden said. “Every single thing is perfect. Charlie and Sissy? I
feel like they’ve always belonged here with us. You know, like we
weren’t really a family until they came home. Noelle is in heaven.
She and Sissy had their first screaming fight yesterday. By the
time I got there, they were crying and laughing at how great it was
to have a sister. Nash is happier than I’ve ever known him. And
Rachel? She’s amazing. The kids adore her. I can’t believe that I
could possibly love another child but I do. I…”

Sandy looked up to catch his eyes.

“
I love you more every
day,” Aden said. “Watching you and Rachel… I feel like my heart is
going to explode out of my chest.”

She touched his face. He put his arm around
her and Rachel fed for a while. When Rachel was done, Aden took her
to burped her and change her diaper. Sandy got up to use the
bathroom and they all snuggled down again.

“
I’m happier than I’ve
ever been in my entire life,” Aden said.

“
Me too,” Sandy
said.

Aden took her hand and kissed it. She
settled Rachel near her chest in case she wanted to feed some more.
In the early morning quiet, they relaxed into the warm safety of
their love and the joy of sleeping children.

~~~~~~~~

Saturday early morning — 2:45 A.M.

“
Are you awake?” Ava
whispered.

Seth opened then shut his eyes.

“
You seem awake,” Ava
whispered.

Seth looked at her. Ava was leaning on one
elbow looking at him. Her face was tear stained and her eyes
puffy.

“
You’ve been awake
awhile,” he said.

“
I didn’t go to sleep,”
she said. “I couldn’t.”

“
Did you take your pain
meds?” Seth moved to get up.

“
This pain is something
they don’t have meds for,” Ava said.

Seth gave her a soft smile. He lay back and
held out his arm. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“
What’s going on?” he
asked.

“
Everything,” Ava said.
“Nothing.”

“
Did you enjoy the little
party?” Seth asked.

“
The kids are fun,” Ava
said. “Sissy twirled in place when she learned she made the summer
troupe. I remember the feeling of winning a spot on my own dream
team.”

“
She’s pretty excited,”
Seth said. “She’ll start tomorrow. Sandy’s worried she won’t be
able to keep her weight up. We’ll see how it goes.”

“
She is skinny,” Ava
said.

“
She’s just gained back
enough weight to survive,” Seth said. “Why does Sissy joining the
summer ballet troupe make you sad?”

“
Oh, it doesn’t have
anything to do with Sissy,” Ava said. “I’m being
selfish.”

Seth tipped his head up to look at her.

“
What?” he
asked.

“
When I made a team, I
made the team with Beth. If I heard first, I was terrified she
wouldn’t make the team. She was the same way. By the time we were
in high school, we made sure we were together when we
heard.”

“
So you didn’t have to
worry alone,” he said.

“
We would both know right
away,” Ava said. “I’d always say, ‘I’ll quit the team if you’re not
on it.’ She’d say the same thing. She was… an incredible person.
She made everything easy.”

Knowing she needed to talk, Seth didn’t
respond. He stroked her shoulder and held her close.

“
I feel like she’s joined
a team without me,” Ava said. “I’m so angry. I want to have a big
screaming fight with her and share a pint of Ben and Jerry’s to
make up. But she’s not here to fight with. She’s not here. She’s
not…

“
Why did she leave me? How
could she do this? I can’t make sense of it. My Beth would never
ever leave me. Ever. But she’s gone. And I’m here. With every
breath, I feel like I’m betraying her. I feel like I should quit
this team because she’s not on it anymore.”

Ava began to sob. Seth continued stroking
her shoulder until her sobs eased. Stretching out his arm, Seth
grabbed the box of tissue from the bed stand. When she looked up,
he gave them to her. She wiped her face and nose.

“
I haven’t seen or talked
to her parents,” Ava said. “After what my parents did, I bet
they’re furious with me.”

“
I saw them when Dale and
I brought Beth’s stuff over,” Seth said. “They aren’t angry with
you. They understand that your father couldn’t politically manage a
connection to them.”

“
Like there’s something
wrong with them!” Ava said.

“
They’re here illegally,”
Seth said.

“
Oh whatever,” Ava said.
“My father would come up with any excuse possible.”

“
I think what’s hardest
for them is that they left Bosnia so their children could have a
better life,” Seth said. “Her mother kept saying, ‘This cannot
happen here. Kosovo, yes! Not here.’”

Ava’s arms held Seth closer.

“
The Coroner didn’t
release the… Beth until today,” Seth said. “Her parents have help,
their faith, but… Losing a child… you don’t get over
it.”

“
You are so sweet for
returning her stuff,” Ava said.

“
I’ve lost a lot of people
I loved,” Seth said. “I know how it feels, how horrible the first
days and weeks are. That sense of betrayal for living… I’ve lived
that.”

“
I don’t have anything to
wear tomorrow,” Ava said. “Beth and I… we didn’t buy any
black.”

“
You wear black jeans,”
Seth said.

“
Jeans are an exception
because they make us look thin,” Ava said.

“
We’ll work something
out,” Seth said. “Between all the women around here, we’ll find you
something to wear.”

“
I have to ask you
something.”

Tucking her knee under her, Ava sat up. Seth
sat up against the headboard.

“
Did he rape me?” Ava
asked. “Saint Jude. Did he rape me?”

“
I don’t know,” Seth
said.

“
Surely, they did a rape
kit,” Ava said.

“
They did,” Seth said.
“They found residue of lubricant. He gave you an enema and a
vaginal wash. They found no semen. Anywhere.”

“
No semen?” Ava
asked.

“
Do you feel like you were
raped?” Seth asked.

“
In every way – mind, body
and soul,” Ava said.

“
Just because we don’t
have physical proof doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” Seth said. “I’m
so sorry.”

“
I suppose it’s better
anyway. I wouldn’t want everyone to know about us.”

“
They know about us,” Seth
said.

“
How?”

“
I told them,” Seth said.
“I talked to the forensics team. Of course, the Coroner already
knew. I spent a lovely afternoon with IAD. They’ll want to
interview you to make sure I didn’t use undue pressure to coerce
you to be with me.”

“
Gabby?” Ava
asked.

Seth nodded.

“
I went through the
academy with her,” Ava said. “She wants to know all the details.
She’s an incredible gossip.”

“
I told her about your
tight jeans, fabulous rear, seductive laugh at all of my lame
jokes, not to mention all those provocative breakfasts where you
licked those gorgeous lips,” Seth smiled. “A guy can only take so
much. I think they’ll charge you with using undue influence to
seduce me.”

“
I’m serious. She’s a
gossip,” Ava said. “How do you think everyone knows
everything?”

“
We’re cops,” Seth said.
“We know everything about everyone.”

“
We’re cops…” Ava smiled.
“Yeah, I’m a cop.”

“
Your uniform is
blackish,” Seth said. “You could always wear that. Didn’t you tell
me that Beth encouraged you to become a cop?”

“
Relentless pressure,” Ava
said. “I’ll wear my dress uniform. Is it clean?”

“
Maresol had it cleaned,”
Seth said. “It’s hanging in the closet in the room with your
belongings.”

“
That’s good,” Ava
said.

“
You should try to sleep,”
Seth said. “You’ve been through hell and tomorrow’s going to be
hard, harder than you can imagine.”